attitude

Prevent the Negative Effects of Being Too Positive!


Is your positive attitude helping yourself and others? It often can. Yet, have you ever met someone who overlooks empathy and drives their positive attitude on others?

When extremely positive people don’t account for others’ needs, their positive outlook can backfire.  They can come across as patronizing, controlling, and oddly enough, insensitive.


Negative Effects of Being Positive image is Smiley Face Cube Glowing

Negative Effects of Being Positive Image by Kristin Resurreccion via Flickr.


Grateful to Kristin Resurreccion for the image via Flickr Creative Commons License.

5 Ways to Prevent the Negative Effects of Being Positive

I have a very positive attitude about life and deliver inspirational keynotes to lift others up. I have also met people who try to convert me to their version of optimism before seeing how positive I already am!  This turns me off to what they have to offer.


To prevent this misstep …

  1. Listen in the moment and understand others’ perspectives.  Listening builds trust through respect of others’ needs.  Sometimes people are so busy encouraging others to be positive they don’t stop and detect what others need at that moment.  Everyone is on a journey and they travel at different speeds.   Some get to a positive attitude faster than others.  Some don’t even want to go there.  

    Exception: If you are a leading an organization through change and a true resistor is slowing the pace with negativity, you will need to address that very clearly to ensure the momentum of change.


  2. Acknowledge and empathize.  Empathy doesn’t mean you agree. It means you matter, we matter this matters. Connect with empathy to build the trust needed to influence others.

  3. Coach only when asked.  In everyday life, don’t elect yourself someone else’s life coach.  Even positive words like “I would like to encourage you to …” are somewhat arrogant if the person didn’t ask for your help.   Live and enjoy your own positive attitude but don’t declare yourself Ruler of PositiveLand and issue decrees.  You may become known as a royal pain in the tail.

  4. Blend optimism with realism. It opens the door to empathy and builds credibility. It is much easier to connect and trust someone who has their feet on the ground as they reach for the stars.

  5. Disagree honestly and with respect. Become comfortable with honest respectful disagreement.  People disagree in life.  Working through disagreements often delivers great results.  Yet sometimes extremely positive people patronize during a disagreement because they seek immediate harmony.  Disagreement can be a positive if it is done respectfully.






Live positively and let others see your optimism and positive choices. Blend it with empathy and realism and you ascend to trust, respect, and the long reach of influence.


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

Related Posts:
Leadership Optimism: Keeping It Real
When Strong Leaders Use Empathy

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

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Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Leadership Calls: Are You Ready to Answer?


Leadership calls. Are you ready to lead others? Do you have the people skills to handle the tough moments?

Do you have the emotional intelligence to spot difficulties early on? Do you have the initiative and courage to step up in order to prevent difficulties from becoming major trouble?


Leadership Calls: Image is paper weight on desk w/ pens sticking out of it.

Leadership Calls: Are You Truly Ready? Image by Arlo_ via Flickr.

Grateful for image by Arlo_ via Flickr Creative Commons License.

Leadership Calls: How Will You Answer?

In the 25 years I’ve been consulting to mid-level leaders, I’ve seen an unfortunate trend. They are managing functions not leading people. Leadership calls, they get promoted, and then feel stumped on how to lead others.

The good news is, you can develop your leadership people skills. Whether new to leadership or not, when leadership calls you can be ready.






Prepare your people skills for these tough situations …

  1. Someone comes to you and says a co-worker is bullying or harassing them. What would you do? There is much evidence to show many leaders minimize the person’s claim, blame the victim, or tell the victim to work it out with the co-worker. BIG mistake. Your response comes across to the victim as abandonment and mistrust. Co-worker bullying thrives on leaders who live in denial. Leadership calls and the leaders don’t lead. They deny and blame.

    Leadership people skills approach: Don’t abandon your employees. Get closer. Talk to them. Ask non-judgmental questions! Explore and listen. In this way, you communicate that you care. You also learn important information and understand the issue. You can then decide on appropriate next steps.

  2. One employee is slacking off. No one is formally complaining to you but they complain to each other. What would you do? If you are thinking, “how would I know if an employee is slacking off,” you are not leading. Leading is pro-active emotional intelligence in action. It senses and sees what’s going on before the virus spreads.

    Leadership people skills approach: Stay connected to the pulse of the workplace. With the teams’ input, set the bar high and then call everyone to reach it with skills, attitude, and great teamwork. If some are slacking off, speak with them. Find out if it’s a skills issue or an attitude issue. If it’s a skills issue, address development or reassignment. If it’s an attitude issue, be clear and frank. Leadership calls and you must call everyone to high levels of performance. If you hide your head on this one, the quicksand will pull you all under.

  3. There’s an organizational change announced and you must lead your teams through it. Upper leadership has announced it. You and your teams aren’t thrilled about it. How do you act? If you commiserate with your teams, you enable their resistance.

    Leadership people skills approach: Embrace the change and lead them to do the same. Empathize and acknowledge their feelings but don’t commiserate and encourage mutiny. Deepen your commitment to the change and get closer to your teams to buoy them. If you don’t believe in the change, why should they?









To get closer and deeper when leadership calls, remember …

  • Being objective and fair doesn’t mean being neutral. Lead them. Don’t abandon them.
  • Leadership requires performance of your duties. Hiding and denying are a form of malpractice. Overlooking symptoms, avoiding necessary conversations, blaming instead of resolving are leadership negligence. Leadership calls. Lead with your eyes wide open.
  • Bonds are not the same thing as bondage. Bonds don’t handcuff and block success. Closer and deeper bonds build trust — the pathway to success. Leadership calls. Be more connected to your people not just the results.



Show your readiness. When leadership calls, get closer and deeper to take everyone farther!



What has been your greatest leadership challenge & how did you handle it?



From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

Related Posts:
The Biggest Leadership Surprises of New Leaders
Leaders, 10 Ways to Ignite Greatness Without Leaving Scars
Exceptional Empowerment: Keep Your Expertise Involved
Leadership: 12 Essential Thoughts to Proficient People Skills

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Inspiration & relationships is our people skills chat topic this Sunday.

