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Humility: Overcome Self-Pity and Prevent Swelled Head

On Mother’s Day, I think about how mothers have the difficult job of encouraging us to succeed while teaching us to stay humble. They face the challenge head on as they model this important balance.

Humility can conquer both self-pity and a swelled head. This sails us forward to success in work-life and deeper happiness in personal connections.

Image by: Tonymz via Flickr Creative Commons License.

Humility: 10 Ways to Stay Humble in Success

1. Observe the wonder of babies as they courageously learn EVERYTHING. They are humble not humiliated.
   Humility reveals what there is to learn.




2. View the Grand Canyon, Victoria Falls, and other natural wonders or at least the pictures if you can’t go. It helps keep human efforts in perspective. Celebrate the larger view and live humbly to balance ego.




3. Once a week, have someone teach you something they do well that you don’t.
   Being a willing student helps you stay humble.




4. Learn one of the 6500 known languages. It’s a great reminder of who else exists in the world!
   Humility fuels learning beyond visible boundaries.




5. See those who live with a severe chronic illness and still give generously of themselves.
   Humility redefines struggle and strength.




6. Go without comforts and convenience for one day or better yet one week. Those who make life easier come into full view.
   Humility magnifies appreciation of others.




7. Help someone with a physical challenge. Their tenacity is inspirational as it places struggle in a new light.
   Seeing the challenges of others inspires humility.




8. Write down all your pet peeves about other people. Then ask yourself how many of those things you can humbly overlook.
   Humility nurtures patience and inhibits selfishness.




9. Become and stay curious with others. Ask one question each day to expand the mind and humbly learn from different views. Humility can be intensely interesting and enjoyable.
   Curiosity sparks humility.




10. Ask for help from others who live humility in success. They will help you to overcome the myths and fears and live the truth about humility.
    Humility is a shared journey.

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Curiosity and learning keep our sights set on things outside of ourselves. This keeps us humble in success.


Question: What has life taught you about staying humble? Will you share it here?


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

Related Posts:
What’s So Hot About Humility Anyway
Leaders, Never Confuse Humility With Humiliation

©2013 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

People skills Twitter Chat TOPIC: What Our Mothers Taught Us on #PeopleSkills.

WHEN: Mother’s Day, Sunday May 12, 2013 10AM EDT/7am PDT.

Here’s a time converter to assist all of you around the globe in converting 10am EDT to your local time.

A Different Format for Special Mother’s Day Chat!

Instead of our normal structured questions, I will post a one word topic every five minutes and we will tweet what our mothers taught us about it!

So collect your family people skills wisdom from the ages and get ready to share it this Mother’s Day in #peopleskills chat.

Image designed by: Kimb Manson Graphics Design for Kate Nasser. All rights reserved.

Shout Out of Gratitude

To mothers, step mothers, Godmothers everywhere and all those who have filled those roles without the official title. Thank you for your incredible sacrifice, love, strength, and compassion.

Join People Skills Twitter Chat Sun. May 12th ’13 10am EDT/7am PDT.

If you would like to suggest some of the one word topics for this special Mother’s Day chat, please note them in the comments section below by Saturday May 11th. **What our mothers taught us about ___________ in people skills.

I also invite you to join the Google+ People Skills Community to be a part of all the people skills discussions not just on Sundays but everyday 24×7.

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Hope you will all join in the #PeopleSkills Twitter chat to explore What Our Mothers Taught Us On People Skills, this Sunday May 12, 2013 10am EDT/7am PDT.

Everyone is welcome! We have only one rule in People Skills Twitter Chat: Respect for all even when we disagree.

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TIP: If you have never been in a Twitter chat, you may find it helpful to log on to Tweetchat.com, enter hashtag #peopleskills, and sign in to your Twitter account. Tweetchat will insert the hashtag automatically for you and you will see all the tweets on one screen. Other tools available are OneQube, Hootsuite and TweetDeck.

I am the founder and host of the chat and will be happy to answer any questions you have in advance: Email me.


Chat with you this Mother’s Day Sunday May 12, 2013 10am EDT in #PeopleSkills Twitter Chat: What Our Mothers Taught Us on People Skills.


Until then, as always, I wish you bonds of happiness and success!

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2013 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

People skills Twitter Chat TOPIC: #PeopleSkills for No Regret.

WHEN: Sunday May 5, 2013 10AM EDT/7am PDT.

