Teamwork

New Leaders, 10 Gritty Questions to Define Teamwork

Leaders, what behavior do you expect among team members? This is not a trivial question especially if you are new to leadership.

How you define teamwork shapes how you will inspire, lead, and facilitate or solve team difficulties.

Beyond the expectation that all work together to produce success is often the unstated hidden set of expectations that can silently unsettle or even destroy teamwork.

If you are a new leader, it’s valuable to sit back and admit to yourself your definition of teamwork.  With clarity of your basic beliefs, you and the teams can have a better discussion to define teamwork.

New Leaders: 10 Gritty Questions to Define Teamwork

10 Gritty Questions to Better Define Teamwork

  1. Does teamwork mean blunt frankness, diplomatic honesty, or ultimate polite respect? Team members have diverse styles. One blunt team member can offend others. One ultra polite team member can confuse others and fall short. What do you value and expect of them?


  2. Does teamwork require caring for each other personally? If yes, to what extent? What if a team member has a serious illness in their family and amasses debt? Does teamwork mean that all show empathy and donate money to help out? Can a person be a good team member and not do that?

  3. What if people don’t like each other personally but pull together to achieve success? Does that meet your definition of teamwork?


  4. If one team member has a critical specialized skill or achieves more, does that entitle them to extra respect, special treatment, or more recognition from you? It happens and your view of it impacts teamwork.

  5. Do you expect the team to work out their own interpersonal difficulties? There is much debate about this today. Some say yes and others see the leader as a valuable team facilitator.


  6. What do you expect of existing team members when new members join? Would you expect them to actively welcome team members for quick integration? What if they are a bit skeptical and hold back to see what team members have to offer? Is that teamwork to you?


  7. How will your teams work with other teams? Great teamwork within a team can sometimes stifle cross teamwork. What is your view and how would you address this issue?


  8. Tight team member relationships produce one of the toughest teamwork issues – whistle blowing. What would you want a team member to do if aware of unethical behavior, bullying, or major mistakes by another team member? Is whistle blowing a duty or disloyalty to the team?


  9. Disagreements occur. What place and purpose do they have in teamwork? Do you expect high levels of harmony or do you see value in discord?


  10. How will you assess teamwork? By the interaction and end results or just end results? If you view only the end results, the team may think your expectations of their interaction as inconsistent and illogical.

When a leader asks me to improve team function, I ask the leader to paint their view for me and I speak separately with the team members. The comparison unearths the gaps and sketches a road map to high performance and success.

What is teamwork to you? I look forward to understanding your definition and working with you and your teams!


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2012 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please first email info@katenasser.com for terms of use. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Related Posts:

    Insights on Handling a Self-Serving High Performing Team Member
    Team Whistle Blowing: Duty or Disloyalty?
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on customer service & experience, teamwork, and leading change. Kate turns interaction obstacles into business success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

Leaders’ Dilemma: Self-Serving High Performing Team Member

Six months ago, a leader described this dilemma to me:

A team member who produced results with the other team members had fallen very ill. Let’s call this team member “Reach”.

When the leader approached the team members for a show of empathy, cards, flowers, and other help for “Reach”, many team members quietly avoided the subject and some clearly declined the outreach. The leader was shocked to learn that the team members saw Reach as a self-serving opportunist.

Leaders Dilemma: Self-Serving High Performing Team Member Image by: ErickGonzalez50




The concerned leader asked me to speak with the team members to learn more about the situation, what he had missed, and how to lead better in the future.

I agreed and asked the leader to think about his definition of teamwork in the interim.

Inside the Team Members’ Perspective

  1. Reach was well-known for saying things like: “Always associate with people better than you to achieve success.” The team members wondered who Reach was referring to? Meanwhile, they perceived Reach overlooking them while always (metaphorically) looking up.


  2. Reach helped himself grow — he didn’t help others to grow. He was also well-known for saying, “people give and help because they want to. They shouldn’t expect anything in return.”


  3. Did they ever speak to the leader about Reach’s attitude? Two team members reported they had separately spoken to the leader who refocused the discussion on Reach’s work contribution and results. As they compared notes of the leader’s outlook — which they shared with the rest of the team — they felt is was futile to mention it again.


  4. How had they been able to produce results with Reach while having these negative feelings? Interestingly, they had completely shut out personal feelings for Reach and focused purely on work results.


  5. When the leader approached them for empathy, cards, flowers and other help for Reach, they were shocked. They had accepted the leader’s results only focus and said they felt both confused and betrayed by his call for personal help for Reach — when neither Reach nor the leader had cared about them. They asked me: What is the leader’s definition of teamwork? Getting the job done or caring for and helping each other to get the job done?



I reported my findings to the leader (without identifying who said what). He was stunned. I asked him for his definition of teamwork?

He told me he always believed that teamwork included caring and helping each other to grow.

When I asked him about his results focus with Reach, he confessed he didn’t know what else to do when the team members came to him about Reach’s attitude.