WHEN/WHERE: Join us Sunday October 12, 2014 on Twitter at 10AM EDT. Hashtag: #peopleskills


Time converter:
Please click the time converter link above to convert 10am EDT to your local time.



Inspiration & Relationships: How Does Inspiration Expand Happiness?

Do you feel inspired each day to connect with others? Or perhaps connections inspire your day? Previously labelled as “fluff”, inspiration has taken on a more significant role in everyday life and in the workplace. So join us this Sunday to explore and share inspiration.


Hosting this chat during my absence is Chantal Bechervaise, human resources and employee engagement specialist and one of our wonderful people skills community moderators.


Inspiration & Relationships. Image is People skills logo

Inspiration & Relationships: Image by KimbManson for Kate Nasser. All rights reserved.

Image designed by: Kimb Manson Graphics Design for Kate Nasser. All rights reserved.

Inspiration & Relationships – What inspires you?

JOIN us Sunday at 10am ET in #peopleskills Twitter chat to discuss and share inspiration in relationships.

Some questions to get us thinking in advance:

  • What does the word inspiration mean to you?
  • How do you incorporate inspiration into your daily life?
  • How does being inspired affect your people skills & relationships?
  • How do you feel when you are around very positive inspirational people?
  • Who inspires you? Why?
  • How can you inspire others?
  • What is the most inspired you have ever been? When/why?
  • When have you felt uninspired and what was the effect?
  • Do you need to be an optimist to inspire? Why/why not?
  • Do you like inspirational quotes? Why/why not?
  • When will you use inspiration this week to help yourself or others?

These are just some questions to get us thinking. Actual questions will post live during the chat.



So bring your personal perspective, your experience, a beverage, and join the community on Sunday October 12, 2014, 10am EDT in People Skills Chat on Twitter (hashtag: #peopleskills). Share your creative views and experience in our people skills chat on inspiration and relationships.


I also invite you to continue this chat by joining the Google+ People Skills Community, The Facebook Group People Skills That Really Matter and the LinkedIn Group People Skills Succeed to be a part of all the people skills discussions everyday 24×7. Get your people skills community member badge here.



Shout Out of Gratitude

My gratitude to my guest host this week Chantal Bechervaise, and to all who participate and grow the people skills global community on Twitter (#peopleskills), Google+, LinkedIn, and Facebook. We welcome your suggestions for topics, offers to co-host, and most especially your diverse insights.

Continued thanks to generous chat moderators Chantal Bechervaise, Dave Moore, Hoda Maalouf, Tracy Shroyer and Tom Rhodes for their time and contributions.






Hope you will all join our People Skills Chat on Twitter (#peopleskills) this Sunday October 12, 2014, 10am EDT/7am PDT to share your insights, perspective, and experience on inspiration and relationships.

Everyone is welcome! We have only one rule in People Skills Global Chat: Respect for all even when we disagree.






TIP: If you have never been in a Twitter chat, you may find it helpful to log on to Tweetchat.com, or Twubs.com and enter hashtag #peopleskills. Sign in to your Twitter account. The venue will insert the hashtag on each of your tweets and you will see all the tweets on one screen. Other tools available are Tchat.io, Hootsuite and TweetDeck.

I am the founder and host of the chat and will be happy to answer any questions you have in advance: Email me.


Connect with you this Sun. October 12, 2014, 10am EDT in our People Skills Global Twitter Chat about inspiration and relationships.

Until then, as always, I wish you bonds of happiness and success!


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Positive Attitudes: How to Survive Toxic Leaders

Your initial reaction to this title might be that if they’re toxic, they are not leaders.

Most people would probably agree with you. BUT you still have to deal with these toxic leaders unless or until you choose to leave.


Positive Attitudes: Image is the word Toxic w/ dollar signs around it.

Positive Attitudes: Dealing w/ Toxic Leaders Image by Don Shall via Flickr.

Image by Don Shall via Flickr Creative Commons License.

Positive Attitudes: Mind Over (What Doesn’t) Matter

Positive attitudes give you the power to cope and even transform very difficult moments. The question is: Can you get your mind to overcome what doesn’t matter?


First and foremost, know what matters to you. For me, it’s my health. I can’t live without it. I’ve learned what conditions zap my health. In those toxic moments — if I can’t change them — I move on.


In other toxic moments I use positive attitudes to survive and even thrive!

  1. Realize it’s a feeling not a fact. You can feel conquered by toxic leaders when you believe that what you are feeling is an unchangeable fact. You can change your outlook and your feelings. You have choices. You’re not trapped!

    “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” ~Wayne Dyer


  2. Know and focus on your long term goals. This is a pleasant detour from the rough road of toxic leaders. It gets you to your destination without getting lost in their toxic behavior. Your positive attitudes set the path of that detour; don’t take theirs!

  3. Find sanctuary in your own energy. Success takes energy. Channel it into your happy journey not a toxic dump. Positive attitudes lift you up!

  4. Be an amused spectator. See the dysfunction of toxic leaders as a reality TV show. Enjoy the humor in the absurd behavior from the safe distance of mental objectivity. Take great pleasure in seeing through, behind, and beyond the toxic behavior.

  5. Escape to positive attitudes. During work, mentally escape to positive attitudes that spur you on. I often think of how much I am learning. It gives me great comfort. After work, engage in activities that you love. Your happiness is your choice.

  6. Compare what worse you have already faced. As galling as toxic leader behavior is, it pales in comparison to serious, even life threatening events. I will always remember a client telling me that toxic leaders don’t bother him.

    Before that, he was in the U.S. Coast Guard on a patrol boat looking for drug runners. He told me, “This is way better than getting my ass shot off in the Gulf of Mexico. I’m happy to have a job, contribute, and yes, even deal with my crazy boss.” Ask yourself, what is your current job better than?





What positive attitudes keep you going? Share them with us!


