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Most everyone, new graduates and experienced workers,  want a  career RISE.  To succeed, connect into the true meaning of these four people-skills traits.

The deeper you understand, embrace, and develop these 4 people-skills traits, the more valuable you become to the business and the boss — decision makers, executives, and managers.

R – Reliability. We think of this mostly as deliver what you promise and/or what you are assigned. That’s expected not exceptional.

For a career rise, connect into personality styles of the leaders’ you work for and with.
Understand their hot buttons and stay a step ahead of their needs.
Know when/how to point out the risk of their view or impending decision.
Facilitate their actions to make the business successful and help them prevent the failures.

I – Integrity. Hold professional confidences, behave ethically, be accountable for your actions and energy, correct your mistakes without excuses, give more than is asked or expected. Integrity builds trust and trust delivers long term career success.

S – Self-confidence. Less neediness and more initiative from you make life easier for your boss.

What it is: Strength in tough times, comfort adapting to change, insight on how your talent and experience apply to new and different situations, collaboration without fear of losing your own individual success, managing your own ego.

What it isn’t: False bravado, know-it-all thinking, who’s better than whom attitude, disdain for diversity.

E – Excellence. Pursue excellence through constant learning, innovation, and honest self-evaluation. When you are always learning and accurately assessing needed improvements you give the company (and the boss) more ROI for its decision to hire you.

What is your ROI for developing these 4 people-skills traits? Career success.

The executive’s trust in you and reliance on your contributions is the catapult for your career rise and long term success. Imagine a boss saying “I’ve never met anyone I can rely on more” — and then get that designation!


What other traits and actions have given RISE to your career? Please share your voice in the comments section below. It can help many.

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers people-skills workshops, keynotes, and consultations that take you and your teams from inspiration to action. Combining humor, practicality, and a passion for excellence, Kate re-inspires success in all those she touches. See this site for customers’ comments and book Kate now.

If you fear executives because they seem impatient, knowing why they are impatient will help you work better with them. It can also reduce your fear!

Whether you have frequent interactions with executives or the occasional presentation to them, insight about what executives fear can guide you to modify your people skills when you work with them. The results are amazing.

I often teach managers (technical and non-technical) how to make effective presentations to executives. These insights and practical tips have helped thousands.

1. Executives are pressured to perform broadly. They need to funnel info to hit the mark. When you blabber on with details before the main point, you scare the bejeebers out of them.
   Tip: Know your purpose and get to the point.




2. When executives feel that your need for validation and personal expression is more important to you than the business goal, you scare the bejeebers out of them.
   Tip: Their comprehension goes up and their fear goes down when you focus on their perspective.




3. When executives ask for one thing and you give them everything but that thing, they feel trapped. You scare the bejeebers out of them.
   Tip: Give them what they want. If you cannot deliver it, tell them how close you can get with another option.




4. When you tell them the problem without offering a feasible solution, they feel they are steering a ship with no crew. You scare the bejeebers out of them.
   Tip: Do your job; don’t ask them to do it!




5. When you hesitate, waffle, freeze in a fumble instead of recover, executives see only the weakness of the organization. You scare the bejeebers out of them.
   Tip: Think of what could go wrong and prepare how you will handle it.




6. When you ask for the sun and the moon when the organization is on shaky ground, executives witness mania instead of sanity. You scare the bejeebers out of them.
   Tip: Show them up front how your request/solution makes the ground firmer.

Remember, most of what executives do depends on others. That alone induces fear. They do not accomplish tasks purely with their skill and experience. Yet they are accountable for the success of the organization.

Do not add to their fear. Reduce it with preparation, insight, and focused communication.

A Salute: This post was inspired by Bruce Gabrielle’s 9 Tips to Nail Your Next Executive Presentation. Bruce states it so well: “Don’t be afraid of executives, be afraid for them.” Kudos Bruce.