He didn’t see himself as a psychologist and quickly fell back on a traditional results only focus.


People-Skills & Leadership Lessons Learned?

    Results only focus has at least one benefit and one risk. The short term benefit is clear. The risk is blindness to plummeting morale that can affect future work results.
    Fear can mesmerize and stop a leader from growing. The team members had courageously approached the leader; the leader panicked in fear and took the easy way out.
    Awareness and listening are critical leadership skills. Reach was well-known for saying things that this leader never caught. Even if Reach hadn’t said them in front of the leader, team members reported it to him.
    It isn’t enough for a leader to let the team define teamwork. The leader must contribute to the definition. The leader is part of the team. The leader’s expectations of teamwork are critical in difficult times.
    If you truly believe in a results only focus, be clear and consistent about it. You will attract team members who believe in it and work well with it. You may lose others who believe attitude impacts morale yet they wouldn’t likely last on your team anyway.

What Do You Think?

-What other lessons do you glean from this dilemma filled story?

-What does it leave you wondering? What other leadership questions does it raise?

-Are you concerned that you will lose high performing team members if you include more than just results in the definition of teamwork?


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

Related Post: Leaders, 10 Essential Thoughts to Proficient People Skills

©2012 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please first email info@katenasser.com for terms of use. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on customer service & experience, teamwork, and leading change. Kate turns interaction obstacles into business success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

Do Brilliant Minds Breed Bad Teamwork?

Brilliant Minds & Teamwork Image by:Chechi Pe


A call came in from the Human Resources Director of a large prestigious law firm. The challenge?

Build more respect and teamwork between the most brilliant legal minds in the law practice and the support staff.

And not just any brilliant minds. These were the elite attorneys in cutting edge and high powered niches, all with double (some triple) degrees.

Support staff felt demoralized. Some had left. Turnover was on the rise. The HR director quipped in exasperation:


Do brilliant minds breed bad teamwork?!



Certainly everyone deserves to be treated with respect. HR and the attorney relations department addressed the few cases of actual verbal abuse. Yet the HR director wanted better daily interactions, teamwork, and morale throughout the organization.

She gave me examples of the interaction between the super educated brilliant attorneys and the support staff. I also spoke with support staff.

There was good news. The hurdles were from different levels of drive for achievement — not from a deeply rooted disrespect for support staff.

Now for the solution. The HR director noted that access to the attorneys’ time was very limited. So we first held workshops with the support staff to rebuild morale and build skill in supporting high achievers.

It was remarkable to see the support staff zealously embrace these basic beliefs of brilliant minds:

  1. Commitment turns intelligence into brilliance. “I am always learning — please do the same.”
  2. Facilitate and sustain my achievement or get out of the way.
  3. The organization expects me to hit the high bar. Please jump higher with me!
  4. Shine at what you do so I can continue to shine at what I do.
  5. Come at me with solutions to problems — not just the problem! Otherwise, get out of the way.



Support staff remarked that this picture was one of continuous striving and learning not a desire to demean. They had never perceived it that way.

From this awareness, we re-mapped how to speak and behave in support of these high achievers.

Some say it is unfair to ask the support staff to learn new support skills instead of asking high achieving attorneys to change their ways.

Yet, high achieving revenue producing professionals respond, “If you ask me to put the feelings of teamwork ahead of results, the organization will achieve less. Why can’t we all step it up and achieve more?”

Success lies in both. Put limits on the demeaning behaviors, like verbal abuse, and train support staff, as we did, to work from the high achiever’s view. It transformed attitudes, performance, respect, and teamwork!

So to answer the initial question — Do brilliant minds breed bad teamwork? No. A difference in expectations, drive, and goals, does.


From professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please first email info@katenasser.com for terms of use. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on customer service, customer experience, teamwork, and leading change. She turns interaction obstacles into business success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

Profitable Leadership & Team Secrets of Personality Types

Behind the labels of personality types lie the secrets to more profitable leadership and teamwork.

Workplace leaders often assess team member personality types — amiable, expressive, analytic, driver — and then get busy and do little with it. As I work with them and their teams, I highlight the profitable secrets they can tap.


The Profitable Leadership & Team Secrets of Personality Types

Personality type impacts understanding and outcomes of leaders and teams. It guides you on how best to engage employees. It can make or break employee ability to thrive in organizational change.


Secrets of Personality Types:

Employee Engagement

  1. Amiable personality types come alive through personal connection. If you want to tap the profit they can bring to the business, build interpersonal bonds with them. A just the facts approach makes them feel lonely and demoralized. You do not have to be their best friend yet if you skip the bonding you skip the profit. In today’s world of remote technology, remember to connect with amiable types face to face or on the phone. Video conference with remote amiable type employees for a winning solution!


  2. Expressive personality types shine in and through communication. Two-way communication, a critical skill of any good leader, brings these people to full contribution. If you are fast paced, results-oriented and minimize communication, these expressive types feel shunned. You are leaving the profit by the wayside.