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

Related People Skills Posts:
Reduce Conflict: Hear the Urgency Before the Yell
Career Success: Rock With These 13 Key People Skills
6 Key Reasons Leaders Get Annoyed With You

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Empowered Not Entitled: Communicating for Success

Team members, picture yourselves as leaders or managers. Would you want to lead and manage empowered employees or entitled ones?

The responses overwhelmingly come back, empowered not entitled. Leaders and managers agree too. The question is why?





Empowered Not Entitled: Image is 3 hands.

Communicate You Are Empowered Not Entitled. Image licensed from Istock.com.

Image licensed from Istock.com


Empowered Not Entitled: When Everyone Serves, Everyone Wins!

Empowered team members engage and contribute for maximum success. They step up; they don’t sit back. They give to everyone; they don’t wait to receive. When everyone serves, everyone wins.


Communicate You Are Empowered Not Entitled

  1. Give more than you request.
  2. Correct your mistakes and help others to mend theirs.
  3. Offer sincere apologies when you impact others badly.
  4. Focus on everyone succeeding not getting what others have.
  5. Create your rewards by contributing your talents and effort vs. demanding rewards now.



Bold Illustration
One team member emailed his manager, “I would like to work from home three days a week. How can you make this happen for me?” The language he used communicated he felt entitled. He expected others to do for him. This attitude is a dead weight against success. It burdens and weighs down leaders, managers, and teams.


The manager explained that she wasn’t his concierge. If he wanted to explore new ideas, he should first ask if it’s possible, offer what he would do to make it happen, and outline the benefits to the organization. This is how you communicate you are empowered not entitled!






If a team were comprised of all entitled team members, what would it accomplish? Conversely empowered team members engage and contribute for all to win. Are you a welcome contributor or an annoying maverick?





Empowered not entitled: Show your team & company what you can do for them!



“Never stand begging for that which you have the power to earn.” ~Miguel de Cervantes



Leaders, do your part. Reward contribution not just bold requests for promotion.



From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

Related Posts:
Accountability Legacy: People Skills Secrets Revealed
Teamwork: Are You a Welcome Contributor or an Annoying Maverick?
Teamwork Collaboration: Leadership Beliefs That Kill It

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Teamwork Collaboration: Leaders, Is Your Competitive Spirit Killing It?


Teamwork Collaboration Killers: Image is large foot stepping on a person.

Teamwork Collaboration: Leadership Beliefs That Kill It! Image via Istock.com.

Image licensed via Istock.com


Business owners and leaders hold a competitive spirit in high regard. They often have it and hire for it. They say, “without a competitive spirit how would a business succeed, right? Not necessarily.


Today’s business environment also requires tremendous teamwork collaboration. Innovation needs it. Sales needs it. Superior customer experience needs it. Project completion needs it. In truth, teamwork collaboration is absolutely essential for business success.





It doesn’t have to.



Teamwork Collaboration: Check Your Competitive Beliefs!

Leaders, what are your competitive beliefs doing to your teams’ interaction and collaboration? It’s an important question. Attitude and beliefs drive your behavior and the culture of your organization.

  1. Do you equate collaboration with weakness, laziness, even failure? Your initial answer may be no! Do your actions prove that out? Do you truly value, respect, and elevate high collaborators?

    Do you see collaborators as leaders who can build that culture? Or do you place them under competitive employees? Whom do you promote to a higher position? Great collaborators or individualists with a competitive spirit?


  2. Do you believe collaborators need coddling? In a recent chat, one leader proclaimed he doesn’t have time to coddle people. He prefers competitive types. Coddle?

    True collaborators are not super sensitive people who demand constant support. They are talented employees who know how to initiate ideas and work with others to reach a collective result. If you believe you must coddle collaborators, you may kill teamwork collaboration.


  3. Do you believe that progress stagnates without rivalry and competition? Some people need rivalry to work hard. Yet, natural collaborators find it a huge turnoff. To them it’s distracting. They are already motivated to work hard with others. Rivalry is the antithesis of this.

  4. Do you think that competition builds strength, confidence and backbones? Not in everyone. Many collaborators are motivated through synergy of talents not contests of conquering. Moreover, natural collaborators are not spineless weak adults who lack confidence. They are strong enough to have their own voice and honor others’ as well.

    Leaders, how are your team members motivated? Through competition or collaboration? If you are leading with a competitive philosophy because it’s comfortable for you, you may be killing teamwork collaboration.




How well do you understand the collaborative mind?



Leaders inspire teamwork collaboration when they …

  • Know their teams members and what inspires them. “Celebrate those who compete, celebrate those who collaborate. An ocean refuses no river.” ~@AJManik

  • Recognize when competition is creating a deadlock and help team members see why it’s happening. This is important when you have competitors and collaborators on the same team.

  • Overcome the myth that collaboration is everyone thinking the same thing. It isn’t. It’s diverse views without the mindset of who’s right/wrong and who’s going to win. Help team members learn to disagree with respect, to reach collaborative results.

  • Remember that initiative is different from competition. Initiative and a can-do attitude are always valuable. They keep the business moving toward success. Yet, competition sometimes kills much needed teamwork collaboration.

  • Address domineering non-collaborators even if they are great individual performers. If you justify their behavior with their results you undermine teamwork collaboration.








What progress truly requires is initiative, can-do attitudes, critical thinking, innovation, and great execution. You can find this in both natural competitors AND collaborators. Know who you are leading and inspire them to great heights!


Competitor or collaborator – Which do you think makes a better leader?

Which do you prefer as a leader?



From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

Book Keynotes:
GPS Your Brain to Work w/ Any Personality Type
Leaders, Be a Buoy of Inspiration & Balance


More Blog Posts on Related Topics:
Are You an Annoying Maverick or a Welcome Initiator?
Teamwork Collaboration: Do You Welcome People In or Push Them Out?

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Is Leadership a Contest? Tell us what you think in Sunday’s People Skills Chat.

