communication

People Skills Missteps: Not so friendly, friendly advice.


If someone said to you, “I want to offer you some friendly advice”, would your gut reaction to that statement be positive or negative? Friendly advice? What would you expect to hear? Compliments?



The phrase friendly advice is fraught with people skills missteps and peril.




It’s actually a rather aggressive statement disguised as help. It sets the other person up to hear your unsolicited view or appear resistant and closed off. You can end up looking presumptuous, patronizing, or even domineering.


People Skills Missteps: Image is small pumpkin leaning on large pumpkin

People Skills Missteps of Friendly Advice Image by Sea Turtle via Flickr Creative Commons License.

Image by Sea Turtle via Flickr Creative Commons License.

People Skills Missteps: Who is it you are protecting?

Before you make this unnecessary gaffe, think about why you are labelling it friendly advice. Why not just “advice?”

Is it because …

  • you are unsure if they want your advice?
  • you may be overstepping someone’s personal boundary?
  • you are about to say something negative?
  • you want to prevent a negative reaction to what you say?



You can avoid people skills missteps like this by first assessing your intent and view. Considering the advice you are about to give:

  1. How fully do you understand the other person, their goals, philosophy, and mindset?
  2. How often do you use the phrase friendly advice? Frequently? What do you think it says about you?
  3. Are you projecting your values on others and robbing them of their self-expression?
  4. Are you trying to create a clone of yourself?


Avoiding People Skills Missteps: Stay Objective!
Know yourself! Self-awareness and respect for others are powerfully positive tools in preventing people skills missteps.

If you are …

    Highly structured, your friendly advice may skew people that way.
    Free spirited, you may tell people to loosen up.
    Very driven, you may find yourself nudging people to drive harder.



Staying Objective: Before you give advice, practice what you are going to say. Remove the phrase “friendly advice” and say to yourself what you would to say to others. Without the psychological cushion of the phrase “friendly advice”, how does the advice sound to you? Will you appear helpful or presumptuous? Open-minded or domineering?

After that if you are sure you still want to offer your view, omit the phrase friendly advice. Try “here’s my view …” or “here’s how I see it.” It shows ownership of your perspective and respects others’ views.



It’s human to want others to be just like us. Yet this fundamental urge does far more harm than good. Even if someone has asked for advice before, assuming they always want advice is definitely one of the big people skills missteps.


Think of if this way, if we know someone very well and have been their friend for a long time, we don’t need to use the phrase friendly advice. And if we aren’t that close, giving unsolicited advice can tarnish our unique views and talents with presumption.


Question:

How can we warn someone of potential trouble without presuming or patronizing?



From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

More People Skills Posts:
Avoid 8 Common Causes of People Skills Mistakes
Pleasures That Calm When Dealing With Toxic People

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Celebrate Diversity in People Skills Twitter Chat!

WHEN: Join us Sunday April 13, 2014 on Twitter at 10AM EDT. Hashtag: #peopleskills


Time converter:
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Celebrate Diversity – The Inside Story!

When we here the phrase celebrate diversity, our thoughts often go to workplace programs and equal employment initiatives — worthy and valuable. Let’s expand and deepen that mindset to the diversity of how we live.

Join us Sunday April 13, 2014, 10am EDT in #peopleskills Twitter chat to discover how we can celebrate diversity and embrace its true reach. April is celebrate diversity month which gives us extra momentum going into this exciting topic.



Celebrate Diversity: People skills logo

Celebrate Diversity in People Skills Twitter Chat. Image by KimbManson for Kate Nasser. All rights reserved.

Image designed by: Kimb Manson Graphics Design for Kate Nasser. All rights reserved.


People Skills Twitter Chat: Celebrate Diversity & Its Reach!

Diversity is not something artificially created by humans. Diversity is the universe. Animals and plants are magnificently diverse. The human mind is rich in diversity. Yet humanity often struggles in diversity.

Join us in global people skills Twitter chat (#Peopleskills) this Sunday April 13th at 10am EDT to explore and discover how we can celebrate diversity and revel in its possibilities. Some questions to get us thinking in advance:

  • What is the broadest definition of diversity we can construct?
  • How does diversity make you feel?
  • Some people see life as a competition. How does this impact celebrating diversity?
  • What if anything excites you about diversity?
  • Where has diversity had a positive impact on your life and in this world?
  • What emotions impact how people live in diversity?
  • If caution and mistrust protect us from strangers, how can we trust in diversity and still survive?
  • Does diversity cause more cases of struggle or instances of harmony?
  • What role does diversity play in your identity?
  • To celebrate diversity, we must __________________________?
  • How and when do people skills help us to celebrate diversity?



These are just some questions to get us thinking before we begin. Actual questions will post live during the chat.

So bring your personal perspective, favorite quotes and stories, a morning beverage, and join us this Sunday April 13, 2014, 10am EDT in People Skills Global Twitter Chat (hashtag: #peopleskills). Let’s discover how we can revel in and celebrate diversity.


I also invite you to continue this chat by joining the Google+ People Skills Community, The Facebook Group People Skills That Really Matter and the LinkedIn Group People Skills Succeed to be a part of all the people skills discussions everyday 24×7. Get your people skills community member badge here.



Shout Out of Gratitude

My gratitude to all who participate and grow the people skills global chat community on Twitter (#peopleskills), Google+, LinkedIn, and Facebook. We welcome your suggestions for topics, offers to co-host, and most especially your diverse insights. Special thanks to the community and chat moderators Chantal Bechervaise, Dave Moore, Hoda Maalouf, Tom Rhodes, and Tracy Shroyer.






Hope you will all join People Skills Global Twitter Chat (#peopleskills) this Sunday April 13, 2014, 10am EDT/7am PDT to Explore, Revel, and Celebrate Diversity!

Everyone is welcome! We have only one rule in People Skills Global Chat: Respect for all even when we disagree.







TIP: If you have never been in a Twitter chat, you may find it helpful to log on to Tweetchat.com, or Twubs.com and enter hashtag #peopleskills. Sign in to your Twitter account. The venue will insert the hashtag on each of your tweets and you will see all the tweets on one screen. Other tools available are Tchat.io, Hootsuite and TweetDeck.

I am the founder and host of the chat and will be happy to answer any questions you have in advance: Email me.


Connect with you this Sun. April 13, 2014, 10am EDT as we Celebrate Diversity in People Skills Twitter Chat.


Until then, as always, I wish you bonds of happiness and success!

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Engaging Employees to Succeed at What? Integrity?


As I work with leaders on engaging employees, I’m always interested in how others are defining it and doing it. Today I read David Zinger’s definition: Employee Engagement: Good work, done well, with others, every day.

