KateNasser.com

A Story of Blindness from No Assumptions

Image by: Auntie P

Years back, at a dinner with research scientists, one asked me to describe some of my engagements so he could better understand my work.  When I mentioned a leadership team needing more effective meeting agendas, communication and collaboration, he quipped:

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“Agendas. Wow. That’s something.

Next week you can invent minutes.”

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Many laughed. In spite of the barb, I chuckled too — at what this intelligent scientist didn’t know. Common wisdom isn’t always commonly used.

Common wisdom, e.g. use an agenda, is impacted by uncommon views. These views can be unstated and strong.  Overlook the unstated uncommon views and they will live as hidden assumptions that can strangle the organization’s success.

To counteract this, leaders have added “question assumptions” to best practices, quality programs, and effective meeting techniques.  Yet the more common the wisdom, the less likely we are to even think that someone is viewing it differently.

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To question assumptions about uncommon views of common wisdom, we must first believe that someone would have an uncommon view!

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The research scientist noted above never considered that anyone would question the value of a meeting agenda. He was blinded by his own view. Yet in his daily work, this scientist searches for the unknown and uncommon.


How can we unearth uncommon views and assumptions when our view blinds us to the possibility?


#1 Know Where to Look.
Uncommon views are often found in personality type, previous experience, occupational culture and between generations. On my client’s team, personality type differences were causing the struggle over whether to use an agenda. Some felt empowered by it, others felt constrained.


#2 Know When It Is Likely to Happen.
In settings with many different personality types, experiences, occupational cultures and generations. For example, if technical and non-technical people are interacting, you will find hidden uncommon views. Draw them out and turn silos into success.

In times of great pressure or great change. Although many people get more vocal under pressure, they don’t clarify their assumptions. They express their opinions yet they leave much hidden. Uncover the hidden and move people from pressure to progress.


#3 Spot the Telltale Signs of Hidden Views.
Discussion with no progress. If wheels are spinning, something hidden is holding you back.

Frustration rising for no apparent reason. Find the reason in the hidden assumptions.

Conversations that don’t flow. Ever been in a meeting where you don’t understand how one comment connects to another? Hidden views and assumptions are in full swing. Identify them and watch your meeting results turn from mediocre to meteoric!

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Uncommon views of common wisdom can be helpful to you and your organization — as long as you know they are there.

What would you add to this list of how to discover hidden assumptions? What have you discovered?

Here’s to clearer vision and success!

From myh professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers coaching, workshops, keynotes, and DVDs that turn interaction obstacles into interpersonal success for collaboration, teamwork, customer service, and leading change. See this site for workshop outlines and customer results. Fill the gaps of diversity with business wins!

Working on the front lines of customer service can be wonderful or terrible. It depends on your mindset – on what you picture — not on the customer. Surprised?

It’s actually good news. What happens when you interact with others is not completely random. Success is within your grasp because what you picture, you create!

It’s not voodoo. It simply that what you picture or think about, you focus on, say, and do.

Customer service starts with picturing that you can make a positive difference.

If instead you picture difficulty or conflict, you will focus on being right, being heard, and being in control. All of this creates the difficulty you pictured at the start.


The Story

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I walked into the airport luggage service office when I arrived at my destination and my luggage didn’t. As the line inched forward toward the service rep behind the computer, I noticed that each person leaving the office was surprisingly calm.

When I reached the service rep, he handled my problem with empathy, accuracy, and calm confidence. Before I left the room, I said to him: “I teach customer service to large corporations and reps tell me how stressed out they are. How do you stay so positive with so many people in here complaining?”

He replied: “Kate, if they’re smiling when they come in here … they’re in the wrong room!”

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He understood what people would naturally feel and he became the picture of a man making a difference.

Picture the positive and you reduce your fear. Result: Increased listening that guides the interaction to success.

Picture the positive and you feel influential with no need to control others. Result: A collaborative success instead of a target shoot.

Picture the positive and you project empathy and connect sincerely. Result: You make a difference and that is great customer service.

One informed rep with a positive attitude and one customer-friendly policy of delivering luggage created a positive customer experience instead of a social media rant.

What you picture you create!

What will you and your teams picture before you all start work tomorrow? I hope that it’s caring for customers and making a difference.