WHEN/WHERE: Join us Sunday Aug. 3, 2014 on Twitter at 10AM EDT. Hashtag: #peopleskills


Time converter:
Please click the time converter link above to convert 10am EDT to your local time.



Is Leadership a Contest?

Is everything a competition? Is that what leadership is in its core? Some say yes and others say no.

Greg Richardson weighed in with his post Leadership is Not a Contest. It gave us much to ponder and inspired our upcoming people skills chat.


Is Leadership a Contest? Image is People skills logo

Is Leadership a Contest? Image by KimbManson for Kate Nasser. All rights reserved.


Image designed by: Kimb Manson Graphics Design for Kate Nasser. All rights reserved.

Is Leadership a Contest? If Not, What Is It?

Do we lead to conquer and win? Do we lead to collaborate and create win/win? It’s an interesting subject that impacts people and results.

Some questions to get us thinking in advance of Sunday’s #Peopleskills Twitter chat:

  • “Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in people.” ~David Sarnoff founder of RCA Agree/Disagree?
  • What attitudes in leaders make leadership a contest?
  • If you don’t see life as a contest, can you be successful as a leader? Pls. explain.
  • What are the advantages and disadvantages of seeing leadership as a competition/contest?
  • How do competition and motivation relate?
  • Do you see yourself as more competitive or collaborative? Why?
  • What do competition and collaboration have in common?
  • How can very collaborative people work for/with competitive types?
  • For competitive leaders to be successful, what attitudes must they hire in others?



These are just some questions to get us thinking. Actual questions will post live during the chat.



So bring your personal perspective, your experience, a beverage, and join the community on Sunday Aug. 3, 2014, 10am EDT in People Skills Chat on Twitter (hashtag: #peopleskills). Share your creative views and experience in our people skills chat on Is Leadership a Contest?


I also invite you to continue this chat by joining the Google+ People Skills Community, The Facebook Group People Skills That Really Matter and the LinkedIn Group People Skills Succeed to be a part of all the people skills discussions everyday 24×7. Get your people skills community member badge here.



Shout Out of Gratitude

My gratitude to all who participate and grow the people skills global community on Twitter (#peopleskills), Google+, LinkedIn, and Facebook. We welcome your suggestions for topics, offers to co-host, and most especially your diverse insights.

Special thanks to this week’s inspiration for this post Greg Richardson and the people skills community. Continued thanks to generous chat moderators Chantal Bechervaise, Dave Moore, Hoda Maalouf, Tracy Shroyer and Tom Rhodes for their time and contributions.






Hope you will all join our People Skills Chat on Twitter (#peopleskills) this Sunday Aug. 3, 2014, 10am EDT/7am PDT to share your insights and perspective on Is Leadership a Contest?

Everyone is welcome! We have only one rule in People Skills Global Chat: Respect for all even when we disagree.






TIP: If you have never been in a Twitter chat, you may find it helpful to log on to Tweetchat.com, or Twubs.com and enter hashtag #peopleskills. Sign in to your Twitter account. The venue will insert the hashtag on each of your tweets and you will see all the tweets on one screen. Other tools available are Tchat.io, Hootsuite and TweetDeck.

I am the founder and host of the chat and will be happy to answer any questions you have in advance: Email me.


Connect with you this Sun. Aug. 3rd, 2014, 10am EDT in our People Skills Global Twitter Chat “Is Leadership a Contest?”



From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Customers Frustrating You? Stay Professional in Unfair Moments!


Are Customers Frustrating You? Image is Speak No Evil Hand Over Mouth

Are Customers Frustrating You Onto the Ledge?

Image by Tim Samoff via Flickr Creative Commons License.


In my previous post, 5 Powerful Beliefs to Win Over Rude Angry Customers. I explained 5 ways to stay objective and caring with rude or angry customers.


One customer service representative left the following comment riddled with frustration and posed a heartfelt question. I felt what she was going through and promised I would write this post to respond.

Her Struggle

I’m having a very very difficult customer service day, and am trying to talk myself off the ledge. Specific to my current customer service issues, I am convinced that it doesn’t matter how nice you are, how much you let them vent, how much you empathize with them, how much you don’t interrupt, how much you try to help, there are just some people who you cannot make happy no matter what, and that’s what I’m dealing with right now. Frustration is a good way to describe this.

My question is: When is enough enough? When should respect be commanded? ~Wendy Y.





Are Customers Frustrating You?

Have you ever felt frustrated with customers just like Wendy? I think most of us would say yes.

  • When customers claim we didn’t tell them something when actually we did
  • When customers don’t communicate their expectations until they see the solution isn’t working
  • When customers change requirements at the last minute
  • When customers get impatient with us



Feeling frustrated is human. Wanting to finally show it is also human and very foolhardy.

  1. It won’t change the customer’s behavior.
  2. It won’t command or earn you respect. It will cost you.
  3. It won’t feel as good as you think because you will pay for this moment of revenge in future interactions or lost business.




Picture Customers Frustrating You

Picture yourself feeling frustrated with customers. What are they doing? What do you want them to do — change their behavior? Lashing out at them or giving them sarcastic slams won’t accomplish that.

If you are, as Wendy said, on the ledge and ready to lose it, write down all the reasons the customers might be acting that way. The list will be long and incomplete and there is only one way to work in this state — with a patient positive can-do attitude.

Focus on what needs to be done and do it. Simple! Deliver knowledge with care. It keeps you and the customers moving toward a solution not detouring to the land of emotional squabbles, vengeful dings, hurtful one-upsmanship.





Picture customers frustrating you and remember that customer service is not friendship. It’s not equality. It’s a professional pursuit of objective caring that allows us to be proud and happy when we show patience and restraint in frustrating unfair moments.



Customers frustrating you? Don’t make it a battle of who’s right or wrong. Use your emotional intelligence to show customers how professional, perceptive, and forbearing you are.




I look forward to helping you and your teams reach this level of happy professionalism!



From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

Related Posts:
Customer Service Superstars: 11 Things They Give That Make Them Great!
Simple Integrity: Best Single Step We Can Take
Potent Communication: 9 People Skills Tips That Make It Easy

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Making Great First Impressions is our people skills chat topic this Sunday.