Here’s a time converter to assist all of you around the globe in converting 10am EDT to your local time.

Background on This Sunday’s Chat

Jackie Hooper, author of The Things You Would Have Said, moved me with her book. She received thousands of letters from people who wanted to express regret for things they had said or loving things they wish they had said but didn’t. It got me thinking about the value of reversing the regret process and considering our words before we speak.

Image designed by: Kimb Manson Graphics Design for Kate Nasser. All rights reserved.

Shout Out of Gratitude

Jackie Hooper has agreed to join in this Sunday’s chat. Thank you Jackie for your research, your hard work, your book, and your interest in this Sunday’s chat.

Join People Skills Twitter Chat Sun. May 5th ’13 10am EDT/7am PDT.

There are many aspects to this topic. My mind is full of questions like …

• What benefit does someone get from saying hurtful words?
• Why do people take so long to express regret for hurtful words?
• How does expressing regret make you feel?
• How does expressing regret to those you hurt make them feel?
• Where does emotional intelligence play into expressing loving words?
• How can we learn to suppress hurtful words and speak with more care?
• Is it more acceptable in our society to say very loving words or hurtful words? Why?
• How can you make it more OK to express truly caring words at work?
• People who often speak lovingly ___________________________.
• Which people skills build bonds for caring interaction?
• What have you learned personally from regret?
• Is it tougher to regret hurtful words you’ve said or loving words you haven’t said?
• Does delaying apology/regret make it tougher to accept?
• What brings people to hurt those that never hurt them i.e. bullying?
• Why do people stand by silently when they witness verbal bullying?
• Would regret come more quickly if we spoke up?
• How can people skills help prevent regret?

We won’t be able to discuss all of these questions and thus I will make a final selection before the chat. Tell me which ones you like the most or suggest other questions in the comments section below!

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Hope you will all join in the #PeopleSkills Twitter chat to explore People Skills for No Regret, this Sunday May 5, 2013 10am EDT/7am PDT.

Everyone is welcome! We have only one rule in People Skills Twitter Chat: Respect for all even when we disagree.

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TIP: If you have never been in a Twitter chat, you may find it helpful to log on to Tweetchat.com, enter hashtag #peopleskills, and sign in to your Twitter account. Tweetchat will insert the hashtag automatically for you and you will see all the tweets on one screen. Other tools available are Hootsuite.com and TweetDeck.com.

I am the founder and host of the chat and will be happy to answer any questions you have in advance: Email me.


Chat with you this Sunday May 5, 2013 10am EDT in #PeopleSkills Twitter Chat – People Skills for No Regret.


Until then, as always, I wish you bonds of happiness and success!

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2013 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

Super customer service has little room for regret. What we say to customers and how we say it leave lasting impressions. We can wound them with scars that last forever or we can use caring people skills to avoid laying an egg.

Image licensed from Istock.com

In tough moments with customers, how can we speak with great people skills instead of later regretting and hoping for that elusive second chance?

We can take a lesson from everyday life!

Author Jackie Hooper has written a wonderful book, The Things You Would Have Said, compiling letters from people who regret having said bad things or regret not having said caring words.


As I watched the feature on the book on CBS Sunday Morning and heard people reading the words of regret for what they said or hadn’t said, I immediately thought how we could use this lesson for super customer service.


Responding with care instead of defensively reacting is much easier IF we are thinking about the after effects. Ask yourself what you wish you’d said to a customer before you lost them — just as Jackie asked people to do for those they treated poorly.


Instead of regretting, envision what you would write in an “I wish I’d said” letter of regret and say that instead of the defensive snips. Super customer service requires people skills that deliver care even in the toughest moments!

Super Customer Service People Skills – No Regret!

• Find empathy by imagining regret.

  The stress relief you feel by snapping at a customer is short lived. It is quickly followed by regret and feeling for the customer as they receive your outburst. Reverse the regret process and feel the empathy from the beginning. If you feel stuck, adapt don’t attack.




• Imagine the caring you not the ego-controlled you.

  Many regrets are born of the need to be right, the need to be better than, the need to be selfish. In other words, regrets are born of the ego.

  Imagine yourself being great in service not needing to be right. Imagine yourself sharing control not having control.

