KateNasser.com

I found two people-skills articles online that popped in stark contrast — People-Skills Are the New Black discussing people-skills in healthcare and 10 Stupid User Stories, The Madness Persists  which overlooks the importance of people-skills in technical support.

As one technical profession — healthcare — is embracing the critical importance and value of people-skills, (aka soft or interpersonal skills) others may be holding on to decades old thinking that technical prowess alone is enough.

People Skills in Technical Professions? Impact on End Result?

What do people-skills contribute to the end result?

Without them, you are left to reach success without this energy and with the drag that poor people-skills create.

Combine people-skills with your exceptional expertise and soar in your technical career. The double focus does takes effort, learning, and commitment yet the return is great.

From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

“I teach technical professionals how to interact with non-technical co-workers and customers for collaborative success.”


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Communication is the vehicle of innovative collaboration. Words can sink or stimulate innovative collaboration and teamwork.

Here are 5 real life examples of collaboration sinkers turned into stimulants with great people-skills for outstanding results.

Whether these are said live in a meeting, on a virtual conference call, or online in email/chat, change them from presuming to exploring and from limiting to expanding.

Turn Collaboration Sinkers into Stimulants Image by:Quinn Anya

Turn 5 Collaboration Sinkers into Stimulants

1. Sinker: “The question should be …”. The word should suggests that the person who posed it, is wrong, ignorant or off base. This offense can limit collaboration.

   Stimulant: “What if we asked …”. By providing an alternate question with what if, you explore and expand without limiting others’ contributions.




2. Sinker: “Don’t you think …”. Nothing great ever comes after this phrase because it is a statement masquerading as a question.

   Stimulant: “What do you think about …” opens dialogue and true listening.




3. Sinker: “Relax, calm down …”. When people work together, respect for individual styles is critical to the trust needed for collaboration.

   Stimulant: Accept diverse styles to stimulate collaboration.




4. Sinker: “Don’t take me where I don’t want to go”. Often said by leaders when extremely different ideas emerge. It sinks collaboration because it sounds directive.

   Stimulant: Establish the parameters and criteria up front so that all can work knowledgeably within them.




5. Sinker: “We have already finalized. Why are you bringing up new ideas?”

   Stimulant: This is a common collaboration conflict between doers (aka implementers) and innovators. To foster innovative collaboration, try “Given the deadline and parameters, shall we proceed with this plan and use that idea in the next revision?”

When do these sinkers emerge?
Perhaps when people …

are results driven

feel insecure or threatened

are on a dysfunctional team with issues

lack effective leadership

face unrealistic deadlines

Being aware of these and other difficult conditions empowers each of us to watch for sinkers and replace them with stimulants — for outstanding collaborative results.

Yours in service,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

As The People-Skills Coach™, I often coach and teach about words that make or break communication and professional relationships.

Unfortunate is one such word.

Scanning the dictionary wouldn’t give this critical impression.

Unfortunate …

1. suffering from bad luck
2. unfavorable or inauspicious

Until you get to the third supposed meaning …

3. regrettable or deplorable

When our words offend or actions harm others, labeling it unfortunate can be a deadly people-skills mistake.

One Word - Unfortunate - Can Be Deadly to Relationships

Those we have hurt may think we are labeling it a mere oops.

By trivializing the impact of our actions, we put the relationship at risk.

Deplorable or
Terrible or
Bad

… and we remove the confusion and the risk.

People-skills Lesson
When hurt feelings, negative emotions, or tangible harm are at hand, clarity of remorse re-secures and sustains the relationship. Confusion and trivializing puts the relationship at risk.


Before choosing what to say to others, ask yourself which you would like to hear in addition to sorry if someone offended or harmed you: “what I did was unfortunate” or “what I did was terrible”.

Professional and personal relationships are slowly built and quickly broken. ONE little word change can make a big difference!

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


Related post: “Words can woo or wound; create bonds not scars.”