WHEN/WHERE: Join us Sunday July 13, 2014 on Twitter at 10AM EDT. Hashtag: #peopleskills


Time converter:
Please click the time converter link above to convert 10am EDT to your local time.



Making Great First Impressions: What Does It Truly Take?

The old saying: “You never get a second chance to make a good first impression” has stood the test of time. Although it’s origin remains in question being attributed to such diverse people as Oscar Wilde, Mark Twain, and Will rogers, the message lives on. Let’s probe what making great first impressions really takes?

Joining me as co-host for this discussion in our global #Peopleskills Twitter chat will be Dave Moore, founder of the The Moore Consortium. Dave hails from UK and reaches around the globe with his human potential transformation workshops (#HPTTransformation) for business and sales success.


Making Great First Impressions: Image is People skills logo

Making Great First Impressions. Image by KimbManson for Kate Nasser. All rights reserved.


Image designed by: Kimb Manson Graphics Design for Kate Nasser. All rights reserved.

Making Great First Impressions At Work and In Life!

Dave Moore suggested this people skills chat topic of making great first impressions because image can build or break down barriers. Yet, this topic is often overlooked as people prepare for their careers or start their businesses.

As Dave puts it, “Being seen as someone who is confident, calm, friendly, and approachable is the key to building, rather than burning, bridges. It is about energy, how you say what you need to say, how you treat people, how you speak to people and how you behave.”

This is a great people skills chat topic with so much to probe and ponder. Some questions to get us thinking in advance of Sunday’s #Peopleskills Twitter chat:

  • How do you see yourself? What first impression do you make? Do others agree?
  • What memories do you create when meeting others for the first time?
  • How can we project confidence without arrogance?
  • Making great first impressions: Is it a partnership or individual responsibility?
  • How can we overcome assumptions and stereotypes in making great first impressions?
  • When/how do goals and beliefs impact making great first impressions?
  • How do we ensure that the lasting impression is worth lasting?
  • How do we show we are worthy of other people’s trust and build trust that will last?
  • How do we get a connection that will remain for a long time?



These are just some questions to get us thinking. Actual questions will post live during the chat.



So bring your personal perspective, your experience, a beverage, and join the community on Sunday July 13, 2014, 10am EDT in People Skills Chat on Twitter (hashtag: #peopleskills). Share your creative views and experience in our people skills chat about making great first impressions.


I also invite you to continue this chat by joining the Google+ People Skills Community, The Facebook Group People Skills That Really Matter and the LinkedIn Group People Skills Succeed to be a part of all the people skills discussions everyday 24×7. Get your people skills community member badge here.



Shout Out of Gratitude

My gratitude to all who participate and grow the people skills global community on Twitter (#peopleskills), Google+, LinkedIn, and Facebook. We welcome your suggestions for topics, offers to co-host, and most especially your diverse insights.

Special thanks to this week’s co-host Dave Moore and the people skills community. Continued thanks to generous chat moderators Chantal Bechervaise, Dave Moore, Hoda Maalouf, Tracy Shroyer and Tom Rhodes for their time and contributions.






Hope you will all join our People Skills Chat on Twitter (#peopleskills) this Sunday July 13, 2014, 10am EDT/7am PDT to share your insights, perspective, and experience on making great first impressions.

Everyone is welcome! We have only one rule in People Skills Global Chat: Respect for all even when we disagree.






TIP: If you have never been in a Twitter chat, you may find it helpful to log on to Tweetchat.com, or Twubs.com and enter hashtag #peopleskills. Sign in to your Twitter account. The venue will insert the hashtag on each of your tweets and you will see all the tweets on one screen. Other tools available are Tchat.io, Hootsuite and TweetDeck.

I am the founder and host of the chat and will be happy to answer any questions you have in advance: Email me.


Connect with you this Sun. July 13, 2014, 10am EDT in our People Skills Global Twitter Chat about making great first impressions.

Until then, as always, I wish you bonds of happiness and success!

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Rebuilding Trust: What Does It Reveal About You?


Rebuilding Trust: Image is statue of child hugging itself.

Rebuilding Trust: 3 Tough Teamwork Truths. Image by Chris Bartle via Flickr.

Image by Chris Bartle via Flickr Creative Commons License


Rebuilding Trust: A Very Revealing Story

    As I rode the train, I heard a young man talking to his friends. He told of how during his senior year in college he missed an important team event. Team participation was part of his grade and he risked failing. He spoke with the professor about doing something to ensure he didn’t fail.

    The professor told him he would have to do loads of office work that would position the team for ultimate success. The young man replied: That would feel too much like punishment. I would rather …



Rebuilding Trust: 3 Tough Leadership & Teamwork Truths

  1. After you’ve broken a trust, your initial response defines you. Rebuilding trust requires selflessness. A selfish response erodes the trust further and will haunt you for many years to come.

  2. Rebuilding trust requires more than just repairing what you broke. It needs a radical change in behavior that allows others to risk trusting you again.

  3. Sacrificing your own needs to rebuild the trust you broke is not punishment. It is the generosity you didn’t show initially. If you call it punishment, it announces to others that you are still thinking of yourself instead of them.






Asking for a second chance is a huge ask at the very moment you’ve disappointed or hurt others. Surrender your needs to those you’ve disappointed. Act with selfless humility to break down the fear of trusting you again.

Rebuilding trust is an act of emotional intelligence. You will come out of it a new person if you dig deep and give generously.


What is the one thing you want from someone who breaks your trust?



From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

Related Posts:
Leadership & Teamwork: What’s So Hot About Humility Anyway?
Never Confuse Humility With Humiliation
The Perfect Apology and the One Word That Destroys It
People Skills: 3 Precursors to Influence

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Customer Experience Superstars: Are You Ready to Be One?


For years I’ve had the honor of inspiring customer service and customer experience professionals to be superstars.