  3. Analytic personality types function in an ordered thought process. They have much to contribute if you always allow for some ordered discussion. If you are brainstorming, take a small pause to capture the analytic’s ideas. If you are a highly creative leader, summarize your thoughts in an ordered manner after your creativity. Skip the order and you leave analytic types frustrated and the value they provide, suppressed.


  4. Driver personality types crave end results and achievement. Give them the big picture, highlight critical milestones and risk factors, and then let them deliver. If you micro-manage them or ask them to have lengthy discussions on non-critical factors, they feel trapped and repressed. Although many other types dislike micro-management, driver types resent it for you are keeping them from the brass ring! They may look for a new position that gives them a real shot.


During Times of Great Organizational Change

  1. Double driver leaders intent on pushing through massive change often overwhelm the other personality types because they focus only on the results. They issue announcements instead of holding all hands meetings. They tell themselves it’s all for organizational results. Yet the methods they use are self-serving and fulfill their driver personality type needs. Ironically, they are leaving the profit of personality types untapped and results suffer.


  2. Likewise, amiable type leaders can get caught up in feelings and bonding sacrificing the organizational change goal. It doesn’t have to be that way. I have seen amiable leaders use their incredible bonding skills to rally support for the change and tap everyone’s talent to make it happen.


  3. Analytic type leaders may falter in organizational change if they demand too much information before making decisions. In this case, analytics do well to trust the other personality types on the team and profit from their decision skills.


  4. Expressive type leaders often shine in organizational change because they are natural communicators. They must remember to engage in two-way communcation. Profit from the analytic, amiable, and driver types’ ideas by remembering to let them express!


To engage employees and lead them in tough times of change, tap the profit in their personality types.

If instead you revel in the comfort of your own personality type, you leave the profit for the (next) adaptable leader.


Related post: GPS Your Brain to Work With Any Personality Type

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes that turn interaction obstacles into business success especially in tough times of change. See this site for workshop outlines and customer results.

The Greatest Unsolvable Obstacles to Cross Teamwork

Teamwork within one team is quite achievable. Cross teamwork (between teams in an organization) remains the elusive brass ring of effectiveness.

Leaders who want to break through an organization’s performance barriers find the greatest — seemingly unsolvable — obstacles in cross teamwork. Much has been studied and tested yet the obstacles persist.

For this reason, it is worthwhile to look at the issues again.

The Greatest Unsolvable Obstacles to Cross Teamwork Image by:EvaTheWeaver



The Greatest Unsolvable Obstacles to Cross Teamwork

Perhaps listing the seemingly unsolvable obstacles here will bring new focus and insight — especially for new leaders and managers in the thick of it.

  1. Shared Goals With Greatly Opposing Pathways. We can all nod our heads and say yes this happens. Experts will chime in with facilitation techniques and processes that can resolve the differences. Wonderful. Yet when this happens in between teams in great volume, it represents a loss of performance.


  2. Individual Preservation. An obstacle that surprises many is a rogue individual acting purely from self-preservation.

    An illustration: In an episode of the old television show MASH, the unit calls for ambulances to take the post-op patients away to make room for the new wounded. A corporal at HQ refuses to send the ambulances because he was told to take care of those Army resources. A general finally says to him, I can see you care about the ambulances. Why don’t you drive them up here yourself to ensure their safety! The corporal then releases the ambulances. The general identified the cross teamwork barrier – self preservation — and turned it into a solution.

    Are any team members so risk averse that they are taking actions that actually prevent cross teamwork and organizational success? The first place to look for this is in areas where leaders have stressed security, monitoring, metrics, and strict processes. Has it gone too far?


  3. Too Much Change and Chaos. When high volume organizational change creates a feeling of total chaos, the results on cross teamwork can be disastrous. Each team, struggling to grasp the new direction, closes in a virtual huddle to manage the chaos. Reaching out to other teams would feel like increased chaos.

    How steep is your change curve? It might look great in strategy sessions yet if it puts the teams into preservation mode, it creates a performance barrier instead of solving one.


  4. Mistaken Empowerment. Many an organization has dipped in performance as a result of mistaken empowerment. When a leader taps someone who is not ready or capable of key responsibility, many teams shut down in response to the incompetence. If it’s within a team, the leader can more easily correct the mistake. Yet when this mistake affects other teams, it affects cross teamwork and organizational performance.


  5. Politics and Hidden Agendas. After a leadership strategy session, does each leader send the same message to his or her team? If leaders, consiously or subconsiously filter the strategy through their political or private agendas, the message comes out differently to each team. The obstacles to cross teamwork are enormous in this case because they may be hidden. The teams nod in agreement over stated goals yet each team is acting on the message received from its leader.


There are other obstacles to cross teamwork including different occupational perspectives, incompatible technology, time zones, cultural differences and so forth. However, concrete steps tend to remove these barriers.