At the same time I’m reading about Toyota’s and GM’s car safety issues and wonder if the employees thought they were engaged in good work done well. Most likely the answer is yes. Hence the confusion with employee engagement.

When leaders approach me about engaging employees, I ask them, engage employees to do what? Get the job done? Follow the leaders? Engage each other for company-wide success? Each answer leads to different results.


Engaging Employees: Image is the word Ethics held up by hands.

Engaging Employees to Succeed at Integrity? Image licensed from Istock.com.

Image licensed from Istock.com

Engaging Employees: Culture of Accountability & Integrity

As the new CEO of GM fields questions about why the corporation didn’t fix known safety issues, she has focused on the problem of silos that stopped communication. However …

Silos don’t stop communication.


Silos create communication challenges that a culture of accountability and integrity solves.


Supposedly at GM, departments that were aware of the trouble with ignition switches didn’t tell the engineering teams. Why not? Why wouldn’t they feel absolutely compelled to inform others who could solve the problem? Silos don’t explain this. Their cultural definition of employee engagement does.

Clearly, GM’s definition of engaging employees was limited to meeting department goals. The engagement culture was not one of company-wide accountability to protect customers and GM’s good name. What was missing?

The simple question that wasn’t on everyone’s mind …

Engaging Employees: Image is words Wrong & Right

Engaging Employees: Accountability & Integrity Image licensed from Istock.com

Image licensed from Istock.com

Even established core values like the following don’t compel people to engage each other throughout a company.

Engaging Employees: Image is list of core values

Engaging Employees: Core values alone don’t do it. Image fr Istock.com

Image licensed from Istock.com


Employees likely think of core values as applying to their own work not necessarily as calling them to engage each other for company success. Most core values lack this call to action.


Leaders, you can fill this gap by asking the following two questions consistently with your teams:

  1. Who does this issue impact?
  2. Who all needs to know?






If you want employees to do good work, done well, with others, every day, as David Zinger proposes, then live, model, and illustrate the phrase “with others”.

You will effectively develop a culture accountability and integrity that engages employees to engage each other. It will remove the communication challenges that silos create.

What successes have you had engaging employees to break through silos?


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

Related Posts
Leaders, Engage Employees Through Connection Not Status
Employee Engagement: Breed Accountability Not Blame

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Emotional Intelligence Impulse Control – Sunday’s People Skills Twitter Chat Topic

WHEN: Join us Sunday April 6, 2014 on Twitter at 10AM EDT. Hashtag: #peopleskills


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Background on Emotional Intelligence Impulse Control

Balance is very important in developing relationships both at work and in everyday life. When we act purely on our own impulses, others may see us self-absorbed, insensitive, and in extreme cases, socially misfit. Yet the key question is, where is the balance point? How can we each control our impulses to respect others and still be authentically ourselves?

Join us Sunday April 6, 2014, 10am EDT in #peopleskills Twitter chat to explore emotional intelligence and impulse control. My co-hosts will be Ed Hennessy (@Leadershipcall) and Chris Hennessy (@EIInspired).



Emotional Intelligence Impulse Control Twitter Chat: People skills logo

Emotional Intelligence Impulse Control Twitter Chat. Image by KimbManson for Kate Nasser. All rights reserved.

Image designed by: Kimb Manson Graphics Design for Kate Nasser. All rights reserved.


People Skills Twitter Chat: Emotional Intelligence Impulse Control

Work interactions — especially collaboration and teamwork — require both self-restraint and giving. When team members act purely on impulse, their actions impact others. When they mostly overlook others’ needs to play out their view, the results can be disastrous.

Join us in global people skills Twitter chat (#Peopleskills) this Sunday April 6th at 10am EDT to explore the delicate balance of emotional intelligence impulse control. Some questions to get us thinking in advance:

  • How do you define impulsive behavior?
  • What emotions trigger impulsive behaviors?
  • How do you typically deal with an impulse to act?
  • In what situations is reacting impulsively a positive?
  • How does someone’s low impulse control impact you?
  • How might your impulsive behavior impact others & relationships?
  • What are some ways we can improve our impulse control?



These are just some questions to get us thinking before we begin. Actual questions will post live during the chat.

So bring your personal perspective, your favorite beverage, and join me and the people skills global chat community this Sunday April 6, 2014, 10am EDT on Twitter (hashtag: #peopleskills) to explore People Skills: Emotional Intelligence Impulse Control.


I also invite you to continue this chat by joining the Google+ People Skills Community, The Facebook Group People Skills That Really Matter and the LinkedIn Group People Skills Succeed to be a part of all the people skills discussions everyday 24×7. Get your people skills community member badge here.



Shout Out of Gratitude

My gratitude to all who participate and grow the people skills global chat community on Twitter (#peopleskills), Google+, LinkedIn, and Facebook. We welcome your suggestions for topics, offers to co-host, and most especially your diverse insights. Special thanks to the community and chat moderators Chantal Bechervaise, Dave Moore, Hoda Maalouf, Tom Rhodes, and Tracy Shroyer. and this week’s co-hosts Ed & Chris Hennessy.






Hope you will all join People Skills Global Twitter Chat (#peopleskills) this Sunday April 6, 2014, 10am EDT/7am PDT to explore People Skills: Emotional Intelligence Impulse Control.

Everyone is welcome! We have only one rule in People Skills Global Chat: Respect for all even when we disagree.







TIP: If you have never been in a Twitter chat, you may find it helpful to log on to Tweetchat.com, or Twubs.com and enter hashtag #peopleskills. Sign in to your Twitter account. The venue will insert the hashtag on each of your tweets and you will see all the tweets on one screen. Other tools available are Tchat.io, Hootsuite and TweetDeck.

I am the founder and host of the chat and will be happy to answer any questions you have in advance: Email me.


Chat with you this Sun. April 6, 2014, 10am EDT in people skills global Twitter chat to explore People Skills: Emotional Intelligence Impulse Control


Until then, as always, I wish you bonds of happiness and success!

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Workplace Bullying: A Special Twitter & Google+ #Peopleskills Chat Event

WHEN: Join us Thurs. April 3, 2014 on Twitter at 7pm EDT. Hashtag: #peopleskills


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Background on This Special #Peopleskills Global Community Event

Workplace bullying is often a hidden problem with serious effects on employees, on the business, and on overall success. Some claim it is hard to define beyond any overt abuse or harassment. Others say that employees will claim it’s workplace bullying when in fact it’s just leaders calling everyone to full accountability.

Join us Thurs. April 3, 2014, 7pm EDT/Midnight GMT for this special global chat event to explore these tough questions together! We will use both Twitter (Hashtag: #peopleskills) and Google+ hangout so please join whichever stream you prefer.