Yours in service,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach


Related post: Customer Service, Key Link in the Chain not Life in Chains

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers workshops, keynotes, and consultations that inspire the ultimate interaction with customers. Leaders have been booking Kate to bring both her customer service experience and intuition to their success — repeatedly. See this site for customer results and book Kate now.

Leaders, who lead change well during tough times, filter out needless noise. Their experience is the filter. It enables leadership without the bullshit.

New leaders, many in middle management, face an ironic challenge. They are building experience — the filter — while trying to filter!

I feel for new leaders and consult on the great challenges they face to give their experience a boost. They deserve a just-in-time filter for needless noise when leading change.

So here it is — a guide to leadership without the bullshit. Help new leaders. Add your experience in the comments section below to strengthen this filter even further.

Image by: Leo Reynolds


10 Point Leadership Experience Booster

Leading change in tough times …

1. The status quo doesn’t really exist. Things are always changing. Don’t debate if change should occur. It is occurring. Communicate, listen, and engage the team to create success together.




2. Convert why questions to what questions to filter the noise. Questions that start with the word what generate tangible dialogue and understanding.
   Rephrase why is this happening to …

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   What conditions have changed and are feeding the need for more change?
   What are we facing in the future and how do we prepare?
   What roads can we take to get there?




3. Acknowledge the struggle don’t encourage it. Acknowledging the struggle that people have with change is helpful if you also ask them how they will get through it. Else they think it is your job to eliminate their struggle and you enable their resistance.




4. Encourage success by moving forward. Don’t confuse endless talk about the struggle with being an empathetic leader. If you want to be a caring leader make the unknown, known, by moving everyone forward sooner than later.




5. Negativity and positivity are both contagious. It’s pretty clear which one will create success. Admittedly people don’t have to be singing and smiling all the time. If they are very engaged in the change and venting some along the way, it’s natural.
   Yet constant complaining will retard progress and ignoring it is a classic mistake. The power of negativity is there even if you deny it. Call it out and note the impact of it. Identify what is needed instead.




6. Morale matters. Celebrate talents applied to the common purpose. You will see untapped potential materialize into unexpected wins. Even if your boss is a results-only person, always remember that morale impacts results. It is needed. It’s not a waste of time.




7. Perfectionism kills momentum. If you or team members suffer from the blight of perfectionism, override it with the motto make it work. It is rare that you will have all the information, optimal conditions, maximum resources, or complete understanding. When team members raise these points as reasons not to proceed, involve them in risk assessment and problem solving.




8. Personality type differences change from obstacles to advantages with simple training. To ensure that your diverse team members mesh even in tough times, hold a personality assessment workshop before the stress hits. Focus on how to adapt to behaviors and avoid using the results as labels. Make it fun and it boosts morale.




9. Hedging on difficult or necessary conversations confuses people; it doesn’t console them. Give employees the gift of being clear. Honest focused dialogue shows respect for them as adults and builds respect for you as a leader.




10. Redirect extremes into critical thinking focused on results. Tough times provoke stress and emotion that yield rigid outlooks and absolute opinions. Facilitate discussions that reawaken a realistic mindset and empower a can-do approach.

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What have you learned from needless bs at work that leaders can use to filter out future noise?

What will you add to this experience booster? What is your #11?

Thanks in advance for adding your insight here.


From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011-2012 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and people-skills keynotes on leading change, teamwork, employee engagement, and customer service experience. She turns interaction obstacles into business success especially in tough times of change. See this site for workshops outlines and customer results.

Fill the gaps of change and diversity with business wins!

I found two people-skills articles online that popped in stark contrast — People-Skills Are the New Black discussing people-skills in healthcare and 10 Stupid User Stories, The Madness Persists  which overlooks the importance of people-skills in technical support.

As one technical profession — healthcare — is embracing the critical importance and value of people-skills, (aka soft or interpersonal skills) others may be holding on to decades old thinking that technical prowess alone is enough.

Nonetheless, many people in technical professions — healthcare, engineering, science, technology, finance, and even law — want to know:

 

What do people-skills contribute to the end result?

 

#1 Comprehension. How you interact with people impacts understanding. Attitude, tone of voice, body language, are just a few of the people-skills’ components that affect how people interpret what you say. People-skills create context and context impacts comprehension as much as your words.

