conflict

Are You Too Nice to Lead?

Posted in Hot Topics and New Bits, Leadership, People-Skills, Thriving in Change

The word leader used to mean strong, directive, and sometimes unfeeling. That picture has shifted to less directive and more in touch with employees’ needs.


Yet where is the balance between results-focused and people-focused? In tough moments …

Are you too nice to lead?



Are You Too Nice to Lead, Effectively?

Image by: SeanbJack via Creative Commons License


There are team members who want, welcome, and will only work for a nice leader — until they see that the nice leader won’t address poor performance and cannot negotiate tough issues with other teams and management.

They feel unprotected and at the mercy of slacking team members and other teams. So much for being nice!


Too Nice to Lead

  • Leaders, could this be you? How or when is this most likely to happen?
    1. With Fear of Conflict. If you tend to avoid conflict and want people to just work things out for themselves, you may be seen as too nice to lead.
      Alternative: Get a coach to help you develop your conflict resolution skills. Great leaders move past their fear. They know when to step in and even teach others how to work together.


    2. In Times of Great Change. In everyday work, your teams think of you as a very effective leader. Then the organization announces a major change and you must lead your teams through it. The tension rises and your teams resist. In this moment of truth, do you lead them forward? If you cave in to their objections and resistance, your boss may see you as too nice to lead.
      Alternative: Have the courage to draw on the good will you have with your team. Show them you believe in them and in the change. If you don’t believe it, why should they?


    3. When You Require Emotional Support. Being humble and less directive can be good for your team because the void taps their talent and commitment. Being less confident and needing constant emotional support can scare the bejeebers out of them and earn you the label of too nice or weak to lead.
      Alternative: Learn and understand the interplay between being confident and being humble. Confidence is strength for your team. Humbleness opens the door to growth. Both are valuable leadership traits. Lack of confidence isn’t.


    4. If You Must Be Liked. Needing to be liked can steer you to many poor leadership behaviors. It can drive you to sacrifice results for the virtual hug. This can earn you the label of too nice to lead.
      Alternative: Develop relationships outside of work that can fulfill this deep need. At work, focus on the balance of interpersonal connection and end results.


    5. When You Get Promoted. Picture yourself leading your former peers and maybe even being a peer of your former boss. Guilt or feelings of unworthiness can make you seem timid or too solicitous. This can earn you the label of too nice to lead.
      Alternative: Your boss or another leader put their faith in you. You were promoted for a reason. The team you lead needs your courage and talent. Even if some team members grouse in jealousy, the team’s success depends on your willingness to do the job. Embrace the responsibility you were given; don’t trigger the decision maker’s doubt and regret. Believe in yourself, the purpose, and the team. Lead.


    6. If You Own Their Behavior. When you mistakenly believe that you are responsible for a team member’s behavior, you are at risk of giving an errant employee too many chances. You may take their behavior as your failure. If you are coaching one of your team members and they are not making progress, would you be able to tell them they are no longer on the team? If not, you may earn the label of too nice to lead.
      Alternative: Afford your team members the adult responsibility of owning their own behavior. Coach, teach, guide — yes. Own their behavior? No.


    7. When Your Career is Paramount. When you care about your career growth more than the current position, you may automatically say yes to other teams or management requests instead of using appropriate assessment and thought. You are busy pleasing everyone else and your current team’s success may suffer. If you are lucky, this may earn you the label of too nice to lead. If you are not lucky, it may earn you a different label that isn’t fit for print. Either way, it’s not what a great leader does.
      Alternative: Let current successes, appropriate interactions, and great negotiation pave your career path.



    As the definition of leadership has shifted from rough directive behavior to engaging employees, some leaders have veered off course and focused only on happiness.

    Rediscover the balance and you foster success for all!

  • Leadership is not about telling or asking; it’s knowing when to do each.
  • Leadership is not about people or results; it’s about people achieving results.
  • Leadership is not one consistent approach; it’s using the best approach for the situation.


    • You can be liked and fail as a leader; you can be disliked and fail as a leader.

    You succeed when you balance purpose and people, encouraging and deciding, listening and speaking up.


    I wish you courage and strength and the insight to know how to use it.

    From professional experience to your success,
    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


    ©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please first email info@katenasser.com for terms of use. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

    Related Post: Leaders, Are Your Direct Reports a Wart on the Arm of Progress

    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, customer service, customer experience, and teamwork. She turns interaction obstacles into business success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

    Detect Workplace Change Resistance Like Sam Spade

    Posted in Hot Topics and New Bits, Leadership, Thriving in Change

    On more than one occasion as an organizational consultant, I have detected hidden workplace change resistance long before the leaders and managers. They asked me later, how did you know?

    It got me thinking about how I spot change resistance lurking in the cubicles.

    Spot Workplace Change Resistance Like a Detective Image by:TheLoushe

    I detect clues much like Sam Spade.
    I spot …

    1. Words that are contradicted by actions or inaction.
    2. Words or actions that seem forward focused while anchoring everyone in the status quo.
    3. Questions that are actually saying no. These are resistance statements in disguise.
    4. What doesn’t fit or make sense given incentives, choices, and conditions.


    How can you become the Sam Spade of change resistance?

  • Give yourself permission. It’s both OK and essential that you see the reality. Sharpening your sight doesn’t make you a tyrant or a cynic.


  • Be ever present and conversational. Your conversations, formal and informal, will produce more clues. Presentations where you ask for questions are only a small piece of the picture. To see a more detailed picture, get a closer view.


  • Trust your ability to handle change resistance else you might overlook a clue that’s right in front of you.