Helping me moderate this live event will be Chantal Bechervaise on Twitter, Human Resources specialist with endless passion for learning and Dave Moore on Google+, inspirational leadership coach on human potential transformation.



Workplace Bullying: Image is Event Banner to Stop Bullying

Workplace Bullying People Skills Special Chat Event. Hashtag: #Peopleskills

Image designed by: Dave Moore, for people skills online community event.


Workplace Bullying: Special #Peopleskills Live Chat Event

Leaders today have far better ways to inspire, engage, and lead all to success. Yet the statistics show that workplace bullying is still very much alive. Let’s explore why and make a leadership difference!

Join us in this special global people skills chat event Thurs. April 3, 2014 at 7pmEDT that we call the People Skills Energy Bar. Let’s boost our commitment to get over the harmful hurdle of workplace bullying. This event is free to all who want to participate.

Some questions to get us thinking in advance:

  • What exactly is workplace bullying?
  • When does aggressive supervision/management become bullying?
  • Do some work cultures contribute to workplace bullying? How?
  • What forms of passive aggressive workplace bullying go on and what is their effect?
  • Where in the organization does workplace bullying take root?
  • What can happen to victims of workplace bullying if they report the bullying?
  • How can leaders create a culture of high performance accountability without bullying?



These are just some questions to get us thinking before we begin. Actual questions will post live during the global chat event. Special thanks to workplace violence prevention expert Felix Nater for contributing much insight and thought provoking questions.

So bring your personal perspective, your favorite beverage, and join me and the people skills global chat community this Thurs. April 3, 2014 7pm EDT on Twitter (hashtag: #peopleskills) and Google+ to explore Workplace Bullying – Get Over This Hurdle!


I also invite you to continue this chat by joining the Google+ People Skills Community, The Facebook Group People Skills That Really Matter and the LinkedIn Group People Skills Succeed to be a part of all the people skills discussions everyday 24×7. Get your people skills community member badge here.



Shout Out of Gratitude

My gratitude to all who participate and grow the people skills global chat community on Twitter (#peopleskills), Google+, LinkedIn, and Facebook. We welcome your suggestions for topics, offers to co-host, and most especially your diverse insights. Special thanks to the community and chat moderators Chantal Bechervaise, Dave Moore, Hoda Maalouf, Tom Rhodes, and Tracy Shroyer.






Hope you will all join People Skills Global Chat Event (#peopleskills) this Thurs. April 3, 2014, 7pm EDT/Midnight GMT to explore Workplace Bullying.

Everyone is welcome! We have only one rule in People Skills Global Chat: Respect for all even when we disagree.







TIP: If you have never been in a Twitter chat, you may find it helpful to log on to Tweetchat.com, or Twubs.com and enter hashtag #peopleskills. Sign in to your Twitter account. The venue will insert the hashtag on each of your tweets and you will see all the tweets on one screen. Other tools available are Tchat.io, Hootsuite and TweetDeck.

I am the founder and host of the chat and will be happy to answer any questions you have in advance: Email me.


Chat with you this Thurs. April 3rd at 7pm EDT/Midnight GMT in people skills global chat to explore: Workplace Bullying: Get Over This Needless Hurdle.


Until then, as always, I wish you bonds of happiness and success!


 

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Manipulative People Skills: Presumption Demeans Everyone

Manipulative People Skills: Image is Twisted Balloon in Shape of Poodle

Manipulative People Skills: Presumption Demeans Everyone. Image licensed from Istock.com.

Image licensed from Istock.com.

 

The blogs are abuzz with author Robert Cialdini’s recommendation to replace the generous phrase “you are welcome” with “I know you’d do the same for me.”

Be careful. This statement is very manipulative. Unless you have a very close relationship with someone, it is presumption at its worst. Even with someone you know well, it can blow up in your face.  When someone says thank you, you are welcome is still far and away the better response.

 



Manipulative People Skills: Avoid Declarations Like “I Know You Would”.

Mr. Cialdini claims that you don’t want to miss the potential power you have with someone after they say thank you. Power? Is that your goal? Even if you claim you want influence not power, the presumption of manipulative people skills will damage the very relationship you hope to count on.


“I know you would …”

  • is a command not a request. Hardly polite and very presumptuous. Ask don’t presume. “May I count on you to do the same for me?” It honors the other person’s choice. If you are not comfortable asking for something in return, then definitely don’t presume and demand it!

  • is too late. If you expect something in return for your help, let that be known in advance. Surprising someone with a quid pro quo after they are thanking you for your help is sneaky and disrespectful. Manipulative people skills disrespect others because they hide the truth until the manipulator wants something. Don’t be a manipulator. When someone says thank you, honor them with the simple generous reply of you are welcome or I’m happy to help etc…

  • is arrogant. You can have influence with people through emotional intelligence, empathy, generosity, and honest communication. “I know you would” and its cousin “I’m sure you agree …” are none of those. They say to others, “My assumptions and beliefs are enough. You don’t need to express your opinion or preference. My values should be yours.” How presumptuous! It shapes the relationship heavily one-way — with your rules and expectations. Develop a two-way relationship with mutual input and respect.






Develop strong healthy relationships where influence develops from the respect you earn. Listening, understanding, empathy, and generosity of heart will take you further than assumptions, presumption, and manipulative people skills!


What do you think is the long term impact of manipulative people skills?


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

Related Posts:
People Skills Integrity & Authenticity
12 Most Beneficial People Skills Behaviors to Influence Others
Avoid 8 Common Causes of People Skills Mistakes

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

People Skills Leadership Chat – Have We Gone Past the Tough Guy Image?

WHEN: Join us Sunday March 30, 2014 on Twitter at 10AM EDT. Hashtag: #peopleskills


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Background on This People Skills Leadership Chat

Business leaders, is our definition of great leadership still tied to the tough guy image? Many say that leadership has evolved over the decades as the economy expanded from assembly lines to the information and technology age. Yet I see vestiges of the gotta be tough with others mentality in many leaders. It makes me ask the question, is it still a (hidden) part of the definition of great leadership? Have leaders absorbed this and made it part of their identity?

Join us Sunday March 30, 2014, 10am EDT in #peopleskills Twitter chat to explore leadership people skills – the tough guy image. My co-host will be Chantal Bechervaise, Human Resources specialist with endless passion for learning. Chantal is also a moderator of the Google+ people skills community.



People Skills Leadership Chat: People skills logo

People Skills Leadership Chat March 30. Image by KimbManson for Kate Nasser. All rights reserved.

Image designed by: Kimb Manson Graphics Design for Kate Nasser. All rights reserved.


