People-Skills

Book Review

What must a creative person do to turn their creativity into profit — in a society that sees it as illogical?  Western culture and business teach, emphasize, and laud left brain thinking. Yet creativity, thinking more from the right brain, leads to innovation which keeps business fresh and forward.

Illogical Success: Creative Path by Kimb Tiboni

Graphics artist and entrepreneur, Kimb Tiboni, tells you exactly how to do it. In Illogical Success she chronicles her living memoir of building a business from creativity.

This engaging book is more than a “how to” for hopeful entrepreneurs. Illogical Success will liberate anyone from the myth that planning and traditional logic is the only path to success.

As The People-Skills Coach™, I was drawn to Kimb’s business by her innate understanding of people and the people-skills approach to business success. I knew within 30 seconds the first time I spoke with her that she understood the essence of customer.

Her right brain ability to think and process context, emotion, shading, and estimation is applied to both artistic creation and interaction with customers. For artistic entrepreneurs, this is success.


Illogical Success Highlights


    Keep your sensors in the on position. Opportunities come not from your plan but from keen awareness and great interaction.
    Overcome the limits that left brain thinkers gave you as a child and use your creativity for artistry and business. Tap your creativity don’t trap it.
    Pamper your patience to create your artistry for left-brain customers!
    Manage your ego with steel toe designer boots when customers are not happy.



Illogical Success will appeal to diverse audiences.

It delivers inspiration, support and how to’s for parents who want to better guide their creative teenagers, for cutting edge educators who want proof that a creative path is not folly, and of course for budding artists who want to build and handle their own business instead of hiring a handler.

Whether you buy this book for yourself or as a holiday gift for creatives you know, it will create a new path and a new mark on life.

From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser,The People-Skills Coach™



Related Post: Art Institute of Vancouver – Are You Right for Creativity?


Kate Nasser,The People-Skills Coach™, delivers workshops, consulting, keynotes, and DVDs for customer service, teamwork, and leading change. She turns interaction obstacles into business success. See this site for more information and customer results.

As The People-Skills Coach, I often teach others how to deal with people’s anger in the workplace. Does your boss yell sometimes? Has a team member suddenly become edgy with you? Has a customer surprised you with a yell?

Find the Urgency Before the Yell Image: Istock.


If you prefer that everyone calmly communicate and never yell, you need this professional people-skill to find nirvana:

Hear the urgency before the yell.

Quite often when the boss, a teammate, or a customer yells, you have missed the urgency they were communicating before the yell.

Common leadership and teamwork beliefs encourage open honest communication without anger or yelling. Yet this requires something of both the speaker and the listener.

In the face of urgency and a listener who doesn’t hear it, it is likely someone will resort to a yell. I am not speaking about people who yell all the time. I am referring to people who suddenly yell after calmly communicating.


Do You Hear Urgency in Their Calm — Before the Yell?
If not, here are 5 ways to spot urgency and develop this professional listening skill.

  1. Find urgency in the bigger picture. I was teaching a public class. The banquet room was to be setup by 7:30am so I could prepare before greeting the students. I walked in to see a room configured incorrectly and no flip charts. I calmly spoke with the hotel rep about the timeframe and ten minutes later — no change. I then said, “Fix this now!”. He quipped, “that’s good, you woke me up” and quickly fixed the problem. To him, my initial calm voice meant it wasn’t urgent. Had he looked at the bigger picture of my needing to get ready before people arrived, he would have heard the urgency in the calm.

  2. Find urgency in the need to be acknowledged. Urgency is not always a deadline for action. Often people’s urgency resides in their need to be heard. Paraphrase (not parrot) what they have said. Tell them that you hear what they are saying. This simple technique prevents the yell.

  3. Hear urgency in repetition. When they calmly say the same thing twice, hear their urgency and acknowledge it — before the yell.

  4. Urgency lives in their lack of knowledge. Your expertise blinds you to their urgency. As they speak and your knowledge is calmly telling you “no problem”, speak up. Communicate solutions. Else get ready for a yell.

  5. Hear urgency in the painful past or impending future. Many times people’s urgency comes from previous negative experiences that caused them pain or something they are anticipating. Ask great questions while people are calm to uncover their concerns — before the yell.



Bonus Tip: The more you know about people, the easier it is to prevent the yell. You learn their pet peeves, their personality types, their fears and goals, their frustrations, and how best to respond before the yell.

If you believe that people-skills and relationships are fluff, don’t expect to reach the nirvana of calm communication. It comes from knowing people!

What makes you want to yell?

What have surprising yells taught you that you can share with all of us here at Smart SenseAbilities?

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


Related Post: Why Executives Get Impatient With You

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes that turn interaction obstacles into business success especially in tough times of change. See this site for workshops outlines and customer results.

Is technology killing customer service in healthcare? Has technology removed our reason to care for others?

Technology has contributed countless life changing advances to healthcare yet I see two distrubing customer care trends.

Has Technology Removed Our Reason to Care?