#2 Influence for cooperation. Going a bit deeper, people-skills are critical if you are going to influence others. Empathy, listening, adapting to personality types, and sharing insight on tough challenges, all empower your words to do more than speak. They can transcend fear, habit, status, and stereotypes. Thus they influence cooperation and buy-in with your patients, business co-workers, customers, and clients.

#3 Trust. The big surprise for many technical professionals is that trust is not primarily built on their technical qualifications, capability, and rational data. Recent research with 14,000 takers of the Trust Quotient self-assessment test, indicates that more expertise does not equal more trust: Why Hard Trust is Gained from Soft Skills. People trust based on what seems to agree with their existing inner construct — what makes gut sense long before rational analysis begins. It results, first, from some interaction or reaction between two people not from one person’s (your) individual qualifications.

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People-skills are the pathway for end results. They are the catalytic force for understanding, influence, trust, decisions, and actions.

Without them, you are left to reach success without this energy and with the drag that poor people-skills create.

Combine people-skills with your exceptional expertise and soar in your technical career. The double focus does takes effort, learning, and commitment yet the return is great.

From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

“I teach technical professionals how to interact with non-technical co-workers and customers for collaborative success.”


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, is a former techie (BS Mathematics) turned people-skills guru with a natural intuition about people. Her consultations, workshops, and coaching transform your occupational focus into business success with service and teamwork. From inspiration to action, Kate will help you fill the gaps of diversity with business wins. See this site for workshop info and customer results.

Communication is the vehicle of innovative collaboration. Words can sink or stimulate innovative collaboration and teamwork.

Here are 5 real life examples of collaboration sinkers turned into stimulants with great people-skills for outstanding results.

Whether these are said live in a meeting, on a virtual conference call, or online in email/chat, change them from presuming to exploring and from limiting to expanding.

Turn 5 Collaboration Sinkers into Stimulants

1. Sinker: “The question should be …”. The word should suggests that the person who posed it, is wrong, ignorant or off base. This offense can limit collaboration.

   Stimulant: “What if we asked …”. By providing an alternate question with what if, you explore and expand without limiting others’ contributions.




2. Sinker: “Don’t you think …”. Nothing great ever comes after this phrase because it is a statement masquerading as a question.

   Stimulant: “What do you think about …” opens dialogue and true listening.




3. Sinker: “Relax, calm down …”. When people work together, respect for individual styles is critical to the trust needed for collaboration.

   Stimulant: Accept diverse styles to stimulate collaboration.




4. Sinker: “Don’t take me where I don’t want to go”. Often said by leaders when extremely different ideas emerge. It sinks collaboration because it sounds directive.

   Stimulant: Establish the parameters and criteria up front so that all can work knowledgeably within them.




5. Sinker: “We have already finalized. Why are you bringing up new ideas?”

   Stimulant: This is a common collaboration conflict between doers (aka implementers) and innovators. To foster innovative collaboration, try “Given the deadline and parameters, shall we proceed with this plan and use that idea in the next revision?”

When do these sinkers emerge?
Perhaps when people …

are results driven

feel insecure or threatened

are on a dysfunctional team with issues

lack effective leadership

face unrealistic deadlines

Being aware of these and other difficult conditions empowers each of us to watch for sinkers and replace them with stimulants — for outstanding collaborative results.

Yours in service,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, workshops, keynotes, and DVDs that turn interaction obstacles into interpersonal success for customer service, collaboration, teamwork, and leading change. Fill the gaps of diversity with business wins! See this site for workshops outlines and customer results.

As The People-Skills Coach™, I often coach and teach about words that make or break communication and professional relationships.

Unfortunate is one such word.

Scanning the dictionary wouldn’t give this critical impression.

Unfortunate …

1. suffering from bad luck
2. unfavorable or inauspicious

Until you get to the third supposed meaning …

3. regrettable or deplorable

When our words offend or actions harm others, labeling it unfortunate can be a deadly people-skills mistake.

Using the word unfortunate about serious offense is insulting to the victims of the offense perhaps because the more common meaning — bad luck or unfavorable — greatly underplays the impact.

Those we have hurt may think we are labeling it a mere oops.

By trivializing the impact of our actions, we put the relationship at risk.