  Those who deliver super customer service, revel in helping others to succeed and thus they succeed. Their desire to care overrides their ego. They are humble enough to learn from the customer and don’t feel humiliated by the customer. They don’t say things to customers that they will regret for they envision receiving that very same care.




• Prevent regret.

  Treat customers well the first time else there may not be a second time. Defensive thoughts and communication lead to regret. Stay open. Show empathy. Explore the customer’s view. Empathy doesn’t mean you agree. It means you matter, we matter, this matters! Through empathy you find how to wow each customer with care.

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The old saying, the customer’s always right, has led some to rebel and claim it isn’t true. From there, they justify confronting the customer and saying things to prove the customer wrong.


The debate about that adage is out-of-date and quite worthless. What we all need to remember is that we may not get a second chance from customers we’ve treated badly. Think about it: Why would anyone pay money to be treated with impatience, rudeness and disrespect?


Empathize, explore, and stay open to customers’ views. Live no regret about customers for there may be no chance to write that letter and get them back.


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

Other Super Customer Service Posts:
Super Customer Service: Use Great People Skills to Deliver vs Defend
Customer Service Defined to Be Unforgettable
Super Customer Service: Be a Buoy
Customer Service People Skills Create Profitable Connection!

©2013 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

People skills Twitter Chat TOPIC: #PeopleSkills: Love, Courage, & Care in Difficult Times.

WHEN: Sunday April 21, 2013 10AM EDT/2pm GMT/3pm Daylight Savings Time UK.


With so many tragedies and difficult times, how do we find the endurance to keep on loving and strengthen the courage to care? In this week’s people skills Twitter chat, we give voice to our feelings and thoughts that sustain in tough times.

Image designed by: Kimb Manson Graphics Design for Kate Nasser.

Shout Out of Gratitude

I asked the members of the Google + people skills community if this would be the right time for this topic given the tragedy in Boston. They said that sharing with others in difficult times helps the healing. I am grateful for their perspective and hope you will join us for this Twitter chat.

Join #PeopleSkills Twitter Chat Sun. April 21: Love, Courage, & Care.

This chat will be both an exploration and an application of graciously co-existing even when we disagree.

Before the structured questions, we will start with any wishes you would like to extend to the people of Boston and all those affected by the tragedy this week.

If there are questions you would like to have in the chat, please note them in the comment section below by Friday, April 19, 5pm ET. We use 8-10 questions each week. I am grateful for your time and insight.


Hope you will all join in the #PeopleSkills Twitter chat to explore People Skills: Love, Courage, & Care in Difficult Times, this Sunday 10am EDT/2pm GMT/3pm Daylight Savings Time UK.

Everyone is welcome! We have only one rule in People Skills Twitter Chat: Respect for all even when we disagree.

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TIP: If you have never been in a Twitter chat, you may find it helpful to log on to Tweetchat.com, enter hashtag #peopleskills, and sign in to your Twitter account. Tweetchat will insert the hashtag automatically for you and you will see all the tweets on one screen. Other tools available are Hootsuite.com and TweetDeck.com.

I am the founder and host of the chat and will be happy to answer any questions you have in advance: Email me.


Chat with you this Sunday April 21, 2013 10am EDT in #PeopleSkills Twitter Chat – People Skills: Love, Courage, & Care.


Until then, as always, I wish you bonds of happiness and success!

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2013 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

Leadership People Skills: Why do tough and gruff leaders easily show people empathy in the face of natural disasters?

Image licensed from Istock.

 

Picture Tough and Gruff Leaders. Their people skills are far from great. They tend to work on people instead of with people. Many people tolerate their non-empathetic style amid the hope of larger success. If their organizations succeed, people applaud these leaders despite their poor leadership people skills.

There is a down side to it however. These leaders also create resistance and divisive camps. They disengage others. Collaboration and teamwork suffer. Resentments percolate and impact the future. Their poor leadership people skills negatively effect the organization’s potential.

 

Now Picture a Natural Disaster & Human Catastrophe. These same leaders with poor people skills and generally little empathy surprise us with their show of compassion.

 

Why? And what can we learn about leadership people skills from it?

 

Tough & Gruff Leaders Show Empathy When …

• The enormity of human suffering is clearly present.
• Empathy and compassion is the only truly acceptable response.
• They think others will clearly see their empathy as strength for others.