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

The call came in from a Human Resources training manager at a major pharmaceutical company. The IT department had reorganized technical support teams and their customer service and teamwork had taken a tumble.

Customer Service Training for Tech Support - Beyond Certification Image by: Proposed|Solution

She and her experienced HR trainers had tried yet they and the IT professionals didn’t click. She called, as other managers have, because my years in IT (information technology) uncover the unspoken teamwork and service challenges as I teach and facilitate. It has been a recurring theme in my business.

When you want to train technical support in customer service and teamwork –beyond the surface of certification– it’s critical to understand the technical mind.

So much customer service training is focused on training people whose natural focus is other people.

You must use a different approach to develop a strong people focus, cross teamwork, and customer service skills in professionals with a rigorous occupational focus — technology, finance, medical, and legal.

Although medical schools are starting to screen applicants for both scientific and people-skills aptitudes (New for Aspiring Doctors: The People-Skills Test), this dual focus is not an established selection criterion in all the technical fields.

Nonetheless, technical support teams are very capable of outstanding adaptable people-skills for teamwork and customer service. Some have it naturally, a few struggle, and most respond very well when taught in a way that makes sense to them.

When will they most need specialized customer service and teamwork training?

1. In times of great change like reorganizations, mergers, or new executive leadership
2. Before high pressure initiatives that also pressure their customers like major technology or operational shifts
3. In readying to support high performance business units – the executive suite, sales, revenue critical operations, life/death situations in healthcare, and a highly mobile workforce
4. Before centralizing or expanding for global technical support

I look forward to working with you during these transitions to ensure outstanding IT customer service and teamwork.

From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

When you get busy with success your focus changes and trouble lurks if it blinds you completely. When your career or business finally takes off, do you?

Do you forget people who have formally or informally mentored you? Do you abandon friendships?

Do you recoil when others who helped you now ask for your help? Do you leave people while telling yourself you are still there?

You may have busy blindness!

Career or Business Takes Off and Causes Busy Blindness!

1. When asked for a time to network, you reply “I am working mega hours per week and the rest of my time is spent with family.”
2. You wait to reply to emails until you want to connect?
3. You send out the December holiday letter summarizing your year to people you overlooked all year

or

4. Post updates about your life online all year at Facebook or Google + and consider that networking.

Do not despair. Busy blindness is curable.


People-Skills Tips to Cure Busy Blindness

• Recognize it. Are there people who made time for you when they were busy? When they try to connect with you now, what is your response?




• Kick your fear that people may want too much time from you. Staying connected doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your success. You still have control over your life.




• Find 5 minutes each day to connect with one person directly via phone, email, or text. Or at least reply to their outreach in a timely manner.




• Subscribe to their blogs. Leave an occasional comment so they know you are thinking of them.




• Oddly enough, ask them for more help. If you are extremely busy, you may find that your network that has helped you before will be glad to help you still. Helpers like to stay connected.




• Turn off the television. You will be amazed at how much time you discover. [Thanks to Jeffrey Gitomer for that one.]




• If you aren’t even watching television, you can afford to hire a part time personal assistant to keep track of your networking. This assistant will schedule a calendar of connections for you, help you to follow up, and keep your network on your radar screen.

Perhaps Katie Couric says it best in her new book: The Best Advice I Ever Got: “Today you may be drinking the wine, tomorrow you could be picking the grapes.”

Either way stay close and connected to the vine!
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Related post: Is Anyone There? by Henry Alford. Source: NY Times.

Even those with good people-skills are bound to annoy others sometimes. When you annoy your boss, you may pay a price you didn’t anticipate.

If these things have happened to you, improve your people-skills so you won’t annoy your boss again!

People-Skills: 6 Subtle Signs You Annoy Your Boss

1. You have to enter a blurred CAPTCHA code to get a text or email through to the boss.




2. There is now a speed bump in front of your desk AND one pops up in front of his/her office when you approach.




3. Your spell checker has been mysteriously disabled.




4. Your new office mate never stops talking.




5. Your tele-commuting request is approved and your assigned computer can only run Windows 3.1.




6. You must run an all night video conference and then host a breakfast with top customers.

All kidding aside, people-skills have a tremendous impact on leadership, teamwork, customer service, sales, and business success. I look forward to working with you in training and coaching sessions.