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Replace that one word — unfortunate – with any one of these words:

Deplorable or
Terrible or
Bad

… and we remove the confusion and the risk.

People-skills Lesson
When hurt feelings, negative emotions, or tangible harm are at hand, clarity of remorse re-secures and sustains the relationship. Confusion and trivializing puts the relationship at risk.


Before choosing what to say to others, ask yourself which you would like to hear in addition to sorry if someone offended or harmed you: “what I did was unfortunate” or “what I did was terrible”.

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Professional and personal relationships are slowly built and quickly broken. ONE little word change can make a big difference!

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


Related post: “Words can woo or wound; create bonds not scars.”


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, workshops, keynotes, and DVDs that turn interaction obstacles into interpersonal success for customer service, teamwork, and leading change. Kate fills the gaps of diversity with business wins. See this site for workshops outlines and customer results.

The call came in from a Human Resources training manager at a major pharmaceutical company. The IT department had reorganized technical support teams and their customer service and teamwork had taken a tumble.

She and her experienced HR trainers had tried yet they and the IT professionals didn’t click. She called, as other managers have, because my years in IT (information technology) uncover the unspoken teamwork and service challenges as I teach and facilitate. It has been a recurring theme in my business.

When you want to train technical support in customer service and teamwork –beyond the surface of certification– it’s critical to understand the technical mind.

So much customer service training is focused on training people whose natural focus is other people.

You must use a different approach to develop a strong people focus, cross teamwork, and customer service skills in professionals with a rigorous occupational focus — technology, finance, medical, and legal.

Although medical schools are starting to screen applicants for both scientific and people-skills aptitudes (New for Aspiring Doctors: The People-Skills Test), this dual focus is not an established selection criterion in all the technical fields.

Nonetheless, technical support teams are very capable of outstanding adaptable people-skills for teamwork and customer service. Some have it naturally, a few struggle, and most respond very well when taught in a way that makes sense to them.

When will they most need specialized customer service and teamwork training?

1. In times of great change like reorganizations, mergers, or new executive leadership
2. Before high pressure initiatives that also pressure their customers like major technology or operational shifts
3. In readying to support high performance business units – the executive suite, sales, revenue critical operations, life/death situations in healthcare, and a highly mobile workforce
4. Before centralizing or expanding for global technical support

I look forward to working with you during these transitions to ensure outstanding IT customer service and teamwork.

From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers workshops, keynotes, and consultations that inspire the ultimate interaction with teammates and customers. Her prior career in IT and extensive technology focused customer base make Kate the perfect choice for training technical teams in people-skills for teamwork and client service. See this site for workshop outlines and customer feedback.

When you get busy with success your focus changes and trouble lurks if it blinds you completely. When your career or business finally takes off, do you?

Do you forget people who have formally or informally mentored you? Do you abandon friendships?

Do you recoil when others who helped you now ask for your help? Do you leave people while telling yourself you are still there?

You may have busy blindness!

Signs of Busy Blindness

1. When asked for a time to network, you reply “I am working mega hours per week and the rest of my time is spent with family.”
2. You wait to reply to emails until you want to connect?
3. You send out the December holiday letter summarizing your year to people you overlooked all year

or

4. Post updates about your life online all year at Facebook or Google + and consider that networking.

Do not despair. Busy blindness is curable.


People-Skills Tips to Cure Busy Blindness

• Recognize it. Are there people who made time for you when they were busy? When they try to connect with you now, what is your response?




• Kick your fear that people may want too much time from you. Staying connected doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your success. You still have control over your life.




• Find 5 minutes each day to connect with one person directly via phone, email, or text. Or at least reply to their outreach in a timely manner.




• Subscribe to their blogs. Leave an occasional comment so they know you are thinking of them.




• Oddly enough, ask them for more help. If you are extremely busy, you may find that your network that has helped you before will be glad to help you still. Helpers like to stay connected.




• Turn off the television. You will be amazed at how much time you discover. [Thanks to Jeffrey Gitomer for that one.]




• If you aren’t even watching television, you can afford to hire a part time personal assistant to keep track of your networking. This assistant will schedule a calendar of connections for you, help you to follow up, and keep your network on your radar screen.