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, advises, coaches, and trains professionals across diverse industries on customer service, teamwork, and leading change. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success at work. See this site for workshop outlines, DVD info, and customer feedback.

As The People-Skills Coach, I often write posts on improving communication with just one word. The post, The Perfect Apology and the ONE Word That Destroys It, has helped thousands to improve their people-skills for tough moments.

Today I touch on a not so obvious one word change that makes a big difference.   The next time you think of saying,  “I am proud of you”, ask yourself if impressed would be a better word.

The Story. A friend of mine hired a consultant to give her some technical coaching on how to use Facebook. Twice in their very first session, the consultant said “I am proud of you”. My friend told me she thought the consultant was about to put a little gold star on her forehead the way they did in grammar school.

When I stopped laughing, I felt compelled to write this post on the difference between I am proud of you vs. I am impressed.

Proud works with:

1. Your children
2. Your town’s sports teams
3. Your state’s or town’s recovery from disaster
4. Your country (e.g. our troops)
5. Your mutual success (leaders, teammates, family members)

The common element is mutual involvement and success.

Time is also a factor. If the consultant had been working with my friend for a long time and knew my friend well, “I am proud of you” could work.  Said too soon in a work relationship, it suggests a familiarity and hierarchy that sounds patronizing.

Leaders, take note.  Your title and position don’t guarantee success.  If you have established a bond, “I am proud of you” can deliver a very special message and boost morale.  If you say it to your teams without first getting to know them, the statement may fizzle like a wet firecracker.

On the other hand, “I am so impressed with …” or “I am proud to know you” communicates recognition of the person’s efforts while showing respect for their independence and individuality.  Parents — this works well with teenagers and your adult children!

When I teach, coach, or team build, I remark about my clients’ breakthroughs and strides in this way.  It acknowledges their accomplishments and avoids the patronizing pitfalls of  “I am proud of you”.

From my experience to your success,

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. For permission to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal and professional success. 21 years and still innovating, Kate delivers workshops, DVDs, and consultations that take you and your teams from good/great to unstoppable. See this site for more info.

The title of this post, Customer Service: High Touch B4 High Tech, might suggest I am resurrecting the old debate about the value of technology. I’m not. I write today to raise the flag on a new trend that maliciously undermines great customer service and the customer experience.

Business leaders, business owners, and their customer service teams are placing more focus on high tech than on connecting with the customer.

High tech delivers many capabilities to the customer experience — choice of self-service, automated confirmations, shared knowledge bases, inventory checks, timely shipping, and the list goes on and on. Yet a high tech focus alone does not create great customer service — not even online.

1. E-commerce sites designed without a true customer focus are maddening to use and dissuade customers of all generations from returning.
2. Websites that hide their contact info and phone number send a negative message to the customer — “don’t bother us”.

In face-to-face customer service (retail, hospitality, etc…), a focus on high tech is even more damaging. I witness front desk agents at hotels standing sideways to the customers because the computers are at a right angle to the desk. Face-to-face customer service means “look at and care for the customer” — not talk over your shoulder.

I see retail sales associates walking around wearing headsets. This may look cool to the young generation yet it sends a negative message to many customers — “I’m busy”. Victoria Secret, Bath & Body Works, Staples, etc… are doing this and it diminishes the customer experience.

Conversely, Macy’s flagship store in NYC has blended technology into the customer experience very well. In the shoe department, the sales associates have hand held devices to check inventory for sizes. What a great use of high tech to facilitate and support the customer experience. They have had self-service price check scanners for quite awhile making shopping easier and more profitable.

Bravo Macy’s. Your high tech supports a faster more informative connection to and for the customer.


What have you experienced as a customer? Great high tech supporting customer service or — businesses focusing on high tech instead of focusing on you? Please share your story in the comments section below.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, former techie turned people-skills guru delivers advice and training workshops to business leaders and their teams that transform customer service and teamwork. See this site for more info and customer reflections.