Image by and Courtesy of:Daneel Ariantho


Our Reason to Care
As I see technicians and nurses working with me and friends/family, their behavior alarms me in two ways. Some let technology remove their sense of reason and logic and others have lost the human reason to care.


Story #1
A dear friend who is a large size person knows from experience that automatic blood pressure machines frequently report false results because of her large size arm. The nurse insisted on using that device and the machine reported very low blood pressure. My friend with a history of blood pressure issues, questioned the result. The nurse replied, “But that’s what the machine is reporting.”

My friend urged the nurse to use a traditional blood pressure device with a large cuff. This time the result was much higher than usual. The nurse, seemingly stumped, said: “Which result do you want me to note on your chart?”

Don’t Let Technology Remove Good Reason

  1. Technology alone does not provide complete care. If you are getting two very different results, good judgment would guide you to question and perhaps test again.
  2. Relying completely on technology assumes that technology cannot make a mistake. Yet good reason would suggest that variations or mistakes in input or use of the technology can cause faulty results.



Story #2
I was undergoing a medical test conducted by a technician. As the technician vigorously moved the wand around inside of my body, she never once asked how I was doing. I told her I was in pain and her response was “I can’t get good pictures of what’s going on” as she continued on with this painful test. I finally said “enough!”. She then said, “Oh, well if you would go empty your bladder again it might make it easier.”

Her demeanor spoke volumes about her focus. Her reason for being there was purely technological not human and diagnostic customer care.

Result: I never went back to that radiology center and told many how poorly the technician treated me. The next time I needed a test, I found another company which I now recommend to all my friends and family.

Technology is a wonderful adjunct to the human brain. Let’s not allow technology to remove our good judgment or reason to care!


Questions:


  • Where in your life have you seen technology overtake people’s reason and judgment? Why do you think this happens? How can we prevent it?


  • In healthcare this poor judgment can be very scary. Where else do you think this error can cause great harm?



  • Curiously yours,
    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

    ©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes for customer service and teamwork — that turn interaction obstacles into professional success especially in tough times of change. See this site for workshops outlines and customer results.

    This year for National Customer Service Week, I ask each of you to look behind every customer.

    For a moment, don’t look at metrics, scripts, forms, procedures, the structure, the flashing queue light, the long line, or the clock. Look behind every customer to discover the true need, the future, and success. Our future is behind every customer.



    Graphic by: Kimb Manson


    Customer Service – Stripped to the Core

    1. Behind every customer is the unknown yearning to be known. That’s our future of customer loyalty.
    2. Empathize!

    3. Behind every customer ID number, is a person with a name whose needs we can fulfill. That’s our future. That’s success.
    4. Ask for their name before their ID number!

    5. Behind every customer question – odd, crazy, simplistic, or repetitive — is a chance to move them to the future and success.
    6. Listen with an open mind!

    7. Behind every customer is another person whom we impact with our actions. Our care is growth for both. That’s our future and theirs.
    8. Follow-through!

    9. Behind every impatient customer is our future success with the tough times of life. That’s a future of skill and ability.
    10. Study up!

    11. Behind every customer are the factors that define great service to them. Look behind the customer to reach that future.
    12. It’s a one-to-one match!

    13. Behind every customer is limitless potential. Cultivate the future.
    14. Go to the well!

    15. Behind every customer is the heart of our success. It beats for our future.
    16. Maintain heart health!

    17. Behind every customer is a wealth of knowledge free for the taking. Learn!

    Is there a #10? What would you add to this list?


    Lead the future of customer loyalty …


    Listen
    Emapthize
    Assess
    Deliver

    Don’t leave it behind!

    Offer: Subscribe to this Smart SenseAbilities™ blog and download your thank you gift poster of Our Future is Behind Every Customer. Print it and hang in your customer service area for continued inspiration!

    From my professional experience to your success,
    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

    ©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes for customer service and teamwork — that turn interaction obstacles into business success especially in tough times of change. See this site for workshops outlines and customer results.

    In my last people-skills post, I wrote that honesty may hurt for a bit but blunt burns forever.

    One reader asked me for specific steps to go from blunt to honest for better work relationships. Here they are — from my professional experience to your success.


    People-Skills:7 Steps from Brutally Blunt to Helpfully Honest

    Image by: Nomadic Lass Creative Commons License


    7 Steps From Brutally Blunt to Helpfully Honest

    When you are done speaking, do you want others to look and feel like the little blunt above? Or do you want them to see you that way? If not …


    #1 Honor people as well as your purpose and message.

      Much of the brutal bluntness comes from focusing only on the message you want to deliver. Oddly enough, it makes the message less clear because the emotion blocks the other person’s listening.

      Before speaking, ask yourself what impact your words will have on people. Honesty without honoring the human comes out blunt.



    #2 Openness to other possibilities makes you less blunt.

      What you say is rarely an absolute fact. There is perspective, conditions, opinions, and the possibility to change. When you live this openness, you are more likely to have a honest dialogue with someone instead of a blunt monologue.



    #3 Never start a sentence with the word “you” in difficult situations.