People Skills Leadership Chat: Losing Tough Guy Image

As businesses embrace a new generation of workers, as they require more employee engagement to truly succeed, exploring people skills leadership issues is critical.

Join us in global people skills Twitter chat (#Peopleskills) this Sunday March 30th at 10am EDT to explore it. Some questions to get us thinking in advance:

  • What is your definition of great leadership?
  • How does toughness play into the definition? Internal strength or external roughness?
  • Where if at all do you see vestiges of the tough guy leadership image?
  • How has the tough guy image impacted women and mentoring women leaders?
  • Do you want leaders to show humility, humanity or ___________?
  • Can a humble leader be a great leader? Why do many people say no?
  • Emotions: What role do they play in great leadership?
  • Would you be comfortable with a leader who shows emotion during a crisis?
  • What’s the difference between a strong leader and a tough leader?



These are just some questions to get us thinking before we begin. Actual questions will post live during the chat.

So bring your personal perspective, your favorite beverage, and join me and the people skills global chat community this Sunday March 30, 2014, 10am EDT on Twitter (hashtag: #peopleskills) to explore People Skills Leadership – Losing the Tough Guy Image!


I also invite you to continue this chat by joining the Google+ People Skills Community, The Facebook Group People Skills That Really Matter and the LinkedIn Group People Skills Succeed to be a part of all the people skills discussions everyday 24×7. Get your people skills community member badge here.



Shout Out of Gratitude

My gratitude to all who participate and grow the people skills global chat community on Twitter (#peopleskills), Google+, LinkedIn, and Facebook. We welcome your suggestions for topics, offers to co-host, and most especially your diverse insights. Special thanks to the community and chat moderators Chantal Bechervaise, Dave Moore, Hoda Maalouf, Tom Rhodes, and Tracy Shroyer.






Hope you will all join People Skills Global Twitter Chat (#peopleskills) this Sunday March 30, 2014, 10am EDT/7am PDT/2pm GMT to explore the People Skills Leadership – Losing the Tough Guy Image.

Everyone is welcome! We have only one rule in People Skills Global Chat: Respect for all even when we disagree.







TIP: If you have never been in a Twitter chat, you may find it helpful to log on to Tweetchat.com, or Twubs.com and enter hashtag #peopleskills. Sign in to your Twitter account. The venue will insert the hashtag on each of your tweets and you will see all the tweets on one screen. Other tools available are Tchat.io, Hootsuite and TweetDeck.

I am the founder and host of the chat and will be happy to answer any questions you have in advance: Email me.


Chat with you this Sun. March 30, 2014, 10am EDT in people skills global Twitter chat to explore: People Skills Leadership – Losing the Tough Guy Image.


Until then, as always, I wish you bonds of happiness and success!

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Leadership Mirage: Do You See Patience, Inaction, or No Accountability?


Being ultimately responsible for a successful outcome, leaders often focus on everyone’s actions to achieve it. Yet team members work at different paces with different behaviors.

This presents the leadership mirage challenge! What are you seeing and is it a threat to success? Are team members being patient and persistent, or inactive and unaccountable?



Leadership Mirage: Image is Runners in setting sun.

Leadership Mirage: Patience Is Not Inaction. Image from Istock.com.

Image licensed from Istock.com

Leadership Mirage: Clarifying to Lead Well

The picture of patience and persistence is quite different from inactive and unaccountable. Your perspective, professional goals, concerns, and courage — as a leader — impact what you see and how you interpret it. Let’s clarify the picture to lead well.

Patience

Being realistic about time needed given current conditions, resources, knowledge, and talents.

  • For example, when new hires start work, it takes time for them to learn the business. Patience is seeing this reality. Prevent the leadership mirage. Either accept this reality or do something to change the current reality. Give them training, mentors, and assistance to speed the process. As leaders, you thus prevent patience from blurring into inaction.

  • When teams are resisting change, does your patience blur into inaction? I witnessed a very analytic team member blind a leader and temporarily stop a change initiative through endless analytic questions. The team member created a leadership mirage. He painted the image that all these issues had to be resolved before taking action on the change. The leader told me he was trying to be patient with the teams because change is difficult. Yet he was very concerned about not moving ahead.

    As the consultant on the project, I said to the team member, “I think you pose all these questions as absolutes to stop the change.” He replied, “Yes.” The mirage disappeared. The leader could see the ulterior motive and the distortion. He could then change the current reality from distorted to active discussion.



Clarify the picture to prevent patience from turning into inaction!


Inaction

Doing nothing to change conditions, move forward, and reach success in the necessary time frame.

  • For example, a leader asked a manager to arrange everything for a distributed online meeting. She asked him to initiate the tele-conference 15 minutes before start time. The slow paced manager did a half-baked job organizing it and launched the tele-conference one minute after the start time. His response to the leader’s displeasure was, “I’m a patient person.” He was creating a leadership mirage.

    It didn’t blind this leader. After speaking with the manager and seeing there had been no obstacles to starting on time, she said to him, “You actions were not about patience. You were simply slow to act and your delay impacted the global team.”


  • Patience is not withholding information when others need it to be successful. Patience is not remaining completely silent when others need your input. Patience is not making others wait because you prefer to work at a slower pace. These are all examples of inaction that can delay success. Leaders, clarify these differences with teams. It helps all to avoid being blinded by these mirages. They can then be accountable for success.



Remove every leadership mirage so that all can be accountable for success!



Patience is being flexible on how you all reach success. It is tolerant of differences that still keep progress moving. It includes and empowers all to be accountable.

Inaction is delay from personal preference. It is denial of issues instead of discussing to clarify. Inaction hides from difficult moments rather than courageously facing them. It runs from accountability.


Leadership mirages blind leaders when …

  1. … they confuse being likeable with constantly wanting to be liked. Team members play on these leaders’ for more patience. It turns into inaction. Solutions: See the truth to rally everyone to accountability.

  2. … they are hard drivers addicted to feverish levels of activity and see anything less than feverish as inaction. Solution: Clarify what progress is being made to moderate your obsession about activity.

  3. … they are not committed to the vision, purpose, or change initiative. Ambivalence gives mirages more power over perspective. Solution: Be aware of when you are not committed. Self-awareness clarifies the view. When you see the reality, the mirage disappears.








To remove the leadership mirage, be self-aware, clarify the view, and communicate.



Then turn inaction into success by changing something that empowers success.



What successes have you had through clear vision and self-awareness?







From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

Related Posts:
Leaders, Breed Accountability Not Blame
Leaders, How Long Do You Coach a Bad Attitude?

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

People Skills Lessons Learned: Experience From People Skills Community Members!


People Skills Lessons Learned: Image is fireworks.