The 5 greatest obstacles noted above take root and the effects spread like weeds strangling organizational performance. They seem unsolvable even though they aren’t. Awareness, vision, commitment, courage, and action can turn it around. Who will initiate it? That’s the question.


What say you? Would you add to this list of 5? Subtract? Or do you disagree?

From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes that turn interaction obstacles into business success especially in tough times of change. See this site for workshop outlines and customer results.

The 12 Most Desired Yet Unrequested Forms of Care

Have people at work or home ever told you that you are so caring? That you always know how to make them feel better? Those who get this positive feedback understand one thing – people define caring differently.

If you hear the reverse — that you don’t seem very caring when they feel bad — you may want to scream out, “Tell me what you want. I’m not a mind reader!”

When people are lonely, upset, demoralized, angry, or hurt, they want care. Yet what type? Most care is desired yet unrequested and confusion sets in for those around them.

12 Most Desired Unrequested Forms of Care Image by:unloveablesteve

Fear not. I am hear to clear up the confusion. As The People-Skills Coach™, I teach corporate teams how to interact more successfully during tough times. They tell me that they use the information in their everyday lives as well.

From this encouragement, came the idea for this post — the 12 most desired yet unrequested forms of care. With this information, you can increase your emotional intelligence and connect better with others when they are feeling bad.

1.Quiet Listening.

If you have ever given your opinion to upset team members or loved ones and they snapped at you, you have learned that quiet listening is their unrequested desire. Their questions are not questions and they feel better just knowing that someone else has heard their pain.

2.Empathy.

One of the most common desires for care is empathy — the sense that someone else truly knows how they feel. Empathy gives those in pain a needed boost to work through their struggle.

3.Validation.

These people want to know you agree with them. Quiet listening falls far short and can enrage those seeking reinforcement of what they feel. If you truly disagree, do not tell them while they are upset. They won’t hear you and you will seem like an uncaring fool.

4.Support.

By the time most loved ones say they want support, you have let them down. Those who want support yet don’t request it up front, are requesting in their actions when they support you. Many of them find it distasteful to have to ask for it verbally. They believe their supportive actions speak volumes and they don’t understand why you haven’t heard them. Listen to their actions when they help you and follow suit when they are in pain.

5.Encouragement.

Friends turn to other friends when they want encouragement — especially if their family has not learned to encourage even when they have doubts. When they want to ditch the conventional and try something new, they want you to encourage them beyond the fear and doubt.

6.Devil’s Advocate or Tough Love.

Be careful of this one. Ask permission first.
A Short Story: A college friend and I are quite different when it comes to dating. She is more willing to give men the benefit of the doubt. She had been through two relationships where men treated her badly and both ended in break-ups. On the third time around in a bad relationship, she asked me what she should do. Surprised that she would ask me, I said to her “Are you sure you want my opinion?” She replied with an odd chuckle: “Yes, I am asking you because I know you’ll tell me to drop the bum.”

7.Knowledge.

There are people who find knowledge a great comfort. They don’t want your opinion they want your knowledge. Perhaps you have been through a similar situation and they want to hear options they haven’t considered. Perhaps you have professional training they want to tap. Give them your knowledge not your advice.

8.Insight.

Team members and friends that want insight will show both vulnerability and strength. They are starting to move beyond the pain and want you to help them to think it through. They want more than knowledge and less than a solution. A combination of “maybe statements” and questions are the dynamic duo here.

9.Solutions.

Are you jumping for joy now that we have reached this one? Many people, when they hear others’ pain want to offer a solution. They convince themselves that it is logical. The sooner the solution, the quicker the pain goes away. Unfortunately, to someone not ready for a solution –the “get over it quick” approach seems brutishly insensitive. Go back to empathy and validation before you offer a solution.

10.Strength.

When loved ones are scared and in pain, strength may be the greatest care possible. Strength reduces the fear. It gives them a sense of control and empowers them to deal with the pain. Offer your strength without judging. Judging makes them feel weaker. Strength makes them feel stronger.

11.Momentum.

If you are known as action-oriented, colleagues and friends may come to you to help them move forward. This may be the toughest form of unrequested care to give. It takes practice to spot how fast they are ready to move. You may trip if you push them to quickly. Yet you won’t crash and burn if you are not judgmental. Admit your misstep — don’t tell them they are dragging their heals.

12.Outrage.

Perhaps the easiest to see is the desire for outrage. When loved one or friends express their outrage over being wronged, it is a safe bet that eventually they want to hear “You deserve to be treated better.” You don’t have to bad mouth whoever wronged them just show outrage over what was done to them.



Of these 12 desired yet unrequested forms of care, which one do you most often want? If your answer is “it depends”, then you understand why others have varying needs. If you always want the same thing, remember that not everyone is like you.

The biggest mistake you can make is to treat others they way you want to be treated. You must treat them the way they want to be treated.