Great speakers and writers know the power of words. The right words can excite, engage, and entertain. They can paint images, spur debate, and chart new directions.

The right words, however, cannot get beyond a listening boundary we create ourselves. In my teaching, consulting, and blogging, I have seen one pesky listening boundary recur across diverse audiences.

Previous experience traps words in one context & blocks listening.

What Words Trigger a Listening Boundary?
We may never know exactly which words will trap us in a listening boundary. We ready ourselves to swim beyond a boundary by knowing when words trap our listening.

1. When we already have strong feeling, emotion, or opinion. In my customer service workshops, the word paraphrase often stops people from listening to what I mean by that word. They picture the horrible experience of agents reading from a script parroting each thing they say. This of course is not paraphrasing. Yet their previous experience temporarily blocks listening.




2. When we have had intense or rigid occupational training. There are some professions where certification or licensing drill people into fixed ways of thinking. Good for performance in that profession; bad for listening and interacting beyond that boundary.




3. When we crave control. Cravings take over mind and body and block listening. Oddly enough, craving control destroys any chance of having control. Without input, our current knowledge becomes outdated or invalid. Listening is the path to continued understanding and success.




4. When we are impatient for results and closure. Time pressures, personality type, fear of failure breed impatience and create a listening boundary.

Listening Beyond the Boundary
Question, digest, and absorb.

1. Replace fear of looking ignorant with strength from active listening.

2. Postpone persuading until you know the field of sway.

3. Consider the context of the communicator before hawking your context.

4. Leave room for various meanings. Language is not a science.

Shall we start a list of common words that trap us in a listening boundary? Or will you share below some other conditions that spawn listening boundaries? I welcome your contributions to this post in the comments section below.

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. For permission to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, has amassed 21 years of stellar results with corporate customers turning interpersonal obstacles into business success. Her energy is legendary, her insight objective, and her results tangible. See this site for info about her keynotes, workshops, and dvds.

Many a disagreement or impasse has emerged from the statement, That’s not logical. Professionals who say this to an employee, team member, or colleague believe they have right on their side. Ironically, when people use logic in this way, they are quite wrong for it shows poor people-skills and blocks success.

There are societal influences that feed (yet don’t justify) this twisted use of logic. How many times have we honored the phrase clear headed thinking? We describe successful business people as thinking with their heads not their hearts.

Nonetheless, it doesn’t take long for the sheen of these influences to wear thin and for all to see the effects of those who cast judgment on logic. These poor people-skills can block future interaction, openness, honesty, valuable exchanges of ideas, and teamwork. They can block success.

People-Skills Tip for Success
If you have used the phrase, that’s not logical, without harmful intent, it is easy to avoid the misstep in the future. When you disagree, allow yourself room to change course. Your words will explore instead of judge, discuss instead of declare, communicate instead of condemn.

With that mindset, you can easily replace that’s not logical with I don’t follow your logic or better yet, I see it another way.


Need to be Right; Need for Control.
If that approach unsettles you, your trip to success may be longer. Your need to be right and to control every situation can hold you back.

1. Declarations and judgments show your limitations not the limitations of those you judge. People can see that.
2. Decision makers will question your ability to handle change. You might believe they see you as decisive and valuable. Yet you appear rigid and inflexible.
3. As you shut out others’ input and perspectives, you are driving blind. Your blind spots, unaddressed by those you have repelled, can undermine your success.

Stop worrying that people will misconstrue open-mindedness for uncertainty or weakness. Showing respect for others’ opinions doesn’t diminish you. It shows that you are confident and strong enough to consider all views.

Diverse professionals — sales executives, negotiators, detectives, teachers, to name just a few — use listening, learning, and understanding to create success. You can do the same!


What is your biggest challenge in interacting with people in the workplace who declare instead of discuss? I welcome your perspective in the comments section below.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, has been turning interaction obstacles into interpersonal success for 20 years. See this site for info on workshops, keynotes, dvds, and customer results.