People Skills Lessons Learned: Community Festival. Image by Marcio Cabral de Moura

Image by Marcio Cabral de Moura via Flickr Creative Commons License.


There are three ways to learn great people skills.

  • Interact with people and get their reactions and feedback. These become your people skills lessons learned.
  • Learn from experts who combine their own people skills lessons learned with lots of research and assessment of human interaction.
  • Ask others about their people skills lessons learned and hear their insights.

As The People Skills Coach™, I do all three! And I am honored to have in the people skills online community many who also believe in continuous learning. We share our experiences every Sunday in #Peopleskills Twitter chat. We also discuss people skills in our Google+ community, our LinkedIn Group, and our newest venue on Facebook. Join us!

There’s more. Some community members have now blogged their people skills lessons learned in this first ever people skills community festival. So you can also engage here in the comments section and on their individual blogs.

People Skills Lessons Learned: Read, Ponder, Share, Discuss

From personal perspectives to business insights, these blog posts show the generosity and insight of these people skills community members. I am grateful for their people skills lessons learned and their contributions. A special thank you to Karin Hurt. Her Lets Grow Leaders festivals were the inspiration for this festival.



What happens when you work in a place that is toxic or dysfunctional? How can you sustain yourself day by day? This is how I learned to sustain myself. ~Chantal Bechervaise

    How I Found the Strength to Sustain Myself From: @CBechervaise



Squeaky wheels do not always get greased … well, maybe they do, but not like you think. A little questioning of a real well-known phrase. ~John E. Smith

    Squeak At Your Own Risk From: @Stratlearner



This post emphasizes the importance of patience in a relationship and life in general. I won’t say more, be patient, read my post & enjoy it! ~Hoda Maalouf

    You Can’t Hurry Love—No, You’ll Just Have to Wait From: @MaaHoda



Attitude is the difference that makes the difference. ~Dave Moore

    Attitude is the Difference From: @Mooreconsortium



When faced with a tough decision, it’s hard to know if you’re running away from something or toward something else. A powerful story of choices and reasons. ~Karin Hurt

    When Running Away is Running Towards From: @LetsGrowLeaders



As a child I heard a lot of old sayings but really didn’t understand most of them. As I grew old I began to understand and find wisdom in them. ~Gloria Wilson

    Keys to Change > Sportsmanship – From the Ball Field to the Board Room. From: @GrandmaOnDeck



As leaders, we need to support the “kore” virtues for humanity by expressing and embracing them openly, living and teaching them. ~Cheri Essner

    Weaving Your Values Into Your Leadership From: @CheriEssner



Be positive . . . A positive attitude can improve your health, enhance your relationships, increase your chances of success, and add years to your life. ~Frank Sonnenberg

    The Power of a Positive Attitude From: @FSonnenberg



Do you want to be successful in doing business globally with others? Do you want to build lasting relationships? Then understand why learning Chinese business etiquette will be important, but not enough. ~Aad Boot

    Cross-Cultural Leadership: Why Learning Chinese Business Etiquette is Not Enough From: @LeadershipWatch



Marketing professionals learn about the needs of their target audiences by asking questions about them. Managers can do the same to understand what matters to their critically important audience: their employees! ~Al Gonzalez

    Hearts and Minds: The Key to Employee Engagement From: @AlGonzalezInfo



Leaders understand that people matter and earn great results by caring and bringing out the best in their people. ~Tom Rhodes

    Lead Through Caring From: @TomJ_Rhodes



Our attitudes and beliefs impact our people skills. What beliefs feed yours? Here’s an eight point checklist that helps me personally and professionally.

    8 Common Causes of People Skills Mistakes ~@KateNasser






What people skills lessons learned will you offer in the comments section below? Engage with us!


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Service Recovery, Goes Far Beyond Problem Solving!


Customers hope for no problems. Yet problems arise. Nothing is perfect. When they do, customer service recovery is the hot landing zone for success.


To meet customers’ expectations in that zone, we must know what customer service recovery is and build a culture including everyone — not just the front line. Some leaders define service recovery as “resolve the problem”. They apply great resources to it. They are stunned when customers leave despite the problem resolution. They wonder what customer expectations they missed.


Customer Service Recovery: Image are lights of airplane landing.

Customer Service Recovery Landing Zone for Success. Image by: Echo9er

Image by Echo9er via Flickr Creative Commons License.

Service Recovery Requires Far More Than Problem Solving

Here’s what these leaders missed in defining and delivering service recovery. In addition to solving the problem, we must …

  1. Illustrate Commitment.

    When customers experience trouble, our every move has to show total commitment to them. Ask yourself: What are we committed to? Standard procedures and processes? Organizational structure? Or the customers’ success?

    Good sense service recovery: Show commitment to the customers. Give them attention and make it easy for them! In the hot zone, replace routine everyday procedures with full focus on the customers as well as their problems. All the problem solving behind the scenes won’t rebuild trust if we ignore the customers and inflict more pain along the way.


  2. Work With Credibility.

    Leaders, credibility hinges on ownership and empowerment. Committed empowered team members with customer service people skills can deliver excellent service recovery. Non-empowered team members will fall short. Why?

    Because they can’t convince customers that the organization is owning the problem. They will always seem like smiling gatekeepers not capable customer advocates. During service recovery, this inflames the situation. Customers believe no one cares and nobody is doing anything. They leave with frustration and bad memories.

    Good sense service recovery: Empower team members with information. Give them permission to work across departments for credible service recovery. Else customers believe we care more about our company’s structure than we do them. Why should they return and be loyal?


  3. Collaborate and Team Up.

    If your business is comprised of structured silos, collaboration and teamwork can be the weak spot in service recovery. You can’t just give permission to an employee to work with another team. The other teams must welcome it and collaborate too.

    Good sense service recovery: If the top leader has asked you to lead service recovery improvements for the organization, engage your management and leadership peers. Work together to identify all teamwork obstacles to service recovery. Their teams must all deliver service recovery. These leaders and managers must help craft it.

    If your peers resist, it can be a sign that your organization’s commitment to service recovery is painfully weak. Rigid managers who protect their domain are placing internal politics ahead of customer well-being and the company’s success.


  4. Communicate Throughout the Process.

    Lack of information and sparse communication kill service recovery. Think of the pain it inflicts on customers. They can’t move on to achieve their goals. They feel helpless, incapable, and even panicky and desperate. It puts them on hold completely. Many think that not knowing is the worst. They see it as the height of selfish uncaring behavior.

    Good sense service recovery: There is no excuse for lack of communication. Keep customers informed throughout the process to show them you are owning the problem and working on it. If you have a resolution plan in place to solve some of the bigger problems, communicate it. Solving the problem is not enough.