  • Overcome any fear of conflict otherwise you may block from your mind what you find undesirable. As leaders, your inner strength will guide you through discomfort and give your teams a beam of support during the change.


    • Your detective skills help all involved in the change. They unearth obstacles, concerns, and energy drains that everyone can address once out in the open.

    Contrarily, overlooking resistance, avoiding conflict, being distant during the angst and stress, tells your teams you don’t believe in the change. If you don’t believe in it, why should they?

    Lead change with vision far and near. Like a detective you will unearth both obstacles and success — with and for your teams.

    From my experience to your success,
    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach


    How have you detected hidden change resistance? What specific clues got your attention and how did you handle them?

    ©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers workshops, keynotes, and consultations that turn interaction obstacles into organizational success. Leaders have been booking Kate for 21 years to fill the gaps of diversity with action and teamwork. See this site for customer results and book Kate now.

    Manager as Workplace Coach: Conflict of Interest?

    Posted in Coaching Professional, Leadership, People-Skills

    Corporate leaders, managers, supervisors: Do you have a workplace employee, a direct report, with an attitude problem — negative, or sarcastic, or controlling, or non-collaborative, self-focused, etc …? Feedback from others tells you that it is affecting teamwork, morale, customer service, or the organization’s reputation?

    After outlining with the employee how the behavior needs to change, you notice that the behavior persists. No changes. One manager decided that one such employee needed coaching and decided to be the coach.

    Are you, as boss, the correct workplace coach for a direct report? Is it a conflict of interest?

    You might think that you would make a great workplace coach for a direct report since you know the problem and interact frequently. Let’s think further.

    Boss as Coach - Conflict of Interest Image by:ShinyRedType


    Conflict of Interest

    1. With issues of attitude, will your employee honestly tell you if he doesn’t want to change? Or will he say he is trying when he isn’t.
    2. As you coach, will you become emotionally attached to your employee and let his attitude and behavior take precedence over the organization’s goals? “He has had a rough year.” “He or she is valuable anyway.”
    3. Even with specific goals for a direct report to improve/change within a certain time frame, will you be able to take decisive action if he or she doesn’t improve? Or will you question your coaching skill or struggle with the employee’s struggle?

    It is possible to maintain your objectivity and be an effective coach. I have witnessed it. I have also seen managers (like the boss in the opening example) who decide to coach because they cannot make a decision about an employee who is in the wrong job.

    If you have shown that you focus on the organization’s results and inspire/require positive action from all to get there, you may not fall prey to emotion and doubt. You know the difference between coaching and parenting and your employees will see the difference as well.

    If this is not your strength, let someone else who is objective and unbiased coach your direct reports. (FYI:The employees would need to be aware that the coach will update you with progress reports.)

    If you struggle with tough people decisions even with input from an outside coach, consider engaging a coach yourself. A coach will help you identify the underlying reasons you struggle with this and what to do about it. Your career will take on new possibilities as you discover more about yourself. From there, options will seem clearer and less daunting.

    What are your thoughts on this topic?



    From my professional experience to your success,
    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

    ©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please first email info@katenasser.com for terms of use. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, customer service, customer experience, and teamwork. She turns interaction obstacles into business success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

    Best Ways Leaders Address Conflict for Best Teamwork Results

    Posted in Leadership, Teamwork

    Ways Leaders Address Conflict By:TarikB

    Some leaders see conflict as active teamwork that produces the best ideas. Other leaders see conflict as non-teamwork. It is likely that conflict will occur on teams. The key question is: What are the best ways for leaders to address conflict for the best teamwork results?

    I asked leaders: How do you address conflict on and between teams to get great teamwork results regardless of the situation?

    The responses I received:

    1. The best way to address conflict to ensure teamwork results is: “Select individual team members for their great attitude and for their ability to work on diverse teams in difficult situations.”
    2. “We deal with each conflict as it arises. I first ask the people to work it out. If they can’t, I step in and resolve the conflict.”
    3. “I tell everyone to stay focused on the team goals and overlook the rest.”
    4. “I am not a baby sitter. Team members are adults. I tell them to work it out between them.”
    5. “I don’t like conflict.  I try to make peace as quickly as possible when I am confronted. I am not sure how to arbitrate disputes when it is between two other people.”


    Try My Proven Practices to Address Team Conflict

    By:CountryGirlAtHeart

    Distinguish between opposing views and opposing each other. The first can lead to a great result. The second goes nowhere. You will clearly see which is happening once you are aware.

    Have each person present the other person’s view. This helps turn the conflict into a productive exchange of ideas. Teach this technique and moderate while they are learning.

    By:StewF

    Hold a team development session to assess each team member’s personality type and discuss how to interact for best teamwork results. A diverse team often produces better results because it has more outlooks and talents. Yet, if team members do not know or understand the dynamics of personality types, you get interpersonal conflict or cliques of similar types. Personality types impact teamwork. Understanding personality types helps to both prevent and resolve interpersonal conflict. The return on your investment of time and money is significant.

    Ask yourself, what conditions are leading to this conflict? As a leader, have you been unclear about goals? Have you fallen short in handling organizational politics and put teams at odds with each other? Do you hide from conflict and hope it will just go away?

    Instead, show everyone how to communicate honestly with respect and without brutality. Read more at … 4 Spring Training Exercises for Best Teamwork Results

    Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, consults and trains leaders and their teams on effective communication for best teamwork results. Her 20 years of real life experience has produced these proven results. Sign up for her free info-packed newsletter in the sidebar on this page. Contact her directly for a free phone consultation on your team challenge.