According to Harvard Business Review, leaders are following a new path to the C-Suite. Beyond the subject matter knowledge of leading a large functional area, the C-Suite expects a CFO, COO, CCO, CMO, President, Senior VP etc… to have leadership ability and business acumen to interact with their C-Suite peers.

This makes sense. When you move into a new sphere, expectations of your performance change. My question as The People-Skills Coach to C-Suite leaders:

What skills will you need after the corporate C-Suite?

After the C-Suite, leaders often move on to consulting, or teaching, or leading non-profit organizations. They move from leader to influencer. At this point, the emotional intelligence (EI) component of people-skills becomes critical.

Your reaction might be, “Leaders must be influencers in the C-Suite as well”. Yes, yet in the C-Suite, there is the common focus of business profit/loss.

After the C-Suite, you must first identify what it is people care about to establish a common focus and then influence. That takes far more emotional intelligence and a different approach with people-skills.

Try this simple exercise: Which picture would you select to represent finding a common focus?

The one above or the one to the right? Why?

Your selection reflects how, where, and with what success you will work after the C-Suite.











From Leader to Influencer

1. An executive leader brings people around a vision. An influencer helps people discover a vision.
2. An executive leader’s communication focuses on the end result. An influencer’s communication focuses on where people are at to get them to an end result.
3. An executive leader has a strong drive to achieve. An influencer discovers what motivates others to achieve.
4. An executive leader leads change. An influencer develops others’ openness to change.

For success in the C-Suite, all work as high achievers, often with direct communication, and with a C-Suite culture. After the C-Suite, those conditions change. As a consultant, you will work with many different companies, different levels within those companies, and different cultures. As a non-profit leader, you will face employees that live a different message. As a professor, you will teach some who have never lived in the business world.

So, how will you do it? Which picture did you select above? If your image of finding common focus is tangible components in a puzzle, like the wooden blocks, you will make assumptions that will inhibit success. You will focus primarily on performance and end results. You will likely overlook the human element of inspiring diverse people to top performance for the end results.

Noted EI expert, Daniel Goleman, outlines the 5 Components of Emotional Intelligence at Work: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skill.

To succeed after the C-Suite, find time and opportunity today to further develop your empathy and social skill. Others will value your incredible experience, critical thinking, network connections, and business acumen IF you know how to connect and work with them — outside the C-Suite.

I look forward to coaching you toward this new success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach


I am very interested to know your thoughts on this post. Do you agree, disagree, or have an additional perspective? Please share your voice in the comments section below.

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. For permission to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, has 21 years of experience in diverse industries and a Masters in Organizational Psychology. She has a finely tuned ability to work with people. Her proven track record as a consultant inspiring teams to change and greatness will serve you well in your transition from C-Suite leader to consultant or teacher. See this site for more information.

If you are a new leader, your plate is full of responsibility and your to-do list with things to learn. Developing one skill will steer you through the new challenges and guide you to lead people well.

New leaders, develop your intuition.

Intuition is not voodoo. It is not magic. Intuition is not psychic ability.

Intuition is experience reapplied. Good detectives do it. Diagnostic physicians do it when when technology can’t. Very successful leaders do it.

Image by: Hexmar

If intuition is just experience, why call it intuition? Because it isn’t just experience.

Intuition is a synthesis of information and experience — especially about people — reapplied in a different time and space. Over time and with practice, the synthesis works so quickly that many people experience it as a hunch. In any case, this intuition delivers valuable foresight to a leader.


Steps to Develop Your Intuition

1. Become a student of human behavior. Observe & listen to them. Communicate with them.
2. Give yourself permission to see things as they are unencumbered with your fears, values, hopes, and personal agenda. Intuition comes from this. Like a detective, spot patterns and see exceptions to patterns. How they look when they are feeling certain things. How they behave in diverse situations when having those feelings.
3. Build your intuition data bank. Embrace this input as non-measurable data. It crosses over time and space. Gather it to store and reuse in the future for synthesis and reapplication.