  5. Show We Care.

    How we communicate makes all the difference. Our words and tone of voice either speak our commitment or show we don’t care.

    Good sense service recovery: Provide customer service people skills training. It turns everyday communication into professional service recovery skill. Deliver it to all teams not just the front line. How teams speak to each other affects the total effort and the service results. It is the difference between a customer centric culture and a non-empowered front line.





Important Questions from Leaders

In the 25 years I have been consulting and training on service recovery, leaders most often ask:

  • Must we do years of work to establish the customer centric culture before we train our teams on service recovery people skills? Answer: You can do it simultaneously. Caring communication is so important that the sooner you do it, the less pain you inflict on customers. The training also helps to create the customer centric culture although training alone can’t do it.

  • How do we explain to non-customer facing teams the value of service recovery skills training? Stress that how we think drives our behavior. Service recovery people skills training focuses on mindset, teamwork, and how to communicate with each other — not just with customers.

  • How can we ensure team members use what they learn? In the training, use customer situations that actually occur in your company. Engage the team members in the training; don’t just lecture and tell. Model the behavior yourselves. Lastly, ask the team to come up with ways to keep the learning alive. Will they make reminder cards? Will they start each day with one tip from the training? Will they share lessons learned each day? There are many ways. Let them wow themselves, you, and of course the customers!


What service recovery questions do you have or tips would you like to share?



We can make service recovery great and easy!



From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

Related Posts:
Leaders, Can Your Teams Ace This Service Recovery Moment?
Customer Service Recovery, Use People Skills to Deliver vs Defend


©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Cultural Heritage & Traditions – Impact on People Skills?

WHEN: Join us Sunday March 16, 2014 on Twitter at 10AM EDT. Hashtag: #peopleskills


Time converter:
Please click the time converter link above to convert 10am EDT to your local time.



Background on This People Skills Twitter Chat

Has your culture heritage made you who you are or have you? Many people say it’s a part of them. The question is: How big a role does it play in our adult lives?

Join us March 16, 2014, 10am EDT in #peopleskills Twitter chat to explore how cultural heritage and traditions impact people skills and interactions.



Cultural Heritage: People skills logo

Impact of Cultural Heritage & Traditions. Image by KimbManson for Kate Nasser. All rights reserved.

Image designed by: Kimb Manson Graphics Design for Kate Nasser. All rights reserved.


Impact of Cultural Heritage & Traditions on People Skills

Cultural heritage and traditions can be powerful forces in life. How have they impacted yours? Professionally and personally?

Join our global people skills Twitter chat (#Peopleskills) this Sunday March 16th at 10am EDT. Some questions to get us thinking in advance:

  • Cultural heritage & traditions: What role do they truly play in interactions?
  • When in your life did cultural heritage give you lasting memories?
  • How do traditions and cultural memories affect how we understand each other?
  • What life lessons have you gleaned from your cultural heritage?
  • How does your cultural heritage different from your current culture?
  • What does cultural heritage teach us about inclusion?
  • How has your cultural heritage shaped your adult identity and relationships?
  • How has your cultural heritage affected your people skills?



These are just some questions to get us thinking before we begin. Actual questions will post live during the chat.

So bring your personal perspective, your favorite beverage, and join me and the people skills global chat community this Sunday March 16th, 2014, 10am EDT on Twitter (hashtag: #peopleskills) to explore The Impact of Cultural Heritage & Traditions.


I also invite you to continue this chat by joining the Google+ People Skills Community, The Facebook Group People Skills That Really Matter and the LinkedIn Group People Skills Succeed to be a part of all the people skills discussions everyday 24×7. Get your people skills community member badge here.



Shout Out of Gratitude

My gratitude to all who participate and grow the people skills global chat community on Twitter, hashtag #peopleskills, Google+, and LinkedIn. We welcome your suggestions for topics, offers to co-host, and most especially your individual insights.






Hope you will all join People Skills Global Twitter Chat (#peopleskills) this Sunday March 16, 2014, 10am EDT/7am PDT/2pm GMT to explore the impact of cultural heritage and traditions.

Everyone is welcome! We have only one rule in People Skills Global Chat: Respect for all even when we disagree.







TIP: If you have never been in a Twitter chat, you may find it helpful to log on to Tweetchat.com, or Twubs.com and enter hashtag #peopleskills. Sign in to your Twitter account. The venue will insert the hashtag on each of your tweets and you will see all the tweets on one screen. Other tools available are Tchat.io, Hootsuite and TweetDeck.

I am the founder and host of the chat and will be happy to answer any questions you have in advance: Email me.


Chat with you this Sun. March 16, 2014, 10am EDT in people skills global Twitter chat to explore “Impact of Cultural Heritage & Traditions on People Skills”.


Until then, as always, I wish you bonds of happiness and success!

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Business People Skills: Can You See Your Ins & Outs? Others Can!


Business People Skills: Image is multi-color sign words are connection openness.

Business People Skills: Welcome In or Stay Out? Image by PSD via Flickr.

Grateful for image by PSD via Flickr Creative Commons License.

Business People Skills: People Can See If You Are Letting Them In

Many actions tell people if you truly want to connect with them or keep them at a distance. It matters in leadership and teamwork. It very much matters with customers. What signals are you sending? “Yes, let’s work together?” or “I’m not so interested.”


Have any of the following behaviors hurt your business people skills? They are easy to check and to keep in check. The effort is well worth it. Success comes with others — not alone.



  1. Mentioned in 2 minute video above.
  2. Mentioned in video above.
  3. Mentioned in video above.

  4. The need to be right. When people must have last word on everything, they come across as insecure, even arrogant. They are also sending the message — stay out! Closed-minded portrays as closed off. How do your business people skills portray you?

  5. Too much talking or too much silence. When people talk and talk and talk, it paints them as self-absorbed. It also communicates “stay out”. Too much silence can paint the same picture and send the same message. Many mistakenly believe that silence shows incredible interest and welcomes others in. Yet, silence isn’t always golden. It can also seem like disinterest. Seek balance. Engage in dialogue.

  6. Lots of absolutes and generalizations. Absolutes are rarely true. They often discourage discussion and connection. Generalizations about people also shut out connection and learning. Treat each person as the unique individual they are. Learn about them. It says “Let’s engage.” That portrays great business people skills.

  7. Being distracted & multitasking. When people don’t give their full attention, the message is partially — stay out. No matter how great the claim about their ability to multitask, the message they are sending is far from welcome. If you give partial attention, you are communicating a “stay out” message. Apologize for being distracted and refocus. That says “I welcome you in.”