If you care enough to learn how to care their way, you will succeed. Learn from one instance to the next how to give your professional colleagues, friends and loved ones the care they desire yet don’t always request.


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Related post: 5 Best Emotionally Intelligent Customer Service Thoughts

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, inspires and trains corporate teams, customer care professionals, call center agents, and technical support teams in the greatest people-skills and emotional intelligence for customer service and teamwork. She combines her natural intuition about people (her human GPS), a Masters degree in Organizational Psychology, and 20 years of gritty real life experience to develop your emotional intelligence.

No Cost Team Building Walks In Every Monday

Leaders, managers, and staff — you walk in the door every Monday and with you all comes a simple no cost team building opportunity.

Do you have a new hire? Is there a contractor joining the project today? Has there been a reorganization resulting in a new team mix? Think back to the first day you joined an existing team. How did you feel?


The Welcome - No Cost Team Building

Image Courtesy of:Renaissance Chambara

How do you welcome them?



Most human resource departments do on-boarding of new hires. Many departments have online training modules to get everyone’s knowledge quickly up to speed.

Not so common is a true welcome for those joining and the powerful no cost team building that results!

The Team Building in a Welcome
Change breaks bonds. Change can also build strong new bonds when you welcome those joining on the very first day. The welcome is not fluff. It ignites team productivity.

  1. Introduce beyond the name. A great introduction warms the moment. We introduce keynote speakers, live performers, and guests at a party. We don’t expect them to show up and just start talking, performing, or networking. That would seem odd. Make time for introductions and you will see teamwork sooner than later.


  2. Reach out willingly. When you travel and locals offer tips, how do you feel? Lifted up? Inspired to go back? Motivated to help in return? If you want maximum contribution and low turnover, welcome from the start.


  3. Build respect and trust. The basis of all teamwork is simple respect that leads to trust. When you skip the welcome and leave it up to chance, the first interaction may be during tough moments, problems solving, or a struggle. Risky for building trust.


On the other hand, if you initiate basic respect through a no cost team building gesture — like a great welcome — it quickly lays the foundation for communication, interaction, problem solving, and teamwork.

Some argue that these are adults — not children or teenagers — and shouldn’t need this hand holding. A welcome isn’t hand holding anymore than team building is.

The issue is how quickly the team gels for maximum succcess. The sooner people know each other and sense how to best interact, the sooner the productive results from the teamwork.

Whether in person or a video connection, welcome all those who will work together. Go beyond the names and use the welcome moments to establish a culture of respect, cooperation, and collaboration. Morale matters.

Who will you welcome today? How will you welcome them and lay the path for teamwork — at no cost?

From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™



©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, team building, DVDs, and keynotes for oustanding customer service and teamwork. For 20 years, she has been turning interaction obstacles into your business success especially in tough times of change. See this site for workshop outlines and customer results.

7 Steps from Brutally Blunt to Helpfully Honest

In my last people-skills post, I wrote that honesty may hurt for a bit but blunt burns forever.

One reader asked me for specific steps to go from blunt to honest for better work relationships. Here they are — from my professional experience to your success.


People-Skills:7 Steps from Brutally Blunt to Helpfully Honest

Image by: Nomadic Lass Creative Commons License


7 Steps From Brutally Blunt to Helpfully Honest

When you are done speaking, do you want others to look and feel like the little blunt above? Or do you want them to see you that way? If not …

#1 Honor people as well as your purpose and message.

    Much of the brutal bluntness comes from focusing only on the message you want to deliver. Oddly enough, it makes the message less clear because the emotion blocks the other person’s listening.

    Before speaking, ask yourself what impact your words will have on people. Honesty without honoring the human comes out blunt.



#2 Openness to other possibilities makes you less blunt.

    What you say is rarely an absolute fact. There is perspective, conditions, opinions, and the possibility to change. When you live this openness, you are more likely to have a honest dialogue with someone instead of a blunt monologue.



#3 Never start a sentence with the word “you” in difficult situations.

    Imagine saying, “You aren’t doing your job” or “You are failing badly.” Starting with “you” sets the hearing up for a blunt attack and a defensive reply.

    Saying “Here is what we are expecting from you and this is what you are doing. We need these changes …”. Now the person can hear your message and has specifics on what to change.



#4 Emotion (negative) will come out as brutally blunt.

    Say out loud, “Let me put aside my emotion for a moment” and then speak. It shows the other person you want to speak honestly without insulting them. If some of it comes out blunt, at least they will know you are trying.

    However, do not use this intro as a justification for being blunt. It doesn’t work. You must be truly trying to honor with honesty.



#5 Sense of proportion reduces the brutality.

    Brutally blunt, by definition, is the extreme outpost of communication. Ask yourself, why must you use this extreme and risk inflicting scars? What words, with better proportion, can clearly communicate your message?



#6 Timing and tone of voice transform results.

    When some people read the word “timing”, they assume delay. Although you might choose to delay speaking, there are times you can’t. Yet timing also means the pace of your speech.