Perhaps Katie Couric says it best in her new book: The Best Advice I Ever Got: “Today you may be drinking the wine, tomorrow you could be picking the grapes.”

Either way stay close and connected to the vine!
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Related post: Is Anyone There? by Henry Alford. Source: NY Times.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers workshops, keynotes, and consultations that turn interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. Leaders have been booking Kate for 21 years to fill the gaps of diversity with business wins. See this site for customer results and book Kate now.

Even those with good people-skills are bound to annoy others sometimes. When you annoy your boss, you may pay a price you didn’t anticipate.

If these things have happened to you, improve your people-skills so you won’t annoy your boss again!

6 Subtle Signs You Annoy Your Boss

1. You have to enter a blurred CAPTCHA code to get a text or email through to the boss.




2. There is now a speed bump in front of your desk AND one pops up in front of his/her office when you approach.




3. Your spell checker has been mysteriously disabled.




4. Your new office mate never stops talking.




5. Your tele-commuting request is approved and your assigned computer can only run Windows 3.1.




6. You must run an all night video conference and then host a breakfast with top customers.

All kidding aside, people-skills have a tremendous impact on leadership, teamwork, customer service, sales, and business success. I look forward to working with you in training and coaching sessions.

Here are some of my greatest hits:
5 Ways to Sound Helpful Not Patronizing

6 Great Ways to Neutralize Annoying People

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People-Skills Mistakes Won’t Define You If …

Bury These 4 Phrases for Best Teamwork

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6 Ways to Avoid Scaring the Bejeebers Out of Execs

Smart Answers to Handle Jealous Office Teammates

The Perfect Apology and the One Word That Destroys It

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Thanks for your trust, your collaboration, and your business.

Yours in service,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers workshops, keynotes, and consultations that turn interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. Leaders have been booking Kate for 21 years to turn people-skills extremes into business success. See this site for customer results and book Kate now for your next team meeting or special event.

Starting a company? Looking for a job? Attempting to sell your house? Trying to change careers? Get noticed by being different but …

to achieve success — be memorable.

Memorable is not just what makes you different.  Memorable connects you with others in ways that matter to them.

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Memorable affects others.

Memorable creates a story.

Memorable builds a trust.

Memorable sparks an insight.

Memorable fosters respect.

Memorable eliminates doubt.

Memorable comes back to you.

Memorable keeps you present.

Memorable changes their reality.

Memorable reflects value.

Memorable brings you into their future.

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Be Memorable!

Do you have noticeably good planning skills? Add and use foresight to be memorable. Prevent a problem on a project or discover and open an opportunity for your customer, your boss or your organization. Outstanding skills get you noticed. Using them to help others makes you memorable.


Are you a remarkably fast learner? Your boss can hand you anything new and you can do it? That’s good. Learn before the skill is needed and you increase your value. Start today to be memorable tomorrow.


Do you have a special talent for teamwork? Worthwhile in today’s collaborative workplace. Excel at it during times of stress, low morale, or critical change and you will be memorable to every leader.


Are you a people person? Sales or customer service is your sweet spot? Certainly a plus. To be memorable, deliver wonderful service recovery with urgency. Offer customers compensation even for the smallest inconvenience. It builds phenomenal trust and reaps gratitude. You will be memorable!

Kick Start Your Success
The suggestions above are just a few examples. Try these questions to discover how you can be memorable:

1. What three things do most people notice about you? Why? The answer will uncover ways for you to be memorable.
2. What is one strength that people don’t notice in you? Start using it in ways that matter to others.
3. What are two areas in your work or personal life where you see a need, a void, pain, fear, or doubt in others?. Fill the need/void or remove the pain, fear, or doubt. You will be memorable.

How have you been memorable in your work or personal life? Please share your story in the comments section below to inspire others.

To our continued mutual growth,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers workshops, keynotes, and consultations that turn interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. Leaders have been booking Kate for 21 years to fill the gaps of diversity with business wins. See this site for customer results and book Kate now.

Long before employee engagement became a management trend, one very effective leader (who prefers to remain anonymous) was asking employees and teams a bold question to understand and engage them.

What’s in it for you?