  8. Immediately redirecting people to written material. I’ve seen this frequently in online networking. I receive a LinkedIn invitation to join someone’s network. I initially look at the person’s profile to learn more about them. If I accept the invitation, I send a thank you message highlighting something from their profile and asking them some questions to learn more. More than once, I got this reply: “The best way to learn more about me is to go to my website.”

    Really? Instead of interacting and learning about each other? The business people skills message was: “I don’t want to interact.” Then why invite people to join your network? Do you want to welcome people in or keep them out? Engage in discussion to network and uncover new business opportunities!



When a situation calls for extreme caution, it’s wise to be slow to trust. Yet closed off with no trust can’t reveal whom you can trust. Business people skills can light the way and do just that!






Do your business people skills more often welcome people in or keep them out?



What tips will you add to the list from your world of connections?


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

Related Posts:
Avoid These 8 Common Causes of Business People Skills Mistakes
Career Success: Are You Rockin’ w/ These 13 People Skills
12 Signs You Have to Be Right! on Alli Polin’s Break The Frame blog.

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Courtesy Checklist: 10 Superior Ways to Lead, Serve, & Collaborate

Courtesy Checklist: Image is Jar of Honey w/ a honey twister.

Courtesy Checklist: Superior Ways to Lead, Serve, Collaborate. Image licensed from Istock.com

Image licensed from Istock.com

Courtesy Checklist: Do you do these every day?


  1. Greet politely and/or warmly. Welcome new teammates on their first day and you set teamwork in motion. Greet potential and current customers with courtesy and enthusiasm. You give them a picture of many positive experiences ahead. Engage employees at the beginning of a meeting. You overcome the typical meeting apathy.

  2. Start a request with please. It was everywhere in decades past. Has it slipped away? Grab hold of it and put it back in every request. This one small word communicates respect that prevents requests from being misconstrued as disguised orders. In leadership, teamwork, and customer service, this one is an essential on your courtesy checklist!

  3. Give sincere and abundant thank yous. The gift of gratitude is free yet far from cheap. People hold gratitude in high regard. It is quite dear. Leaders’ appreciation goes far beyond the instance of thanks. It creates a culture of gratitude that sustains customer relationships and employee morale. Leaders, help get this one on everyone’s courtesy checklist!

  4. Interact with an open mind. Many don’t think of open-mindedness as a part of courtesy. It is! Any behavior that considers others and eases interaction is courtesy. When working with customers, teammates, or employees very different from you, your open mind welcomes them in. Solutions and success come from openness!

  5. Eliminate common rudeness. There are habits that most people consider rude: talking too loud, slurping drinks, smacking lips when eating, clinking utensils, eating while you’re on the phone, going through a door and not holding it behind you for the next person, and the list goes on. Beyond these habits, learn cultural norms when working with people around the globe. It is the essence of courtesy in global business.

  6. Adapt to personality types. Most people think of the driver personality type when they read this on the courtesy checklist. Yet it is applies to all types. Amiables, analytics, and expressives, can be just as extreme in their behavior as the driver type. Extreme behavior tips toward discourteous. Seek balance. Consider others’ needs and flex. You can’t change your type yet you can adapt your behavior. This is courtesy!

  7. Show interest but don’t pry. Showing interest in customers is a courtesy that warms the relationship. Prying into their lives with intrusive questions will slam the door shut. Asking teammates about their weekend can start the week off well. Grilling them with personal questions builds walls that stop success. An important distinction on the courtesy checklist.

  8. Share information. Don’t gossip. Every time a customer service rep tells a customer how much trouble another customer was, it mars the professional image. Even if the customer you are telling agrees with you, they wonder what you will say about them to someone else. This is a perilous detour from positive customer relationships. Stay on the road of courtesy and professional behavior.

  9. Smile don’t sneer, snicker, or smirk. Non-verbal communication is on the courtesy checklist. Derisive gestures and looks, demean others. In their mildest form they are rude. In their extreme form, they can constitute bullying. Treating people badly — discourtesy — pushes people away. Simple, respectful behavior keeps everyone engaged. Once again courtesy is always a winner in business.

  10. Guard generalizations. Generalizations about people will almost always disrespect someone. One day, I heard an employee state that people who work in government are lazy. He didn’t consider that his co-workers had friends and family who worked in the public sector. Besides painting himself in a bad light, his discourteous remark marred work relationships and teamwork. Honor individuality and diversity. That’s on the courtesy checklist!

 
Courtesy never goes out of fashion. It feels great to receive it. In business, it’s not just a nicety. It’s a necessity for leadership, teamwork, sales, and customer service.

Far more than a pleasantry, courtesy opens doors, impresses in first meetings, shows respect, expresses care, smooths rough moments, defuses tension, bridges gaps, and feeds business relationships.


Courtesy — considering others’ needs and easing the way — gives you superior ways to succeed.


What other items are on your courtesy checklist?



From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

Related Posts:
GPS Your Brain to Work w/ Any Personality Type
Avoid 8 Common Causes of People Skills Mistakes
The 25 Worst Customer Service Stories to Train the Best CSRs

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

PS-EnergyBar-LogoJoin me through these social channels

Engage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

Your Identity: #Peopleskills Twitter Chat on How You Impact Others

WHEN: Join us Sunday March 9, 2014 on Twitter at 10AM EDT. Hashtag: #peopleskills


Time converter:
Please click the the time converter link above to convert 10am EDT to your local time. Here in the USA, we switch to daylight savings time this weekend, March 9th. We move our clocks ahead one hour. So 10am EDT is the equivalent of 9am EST. Our chat begins at 10am EDT.



Background on This People Skills Twitter Chat

I’ve always loved Walt Whitman’s poem “O Me! O Life!” in which he asks basically what good are we in life.

His answer: “That you are here — that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse.” What is your identity? What verse will you contribute to human interaction? How will the powerful play go on because of you?

Join us March 9, 2014, 10am EDT in #peopleskills Twitter chat to explore how identity contributes to the powerful play of human interaction.

Joining me as co-host is Dr. Hoda Maalouf, university professor with an incredible passion for human development, learning, and a peaceful world.



Your Identity: People skills logo

Impact of Identity: People Skills Chat March 9th, 2014. Image by KimbManson for Kate Nasser. All rights reserved.

Image designed by: Kimb Manson Graphics Design for Kate Nasser. All rights reserved.


The Impact of Your Identity: Explore in People Skills Twitter Chat

What does each of us contribute to human interaction? Do we think about our identity and then live our actions from there? What verse do we want to contribute to life on this earth?