    The faster you speak in tough moments, the more brutal it sounds. Meanwhile, speaking too slowly or softly risks sounding patronizing.

    Using a normal even pace of speech communicates honesty and avoids the brutality.



#7 Yes. Thinking “agreement” makes you less blunt.

    Insults rarely produce a yes. Helpful does. Replace negative emotion with positive desire – what you want vs. what you don’t want – and then speak.

    Even if agreement is not your goal, think “yes” and your words will be more helpfully honest and less brutally blunt.

Respect is the cushion. It allows you to honor with honesty instead of bullying with bluntness. When disagreeing strongly, state your perspective with “I respectfully disagree.”

Some claim that there are people with whom you must be brutally blunt else they don’t understand. I have met some where subtlety didn’t work. I was more direct not brutally blunt. I still honored with honesty.

Others think they are speaking honestly yet are quite blunt. They inflict scars that block productive relationships and singe success.

The 7 steps above will block the bluntness and give you honest words for success in any situation.


What would you add to this list to save yourself and others from being blunt?

Respectfully and successfully yours,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes that turn interaction obstacles into business success especially in tough times of change. See this site for workshops outlines and customer results.

Leaders: Fuel the Passion Discipline Duo

Today everyone is asking business leaders to engage employees. Fuel the passion! Business innovation requires it and long term success hinges on it. I agree that this is half the formula.

It takes two traits to be successful — passion and discipline.

Why has discipline fallen out of favor? Perhaps we are mistaking it for rigidity, dogmatism, and resistance to change. It is none of these things. It does not limit or constrain. It develops and guides.

It’s time for all leaders to fuel the passion discipline duo.


Leaders: Fuel Passion Discipline Duo Image by:dbking




The Passion Discipline Duo

  1. Passion starts the journey and discipline guides around the curves.
  2. Passion generates new ideas and discipline vets the possibility against tangible reality.
  3. Passion creates bonds with teammates and customers and discipline delivers the strength to bond even in tough times.
  4. Passion breaks through resistance and overcomes obstacles. Discipline sustains when passion wanes.


The Passion Discipline Duo is in Jeopardy When Leaders

    Are strong in passion or in discipline and don’t honor the other — in others.
    Use stressful times or times of decline as a reason to harp only on discipline.
    Demand evidence too early in a new venture or ignore evidence to avoid admitting mistakes.
    Allow any team member without the passion discipline duo to bully or sway the team to one trait.
    Give in to the fear of either trait.


High achievers of all types — from athletes to entrepreneurs and corporate leaders — fuel the passion discipline duo in themselves and their teams.

What actions do they take?
- Define passion and discipline with their teams

- Brainstorm and use a system to follow-through

- Give passion and discipline equal weight; celebrate both

- Keep the vision/goal always in sight of both

- Honor diverse team members and mentor their duo development


What would you add to this discussion about passion and discipline? What gets in the way of the duo? What fuels it?


From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Related Post: The Weakness of Extreme Strength

With inspiration to action, Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, turns obstacles to change into your professional success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote features, footage to view, and customer testimonials.

Leadership & Teamwork: Honesty Hurts but Blunt Burns Forever

Civility has slipped in the business world. 43% of Americans report incivility in the workplace and it’s clear that bluntness is rampant online.

Those that are blunt claim that it isn’t wrong — it’s honest and authentic. Not true. Blunt is a choice of delivery with serious consequences.


Leadership & Teamwork: Honesty Hurts but Blunt Burns Forever Image by:Howard Dickins

One scientist told me that they sacrifice civility to ensure good science. Yet I have witnessed many serious scientists posing tough honest questions while treating each other with respect.

What’s the difference?

Honesty may hurt for a bit but blunt burns forever!


The impact on leadership and teamwork.

Leaders and teams soar with respectful honesty.

    They labor hard under the burn of bluntness.

Honest respectful feedback breaks invisible barriers. It fuels totally unforeseen greatness.
    Blunt criticism leaves an emotional scar that tamps the desire to take a chance or fuels the desire to react in kind. Both of these reactions sidetrack greatness.
Honesty opens the door of leadership and teamwork to discussion, sharing, and growth.

    Bluntness slams it shut.


Honesty is more powerful than blunt communication. Honesty is served on a cushion of respect that eases hearing and acceptance.

Without the emotion of bluntness, honesty can be heard purely for its message.

Leadership, teamwork, and career success take on new dimensions when honesty is given and received. Bluntness has no such power.

Which will you choose?


From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes that turn interaction obstacles into business success especially in tough times of change. See this site for workshops outlines and customer results.

Team Whistle Blowing: Duty or Disloyalty?

Leaders, what do you expect of your team members about whistle blowing? If a team member is slacking off, not contributing to the mission, working against the mission — is it the duty of other team members to speak up about it? If yes, whom should they speak to?