Implications for Leaders

To broaden your vision, don’t micro-manage. It is difficult to see the forest if you are working on one tree.

Get to know those you work with as people. Get to know them sooner than later — your colleagues, your team, your vendors, your suppliers, and other teams that your organization will work with.

Learn about diverse people behavior and never stop learning. If you stop, your intuition data bank becomes incomplete and your intuition flawed.

Acting on intuition alone is a mistake. Use your newly developed intuition as a pointer for further investigation. It maximizes the value of your intuition and minimizes pattern error, stereotyping, and bad decisions.

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Consider Einstein’s view:”The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift. I believe in intuition and inspiration. At times I feel certain I am right while not knowing the reason.”


What benefits have you had from intuition? What do you do to develop it? I would love to hear your stories and perspective in the comments field below.


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. For permission to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, has spent 23 years teaching corporate leaders, managers, and their teams to develop foresight and intuition for success in leadership, teamwork customer service, and sales. See this site for workshops and customers’ testimonials.

I wrote a post in 2009 asking if Leaders Are Wearing Corrective Lenses. Since your vision impacts and often determines the ultimate outcome, it’s important that it be sharp at every turn or corrected.

Well isn’t that the purpose of those that work with and for you? To provide knowledge, experience, insight, and accurate updates to clarify and develop the vision? In truth leaders, diverse collaborators are your corrective lenses.

Leader’s Dilemma.
What happens to the vision when you have collaborators with personality types quite different from yours? Highly experienced people with diverse knowledge come in different personality types. Can they still be your corrective lenses if they interact very differently than you do? Consider the following challenges.

If you are a driver personality, you may miss what is right in front of you. Caring primarily about the end-result, you often see the distance better than anyone yet your near vision is blurred. Analytic collaborators have great near vision for all the details. Are you patient enough to work with them?

If you are an analytic personality type, your vision of details is superb yet you may miss the ultimate destination because you aren’t looking far enough ahead. Driver type collaborators can correct this skew. How do you react to them? Do you delay drivers’ input or embrace their drive to the end-result?

If you are an amiable personality type, your desire for harmony creates great bonds yet a team of amiables may falter in the completion of tasks. Your vision can benefit from a more diverse team including analytic, expressive and driver type collaborators. The question is are you put off by their personality types?

If you are an expressive, your collaborators will know exactly what you want yet you may not truly listen to their questions or input. If you can’t hear it, how can it correct your vision?

Solution.
You can balance out your dominant trait to allow these diverse collaborators to be your corrective lenses. They do sharpen your leadership vision and correct your blind spots. Is that enough to justify your effort to learn how to work with their personality types?

If yes, here is a resource for you: GPS Your Brain to Work With Any Personality Type.

What success have you had in working with diverse collaborators of different personality types? How did you do it and what was the value?

©2011 Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, Founder & President, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or re-publish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers keynotes, workshops, consultations, and DVDs to turn interaction obstacles into interpersonal success in business, teamwork, customer relations, and leading change.

Whether you are a customer service leader or a customer, you have most likely witnessed great customer service reps (CSRs) or technical support reps. dealing easily with difficult situations. What makes the best CSRs successful is that they define the moments as difficult situations not as difficult customers.

CSRs can change tough situations into successful outcomes with listening, empathy, knowledge, and action. They can’t change people and the best CSRs know this.

In fact, the best CSRs actually beat a common mistake most people make in everyday life — attribution error.

Attribution error is the tendency to over value personality-based explanations for the observed behaviors of others while under-valuing situational explanations for those behaviors. (Source: Wikipedia).

Stated simply, we think it’s something inside of the people that makes them act badly. Meanwhile when it is our own behavior, we are more likely to attribute it to external conditions.

