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As The People-Skills Coach, I start this post with the assumption that you are willing to take ownership of the impact your actions and words have on others. You are ready to deliver the perfect apology!

Well the perfect apology is found in simple sincerity and the ONE word that destroys it is …

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IF

I am sorry IF I hurt you. IF? Do you own it or not? Do you care to rebuild my trust or not?

I am sorry IF that came across as … IF? You are aware that it came across badly so why waver?

We are sorry IF we have not met your business needs. IF? We wouldn’t be discussing it otherwise.

Your intentions don’t matter much if a team member or a customer is offended by what you have said or done. Rebuild the trust with a sincere apology as soon as you are aware of his/her reaction.

Replace IF with THAT or FOR and see the difference.

I am sorry THAT I hurt you.
I am sorry FOR the impact this had on you.
I am sorry THAT came across as …
We are sorry THAT we have not met your business needs. We will …

Why does this little change make a big difference to others? Because it is clear that you are putting their needs ahead of your pride. Simple sincerity makes for the perfect apology.

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Are there are other words that destroy the perfect apology?
What apology format have you found successful?

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach in This Technical World goes far beyond etiquette and body language in her training sessions and DVDs. She delivers insights on human needs that catapult customer care and teamwork to refreshingly new heights. KateNasser.com to see footage, workshop outlines, and other blog posts.

My strong technical background (Mathematics) and my natural intuition about people gives me a special insight into the people skills (also known as soft skills or interpersonal skills) of technical professionals. It is a myth that technical professionals are incapable of highly social interaction.  As with any population, there is a range of abilities which can depend on interest level. Many technical professionals seem to enjoy the technical/occupational skills over the people skills. Yet I see in them a wealth of knowledge and a very deep commitment to helping others.

Today, thanks to technology ironically, technical professionals must interact more than ever with all types of people and cultures globally while in pursuit of their technical goals!

So this post of people skills tips is dedicated to you, technical professionals and your people skills, in order that all can see and benefit from your intelligence, knowledge, and deep commitment to helping others.

People Skills Tips


#1 Collaborate vs. Control Instead of speaking through your entire thought and assuming people will understand you when you have completed it, stop along the way and welcome input, collaboration, and discussion. Else you risk alienating people who are not technical in nature.



#2 Dedication vs. Arrogance In any profession, you can choose to share your dedication to your profession with others. This choice creates powerful people skills and influence for your profession. Conversely, you can choose to look down on those who do not have your knowledge. This choice alienates people and reduces your influence. Dedication or arrogance — it’s your choice.



#3 Feelings Lead to Facts Most technical professionals are comfortable with facts and many are uncomfortable with feelings. Non-technical people are loaded with facts that you need in order to apply your knowledge to their business or scientific needs. In order to discover those critical facts, listen to feelings and then ask questions. Otherwise your discomfort and impatience with feelings, will come across as insensitive and possibly cruel. Bonus tip: To discover what they truly want, try a simple empathetic phrase: This can be … important, scary, frustrating … for you. People open up when they feel empathy, validation, and support.



#4 Willingness to Learn is NOT Weakness. My sister is a Ph.D. research scientist. A very bright creative problem solver with decent people skills. She is the first person I call when I have a scientific or medical question and she is glad to help. Yet when she faces a new situation about dealing with people in difficult moments, she calls me. Her willingness to learn and improve her people skills is NOT a weakness. Rather, people skills have increased her influence not lessened it.

What people skills tips would you like to add to this list? The sky’s the limit! Please share your experience in the comment field below.

[If you would like to reprint or re-post this article, please email info@katenasser.com.]

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach in This Technical World, delivers workshops, webinars, and training DVDs on people-skills for transformational teamwork and customer relations. BS Mathematics, Masters Organizational Psychology. See footage on this site: The People-Skills Coach.

Customer care (customer service, help desks, technical support, contact call center) reps,  sometimes struggle with showing empathy to angry customers. Heck, some struggle with showing empathy to any customer!

Throughout 20 years of inspiring and training professionals to understand the customer’s perspective and empathize to build customer loyalty, I have seen some who are naturally good at it, some who learn it, and others who struggle with it.

Most puzzling to me have been those whom I have seen empathizing with customers — except with angry or irate customers. If you or your customer care reps find it difficult to empathize with customers — especially angry or irate customers — is fear of emotion part of the reason?  I believe that it could be. I have met professionals (many not even in customer care) who are afraid to empathize with a colleague, a customer, or even a boss. They have said to me, “What if the person gets more emotional when I empathize?”