By admitting a human truth, this question:

1. Grabs attention.
2. Provokes thought.
3. Unearths motivation.
4. Discovers the potential and uncovers the warts.

When used by a great leader, this question, starts the necessary discussion of balancing “I” and “we” and keeps this delicate balance on everyone’s radar.

This bold question sends a bleep every day asking employees to find something that motivates and engages themselves to contribute at their highest potential.

When used without connection to this delicate balance of “I” and “we”, it can spiral into a horrible case of entitlement and “me-itis — what will you, the leader, do to motivate me?”

The key difference:

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Do you inspire employees to engage themselves?
or
Do you think employee engagement is primarily your job as the leader?

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Leaders, who inspire employees to engage themselves deliver something very valuable to the organization –  unlimited possibilities from sustainable talent.

Even during critical changes in direction, these employees will still be thinking:

1. Here’s what I bring to this new initiative and what I will get out of it to keep me going.
2. How can I improve to contribute to the whole?
3. How can I manage my extremes and best fit my strengths to the new order?

Employee engagement that creates an entitled workforce is a disaster you can avoid. Ask a bold question to inspire employees to engage themselves and keep the balance. The results are startling.

What type of responses do you think you will get to this bold question?

What would you learn about potential hires, current team members, and potential leaders from asking it? Please add your voice in the comments section below.

From our shared experience to mutual success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email, info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers workshops, keynotes, and consultations that inspire change, action, and success. Leaders have been booking Kate for 21 years to inspire teamwork for business wins. See this site for customer results and book Kate now.

People don’t categorically dread conversations the way they dread meetings. But why? People discuss various topics at a desk, in the hallway, over lunch and feel just fine. Have the same discussions in a meeting and watch frustration rise.

So the score is conversations 10, meetings 0. Is it because conversations don’t have the expectation of agreement, decision, and progress that meetings do? Or because conversations tend to be shorter bursts of time with the option to end them at will?

Run your next meeting as bursts of conversations and conquer meeting frustration. Here’s a 3 step approach that includes some lighthearted fun.

Great Conversations Conquer Meeting Frustration

First focus on great conversations then on agreement and decisions. Mire the two together and the frustration will return.

1. For each agenda item, ask all to write a conversation topic on a card at face-to-face meetings or into an e-box at virtual meetings. Benefit: Interest, buy-in, and a chance to be heard.




2. Like speed dating, have short bursts of conversation on each topic. Facts, opinion, and respectful debate are all allowed. After the short bursts, you call for either next steps or a true decision. Do not simply continue conversation — the frustration will return.
   (Note: Use a mix of written and verbal communication to accommodate introverts and extroverts!)




3. For some lighthearted fun, pick a theme that fits your industry, organization, or team. For example, in the healthcare industry you could have the conversation cards look like a patient’s chart and discuss your meeting topics as if you were presenting a patient’s case.
   Related Resource: Business Meeting Theme Ideas at MeetingGeniusBlog.Com.

When you capture and use the positive aspects of conversation, your well planned meeting will be effective, memorable, and most importantly — not frustrating.

Yours in service,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Additional Resource: 25 Rules for the Perfect Brainstorm on Innovation Management blog.

What successes have you had at reducing meeting frustration? Will you share your ideas with all of us in the comment section below?

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers workshops, keynotes, and consultations that turn interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. Leaders have been booking Kate for 21 years to fill the gaps of diversity with teamwork for business wins. See this site for customer results and book Kate now.

When you must deliver bad news, do you first confuse? Do you mislabel your dance around the issue as great people-skills and empathy.

If you confuse before bad news, you deliver double pain.

I received the following letter from my health insurance company with instructions to call customer service with any questions:

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Our records show that you are currently covered under of our New Jersey Individual Plans.  This letter is to provide notice that pursuant to N.J.A.C. 11:20-18.6, we are making a change to, therefore not renewing, the current Termination of the Policy/Contract-Renewal Privilege provision in your Policy/Contract.

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Termination? Not renewing? I read the paragraph twice and still wondered, “What the hell is this?”

Do you know? If you are a lawyer, you will probably get it right. For the rest of us it just sounds like confusing bad news. I called customer service as instructed.  Simply put:

The grace period on the policy has changed.

The grace … the grace period! That’s all?  You confuse me and scare me and make me wait in a telephone queue instead of stating it clearly in the letter! Arggh!!