Since the best CSRs free themselves from the grip of attribution error, they shine and succeed at:

1. Empathy. They walk easily in the customers’ shoes because they believe external conditions have caused the customers’ behavior. If instead you attribute the behavior to something evil or sinister inside of the customers, how or why would you empathize?

 

1. Empowerment. They believe that they can fix external conditions and this fuels their desire to work through the details and with the customers.

 

1. Listening. The best CSRs value listening as critically as surgeons value their instruments. It is through listening that they find the external conditions they must fix.

 

1. Knowledge. They also use the knowledge of previous customers’ behaviors to prevent future attribution error. The best CSRs have proven to themselves that external conditions cause many of the difficult situations — not malicious customers intending harm.

 

1. Well-timed Action. CSRs caught in the grip of attribution error, often try to push irate or upset customers to calm down. The best CSRs know that listening and well-timed communication calm the customers and unearth the external conditions leading to action.

The implication for training CSRs is quite clear. Have them do a simple exercise like using another company’s website. As they encounter challenges, do they blame themselves for the difficulty or do they blame external conditions like website design, or internet connection speed etc…? Then raise the issue of attribution error.

The next time upset or irate customers call, the CSRs’ attitudes will be far more empathetic. If you have empowered them to take action, you will also see fewer call escalations to team leaders and supervisors.

BONUS: Lower stress. CSRs who view tough moments as difficult situations that they can fix, experience less stress and greater fulfillment. Now that’s motivation!

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™
M.A. Organizational Psychology

©2011-2012 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ.  If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post,  please first email info@katenasser.com for terms of use. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Related post: Hiring, a Natural Call to Customer Serivce

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on customer service experience, teamwork, and leading change. She turns interaction obstacles into business success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

Professional workplace success requires redirecting your own emotion into productive discussion and action. Whether you are interacting with customers, co-workers, leaders, employees, vendors, or the media, clear headed thinking serves you and the business well.

Corporations frequently ask me to teach how best to redirect personal emotion into workplace success for customer service, leadership, and teamwork. Here’s one of my classic stories and the lesson/technique to learn.

A Story of Redirected Emotion

The critical aunt arrived for a visit on a warm day. Ready for her endless complaining, the two nieces had the ceiling fans on and cool drinks ready. Not long after her arrival, the aunt shot one of her never satisfied zingers as she fanned herself with a magazine: “All your fans are going the wrong way!”

One niece seethed with emotion and explained that the manual specified which direction for summer and which for winter. The aunt huffily replied: “I guess I don’t agree with the manual.”

The other niece, remaining calm, simply replied: “You would like these fans to go the other way?” She flipped the switch, redirected the fan, and her own emotion as well.

The Lesson
When extreme words like all, always, never, hit your ear, they generally trigger your emotion and a defensive response. To avoid the trap of your emotion, ask the person speaking what it is they want, need, or prefer.

You may not always be able to deliver exactly that. However, once you get the other person to state what they want, need, or prefer, you can have a clear headed two-way discussion that leads to action.

You never know when someone might press your emotion button at work or at home. Professional people-skills (also known as soft skills) help you avoid the trap of your own emotion.

The Technique
When someone presses your emotion button, ask for more information before you take them into your otherwise clear headed mind.

Your emotional intelligence (EQ) drives your people-skills and that delivers success.

Warning: If you are interacting with an irate customer, first let them vent and offer empathy before you ask them what they prefer. More on this situation at Best Mindset to Use With an Irate Customer.

Yours in service,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

Related post: 3 Missteps & The Better Steps in Workplace Communication

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, turns your interpersonal obstacles into interaction success in customer service, leadership, teamwork, and communication in diversity. See this site for workshop outlines and testimonials of success.

Collaboration expands everyone’s greatness when they all seek opportunities and are not opportunists. Whether an entrepreneur, a corporate employee, a leader of a business or corporate team, an educator, a student, or a non-profit volunteer – we all reap the benefits of collaboration when we contribute at least as much we take.