Moreover, recent research has taken on the subject of negative emotions and empathy. In one such study, subjects empathized more with those who showed fear than with those who showed anger. Turning Bad Emotions Into Empathy and ProSocial Behavior post reports: “While there is a huge range of human emotion, recent studies have suggested that a fearful facial expression is a more salient elicitor of prosocial behavior than are other facial expressions, such as surprise or anger.”

Are you more likely to show empathy to a customer who shows you their fear — credit card problems or serious technical difficulties or critical health issues — rather than their anger? Is it because their fear doesn’t frighten you but their anger does?

The issue is critical in customer service, technical support, and customer care because it affects customer satisfaction and customer loyalty. Showing empathy to customers, angry or not, builds bonds to your product, service, and brand.

Lose the fear of the customer’s anger to build your empathy skills. Here is a post to help you do exactly that Two Mindsets to Show Empathy for Irate Customers.

What else do you think blocks people’s ability to show empathy? I welcome your comments below.

[If you would like to re-post this post on another site, please email info@katenasser.com. Many thanks.]

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, has a Masters in Organizational Psychology and a natural intuition about people. She delivers workshops, webinars, and DVDs on this and many customer service topics including customer care in technical support.

My passion is customer service and teamwork.  So I was very pleased to deliver a key session at the International Help Desk Conference Las Vegas, NV.

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“Conversations with Customers: Best & Worst Moments”
The session was recorded. If you want a copy of the CD, please contact me.

Metrics don’t create great service. They measure great service that you create through the conversation. In fact, the conversation is the customer’s metric — voice-to-voice and online.

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When conversing, speak from inside the customer’s head.

• Value the customer’s need for help – that’s why you are in business.
• Use the customer’s language and jargon — not yours.
• Respect the customer’s expertise and add yours to it.
• Use the customer’s perspective when choosing your focus.
• Embrace the customer’s business priorities and deadlines to satisfy them.

Lastly, make the service experience easy and enjoyable for the customer.  View this related post GPS Your Brain to Work Other Personality Types if you want to deliver customer service at the highest level.

I welcome your contributions in the comment section below.  If you wish to share the info in this post with others, I ask only that you credit this site.

Yours in service … Kate

A recent discussion post on LinkedIn posed the following question:

Most IT job postings list many skill sets.  How does one overcome this challenge when you have some but not ALL of the skills sets the employer is seeking?  My answer is: first apply your efforts to sketching a true picture of yourself.  Go beyond the list of technical skills and projects completed. 

 

As I coach many IT professionals, I guide them to see what they offer along with their technical skills.

 

Use this list to honestly assess your strengths:

• Are you great at seeing the bigger picture of individual tasks?
• Or are you truly better at digging in to the deep details?
• Are you great at initiating change or better at contributing once it starts?
• If you have great expertise in your technical area, are you also good at explaining/teaching it to others?
• Do you have experience in quickly rotating on/off project teams?
• Or do you have a special knack for building long term relationships within a team?
• Do you learn very quickly?
• What about IT work excites you?
• What level of satisfaction do you get working with end-user clients?  Any?
• Or do you shine at working behind the scenes to build state-of-the art systems?
• Do you have experience with different cultures even in your personal life? Valuable in a global environment.
• How experienced are you in giving presentations in your area of expertise?
• Are you the inventive creative techie?
• Or are you a customer-focused IT professional?
• What few words would your closest friends use to describe your strongest traits?

What else would you add to this list that highlights who you are?  Do not include that you can read both analog and digital clocks as did one job applicant.  Sadly this is a true story and the skill mentioned is not a standout!

 

Now sketch a picture of yourself with words.  Be concise, punchy, and include the benefits to your potential employer using key words from the job post description.  Not only will you have a better chance of getting a job; you will have a better chance of getting a job that fits your natural talents and interests.  If writing is truly not your strength, get help from someone who writes well.  Isn’t that what networking is all about? 

 

Please add your suggestions for the above list in the comments section below.  You are welcome to quote pieces of this article if you will be kind enough to post my name and the URL for this blog post.

 

Thanks for visiting this blog and get ready for the job fit you have always wanted! 

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– Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach and Former Techie

http://katenasser.com