Super stardom starts with desire. The actions that create a marvelous customer experience come from the thirst to celebrate the customers.

Customer Experience Superstars: Image is gold stars.

The Celebratory Give & Take of Customer Experience Superstars!! Istock Image.





Superstars shine through customer success.


They engage in the celebratory give and take of customer care.


Their leaders inspire this desire daily and guide efforts to service excellence.




Image licensed from Istock.com

The desire launches through inspiration, takes shape in beliefs, sustains with commitment, develops through actions, and is honed with daily practice.



Are you and your teams ready to be customer experience superstars?





Customer Experience Superstars: Here’s What to Give & Take


    #1 Give your attention. To what customer trust truly means. To the customers themselves. To the customers’ human needs as well as the tactical requests. To the details of execution without turning the details into the destination. The destination is a great customer experience. The mission is the customer care to get there.


    #2 Give your listening. For what the customer perceives and is trying to achieve. Customer experience superstars celebrate the input to create output. The destination is a great customer experience. The mission is harmony with the customer to get there.


    #3 Give your empathy. It is the essential connection to customer trust. Empathy is feeling what the customer feels. It is not limited to comforting them in negative situations. It is the underpinning of great design. It crafts customer friendly policies. It puts you and the customer in community. It solves actual customer problems. The destination is a great customer experience. The mission is empathy with the customer to get there.


    #4 Give your heart. Customers judge commitment and establish trust through the heart. Heart is visible in the quality of products and services. It is authentic. It shows through the design and delivery. It elevates the spirit as it meets a tangible need. Heart transforms a great idea or invention into sublime success and profit for both. The destination is a great customer experience. The mission is giving your heart and authenticity to the customer to get there.


    #5 Give your objectivity. Objectivity unsticks people from tunnel vision. It creates new roads to success. It questions the obvious to uncover the obstacle and discover the answer. It preserves your professionalism in tough times and serves the customer well. The destination is a great customer experience. The mission is using your objectivity with heart to get there.


    #6 Give your balance. Balance creates a valuable human connection with the customer. Balance feels good. It draws customers back to you and the comfort. It impresses customers with your ability to see the big picture before they complain. It is not the extreme enforcement of a rigid policy. It is the design and use of procedures as guidelines that enable marvelous service. The destination is a great customer experience. The mission is keeping your balance to get there.


    #7 Give your ease. There is one thing that every customer wants and that is ease! Ease of interacting with you. Ease of using your website. Ease of getting information. Ease of making a decision. Ease of use. Ease of purchase. Ease of meeting their specific needs through you. The destination is a great customer experience. The mission is making it easy for the customers to get it.


    #8 Give your flexibility. Large organizations often struggle with this. They design a complex structure to preserve quality yet these become rigid processes that instill fear of flexibility. Customer experience superstars like Zappos, Nordstrom, Ritz-Carlton have conquered that fear. They plan and manage for success yet don’t let the plan kill the customer experience. The destination is a great customer experience. The mission is conquering the fear of flexibility to get there.


    #9 Give your knowledge and insight. In the mobile sea of Web based information, customers still value perspective, experience, and insight. Anyone can look up a list of restaurants for their vacation spots. Front desk superstars and concierges can filter that list and tailor it for the customers. The destination is a great customer experience. The mission is expert tailoring for a wonderful customer fit!


    #10 Give your solutions. Delivery with care is the mecca of a great customer experience and what customer experience superstars do so well. Solutions that hit the mark leave a lasting memory. It takes both vision and tremendous cross teamwork. It takes true customer focus to overcome the security of internal bureaucracy. The destination is a great customer experience. The mission is the teamwork, urgency, and follow-through to get there.


    #11 Give your professionalism. Professionalism is loving the feeling of caring for others. With customer experience superstars, it supersedes frustration, impatience, and envy. It puts a positive tone into every word. It holds the customer’s best interest in equal weight to the company’s goals. It defines the superstar’s work identity and sustains the long term customer relationship. The destination is a great customer experience. The mission is professionalism to get there.






Be Customer Experience Superstars!

Find and Take …

  • Pride in your service; it is not servitude.
  • Note of your growth; it is not an easy road.
  • Comfort in the comfort you provide.
  • Strength in your teams’ collective talents.
  • Every opportunity to wow the customer.



Customer experience superstars celebrate what they contribute to the customer’s success. They take extra care and pride in doing it.


Be customer experience superstars. Shine through the customers’ achievements. Be instruments to their success. Get set and be ready for mission possible!


Leaders, how are you inspiring and developing customer experience superstars?



From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

Related Posts:
Business Leadership: Who Are Your Customers’ Advocates?
Rapport is the Artery to the Heart of Trust for Super Customer Experience
Leaders, Are You All Attitude Ready?

©2012-2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Accountability Legacy: The People Skills Joys Behind the Heavy Load

When you hear the word, accountability, do you picture something negative or positive? Burdensome or uplifting? Many people see it as a heavy load. Yet there are many perks to being accountable.

In fact, developing your accountability legacy brings you opportunities and joys beyond anything you’ve imagined. 


Accountability Legacy: Image is network of connections.

Accountability Legacy: People Skills Secrets Revealed. Image licensed from Istock.com

Image licensed from Istock.com.

Accountability Legacy: People Skills Secrets Revealed

Did you ever think of accountability as part of people skills? It is and your accountability legacy brings these secret perks.

  1. Trust. Accountability is a trust magnet. That’s why trust tops our list of accountability’s perks. Accountability’s integrity draws people to you. Do not fear that people will dump their responsibilities on you. Accountability doesn’t make you a doormat. Accountability makes you worthy of trust.

  2. Real charisma. Accountability is the proof that charisma is not a scam or manipulation. It shows there’s no hidden agenda. It underscores that your charisma is real. You become known as the “real thing” — gold in business and in life.




  3. Respect. Your accountability respects others and earns you their respect in return.  Your actions honor your promises to them. What you do respects their needs and uplifts them. This brings you respect, gratitude, and loyalty.