      Imagine saying, “You aren’t doing your job” or “You are failing badly.” Starting with “you” sets the hearing up for a blunt attack and a defensive reply.

      Saying “Here is what we are expecting from you and this is what you are doing. We need these changes …”. Now the person can hear your message and has specifics on what to change.



    #4 Emotion (negative) will come out as brutally blunt.

      Say out loud, “Let me put aside my emotion for a moment” and then speak. It shows the other person you want to speak honestly without insulting them. If some of it comes out blunt, at least they will know you are trying.

      However, do not use this intro as a justification for being blunt. It doesn’t work. You must be truly trying to honor with honesty.



    #5 Sense of proportion reduces the brutality.

      Brutally blunt, by definition, is the extreme outpost of communication. Ask yourself, why must you use this extreme and risk inflicting scars? What words, with better proportion, can clearly communicate your message?



    #6 Timing and tone of voice transform results.

      When some people read the word “timing”, they assume delay. Although you might choose to delay speaking, there are times you can’t. Yet timing also means the pace of your speech.

      The faster you speak in tough moments, the more brutal it sounds. Meanwhile, speaking too slowly or softly risks sounding patronizing.

      Using a normal even pace of speech communicates honesty and avoids the brutality.



    #7 Yes. Thinking “agreement” makes you less blunt.

      Insults rarely produce a yes. Helpful does. Replace negative emotion with positive desire – what you want vs. what you don’t want – and then speak.

      Even if agreement is not your goal, think “yes” and your words will be more helpfully honest and less brutally blunt.


    Respect is the cushion. It allows you to honor with honesty instead of bullying with bluntness. When disagreeing strongly, state your perspective with “I respectfully disagree.”

    Some claim that there are people with whom you must be brutally blunt else they don’t understand. I have met some where subtlety didn’t work. I was more direct not brutally blunt. I still honored with honesty.

    Others think they are speaking honestly yet are quite blunt. They inflict scars that block productive relationships and singe success.

    The 7 steps above will block the bluntness and give you honest words for success in any situation.


    What would you add to this list to save yourself and others from being blunt?

    Respectfully and successfully yours,
    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


    ©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes that turn interaction obstacles into business success especially in tough times of change. See this site for workshops outlines and customer results.

    Do you know what the colors of your clothes are saying about you?

    Is your website and brand logo appealing and attractive to your potential buyers or users?

    Do you have a favorite color?

    Color is a form of non-verbal communication and if you do intercultural business, you need to understand the effect it has on the interpretation of the messages you send to people from different cultures.

    The Meaning of Color 

    There are two ways in which colors acquire meanings:The natural universal association like green for vegetation and psychological and emotional association or color symbolism based on individual experiences, cultural norms and values.  For example black is for funerals in most western countries while Chinese use white as the color of mourning (see table).
    Reference: The Psychology and Meaning of Color in Email and Websites, Aug 2011

    Red Yellow Green Black White
    China    Good luck, celebration,    happiness     Nourishing     Exorcism, Adultery    Youth,the color for young boys    Funerals
    United States   Love, passion, danger,     stop, rage     Hope, hazards,        coward-ness   Spring, go,St. Patrick’s Day,    Christmas Funerals, death, antagonists, Halloween    Weddings,        purity

    More about color meaning and cultures: Empower Yourself Going Global With Color Psychology.

    Color Psychology

    Color has a powerful subliminal and subconscious effect on our physical and emotional well-being. For example if you enter in a mall decorated only in black, gray and white, would you be inspired to buy nice clothes, make-up or even drink coffee? Maybe not.

    Color stimulates all our senses and as a result it has an effect on all our purchasing decisions. People make decisions based on their emotions and then justify them with logic. So it is essential that you are aware of both the positive and negative impact and response of each color on the emotions. There is no such thing as a bad color, just colors that are more suitable for your particular business purpose in order to get the response you want.

    What does your personality color say about you? (reference: personality colors )

    This again depends greatly on culture. Here an example that matches most Americans:

    • If your favorite color is red, you are action oriented with a deep need for physical fulfillment and to experience life through the five senses.
    • If orange is your favorite color, you have a great need to be with people, to socialize with them, and be accepted and respected as part of a group. You also have a need for challenges in your life, whether it is physical or social challenges.
    • Lovers of blue have a deep need to find inner peace and truth, to live their life according to their ideals and beliefs without having to change their inflexible viewpoint of life to satisfy others.
    • Lovers of black have a need for power and control in order to protect their own emotional insecurities.

    Colors In International Marketing

    When you want to do business globally check the meaning of colors for each country. Color symbolism impacts businesses and personal brands through website or blog graphic design, consumer product development, packaging and corporate identity. The significance of some colors is universal. Other colors, however, have meanings that shift in various cultures.

    Online advertisers should be very careful about cultural differences in color symbolism since color is the first thing that is noticed on a web site or banner, even before the person understands the language or what the message says. A miss-match between colors and meanings in a  web site content can potentially ruin the marketer’s objectives.