Opportunists build their own success while seeming to help others. On the surface the appearance is one of collaboration; you will see it is superficial by (ironically) looking deeper. Why think about this? If you encounter opportunists, why not just avoid them in the future?

Collaboration is powerful mechanism for success. It also requires trust, belief, giving and confidence in others. Opportunists betray the trust through manipulation with often hidden ulterior motives. This impacts future collaboration, teamwork and morale.

It changes the dynamic in sometimes unidentifiable ways. You only know that things are not the same. Collaboration and teamwork are not as dynamic, natural, or successful. Mistrust and feelings of foolishness have taken root.

Preserve the Purity of Collaboration

Give yourself permission to be on the lookout for opportunists. It doesn’t mean you are a cynic. You can collaborate as an optimistic realist and keep your radar tuned for signals.

If you are a leader, define with your team the difference between a collaborator and an opportunist.  Of course make sure you are the former!   Build a culture of collaboration through initial discussions, modeling the behavior, monitoring progress, and making changes.

Cut opportunists if they are unwilling to authentically collaborate.  This is tough decision for some if the opportunists are contributing results while the impact of their manipulation is less tangible.

If an opportunist has stung you, don’t leave the stinger in. Learn the signals to avoid being stung again. Life is learning so learn from it. Discover your inner strength to recover from bad times. Go forward and create success with authentic collaborators.

Tune Up Your Radar to Spot Opportunists

It is the pattern of behavior that defines an opportunist — not any one moment. Spot the pattern to avoid cynicism.

Opportunists …

1. Give half-baked praise or promotion of your contributions.
2. Compliment you personally or ask about your personal well being while ignoring your occupational pursuits and professional contributions.
3. Sometimes, not always, they take credit for your thoughts and ideas.
4. Take more than they give. They accept help from authentic collaborators when the focus is on them or their work and contribute the minimum for apperances when it isn’t.

What else would you add to this pattern list?

What other implications are there for having opportunists on your team?

What ambiguity or confusion do you experience in spotting the difference between collaborators and opportunists?

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers workshops, consultations, and keynotes to take you and your teams from inspiration to action. Corporate teams, mid-size businesses, and governmental agencies have achieved more success with Kate’s insight and experience in teamwork, leading change, customer relations, and communication within diversity.

Professionals with great people skills (soft skills) win big in sales, customer service, teamwork, and leadership. They tend to lead better because they understand people, collaborate more easily, sell more by hearing what customers aren’t saying, and shine by anticipating customers’ needs for service.

How well you can read people and interact with them determines your professional success. I was reminded on New Years Eve of how great people skills can help you win big in other ways.

The Funny Story!

As we waited for the clock to strike twelve, someone suggested we play the board game Apples to Apples – this new game of funny comparisons. I had never played. My sister Mary Ellen had and explained the rules.

In each turn there is a question and a selector who decides which card/answer of all those played is the winning answer. The person who played the selected card/answer wins the point.

Ooh — my how to read people skills went into overdrive. For each question, I thought about the selector, what s/he cares about and how s/he makes decisions.

Point after point went to me. They started saying, Hey how are you doing this? I replied “Beginner’s luck?”. I won the game. It wasn’t luck and I am not psychic. I simply thought first about the decision maker and what matters to her/him. That drove my actions.

“Seek first to understand then to be understood.” ~Saint Francis of Assisi

Win Big With Great People Skills

1. To lead and inspire innovation, get comfortable with diverse personality and natural conative styles. Tap innovation where it lives — in your team members’ minds!
2. To collaborate better on teams, see how others see things and how they see you. Present your unique ideas in ways they can understand.
3. To change careers, explore how that new discipline sees things differently then add your experience. You will win big.
4. To increase sales bridge the gap between your outlook and your customers’ and then make them successful.
5. To deliver truly memorable customer service, step outside of your own perspective and into theirs.

Develop your people skills to win big in life.