  4. Reliability. Your accountability broadcasts reliability far and wide. Who doesn’t value that?  Who doesn’t want someone they can count on? Reliability makes you a desired friend and partner. It opens doors for you in business that your lack of experience would otherwise keep closed. It connects you with people you would not otherwise meet.  Reliability creates your image of being strong and caring. Don’t buy into the myth that reliability is boring. You can be reliable and spontaneous. They’re not opposites.




  5. Confidence. Accountability shows confidence and people love to be around it.  You don’t shrink from challenges or responsibility and you inspire others.  Your accountability legacy of gracious self-confidence is a powerful connective force.

  6. Safety. Interaction can be scary.  Your accountability replaces others’ anxiety with safety. You don’t dump on others; you take ownership of what you say and do.  They call you a “good egg” because you don’t blame them for your interaction missteps. You don’t attack; you account for your own behavior. Your accountability legacy of safety gives you a wonderful reputation. The possibilities from this are infinite.

  7. Simplicity.  Ah the joy of dealing with someone who makes life easy and simple.  Ownership instead of defensiveness.  Learning instead of hiding. Success instead of detours. Now think of the doors that will open for you with that accountability legacy!






Accountability makes you … easy to trust, sincere to believe, authentic to confide in, safe to approach, reliable to work with, and effortless to be around.

  • Add that to your resume.
  • Show that in an interview.
  • Market that to your customers.
  • Model that with your employees.
  • Mentor that with new leaders.
  • Share that with your family.
  • Teach that to children.
  • Reinforce that with teens.
  • Live that every day.






How has accountability truly helped you in your life and work?

Tell us your story, please.



From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

Related Posts:
Leadership: Breed Accountability Not Blame
Leaders, Convert Blame to Accountability Part II
5 Psychologically Uncomfortable Career Shaping Opportunities

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Responding to Negativity: Our People Skills Chat Topic for Sunday, May 18th

WHEN/WHERE: Join us Sunday May 18, 2014 on Twitter at 10AM EDT. Hashtag: #peopleskills


Time converter:
Please click the time converter link above to convert 10am EDT to your local time.



Responding to Negativity: How Do You Do It?

Responding to negativity can be difficult depending on the circumstances. In our personal lives we may feel free to speak one way. In our professional lives, we may feel more constrained. Then there is the question of the effect on our outlook and daily morale.

We take up this topic in our people skills global Twitter chat this Sunday. Many thanks to Dave Moore, HPT-Transformation for suggesting this topic.



Responding to Negativity. Image is People skills logo

Responding to Negativity. Image by KimbManson for Kate Nasser. All rights reserved.

Image designed by: Kimb Manson Graphics Design for Kate Nasser. All rights reserved.

Responding to Negativity: Is It Really That Tough?

I have watched some people struggle terribly with this topic. I have also witnessed others who handle it easily with barely a hiccup. It is a complex issue for some and a simple response for others. So let’s explore this topic of responding to negativity and see what we can learn from each other.

Some questions to get us thinking in advance:

  • How do you define negativity? Is it a mindset or a tangible happening?
  • Are pessimism and negativity synonyms or related in any way?
  • Can someone be too positive? Do some people wonder how to respond to too much positivity?
  • Would you rather be around a very positive person or more negative? Whom do you trust more?
  • When people have differences of opinion is this automatically negative?
  • What are some effective ways to avoid getting sucked in by someone else’s negativity?
  • Responding to negativity: What do you say when a negative person asks why you stopped hanging out with them?
  • Where is the cutoff point (if at all) where you respond to negativity with negativity?
  • What are some of the most effective ways to respond to persistent negativity?



These are just some questions to get us thinking. Actual questions will post live during the chat.

Ironically, responding to negativity is an essential element of positive people skills. So bring your personal perspective, your experience, a beverage, and join us Sunday May 18, 2014, 10am EDT in People Skills Chat on Twitter (hashtag: #peopleskills).


I also invite you to continue this chat by joining the Google+ People Skills Community, The Facebook Group People Skills That Really Matter and the LinkedIn Group People Skills Succeed to be a part of all the people skills discussions everyday 24×7. Get your people skills community member badge here.



Shout Out of Gratitude

My gratitude to all who participate and grow the people skills global community on Twitter (#peopleskills), Google+, LinkedIn, and Facebook. We welcome your suggestions for topics, offers to co-host, and most especially your diverse insights.

Special thanks to to the community and chat moderators Chantal Bechervaise, Dave Moore, Hoda Maalouf, Tom Rhodes, and Tracy Shroyer.






Hope you will all join our People Skills Chat on Twitter (#peopleskills) this Sunday May 18th, 2014, 10am EDT/7am PDT to share your insights, perspective, and experience on responding to negativity.

Everyone is welcome! We have only one rule in People Skills Global Chat: Respect for all even when we disagree.







TIP: If you have never been in a Twitter chat, you may find it helpful to log on to Tweetchat.com, or Twubs.com and enter hashtag #peopleskills. Sign in to your Twitter account. The venue will insert the hashtag on each of your tweets and you will see all the tweets on one screen. Other tools available are Tchat.io, Hootsuite and TweetDeck.

I am the founder and host of the chat and will be happy to answer any questions you have in advance: Email me.


Connect with you this Sun. May 18, 2014, 10am EDT in our People Skills Global Chat on Twitter as we discuss responding to negativity.


Until then, as always, I wish you bonds of happiness and success!



From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

People Skills Missteps: Not so friendly, friendly advice.


If someone said to you, “I want to offer you some friendly advice”, would your gut reaction to that statement be positive or negative? Friendly advice? What would you expect to hear? Compliments?



The phrase friendly advice is fraught with people skills missteps and peril.




It’s actually a rather aggressive statement disguised as help. It sets the other person up to hear your unsolicited view or appear resistant and closed off. You can end up looking presumptuous, patronizing, or even domineering.


People Skills Missteps: Image is small pumpkin leaning on large pumpkin

People Skills Missteps of Friendly Advice Image by Sea Turtle via Flickr Creative Commons License.