    The customization of color pattern for each country is becoming more and more critical as the population profile of Internet users is shifting rapidly. Latest statistics for 2011 regarding internet users show that Asia has the most internet users accounting for 44% of all users world wide, Europe 22.7 % and North America 13.0%  (Click for Reference).  The top 3 languages spoken on the internet is English with 26.8 % of users Then Chinese with 24.2% and Spanish 7.8% Reference: (Click for Reference )

    In an increasingly competitive, global, interconnected and saturated market,
    communication needs to be carefully targeted. Few companies have a brand that is powerful enough to generate same response world-wide. For most companies it is important to understand what the impact of communication and color use will be on the targeted group. Therefore it is not only important to understand its meanings but also to find easily applicable rules for translating them.

    A very good example of color customization is McDonald’s. The company has different website designs and colors for each country. For example the site for Japan is yellow and for Egypt is red.

    How to dress for a job  interview 

    The first impression you make during a job interview is the most important one. The first judgment an interviewer makes is going to be based on how you look and what you are wearing and color has probably the greatest impact. Recruiter must remember you for who you are and not for your outfit.

    Men’s Interview Attire: In the united states, men should wear a suit  with solid color – navy or dark grey. Tie color and pattern should be conservative and non-distracting, for  example, dark blue and dark red with subtle patterns — stripes and dots are preferred. Shirt should be white or pale blue.

    Women’s Interview Attire: Suit navy, black or dark grey. Coordinated blouse: white or ivory any light tone that matches your suit is appropriate. Light make-up and perfume.

    More about dress for success in the corporate world: Dress for Success.

    Whether you are going global or local, use the magic power of color for your success.


    Guest Blogger Bio
    Anne Egros http://zestnzen.woprdpress.comAbout Anne Egros, Global Executive Coach, at Zest and Zen International LLC
    Anne  Provides Global Business, Career, and Expat Life Coaching Services For International Executives and Managers. Pharmaceutical Doctor (PharmD) with 20 years of international experience as business manager in Fortune 500 Companies. Anne worked as an expat for 20 years: US, Japan, Europe, APAC region. Fluent English, native French speaker. Please contact if you have questions Email: aegros@zestnzen.com.

    View all posts by Anne Egros, Global Executive Coach »



    Civility has slipped in the business world. 43% of Americans report incivility in the workplace and it’s clear that bluntness is rampant online.

    Those that are blunt claim that it isn’t wrong — it’s honest and authentic. Not true. Blunt is a choice of delivery with serious consequences.


    Leadership & Teamwork: Honesty Hurts but Blunt Burns Forever Image by:Howard Dickins

    One scientist told me that they sacrifice civility to ensure good science. Yet I have witnessed many serious scientists posing tough honest questions while treating each other with respect.

    What’s the difference?

    Honesty may hurt for a bit but blunt burns forever!


    The impact on leadership and teamwork.


    Leaders and teams soar with respectful honesty.

      They labor hard under the burn of bluntness.


    Honest respectful feedback breaks invisible barriers.
    It fuels totally unforeseen greatness.
      Blunt criticism leaves an emotional scar that tamps the desire to take a chance or fuels the desire to react in kind. Both of these reactions sidetrack greatness.

    Honesty opens the door of leadership and teamwork to discussion, sharing, and growth.

      Bluntness slams it shut.



    Honesty is more powerful than blunt communication. Honesty is served on a cushion of respect that eases hearing and acceptance.

    Without the emotion of bluntness, honesty can be heard purely for its message.

    Leadership, teamwork, and career success take on new dimensions when honesty is given and received. Bluntness has no such power.

    Which will you choose?


    From my experience to your success,
    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

    ©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes that turn interaction obstacles into business success especially in tough times of change. See this site for workshops outlines and customer results.

    There are universal customer complaints that echo through time. They paint a picture of the human need to be understood and helped.

    Whether you have been delivering customer service for decades or are part of the new generation, join the movement to rid this world of these age old complaints.

    Add your #13 to this list of the 12 most universal customer pleas to change customer service.


    12 Most Universal Customer Pleas for Better Customer Service




    12 Most Universal Customer Pleas


    Drop This, Keep That – Please!

    1. Drop the squeeze page as the greeting to your website. We don’t want to be squeezed before we get to know you. Keep the squeezing for later in the date!

    2. Drop the voice response menus that make sense to you not us. Keep the humans – at least they can dialogue!

    3. “There’s nothing I can do. I’ll transfer you.” Drop the first part and keep moving us to those who can help. Telling us you can do nothing is maddening. Connecting us to those in the know is the way to go.

    4. Drop the speech recognition unit that interprets “re-order supplies” as “birth order surprise”. Keep any technology that helps deliver timely accurate service.

    5. Drop the scripted monologue and keep an open mind. When you open with a dialogue, we open our wallets and offer our loyalty.

    6. Drop the confusing couponsbuy two at a single price and get the second at 50% off. Keep us from having to guess what math you use!