People-Skills Points:

1. Clarity is a gift you give to your employees and your customers. Think of them not you.
2. Clarity is honest. It doesn’t have to be blunt and insensitive.
3. Clarity builds trust which eases future communication.
4. Clarity takes effort. Are your employees and customers worth it?

What else drives people to be unclear in their communication to employees and customers?

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers customer service and teamwork training and improves your company’s customer loyalty quotient. Preview and purchase her unique DVD Customer Service USA – Regional Differences That Matter.

Relationships can sometimes be damaged with ONE word. The word entitled is one such word. For some it conjures up images of pride, excess, privilege, and even laziness. Yet for others it uplifts and gives a sense of security.

However, if we change that ONE word from entitled to deserving, the negative connotations seem to disappear and the positives remain.

Perhaps because there is a balance to the word deserving.

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It suggests giving and thanks.
It describes effort and earning.
It connotes quality and trust.
It sustains and doesn’t drain.

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Which sits better with you?

A leader that is entitled to your trust or deserving of it?

A company that is entitled to your customer loyalty or very deserving of it?

An employee that is entitled to a promotion or truly deserving of it?

A parent that is entitled to your respect or deeply deserving of it?

A friend that is entitled to your attention or clearly deserving of it?

A spouse that is entitled to your love or certainly deserving of it?

As the leader, the company owner, the employee, the parent, friend, or spouse, which would you prefer to be — deserving or entitled?

Which means more to you? Which means more to those in your work and personal life? When people agree on this, it breeds harmony in organizations, teams, and families. When they differ, it can cause ongoing conflict.

I vote to be deserving not entitled. What’s your vote?

From my perspective,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, explores, learns, and teaches professional people-skills for workplace success. Teamwork, customer service, and leading change are her passions. Her natural intuition about people fills the gaps of diversity for business success. See this site for workshop outlines, DVDs, and customer feedback.

The best teamwork in the workplace requires great people-skills. What you say and how you say it impacts productivity and teamwork today and tomorrow and down the road.

Phrases that team members see as disrespectful (regardless of your intentions) can bury teamwork and your workplace relationship.

For all team members and leaders who like practical information for the best teamwork and people-skills, here’s a checklist of 4 phrases to bury and never use again!

 

Bury These Phrases for Best Teamwork

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1. “Whatever!” The current popularity of this phrase does not lessen its sting. You are basically saying to your team member: “your thoughts don’t matter to me”. This will leave scars that damage teamwork. It you disagree with a team member, then say I disagree. If you are frustrated because they are talking endlessly, then say “we are short on time today…”. Bury the phrase whatever and don’t ever dig it up!
   
   
2. “All you’ve done is ….” The culprit here is the word all. It packs whatever you are about to say with emotion — negative emotion. A colleague of mine was speaking with a networking contact who was a driver/driver personality type. The contact said to my colleague about her work “All you’ve done is invent a job for yourself.” The networking contact’s “all you’ve’ done is …” phrase is insulting and demeaning. On a team, this phrase could leave a scar between team members that never heals. Bury this phrase all you’ve done is … deep in the ground so it doesn’t ooze up during a flood!
   
   
3. “Don’t you think …?” Most of the time, people use this phrase to pressure someone into agreement. Much better to state what you believe (“I think”) and ask the team members what they think. “Don’t you think we should or …” is a passive aggressive way of expressing disagreement and often triggers resistance and emotion. To reach an end goal, put the issues on the table for the team members to directly discuss. Bury the phrase don’t you think … and replace it with what do you think?.
   
   
4. “I’m sorry you feel I have …”. This is one of the most common and is a most offensive phrase — whether you say it in the workplace or in your personal life. Said on a team, it is deadly. The culprit here are the words you feel. If someone has told you that you have offended, hurt, insulted … them, offer a simple direct apology I am sorry. If you want to go further, use and I am sorry for the impact this has had on you. Bury your fear of apologizing along with the phrase I’m sorry you feel I have …. You will be respected for your courage and your caring.

What other phrases would you bury?

From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers workshops, keynotes, and consultations that turn interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. Leaders have booked Kate for 21 years to overcome the toughest challenges, activate service and teamwork, and channel people-skills extremes into business gains. See this site for customer results and book Kate now.