Here are some of my greatest hits:
5 Ways to Sound Helpful Not Patronizing

6 Great Ways to Neutralize Annoying People

Bury These 4 Phrases for Best Teamwork

Smart Answers to Handle Jealous Office Teammates

The Perfect Apology and the One Word That Destroys It

Yours in service,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

People don’t categorically dread conversations the way they dread meetings. But why? People discuss various topics at a desk, in the hallway, over lunch and feel just fine. Have the same discussions in a meeting and watch frustration rise.

So the score is conversations 10, meetings 0. Is it because conversations don’t have the expectation of agreement, decision, and progress that meetings do? Or because conversations tend to be shorter bursts of time with the option to end them at will?

Run your next meeting as bursts of conversations and conquer meeting frustration. Here’s a 3 step approach that includes some lighthearted fun.

Conversation Conquers Meeting Frustration Image by: R. Rasmussen

First focus on great conversations then on agreement and decisions. Mire the two together and the frustration will return.

1. For each agenda item, ask all to write a conversation topic on a card at face-to-face meetings or into an e-box at virtual meetings. Benefit: Interest, buy-in, and a chance to be heard.




2. Like speed dating, have short bursts of conversation on each topic. Facts, opinion, and respectful debate are all allowed. After the short bursts, you call for either next steps or a true decision. Do not simply continue conversation — the frustration will return.
   (Note: Use a mix of written and verbal communication to accommodate introverts and extroverts!)




3. For some lighthearted fun, pick a theme that fits your industry, organization, or team. For example, in the healthcare industry you could have the conversation cards look like a patient’s chart and discuss your meeting topics as if you were presenting a patient’s case.
   Related Resource: Business Meeting Theme Ideas at MeetingGeniusBlog.Com.

When you capture and use the positive aspects of conversation, your well planned meeting will be effective, memorable, and most importantly — not frustrating.

Yours in service,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Additional Resource: 25 Rules for the Perfect Brainstorm on Innovation Management blog.

What successes have you had at reducing meeting frustration? Will you share your ideas with all of us in the comment section below?

Relationships can sometimes be damaged with ONE word. The word entitled is one such word. For some it conjures up images of pride, excess, privilege, and even laziness. Yet for others it uplifts and gives a sense of security.

However, if we change that ONE word from entitled to deserving, the negative connotations seem to disappear and the positives remain.

People-Skills: Be Deserving Not Entitled

Which sits better with you?

As the leader, the company owner, the employee, the parent, friend, or spouse, which would you prefer to be — deserving or entitled?

Which means more to you? Which means more to those in your work and personal life? When people agree on this, it breeds harmony in organizations, teams, and families. When they differ, it can cause ongoing conflict.

I vote to be deserving not entitled. What’s your vote?

From my perspective,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

The best teamwork in the workplace requires great people-skills. What you say and how you say it impacts productivity and teamwork today and tomorrow and down the road.

Phrases that team members see as disrespectful (regardless of your intentions) can bury teamwork and your workplace relationship.

For all team members and leaders who like practical information for the best teamwork and people-skills, here’s a checklist of 4 phrases to bury and never use again!

Bury These Phrases for Best Teamwork

1. “Whatever!” The current popularity of this phrase does not lessen its sting. You are basically saying to your team member: “your thoughts don’t matter to me”. This will leave scars that damage teamwork. It you disagree with a team member, then say I disagree. If you are frustrated because they are talking endlessly, then say “we are short on time today…”. Bury the phrase whatever and don’t ever dig it up!
   