    7. If we smile, please return the favor. Drop your straight face and keep smiling.

    8. Drop the slow refund routine else we keep filling your queue with angry calls.

    9. Keep us in the know. When you drop the communication about our problems, we think you are doing nothing.

    10. Drop the prove you wrong attitude. Keep in mind that for every action there is an equal reaction. Every ouch you inflict on us pings back an ouch on your financial success. Every empathetic moment you extend to us earns you our gratitude.

    11. Keep sharing our information among you. With the technology available today, we shouldn’t have to repeat ourselves. If you drop the teamwork, we question your commitment — and competence.

    12. Drop the customer satisfaction survey that has no room for our true feedback. If you want to understand what we expect, let us (customers) design your customer survey! It will keep you very aware of what we truly care about.



    What would you add to this list? What timeless universal complaint would you like to drop forever?

    Yours in service,
    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


    ©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, inspires and trains corporate teams, customer care professionals, call center agents, and technical support teams in the greatest people-skills for customer service. See this site for workshop outlines, customer feedback, and footage to view. Turn interaction obstacles into business success — book Kate now.

    Leaders, what do you expect of your team members about whistle blowing? If a team member is slacking off, not contributing to the mission, working against the mission — is it the duty of other team members to speak up about it? If yes, whom should they speak to?

    Or would you see this as a disloyalty and poor teamwork? Many reply it depends on the situation.


    Leaders, Do Your Teams Know Your View on Whistleblowing?




    My questions to leaders:

    Do your team members think whistle blowing is a duty or disloyalty? Do they know what you think? Have you discussed this openly with the team?

    So often when a team forms, there is great focus on purpose, goals, and getting to know each other. It is a good beginning for a productive team.

    Yet productivity, morale, and results can plummet where confusion reigns around whistle blowing.

    1. Will I be seen as a rat?
    2. What retribution will I suffer?
    3. Will the leader see this as intruding on his/her domain?
    4. Will the leader label me a trouble maker?

    In the worst case of this confusion, cliques can develop, negativity can spread, and time is spent griping vs. working. A recent development – employees were fired for Facebook posts decrying a peer who was slacking off and The National Labor Relations Board judge ruled the employees back to work.

    Having the conversation at work vs. griping on Facebook is far more valuable! How sure are you that your team knows your position  — duty or disloyalty?  Have you ever said to yourself, “why didn’t they tell me before it got so bad?


    The Valuable Conversation
    If you are ready to broach the subject, these guidelines deliver.

      The Focus: Team ownership of the results and reaching full potential. Is this team trying to be a high performance team? What does that mean? What impact does individual commitment and performance ultimately have on results?

      Trust: Spend time discussing it. How do each assess trust? What can team members do to sustain trust when disagreeing and/or speaking up about poor performance?

      The Approach: State perceptions and ask questions instead of declaring and accusing. Statements worded as perceptions followed by questions keep communication flowing. Declarations by peers can be inaccurate and accusatory questions can build resentments.

    There are many times when having this conversation is critical: Forming a new team, becoming the new leader of an existing team, bringing on new team members, merging teams into one, and before major changes or stress.

    It may not be the most comfortable conversation yet not having it breeds more discomfort.

    I am happy to provide you with more targeted details for having this conversation, info@katenasser.com.

    From my experience to your success,
    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach


    What do you think? Is it a duty or a disloyalty?

    ©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, Masters Org. Psychology, turns interaction obstacles into teamwork and business success. From inspiration to action, Kate will help you fill the gaps of diversity with business wins. See this site for custom workshop info, customer results, and book Kate now.

    Non-intuitives and many technical professionals tell me that mastering the not so obvious aspects of people-skills (soft skills or interpersonal skills) is a real head scratcher. Where are the people-skills rules?

    Scratch your head no more. If you have the desire to connect well with others, you can master and use these 15 not so obvious people-skills so that everything stacks up.

    If you’re not sure why it matters, consider that people-skills impact comprehension, influence, and trust. All of that impact what you can achieve with others — the results.



    15 People-Skills Must Knows (USA)

    15 Not So Obvious People Skills Must Knows


    1. People cannot observe your intentions so they infer them from your words and tone of voice. State your intention to minimize confusion.

    2. Everything you say impacts others emotionally. Even if you stick to the facts, your message leaves a human mark. Consider a doctor telling a patient “You have cancer” and then leaving the room. The lack of empathy inflicts extra pain.

    3. Basic etiquette is a starting point for connection with others. Rules of etiquette are more relaxed today than years ago yet they are still a powerful base to rely on when meeting new people.

    4. Ask people how they feel and/or what they think; don’t tell them “I’m sure you feel”. It shuts out dialogue and seems presumptuous.

    5. Addressing someone by name (or at least surname or title), eases tension and helps communication. In the South, start with sir/ma’am.

    6. A handshake is your silent resume. Make it great. If someone extends their hand to you, give them more than your finger tips. A “finger tip” shake tells the other person no, I don’t like you, I don’t trust you. Shake the hand all the way to the thumb joint, up and down, with eye contact.

    7. Words can woo or wound. To succeed, create bonds with your words and tone of voice — not scars. Speak the truth with tact and caring. Blunt burns forever.

