Harvard Business Review recently featured The No Whining Rule for Managers by Ron Ashkenas. His main point about accountability and focusing on solutions is rock solid. The question is how to get people to do that.
One of his client’s, a high level leader, resorted to a no whining sign. Be careful of this approach. It is not just a catchy slogan. It is a demeaning and dangerous approach to leadership people-skills that can infect your organization and spread like antibiotic-resistant bacteria.
Leaders, Replace the No Whining Sign Image by: DBDuo Photography, Creative Commons License
Her outlook is that employees are adults, not children – so she tells them to stop acting like children (i.e. no whining).
But you show your immaturity as a leader by trying to ban behavior that is not based in laziness but in real barriers to adult communication (silos, titles etc…).
She assumes they know or should know what she wants. Don’t assume. As Doug Conant, former CEO of Campbell’s Soup, advises “Declare yourself. Then walk the talk.
If you want your direct reports to engage in substantive problem solving communication, then, as a leader, show them by doing it yourself.
The phrase, stop whining is a whine! It is a complaint about what you don’t like — poorly disguised as an order.
“Leadership is about being effective in the moment with others.” ~Doug Conant, former CEO Campbell’s Soup.
Leaders, Replace the No Whining Sign!
Model the Positive to Eliminate the Negative
- Model and model and model.
The best way to teach actionable behavior is to do it! If someone dumps a problem in your lap without any suggestions, ask them for their ideas. If they launch into complaints, ask them how to overcome those barriers. Don’t yield. Model.Skip the labels. Labels demean. Stop whining may shame people into a short term behavior change yet it won’t breed positive can-do attitudes or develop a high performance organization. It simply breeds compliance to a commandant leader’s orders — when the leader is around.
It also breeds communication avoidance in those who don’t know how to break through barriers but don’t want to be demeaned. Avoidance reduces productivity – the exact opposite of accountability and performance. I have seen it repeatedly in response to leaders whose favorite phrases begin with the word stop or no.
Even with children, you see quicker success when you show them what you want them to do vs. what you don’t want them to do.
- Create a culture of positive action by showing managers how well it works.
How leaders treat their managers is how the managers treat the staff. If you want the whole organization to replace complaining with problem solving and innovating, replace the no whining sign with your non-whining communication. They will then model it with their direct reports.Do you really want an entire organization issuing stop orders? Or would you prefer they engage in behaviors that create success?
- Free yourself from the trap of the should.
The danger of assuming is common knowledge. When leaders hear themselves saying, “we assume the employees have good skills“, they stop themselves and finish with, “yet it’s dangerous to assume. Let’s handle it.”Leaders are not so commonly aware of the trap of the should. “These are high level managers. They should already have good skills.“ This thinking is a trap. It makes leaders replace the reality (lack of skills) with another label for the behavior (e.g. childlike, lazy, whiner).
Reality: Many managers are promoted by being good staff members. They were highly responsible for their own work. They weren’t facilitating solutions across organizational boundaries. Unless you witnessed stellar management skills in them when they were staff members that suddenly disappeared when they became managers, the issue is skill level.
As managers, they are apprentices who can shine in the new skills with great coaching and mentoring. If you believe or have evidence they are not capable of improving, then courageously find the right people for these management positions.
So free yourself from the trap of the should. It takes your eye off the real target — instilling more successful behavior and better performance.
To build mature accountability, show everyone what that is. Replace the no whining sign with behavior that green lights success.
I welcome your questions on how to turn interaction obstacles into (non-whining) successful business behavior.
From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™
Related Post: Leaders, Here’s the Pain Free Way to Engage Employee Accountability
©2012 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please first email info@katenasser.com for terms of use. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on teamwork, leading change, and the ultimate customer service experience. Kate turns interaction obstacles into business success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.