Or would you see this as a disloyalty and poor teamwork? Many reply it depends on the situation.


Leaders, Do Your Teams Know Your View on Whistleblowing?



My questions to leaders:

Do your team members think whistle blowing is a duty or disloyalty? Do they know what you think? Have you discussed this openly with the team?

So often when a team forms, there is great focus on purpose, goals, and getting to know each other. It is a good beginning for a productive team.

Yet productivity, morale, and results can plummet where confusion reigns around whistle blowing.

  1. Will I be seen as a rat?
  2. What retribution will I suffer?
  3. Will the leader see this as intruding on his/her domain?
  4. Will the leader label me a trouble maker?

In the worst case of this confusion, cliques can develop, negativity can spread, and time is spent griping vs. working. A recent development – employees were fired for Facebook posts decrying a peer who was slacking off and The National Labor Relations Board judge ruled the employees back to work.

Having the conversation at work vs. griping on Facebook is far more valuable! How sure are you that your team knows your position  — duty or disloyalty?  Have you ever said to yourself, “why didn’t they tell me before it got so bad?”


The Valuable Conversation
If you are ready to broach the subject, these guidelines deliver.

    The Focus: Team ownership of the results and reaching full potential. Is this team trying to be a high performance team? What does that mean? What impact does individual commitment and performance ultimately have on results?

    Trust: Spend time discussing it. How do each assess trust? What can team members do to sustain trust when disagreeing and/or speaking up about poor performance?

    The Approach: State perceptions and ask questions instead of declaring and accusing. Statements worded as perceptions followed by questions keep communication flowing. Declarations by peers can be inaccurate and accusatory questions can build resentments.

There are many times when having this conversation is critical: Forming a new team, becoming the new leader of an existing team, bringing on new team members, merging teams into one, and before major changes or stress.

It may not be the most comfortable conversation yet not having it breeds more discomfort.

I am happy to provide you with more targeted details for having this conversation, info@katenasser.com.

From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach


What do you think? Is it a duty or a disloyalty?

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, Masters Org. Psychology, turns interaction obstacles into teamwork and business success. From inspiration to action, Kate will help you fill the gaps of diversity with business wins. See this site for custom workshop info, customer results, and book Kate now.

Turn 5 Collaboration Sinkers into Stimulants

Communication is the vehicle of innovative collaboration. Words can sink or stimulate innovative collaboration and teamwork.

Here are 5 real life examples of collaboration sinkers turned into stimulants with great people-skills for outstanding results.

Whether these are said live in a meeting, on a virtual conference call, or online in email/chat, change them from presuming to exploring and from limiting to expanding.

Turn Collaboration Sinkers into Stimulants Image by:Quinn Anya

Turn 5 Collaboration Sinkers into Stimulants

  1. Sinker: “The question should be …”. The word should suggests that the person who posed it, is wrong, ignorant or off base. This offense can limit collaboration.

    Stimulant: “What if we asked …”. By providing an alternate question with what if, you explore and expand without limiting others’ contributions.


  2. Sinker: “Don’t you think …”. Nothing great ever comes after this phrase because it is a statement masquerading as a question.

    Stimulant: “What do you think about …” opens dialogue and true listening.


  3. Sinker: “Relax, calm down …”. When people work together, respect for individual styles is critical to the trust needed for collaboration.

    Stimulant: Accept diverse styles to stimulate collaboration.


  4. Sinker: “Don’t take me where I don’t want to go”. Often said by leaders when extremely different ideas emerge. It sinks collaboration because it sounds directive.

    Stimulant: Establish the parameters and criteria up front so that all can work knowledgeably within them.


  5. Sinker: “We have already finalized. Why are you bringing up new ideas?”

    Stimulant: This is a common collaboration conflict between doers (aka implementers) and innovators. To foster innovative collaboration, try “Given the deadline and parameters, shall we proceed with this plan and use that idea in the next revision?”



When do these sinkers emerge?
Perhaps when people …

    are results driven
    feel insecure or threatened
    are on a dysfunctional team with issues
    lack effective leadership
    face unrealistic deadlines

Being aware of these and other difficult conditions empowers each of us to watch for sinkers and replace them with stimulants — for outstanding collaborative results.

Yours in service,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, workshops, keynotes, and DVDs that turn interaction obstacles into interpersonal success for customer service, collaboration, teamwork, and leading change. Fill the gaps of diversity with business wins! See this site for workshops outlines and customer results.

People-Skills: Change ONE Unfortunate Word

As The People-Skills Coach™, I often coach and teach about words that make or break communication and professional relationships.

Unfortunate is one such word.

Scanning the dictionary wouldn’t give this critical impression.

Unfortunate …

1. suffering from bad luck
2. unfavorable or inauspicious

Until you get to the third supposed meaning …

3. regrettable or deplorable

When our words offend or actions harm others, labeling it unfortunate can be a deadly people-skills mistake.