    8. Sarcasm is often misunderstood especially in tough times. With those you don’t know well, skip the sarcasm. Leave it to the late night comics. With those you know well, don’t direct it at them. It is often seen as an attack.

    9. Good questions unearth possibilities for connection, results, and success. Ask open-ended questions to learn; closed-ended to confirm. People who do well with others, ask more open-ended questions than closed and are thus seen as more open than closed.

    10. Use focused words instead of minimizing words. For example, primarily is a focused word whereas just and only are minimizing words. “Are you just concerned about the deadline?” can minimize someone’s perspective and sound dismissive. “Are you primarily concerned about the deadline?” can fuel a valuable discussion. “What are your primary concerns?” is even better because it is open-ended and allows for true perspective.

    11. Great listening is about balance. Too much silence or too much talking can be annoying. The former is also seen as manipulative, the latter as self-absorbed.

    12. Ask permission to give help before offering advice. Else you may come across as intrusive and patronizing.

    13. If someone thinks you have flattered them with your words or actions, don’t tell them you didn’t mean to! This is not the time to give literal details. It’s the time to simply say, you’re welcome.

    14. One “I told you so” sticks forever. Even if you don’t use those words, the message becomes your blatant blemish. People will avoid interacting with you to spare themselves the emotional scourge. Celebrate your foresight silently.

    15. Authenticity and adaptation are not contradictory behaviors. Today’s trend is to be your authentic self. Sure — as long as you adapt to others when interacting. Being yourself without adapting paints you as a boorish nit and earns you the label of selfish and/or self-absorbed.

    What will keep you using these 15 people-skills? Desire and results, pure and simple. Lack of desire will inhibit your progress.

    As I was teaching one day, a technical professional in the room showed high resistance. At break, I asked him privately if he wanted me to explain anything again or differently. He said no — that he understood. He doesn’t use the people-skills because “it’s just too much trouble! If people want his help, they will adapt to him.” Quite a decision. It will hold him back.

    If you are not in a position of leadership yet strive to be, improving your people-skills will be essential. Here’s a related post — Leaders, Develop Your Intuition — to take you beyond the 15 people-skills must knows to even grander connections.


    From my experience to your success,
    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

    ©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, is a former techie (BS Mathematics) turned people-skills guru with a natural intuition about people. Her consultations, workshops, and coaching transform your primarily occupational focus into business success with leading change and great teamwork. From inspiration to action, Kate will help you fill the gaps of diversity with business wins. See this site for workshop info, customer results, and book Kate now.

    And 6 Tips To Quiet Noisy Knowledge!

    Most leaders and teams hope their knowledge and experience will serve them well. We listen to it for guidance during uncertainty. Yet in times of change, is our knowledge too noisy to listen to new ideas?

    Leaders, Is Our Knowledge Too Noisy to Listen to Change?




    How can knowledge serve us and our teams well if it screams inside when new ideas don’t fit it? Consider that:

      Knowledge and experience are on a list of common listening barriers.


      Interesting recent study results from the University of Pennsylvania suggest people are biased against creative (new) ideas.






    So what does it matter?



    Key Concerns About Noisy Knowledge

      Is timely innovation in the workplace possible with bias against creative ideas that challenge existing knowledge?

      When knowledge and experience are a buoy during times of change, will people ease their grip on that buoy — early on — to listen and consider creative, innovative ideas?

      What are the risks of allowing noisy knowledge to slow or stop innovation? It happens and often in the shadows.



    Quiet Noisy Knowledge With Awareness

    1. Bring the issue into the light with your teams. Start using the phrase “noisy knowledge” as a cue with yourself and anyone in the room who is not listening to new ideas.

    2. Position new ideas as new knowledge. If knowledge is the buoy, you can add more to the buoy instead of letting go of it. New knowledge is the buoy of security for continued success.

    3. Note aloud the emotional reactions to the new ideas. Then put aside the emotion to consider the substance of the ideas. By separating the emotion from the thinking, new ideas have a chance! “My emotional reaction is …, now let me consider the idea.”

    4. Ask yourself and others, how is my/your noisy knowledge impacting others, the business, and success? We are each responsible for the energy we bring to or drain from a workplace, a meeting, or a moment.

    5. Leaders, consider having everyone take a social styles indicator (Amiable, Expressive, Analytic, Driver) so that everyone can own their type and understand how others communicate. Communication styles affect listening!

    6. In advance of any major change initiative, help yourself and team members identify everyone’s change reactions. The KAI (Kirton Adaptive Innovation Inventory) is a great instrument to help each person see how open s/he is to change. Once known, then owned and managed!



    The need for comfort and security is understandable. The need for timely change, inevitable. The pathway for both, around the noisy knowledge, is awareness, ownership, and communication.

    What else would you add to overcome the barriers to listening to new ideas? What’s your #7 for this list?


    With belief in everyone’s change-ability,
    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

    ©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes that turn interaction obstacles into business success especially in tough times of change. See this site for workshops outlines and customer results. Lead change with vision, courage, and communication.

    With 8 People-Skills Steps!