   
2. “All you’ve done is ….” The culprit here is the word all. It packs whatever you are about to say with emotion — negative emotion. A colleague of mine was speaking with a networking contact who was a driver/driver personality type. The contact said to my colleague about her work “All you’ve done is invent a job for yourself.” The networking contact’s “all you’ve’ done is …” phrase is insulting and demeaning. On a team, this phrase could leave a scar between team members that never heals. Bury this phrase all you’ve done is … deep in the ground so it doesn’t ooze up during a flood!
   
   
3. “Don’t you think …?” Most of the time, people use this phrase to pressure someone into agreement. Much better to state what you believe (“I think”) and ask the team members what they think. “Don’t you think we should or …” is a passive aggressive way of expressing disagreement and often triggers resistance and emotion. To reach an end goal, put the issues on the table for the team members to directly discuss. Bury the phrase don’t you think … and replace it with what do you think?.
   
   
4. “I’m sorry you feel I have …”. This is one of the most common and is a most offensive phrase — whether you say it in the workplace or in your personal life. Said on a team, it is deadly. The culprit here are the words you feel. If someone has told you that you have offended, hurt, insulted … them, offer a simple direct apology I am sorry. If you want to go further, use and I am sorry for the impact this has had on you. Bury your fear of apologizing along with the phrase I’m sorry you feel I have …. You will be respected for your courage and your caring.

What other phrases would you bury?

From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers workshops, keynotes, and consultations that turn interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. Leaders have booked Kate for 21 years to overcome the toughest challenges, activate service and teamwork, and channel people-skills extremes into business gains. See this site for customer results and book Kate now.

Corporate practice traditionally teaches managers to praise in public and correct in private. When it is about an individual’s work performance, it makes sense.

When it is about handling patronizing, demeaning, or abusive people skills behavior of one co-worker toward others, managers and supervisors face a dilemma.


People-Skills Dilemma

Manager's People Skills Dilemma - Whose Dignity? Image by:Istock

OR

Do you handle it at that moment in front of those affected to afford respect to the co-workers and preserve morale needed for the work?

OR

Do you expect the co-workers to speak up and handle the situation if they are offended?



Dilemma: Whose dignity and whose responsibility?




Managers, before you make a decision, consider:

1. What will be the impact on the current interaction and work?
2. What will be the impact on morale and future teamwork? Many overlook this question and focus purely on the current work.
3. Are the co-workers truly empowered and skilled at responding to this honestly and appropriately?
4. If the co-workers say nothing, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are not offended. How productive will they be in current or future settings if they silently fume over the insult?

I have heard many say that it is still appropriate to offer the correction in private because it minimizes the perpetrator’s embarrassment and makes it easier to change behavior.

An absolute rule like this in today’s diverse workplace seems short sided and ill-fated. Knowing your team, training them on honest respectful communication, and being ready to correct or facilitate will prepare you to handle this well.

From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

What do you think? What other factors would you consider in this dilemma?

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Helpful can sound patronizing when said at the wrong time.

Whether you are a leader, manager, teammate, friend, or family member, these people-skills timing tips improve interactions, results, (and your individual people-skills image).

Sound Helpful Not Patronizing - Image from Istock.

1. First learn what they think or feel instead of presuming to know. “How do you feel?” sounds helpful. “I’m sure you feel/think …” sounds patronizing.




2. Check our motives before we speak. Are we offering help because we have lost patience with them or how they work? That motive shows in our words and tone of voice and can sound patronizing. This is especially true when we have had previous disagreements.




3. Ask permission to help before we give advice or a helping hand — regardless of our motives. Unsolicited help can seem patronizing and demeaning. If we must jump in without asking, best to first offer the critical reason why.




4. Give help in a way that the other person will value.

   An amiable personality type focusing on emotions can sound patronizing to a results oriented driver.

   The get-it-done driver can sound patronizing to an analytic who wants all the details.

   The analytic can sound patronizing and preachy to those who want the main point first.

   The expressive risks patronizing others when they dwell on one subject for too long.