Join our global people skills Twitter chat (#Peopleskills) this Sunday March 9th at 10am EDT. Some questions to get us thinking in advance:

  • How is mindfulness involved in our people skills identity?
  • For what ONE people skills trait would you like to be known?
  • How do others see you?
  • Where has your identity and your people skills taken you in this life thus far?
  • How have your hopes, dreams, values fashioned your people skills identity and contribution to this life?
  • What song, saying, book title, poem, play, or movie best describes your identity?
  • What verse will you contribute to the ‘powerful play of life’?



These are just some questions to get us thinking before we begin. Actual questions will post live during the chat.

So bring your personal perspective, your favorite beverage, and join me, my co-host @MaaHoda, and the people skills global chat community this Sunday March 9th, 2014, 10am EDT on Twitter (hashtag: #peopleskills) to explore The Impact of Your Identity.


I also invite you to continue this chat by joining the Google+ People Skills Community, The Facebook Group People Skills That Really Matter and the LinkedIn Group People Skills Succeed to be a part of all the people skills discussions everyday 24×7. Get your people skills community member badge here.



Shout Out of Gratitude

Thank you Hoda Maalouf, for co-hosting this people skills chat on “Impact of Identity”.

My gratitude to all who participate and grow the people skills global chat community on Twitter, hashtag #peopleskills, Google+, and LinkedIn. We welcome your suggestions for topics, offers to co-host, and most especially your individual insights.






Hope you will all join People Skills Global Twitter Chat (#peopleskills) this Sunday March 9, 2014, 10am EDT/7am PDT to explore the impact of your identity.

Everyone is welcome! We have only one rule in People Skills Global Chat: Respect for all even when we disagree.







TIP: If you have never been in a Twitter chat, you may find it helpful to log on to Tweetchat.com, or Twubs.com and enter hashtag #peopleskills. Sign in to your Twitter account. The venue will insert the hashtag on each of your tweets and you will see all the tweets on one screen. Other tools available are Tchat.io, Hootsuite and TweetDeck.

I am the founder and host of the chat and will be happy to answer any questions you have in advance: Email me.


Chat with you this Sun. March 9, 2014, 10am EDT in people skills global Twitter chat to explore “The Impact of Your Identity”.


Until then, as always, I wish you bonds of happiness and success!

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

 

 

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Leadership Sincerity: Sincerely Yours or Powerfully Yours?


Very few people want passive aggressive leaders. It’s frustrating, confusing, perhaps even maddening. We want them to, say what they mean and mean what they say! Right? Engage in leadership sincerity and authenticity.

Yet how can leaders say what they mean and mean what they say without the risk of being derisive, rude, and disrespectful? Anyone can authentically and selfishly blast out their candor. That’s weak-willed bullying. No one wants that.

The answer is simple. Leadership sincerity! It is honesty delivered with civility. It is courage, humility, and respect in magnetic balance. It draws everyone in. It energizes thought, engagement, and contribution. It is sincerely yours.


Leadership Sincerity: Image is stone w/ words sincerity humility courage.

Leadership Sincerity: Are You Leading w/ Honesty & Civility? Image by mstephens7 via Flickr.

Image by mstephens7 via Flickr Creative Commons License.

Leadership Sincerity: Sincerely Yours Not Powerfully Yours

Leaders, which message do you want your words and actions to communicate: sincerely yours or powerfully yours? What’s the difference? In either case, you can be honest and authentic. Well the effect is quite different. Sincerely yours sustains everyone’s morale and momentum. Powerfully yours, breeds power struggles and saps commitment.

Try sincerely yours to be authentic without being obnoxious…

  • Communicate with honesty and civility.

    Prepare with honesty. Deliver with civility. Honesty is what you are say and civility is how you say it. Civility doesn’t weaken the authenticity of the message. It helps everyone to hear it with less resistance. Since they don’t feel insulted or attacked, they listen to your message vs. detouring to escape it.


  • Be confident in your message and humble in delivering it.

    Humility and civility make even tough honesty palatable. Recently, I had to remind a people skills community member not to post messages on the community page selling her company’s products and services. I explained the guideline, the reason, and suggested she do as I do — place product information on her own social media page. Even though I started the community, I hold myself to the same standard.


  • Reach ‘em don’t preach ‘em.

    Before you speak, ask yourself if you are preaching to them or reaching them. Preaching has the sub-message, “I know more than you.” Reaching out respects others while communicating honestly. If you’re not sure which way you come across, ask for feedback. You can also watch how often you deliver negative messages vs. positive ones. If you communicate the negative far more often, your mindset may be in preach mode. Leadership sincerity is the big picture of truth not just what troubles you.


  • Separate facts from feelings.

    Sometimes leaders justify their candor as sincerity and authenticity. Yet candor has feelings masquerading as facts. As a result, it can insult and disrespect others. Honesty separates facts from feelings. For example, when an employee complains more than once, the response “stop whining” communicates your candid feelings. Yet it is not leadership sincerity. It is patronizing. Worse, it is derisive. Far better to find out what solutions the employee suggests to fix the situation. If those are not feasible, simply state the facts. It’s authentic not offensive.


  • Rise about your personal preferences.

    It lessens the mini-me syndrome and honors diversity. Become very self-aware. Know your personality type, your change orientation, and your learning style. Then ensure you don’t demand that everyone be like you. It prevents your authenticity from becoming domineering self-absorption.

    Consider the situation where someone you promoted to manager is creating terrible unrest. You initially think, change always creates dissatisfaction. Yet more than one employee comes to you with serious examples of this person’s incompetence. Do you authentically show them your anger? Do you tell them, “Enough. I promoted this person and that’s it!” It is powerfully yours.

    Yet, it isn’t great leadership sincerity. Take in the feedback. Ponder it. Move beyond your annoyance over their questioning your judgment. If you communicate from power be ready for a power failure. Seek the whole truth.


  • Be likeable without constantly seeking to be liked.

    Be likeable by delivering every message with civility. Don’t avoid conflict just to be liked. If you seek to be liked at every moment, you may avoid important conversations. It can anger employees who must endlessly tolerate bad situations you won’t address. For example, if there is an employee with a very bad attitude, speak honestly to this person. Leadership sincerity shows courage and respect.



Leadership sincerity is far more than, say what you mean and mean what you say. It is considering both what you say and how you say it. Use honesty with courage, humility, and respect. It far outshines just plain candor.


How has great leadership sincerity helped you?



From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

Related Posts:
What’s So Hot About Humility, Anyway?
Leaders, Avoid These 8 People Skills Mistakes
Leaders, How Long Do You Coach a Bad Attitude?

©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.



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Join me through these social channelsEngage in people skills learning! Let’s turn interaction obstacles into business success in leadership, teamwork, and customer service experience. I invite your questions, share my experience, and welcome your wisdom.

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