    Customer service in most cases is a case of sudden relationship. Often it is a startling sudden relationship in a tough moment. Longer term relationships like account based sales provide advantages that sudden relationships don’t have.

    This comparison sheds light on the challenges that customer service reps (CSRs) and technical support analysts face on every contact.

    Sudden Relationship of Customer Service Image by:PurpleMattfish

    Sudden Relationship Challenges

      • No existing rapport for interaction with
      • Little or no prior knowledge of expectations and
      • No history of results thus
      • Little trust or confidence to smooth the way

      Trust and Openness of Longer Relationships Image by:Liz Smith

      Longer term relationships develop and enjoy:

        • Understanding from observing people’s patterns of behavior with
        • History of results that develop a working comfort building
        • Time-based trust and openness that allow for more candor

    Because the startling sudden relationships of customer service lack the longer term bonds of understanding and trust, the CSRs, reps, agents, and technical support analysts must adapt to each customer.

    They are developing a relationship, solving a problem, and building trust all at the same time! This is why they cannot candidly say whatever they want. It is too startling to customers.

    Instead, the best CSRs and technical support analysts turn sudden relationships into bonds.

    Here are the 8 people-skills steps they take:

    1. Greet courteously with the respect of formality and the sincerity of some informality.
    2. Create quick connection by spotting the customer’s personality type and adapting to it.
    3. Capture attention by detecting the customer’s listening style and using it.
    4. Make it easy to communicate by using the customer’s jargon and language.
    5. Close the gap by paraphrasing the customer’s perspective.
    6. Smooth the emotion by caring without taking anger personally.
    7. Show urgency appropriate to the situation.
    8. Deliver help and solutions.



    Sudden relationships with customers can turn into bonds of satisfaction, loyalty, and referrals when you make the moment easy, productive, and memorable. Well worth it for the business and truly appreciated — when you are the customer.

    Yours in service,
    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

    ©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes that turn interaction obstacles into business success especially in tough times. See this site for customer service workshop outlines and business results. Fill the gaps in customer service and teamwork with business wins – book Kate now.

    A Story of Blindness from No Assumptions

    Beware Uncommon Views of Common Wisdom or Be Blinded

    Image by: Auntie P

    Years back, at a dinner with research scientists, one asked me to describe some of my engagements so he could better understand my work.  When I mentioned a leadership team needing more effective meeting agendas, communication and collaboration, he quipped:




    “Agendas. Wow. That’s something.

    Next week you can invent minutes.”





    Many laughed. In spite of the barb, I chuckled too — at what this intelligent scientist didn’t know. Common wisdom isn’t always commonly used.

    Common wisdom, e.g. use an agenda, is impacted by uncommon views. These views can be unstated and strongOverlook the unstated uncommon views and they will live as hidden assumptions that can strangle the organization’s success.

    To counteract this, leaders have added “question assumptions” to best practices, quality programs, and effective meeting techniques.  Yet the more common the wisdom, the less likely we are to even think that someone is viewing it differently.




    To question assumptions about uncommon views of common wisdom, we must first believe that someone would have an uncommon view!






    The research scientist noted above never considered that anyone would question the value of a meeting agenda. He was blinded by his own view. Yet in his daily work, this scientist searches for the unknown and uncommon.


    How can we unearth uncommon views and assumptions when our view blinds us to the possibility?


    #1 Know Where to Look.
    Uncommon views are often found in personality type, previous experience, occupational culture and between generations. On my client’s team, personality type differences were causing the struggle over whether to use an agenda. Some felt empowered by it, others felt constrained.


    #2 Know When It Is Likely to Happen.
    In settings with many different personality types, experiences, occupational cultures and generations. For example, if technical and non-technical people are interacting, you will find hidden uncommon views. Draw them out and turn silos into success.

    In times of great pressure or great change. Although many people get more vocal under pressure, they don’t clarify their assumptions. They express their opinions yet they leave much hidden. Uncover the hidden and move people from pressure to progress.


    #3 Spot the Telltale Signs of Hidden Views.
    Discussion with no progress. If wheels are spinning, something hidden is holding you back.

    Frustration rising for no apparent reason. Find the reason in the hidden assumptions.

    Conversations that don’t flow. Ever been in a meeting where you don’t understand how one comment connects to another? Hidden views and assumptions are in full swing. Identify them and watch your meeting results turn from mediocre to meteoric!


    Uncommon views of common wisdom can be helpful to you and your organization — as long as you know they are there.

    What would you add to this list of how to discover hidden assumptions? What have you discovered?

    Here’s to clearer vision and success!
    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach


    ©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers coaching, workshops, keynotes, and DVDs that turn interaction obstacles into interpersonal success for collaboration, teamwork, customer service, and leading change. See this site for workshop outlines and customer results. Fill the gaps of diversity with business wins!

    Working on the front lines of customer service can be wonderful or terrible. It depends on your mindset – on what you picturenot on the customer. Surprised?

    It’s actually good news. What happens when you interact with others is not completely random. Success is within your grasp because what you picture, you create!