What win have you had in your personal or professional life from great people skills? Please share your story in the comments section below to help and inspire others.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, inspires people to growth and professional success in leadership, customer service, sales, and teamwork through her keynotes, workshops, DVDs, and consultations. See this site for the stellar success she has fueled.

Leaders, team members, and customer service reps (CSRs), have known for a long time that a sincere apology is a perfect way to rebuild trust after mistakes or trouble. One of my popular posts, The Perfect Apology and the One Word That Destroys It, gives valuable info on how to do it.

Yet I find that many, including a fair number of technical professionals, struggle with apologizing because they think it publicizes their weaknesses and faults. They think it diminishes who they are and reduces their potential success. Ironically, the apology is perfect chance to build trust in yourself and strengthen your chances for long term professional success.

Consider the Perfect Chance to Build Trust

Those you have hurt by your words or actions are already aware of your mistakes and weaknesses.  Not apologizing makes you look weak not strong. They can see that you are afraid to apologize and it diminishes your professionalism.

An inability to admit mistakes, apologize, and lead onward publicizes a lack of self-trust. When leaders assess potential for promotion, they pass over those who do not trust their own inner strength.

Some claim that this is not self-trust; it is self-confidence. I say — not completely. Self-confidence is that underlying strength for daily actions. Yet even the most confident people face situations or moments when self-confidence fails. Often when their actions or words have caused pain or trouble.

At that moment, you must be able to take a chance — a leap of faith — and trust yourself to recover without denial from whatever embarrassment or shame you feel. Offering an apology is a perfect chance to build trust in yourself and rebuild others’ trust in you.

Why?

Because accountability and integrity show a deep inner strength and inner strength is a heck of a billboard!


How has apologizing brought you professional success?

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers insight and experience to turn interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshops, keynotes, footage and DVds.

The internet is abuzz about Central Bucks PA teacher Natalie Munroe and her blog post where she called her students whiny and lazy. As I heard the story, I immediately knew that Natalie Munroe had made a classic people skills mistake.

Labels –> they never inspire and always leave scars.

There is much for leaders to learn from this people skills mistake. I offer the following lessons and welcome your additions to this post.

People Skills That Lead and Inspire

1. “I” not “You”. When you have something negative to say, use an I statement instead of a you statement. Hear the difference between “I would like you to work harder” instead of “you are whiny and lazy.”




2. Highlight behaviors vs. traits. Whether you are a teacher, a leader, a team member, or a parent, you are more likely to see positive change when you discuss specific behaviors you want to see rather than traits. You will see results sooner with “Ask for help or offer an idea” instead of “you are whiny.” For years, many mangers have used the desktop sign: “no complaints — only solutions” to inspire employees to engage and solve problems.




3. Refocus powerless feelings.
   When labels emerge, it is a sure sign of frustration and a sense of powerlessness. Always a danger zone ripe for a people skills disaster unless you refocus on what you can do vs. what you can’t do.
   In this case, teachers have the tougher situation. Corporate leaders and managers have options to move low performers to less demanding projects, to lower profile teams, or out the door. Teachers don’t have these alternatives and sometimes little support. Hence it is even more important to refocus on what you can achieve with the students instead of the continued obstacles. When you lower your own frustration you find the power to inspire.




4. Move forward however slow the pace. Forward steps toward the mission, purpose, and goals will keep your people skills and your people on a positive track to success. Side trips and rest stops in the gullies of change resistance will derail you all.




5. When you slip, admit and recommit. Frustration can get the better of anyone. A teacher, leader, or a team member can slip into frustration driven labels and unproductive remarks. The sooner you admit, apologize, and recommit to productive interaction, the less the damage. You also become a model for learning, leadership, and integrity.

What other people skills lessons learned would you add to this list?

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, replaces interpersonal challenges with people skills greatness. Her stellar record is driven by 21 years of experience, a natural intuition about people, and Masters in Organizational Psychology. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote topics, and testimonials from diverse customers.