5. Use focused words instead of minimizing words. For example, primarily is a focused word whereas just and only are minimizing words. “Are you just concerned about the deadline?” can minimize someone’s perspective and sound dismissive and patronizing. “Are you primarily concerned about the deadline?” can fuel a valuable discussion.

It’s not what we say that matters. It’s what we say, how we say it, and when we say it.

When we take time to adapt, we succeed.

From my experience,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Related post on adapting to others GPS Your Brain to Work With Any Personality Type.

Are there people at work or in your personal life that goad and annoy you? They provoke you whether they intend to or not.

You can neutralize the personal invader, the busybody, the micro-manager, the patronizer, the idea embezzler, and those who presume.

Add these 6 great ways to your people skills (soft skills) toolkit and neutralize the effect they have on you.

Used consistently instead of emotional responses, neutral responses become your virtual do not disturb signs that don’t insult or block future communication.

Best Neutral Responses to Keep Cool

6 Great Ways

1. To very personal questions:
   Silence and look of surprise.




2. To the busybody:
   “Aren’t you full of questions!”




3. To the micro-manager:
   “I’m capable.”




4. To presumptuous remarks or quips:
   “There’s an odd remark.”




5. To patronizers:
   “You must have little ones at home. I can tell.”




6. To those who state your ideas as theirs:
   “I hear an echo.” or “I am glad you agree with me.”

Neutral responses keep your cool while giving others time to realize what they have said or done to you.

To get comfortable using neutral responses, consider that:

1. Detouring to their emotional agenda is not valuable to you, your life, or your work.
2. It’s not rude to hold your own.
3. Inner peace is a gift you give yourself.

Neutral responses show inner strength and inner strength is its own billboard.

From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach


What responses have worked well for you in emotional moments? I hope you will share your story and voice in the comments section below.

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Interacting with others can be carefree or treacherous depending on the situation. Using your best people-skills steers you through the tough moments. But what if you make a mistake?

It may comfort you to know that your people-skills mistakes won’t define you if …

People Skills Mistakes Won't Define You If ... Image by:Koisney

You avoid:

1. Denying in the face of blatant evidence.  “I didn’t make a mistake.  It’s normal for people to get angry or walk away after I speak to them.” – What a fool!
2. Explaining why you acted that way.  “Here’s why I treated you badly.” - Nincompoop!
3. Repeating the same mistake.  Moments define you if you don’t learn and change. – Dummy!
4. Treating people the way you don’t want to be treated. “That’s the way people treat me and misery loves company.” – Sadist!
5. Giving lame apologies that minimize your mistakes.  Children hide. Adults own the impact of their behavior. -”Childish or Mature”: Which label do you want?
   Related post:The Words That Destroy Apologies

Great people skills are not magic or voodoo. They are outward examples of consideration for others. You use them in person, on the phone, and online.

They are the opposite of EGO = Excluding Greatness Of Heart ~Melody Lea Lamb. They build trust, collaboration, and limitless potential.

Don’t let your people-skills mistakes limit you.

From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach


I am planning a free people-skills webinar. Would you like to attend, submit a story, participate or help promote? Email: info@katenasser.com

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Want your career to advance?  Show leadership without the title.  If you live up to your current job description you have shown the leaders that they made the right decision.

If you step into the leadership gap, you show leaders what decision to make.

Leadership Without the Title - Success in the Gap |Image via Istock.

To leaders, your success in the gap is:

1. A proof of concept that bypasses hell
2. A purchase with no need for a return policy
3. An investment that out performs the market
4. An insurance policy with no deductible

Not all leaders can envision your potential.  They need to see it right in front of them in order to decide. Why leave your career success up to their inability? Show them.

How can you do this without alienating teammates?

1. Spot the teammates with energy – you will fuel each other.
2. Spot the teammates with inertia – your energy frightens them.  They need safety before they walk into the gap with you.  Give them empathy before energy every time.

When you fill the gap, you fuel your future.

Yours in service,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

What gaps have you filled that led to success in your career? I would love to hear your story in the comments section below.