Image by Sea Turtle via Flickr Creative Commons License.

People Skills Missteps: Who is it you are protecting?

Before you make this unnecessary gaffe, think about why you are labelling it friendly advice. Why not just “advice?”

Is it because …

  • you are unsure if they want your advice?
  • you may be overstepping someone’s personal boundary?
  • you are about to say something negative?
  • you want to prevent a negative reaction to what you say?



You can avoid people skills missteps like this by first assessing your intent and view. Considering the advice you are about to give:

  1. How fully do you understand the other person, their goals, philosophy, and mindset?
  2. How often do you use the phrase friendly advice? Frequently? What do you think it says about you?
  3. Are you projecting your values on others and robbing them of their self-expression?
  4. Are you trying to create a clone of yourself?


Avoiding People Skills Missteps: Stay Objective!
Know yourself! Self-awareness and respect for others are powerfully positive tools in preventing people skills missteps.

If you are …

    Highly structured, your friendly advice may skew people that way.
    Free spirited, you may tell people to loosen up.
    Very driven, you may find yourself nudging people to drive harder.



Staying Objective: Before you give advice, practice what you are going to say. Remove the phrase “friendly advice” and say to yourself what you would to say to others. Without the psychological cushion of the phrase “friendly advice”, how does the advice sound to you? Will you appear helpful or presumptuous? Open-minded or domineering?

After that if you are sure you still want to offer your view, omit the phrase friendly advice. Try “here’s my view …” or “here’s how I see it.” It shows ownership of your perspective and respects others’ views.



It’s human to want others to be just like us. Yet this fundamental urge does far more harm than good. Even if someone has asked for advice before, assuming they always want advice is definitely one of the big people skills missteps.


Think of if this way, if we know someone very well and have been their friend for a long time, we don’t need to use the phrase friendly advice. And if we aren’t that close, giving unsolicited advice can tarnish our unique views and talents with presumption.


Question:

How can we warn someone of potential trouble without presuming or patronizing?



From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

More People Skills Posts:
Avoid 8 Common Causes of People Skills Mistakes
Pleasures That Calm When Dealing With Toxic People

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

People Skills Lessons Learned: Experience From People Skills Community Members!


People Skills Lessons Learned: Image is fireworks.

People Skills Lessons Learned: Community Festival. Image by Marcio Cabral de Moura

Image by Marcio Cabral de Moura via Flickr Creative Commons License.


There are three ways to learn great people skills.

  • Interact with people and get their reactions and feedback. These become your people skills lessons learned.
  • Learn from experts who combine their own people skills lessons learned with lots of research and assessment of human interaction.
  • Ask others about their people skills lessons learned and hear their insights.

As The People Skills Coach™, I do all three! And I am honored to have in the people skills online community many who also believe in continuous learning. We share our experiences every Sunday in #Peopleskills Twitter chat. We also discuss people skills in our Google+ community, our LinkedIn Group, and our newest venue on Facebook. Join us!

There’s more. Some community members have now blogged their people skills lessons learned in this first ever people skills community festival. So you can also engage here in the comments section and on their individual blogs.

People Skills Lessons Learned: Read, Ponder, Share, Discuss

From personal perspectives to business insights, these blog posts show the generosity and insight of these people skills community members. I am grateful for their people skills lessons learned and their contributions. A special thank you to Karin Hurt. Her Lets Grow Leaders festivals were the inspiration for this festival.



What happens when you work in a place that is toxic or dysfunctional? How can you sustain yourself day by day? This is how I learned to sustain myself. ~Chantal Bechervaise

    How I Found the Strength to Sustain Myself From: @CBechervaise



Squeaky wheels do not always get greased … well, maybe they do, but not like you think. A little questioning of a real well-known phrase. ~John E. Smith

    Squeak At Your Own Risk From: @Stratlearner



This post emphasizes the importance of patience in a relationship and life in general. I won’t say more, be patient, read my post & enjoy it! ~Hoda Maalouf

    You Can’t Hurry Love—No, You’ll Just Have to Wait From: @MaaHoda



Attitude is the difference that makes the difference. ~Dave Moore

    Attitude is the Difference From: @Mooreconsortium



When faced with a tough decision, it’s hard to know if you’re running away from something or toward something else. A powerful story of choices and reasons. ~Karin Hurt

    When Running Away is Running Towards From: @LetsGrowLeaders



As a child I heard a lot of old sayings but really didn’t understand most of them. As I grew old I began to understand and find wisdom in them. ~Gloria Wilson

    Keys to Change > Sportsmanship – From the Ball Field to the Board Room. From: @GrandmaOnDeck



As leaders, we need to support the “kore” virtues for humanity by expressing and embracing them openly, living and teaching them. ~Cheri Essner

    Weaving Your Values Into Your Leadership From: @CheriEssner



Be positive . . . A positive attitude can improve your health, enhance your relationships, increase your chances of success, and add years to your life. ~Frank Sonnenberg

    The Power of a Positive Attitude From: @FSonnenberg



Do you want to be successful in doing business globally with others? Do you want to build lasting relationships? Then understand why learning Chinese business etiquette will be important, but not enough. ~Aad Boot

    Cross-Cultural Leadership: Why Learning Chinese Business Etiquette is Not Enough From: @LeadershipWatch



Marketing professionals learn about the needs of their target audiences by asking questions about them. Managers can do the same to understand what matters to their critically important audience: their employees! ~Al Gonzalez

    Hearts and Minds: The Key to Employee Engagement From: @AlGonzalezInfo



Leaders understand that people matter and earn great results by caring and bringing out the best in their people. ~Tom Rhodes

    Lead Through Caring From: @TomJ_Rhodes



Our attitudes and beliefs impact our people skills. What beliefs feed yours? Here’s an eight point checklist that helps me personally and professionally.

    8 Common Causes of People Skills Mistakes ~@KateNasser






What people skills lessons learned will you offer in the comments section below? Engage with us!


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

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Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

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