One Word - Unfortunate - Can Be Deadly to Relationships


Using the word unfortunate about serious offense is insulting to the victims of the offense perhaps because the more common meaning — bad luck or unfavorable — greatly underplays the impact.

Those we have hurt may think we are labeling it a mere oops.

By trivializing the impact of our actions, we put the relationship at risk.

Replace that one word — unfortunate – with any one of these words:

Deplorable or
Terrible or
Bad

… and we remove the confusion and the risk.

People-skills Lesson
When hurt feelings, negative emotions, or tangible harm are at hand, clarity of remorse re-secures and sustains the relationship. Confusion and trivializing puts the relationship at risk.


Before choosing what to say to others, ask yourself which you would like to hear in addition to sorry if someone offended or harmed you: “what I did was unfortunate” or “what I did was terrible”.

Professional and personal relationships are slowly built and quickly broken. ONE little word change can make a big difference!

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


Related post: “Words can woo or wound; create bonds not scars.”


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, workshops, keynotes, and DVDs that turn interaction obstacles into interpersonal success for customer service, teamwork, and leading change. Kate fills the gaps of diversity with business wins. See this site for workshops outlines and customer results.

Customer Service for Technical Support Beyond Certification

The call came in from a Human Resources training manager at a major pharmaceutical company. The IT department had reorganized technical support teams and their customer service and teamwork had taken a tumble.

Technical Support Teamwork & Service Training

Customer Service Training for Tech Support - Beyond Certification Image by: Proposed|Solution

She and her experienced HR trainers had tried yet they and the IT professionals didn’t click. She called, as other managers have, because my years in IT (information technology) uncover the unspoken teamwork and service challenges as I teach and facilitate. It has been a recurring theme in my business.

When you want to train technical support in customer service and teamwork –beyond the surface of certification– it’s critical to understand the technical mind.

So much customer service training is focused on training people whose natural focus is other people.

You must use a different approach to develop a strong people focus, cross teamwork, and customer service skills in professionals with a rigorous occupational focus — technology, finance, medical, and legal.

Although medical schools are starting to screen applicants for both scientific and people-skills aptitudes (New for Aspiring Doctors: The People-Skills Test), this dual focus is not an established selection criterion in all the technical fields.

Nonetheless, technical support teams are very capable of outstanding adaptable people-skills for teamwork and customer service. Some have it naturally, a few struggle, and most respond very well when taught in a way that makes sense to them.

When will they most need specialized customer service and teamwork training?

  1. In times of great change like reorganizations, mergers, or new executive leadership
  2. Before high pressure initiatives that also pressure their customers like major technology or operational shifts
  3. In readying to support high performance business units – the executive suite, sales, revenue critical operations, life/death situations in healthcare, and a highly mobile workforce
  4. Before centralizing or expanding for global technical support

I look forward to working with you during these transitions to ensure outstanding IT customer service and teamwork.

From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers workshops, keynotes, and consultations that inspire the ultimate interaction with teammates and customers. Her prior career in IT and extensive technology focused customer base make Kate the perfect choice for training technical teams in people-skills for teamwork and client service. See this site for workshop outlines and customer feedback.

A Bold Question for Employee Engagement

Long before employee engagement became a management trend, one very effective leader (who prefers to remain anonymous) was asking employees and teams a bold question to understand and engage them.

A Bold Question for Employee Engagement -- Image by: Purpleslog






What’s in it for you?

By admitting a human truth, this question:

  1. Grabs attention.
  2. Provokes thought.
  3. Unearths motivation.
  4. Discovers the potential and uncovers the warts.






When used by a great leader, this question, starts the necessary discussion of balancing “I” and “we” and keeps this delicate balance on everyone’s radar.

This bold question sends a bleep every day asking employees to find something that motivates and engages themselves to contribute at their highest potential.

When used without connection to this delicate balance of “I” and “we”, it can spiral into a horrible case of entitlement and “me-itis — what will you, the leader, do to motivate me?”

The key difference:


Do you inspire employees to engage themselves?
or
Do you think employee engagement is primarily your job as the leader?



Leaders, who inspire employees to engage themselves deliver something very valuable to the organization –  unlimited possibilities from sustainable talent.

Even during critical changes in direction, these employees will still be thinking:

  1. Here’s what I bring to this new initiative and what I will get out of it to keep me going.
  2. How can I improve to contribute to the whole?
  3. How can I manage my extremes and best fit my strengths to the new order?



Employee engagement that creates an entitled workforce is a disaster you can avoid. Ask a bold question to inspire employees to engage themselves and keep the balance. The results are startling.

What type of responses do you think you will get to this bold question?

What would you learn about potential hires, current team members, and potential leaders from asking it? Please add your voice in the comments section below.

From our shared experience to mutual success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email, info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers workshops, keynotes, and consultations that inspire change, action, and success. Leaders have been booking Kate for 21 years to inspire teamwork for business wins. See this site for customer results and book Kate now.

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