    It’s not voodoo. It simply that what you picture or think about, you focus on, say, and do.

    Customer Service: If you picture it, you create it.

    Customer service starts with picturing that you can make a positive difference.

    If instead you picture difficulty or conflict, you will focus on being right, being heard, and being in control. All of this creates the difficulty you pictured at the start.


    The Story


    I walked into the airport luggage service office when I arrived at my destination and my luggage didn’t. As the line inched forward toward the service rep behind the computer, I noticed that each person leaving the office was surprisingly calm.

    When I reached the service rep, he handled my problem with empathy, accuracy, and calm confidence. Before I left the room, I said to him: “I teach customer service to large corporations and reps tell me how stressed out they are. How do you stay so positive with so many people in here complaining?”

    He replied: “Kate, if they’re smiling when they come in here … they’re in the wrong room!”


    He understood what people would naturally feel and he became the picture of a man making a difference.

      Picture the positive and you reduce your fear. Result: Increased listening that guides the interaction to success.

      Picture the positive and you feel influential with no need to control others. Result: A collaborative success instead of a target shoot.

      Picture the positive and you project empathy and connect sincerely. Result: You make a difference and that is great customer service.



    One informed rep with a positive attitude and one customer-friendly policy of delivering luggage created a positive customer experience instead of a social media rant.

    What you picture you create!

    What will you and your teams picture before you all start work tomorrow? I hope that it’s caring for customers and making a difference.

    Yours in service,
    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach


    Related post: Customer Service, Key Link in the Chain not Life in Chains

    ©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers workshops, keynotes, and consultations that inspire the ultimate interaction with customers. Leaders have been booking Kate to bring both her customer service experience and intuition to their success — repeatedly. See this site for customer results and book Kate now.

    Leaders, who lead change well during tough times, filter out needless noise. Their experience is the filter. It enables leadership without the bullshit.

    New leaders, many in middle management, face an ironic challenge. They are building experience — the filter — while trying to filter!

    I feel for new leaders and consult on the great challenges they face to give their experience a boost. They deserve a just-in-time filter for needless noise when leading change.

    So here it is — a guide to leadership without the bullshit. Help new leaders. Add your experience in the comments section below to strengthen this filter even further.


    Leadership Without Needless Bullshit - Experience is the Filter

    Image by: Leo Reynolds


    10 Point Leadership Experience Booster

    Leading change in tough times …

    1. The status quo doesn’t really exist. Things are always changing. Don’t debate if change should occur. It is occurring. Communicate, listen, and engage the team to create success together.

    2. Convert why questions to what questions to filter the noise. Questions that start with the word what generate tangible dialogue and understanding.
      Rephrase why is this happening to …


      What conditions have changed and are feeding the need for more change?
      What are we facing in the future and how do we prepare?
      What roads can we take to get there?

    3. Acknowledge the struggle don’t encourage it. Acknowledging the struggle that people have with change is helpful if you also ask them how they will get through it. Else they think it is your job to eliminate their struggle and you enable their resistance.

    4. Encourage success by moving forward. Don’t confuse endless talk about the struggle with being an empathetic leader. If you want to be a caring leader make the unknown, known, by moving everyone forward sooner than later.

    5. Negativity and positivity are both contagious. It’s pretty clear which one will create success. Admittedly people don’t have to be singing and smiling all the time. If they are very engaged in the change and venting some along the way, it’s natural.
      Yet constant complaining will retard progress and ignoring it is a classic mistake. The power of negativity is there even if you deny it. Call it out and note the impact of it. Identify what is needed instead.

    6. Morale matters. Celebrate talents applied to the common purpose. You will see untapped potential materialize into unexpected wins. Even if your boss is a results-only person, always remember that morale impacts results. It is needed. It’s not a waste of time.

    7. Perfectionism kills momentum. If you or team members suffer from the blight of perfectionism, override it with the motto make it work. It is rare that you will have all the information, optimal conditions, maximum resources, or complete understanding. When team members raise these points as reasons not to proceed, involve them in risk assessment and problem solving.

    8. Personality type differences change from obstacles to advantages with simple training. To ensure that your diverse team members mesh even in tough times, hold a personality assessment workshop before the stress hits. Focus on how to adapt to behaviors and avoid using the results as labels. Make it fun and it boosts morale.

    9. Hedging on difficult or necessary conversations confuses people; it doesn’t console them. Give employees the gift of being clear. Honest focused dialogue shows respect for them as adults and builds respect for you as a leader.

    10. Redirect extremes into critical thinking focused on results. Tough times provoke stress and emotion that yield rigid outlooks and absolute opinions. Facilitate discussions that reawaken a realistic mindset and empower a can-do approach.



    What have you learned from needless bs at work that leaders can use to filter out future noise?

    What will you add to this experience booster? What is your #11?

    Thanks in advance for adding your insight here.


    From my experience to your success,
    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

    ©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes that turn interaction obstacles into business success especially in tough times. See this site for workshops outlines and customer results. Fill the gaps of change and diversity with business wins!

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