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“Finding fault stops progress; finding solutions ignites success.” I recently wrote and posted that thought on Twitter. Many re-tweeted it and sent various replies. This particular reply caught my eye:

What  do  you  do  when  those  around  you  want  to  find fault  instead  of  finding  solutions?

A great question. Dealing with chronic naysayers can demoralize a team. Dan Rockwell, The LeadershipFreak, notes “Negative people always work to solidify the status quo.” He offers an except from Dr. Robert Sutton’s new book Good Boss, Bad Boss: “Teams with downers produce 40 to 60% less than teams without whiners and complainers.” That rang true to me. When I am around chronic naysayers, I feel like I am pushing a truck up a hill without a motor.

Conversely, when I am around people who focus on finding solutions, they ignite other innovative thoughts that can lead to success. When you watch teams of inventors, they actually highlight failures as steps toward success. They don’t wallow in finding fault with the ideas. They highlight the faulty ideas as a pathway for success!

Finding Solutions Ignites Success Image by:ANDI

So what professional people skills would you use with a peer who always finds fault and complains rather than offers solutions to problems?

Awareness, Attitude, & Personality Type

1. Are they aware that they come across as negative vs. positive? You might think this is a ridiculous question yet many people never think about how they come across. One safe yet effective way of showing this to a peer is to ask them a “how to” question when they are simply complaining. If they reply “I don’t know how to fix it but this won’t work”, let them know that you would value their ideas and solutions. Continue on to say that you “respect their right to focus on what won’t work yet you find that it demoralizes you. Perhaps they could share those thoughts with someone else.” If someone is going to change their attitude, they must first be aware of how their attitude is impacting others and the bottom line.
2. If the complaining continues, say “I may be wrong about this yet I perceive your remarks as an attempt to slow the change. Is that correct?” I did this one day and the complainer said “yes”! Once his attitude was out on the table, the leader addressed the change resistance with the complainer in private.
3. What personality type are they?  Driver types are so focused on the end result they assume that others are too. They often skip telling you the positive aspects of your idea and jump to the faults with the intention of reaching success more quickly. If you are not a driver personality type, you may likely see this as negativity or a personal slight to your value. Drivers are not the classic naysayer type. Nonetheless, their abrupt approach can demoralize and slow a team’s progress just like a chronic naysayer. Tell the driver type that you also are focusing on the end result. Yet you need to hear the positives as well as the faults to innovate and reach success.

Achieving success requires a great attitude, communication, awareness, and action.

Attitudes of fear and selfishness breed pure fault finding that can derail success. Awareness of those attitudes is the first step to return you all to the success track. Communicating only the negatives when you see the positives robs some teammates of the inspiration to continue innovating. If you are a driver type, don’t mistake the need to hear the positives as a lack of action. It spurs many non-drivers on to the finish line!

What else would you say or do with a peer who is always finding fault instead of solutions? I welcome your ideas in the comment section below.

The best customer service representative (CSR) training on dealing with and handling an irate customer tells you to not take it personally and suggests appropriate things to say to calm the customer. Yet in the 20 years I have been teaching how to handle an irate customer, the most frequent question CSRs and technical support reps ask me is how to stay objective and not take it personally.

Message to Each CSR: Choose either mindset that makes the most sense to you. Use it and you will stay objective. You can use both. I use #1 every time and add more of #2 when I feel my objectivity slipping.

1. Don’t seize control! A car stops when the driver applies the brakes, or hits an obstacle, or runs out of gas. You are not driving the car. The customer is driving. If you reach over and try to apply the brakes, the customer will most likely fight back. It’s hard to stay objective when you are in a fight. If you start talking right away, you become the obstacle and the crash leaves dents/scars on you and them. Again, it will be tough to stay objective when you are scarred. If you let the driver and the car run out of gas, you stay objective and ready to help. The driver asks for help when the car can no longer run. Caution: This is not a comic moment. Do not say, “I’ll just wait for you to run out of gas and then you will listen to me.” This is a mindset not something you say.




2. Yours is to Heal! The next time a customer is yelling, picture this: You see a stranger in a restaurant fall and get hurt. S/he is lying on the floor right next to your table yelling in pain. Would you think they were yelling about you and get upset with them? Probably not. It’s the same with your customer. Like a medical professional or a para-medic — yours is to heal.

A Broken Trust. Irate customers feel they have been wronged. Your company has lost their trust. They want you to know that they have a right to be upset. If you speak too soon, they think you are telling them they are wrong.  Let them have their say. As much as you do not like to hear irate customers, it is a sign that they are still interested in your company. Else they would simply walk away forever and tell everyone they know!

When they are done with the emotion, your empathy and action will resolve the issue. This is called service recovery. When you do it well, you may actually turn this irate customer into a loyal customer. It’s possible!

I look forward to working with you directly and further developing your team’s customer service skills with these workshops: Customer Service Workshop Outlines. The workshops are very participative, high energy, fun, and info-packed. View this footage on adapting to personality types for a little taste of the fun: Spot and Adapt to Each Customer’s Personality Type.

Yours in service,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

Flickr: HugoVK

Is your positive attitude helping yourself and others?  Or are you so extremely positive that you drive others crazy?  Science Daily (July 3, 2009) published an article on the research of Dr. Joanne Wood and Dr. John Lee with interesting results about positive self-affirmations.   The results showed that some people do better when they are allowed to verbalize both the negative and the positive.    (See link below.)

I have a positive view of life and see life’s challenges straight ahead of me.  I take action to create a good life and learn from my experiences — both good and bad   However, I meet others who see the negatives more than the positives.  They live differently and I respect their choices.  Some have told me they were inspired by my positive outlook and actions.  Others go their own way.  I have also met people who try to convert me to their positivism before seeing how positive I already am!  This turns me off to what they have to offer.

So here are three steps to prevent positivism from being patronizing, controlling, and insensitive in everyday life.  [NOTE: In organizations and teams, positive can-do attitudes and positive disagreements are essential to meeting goals.  Too much negativity can slow momentum and derail end results.]

1.Coach only when asked.  In everyday life, don’t elect yourself someone else’s life coach.  Even positive words like “I would like to encourage you to …” are somewhat arrogant if the person didn’t ask for your help.   Live and enjoy your own positivism but don’t declare yourself Prince of PositiveLand and issue decrees.  You may become known as a royal pain in the a_ _.

2. Listen in the moment and understand others’ perspectives.  Listening builds trust through respect.  Extremely positive people are sometimes so busy encouraging others to be positive they don’t stop and listen to the moment others are in.  Everyone in this life is on a journey and they travel at different speeds.   Some get to positivism faster than others.  Some don’t even want to go there.  Exception: If you are a leading an organization through change and a true resistor is slowing the pace with mega-negativity, you will need to address that very clearly to ensure the momentum of change.

3.Disagree honestly and with respect. Become comfortable with honest respectful disagreement.  People disagree in life.  Working through disagreements often delivers great results.  Yet sometimes extremely positive people patronize during a disagreement because they seek immediate harmony.  Disagreement can be a positive if it is respectful.

Live positively and let others see your positive outlook and actions.  Be careful of pushing them to be positive — you could create the opposite effect.

I welcome your additions to this list and your other relevant comments below.  Here is the link to the Science Daily article mentioned above: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/07/090702110503.htm

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

MA Organizational Psychology