Leadership People Skills: The Lessons Learned From This

• Empathy creates powerful bonds to success even when there isn’t severe suffering.
• Empathy is always an acceptable response. It doesn’t mean agreement. It means: “You matter, we matter, this matters! Let’s work it out!”
• Empathy builds deeper trust and connection through the confidence and strength it shows. It achieves far more than any hammer or proclamation.

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Interestingly enough, once tough and gruff leaders show their empathetic side they are often seen as even stronger. We see depth and dimension we never saw before. It becomes clear they have more than a hammer in their tool kit. It builds trust and belief that they can lead in different ways in different situations.


So leaders, why not show your empathetic side sooner and more frequently? You become a buoy of inspiration, strength, and balance.


Your leadership people skills will connect, engage, inspire, and strengthen the will to collaborate and solve any problem. You will engage employees to greater commitment, less resistance to change, and maximum contribution. Want help? I’m here.


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


Related Posts:
Leadership Employee Engagement: Appreciate & Recognize
Never Confuse Humility & Humiliation
People Skills: Empathize Before You Analyze

©2013 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

People skills — especially empathy — connect us. Empathy transcends the ego. It closes the gap between us and creates infinite possibilities. It can turn mistrust into trust, doubt into confidence, pain into courage, and happiness into joy.


Empathy is one of the most powerful people skills for it replaces the distance of diversity with bonds of connection.  It is strongest when it comes from the heart.


This is true in our personal lives and in leadership, management, teamwork, and of course with customers. It is a universal connector IF we remember one people skills principle.

Image by Nastassia Davis via Flickr Creative Commons License.

Empathize Before You Analyze

Sound odd to you? Are you wondering, “How can I empathize unless I first analyze whether I agree?”

People Skills Tip

Empathy is not about judgment nor agreement. It’s feeling someone’s emotion — positive or negative. Analyzing is great for solving. Empathizing is the connecting before the solving.

“If we analyze to solve before we empathize to connect, we remain at a distance.

This choice limits what we can achieve.”

Imagine the possibilities of connecting through empathy & people skills!

• Exploring different perspectives because empathy made it safe to explore
• Collaborating because empathy built mutual regard
• Sharing knowledge because empathy first shared a generous heart
• Working through difficult moments with customers because empathy showed commitment instead of lobbing blame
• Inspiring employees during the tough times of change because empathy connected to the truth
• Reaching a solution with the apathetic and disaffected because empathy said “you matter”

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Empathizing doesn’t mean agreement. It doesn’t delay or detour progress. Empathy is the universal connector to the new and unexplored — if we empathize before we analyze.

If we analyze first, it seems like judgment and builds barriers. If we empathize first, it creates a shared exploration to a better place.


Note: When two analytic personalities get together, they may find that analysis is the bond. It is their universal connector. When different personality types interact, this is not the case.


Question: What great things have you achieved through empathy? What surprising results will you share with us?


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

Related post:
People Skills Empathy: Do We Show It or Project Our Needs?

©2013 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

Leadership people skills engage employees. They tap all talent for innovation and success.

To bring these leadership people skills to life, successful leaders choose AND — not OR — thinking. Why?

“AND”

Thinking

Gets Results

With Commitment










Featured Image “Ampersand” by: ChrisinPlymouth and featured Image “Dollar Sign” by: Bsperan via Flickr Creative Commons Licenses.

Leadership People Skills: Engage All w/ AND Not Or Thinking

Want to engage employees for more commitment? Think “AND” not “Or”!

• Empowerment AND Accountability. People oriented leaders give employees a voice in empowerment but sometimes skip over their accountability. Results driven leaders primarily focus on employee accountability yet skip empowerment. True empowerment includes accountability for the outcomes. Think AND not Or and your leadership people skills will have you engaging employees for timely results.




• Individual AND Team Recognition. There is no need to be trapped in the choice between individual and team recognition. Individual talents combine to form team results. Ego driven employees don’t become team players by overlooking their individual talents. Team oriented employees don’t become egotistical by honoring their individual talents. Think individual AND team recognition and your leadership people skills will inspire each employee to contribute to the whole.




• Confidence AND Humility. Arrogant overconfidence disengages employees. The message to them is “I the leader have all the answers.” Conversely, sheepish indecision abandons them. Be confident in your knowledge and humble in delivering it. Think AND not Or and your leadership people skills will model confident humility for tremendous team results.




• Empathy AND Objectivity. Today leaders are barraged with advice to care for employees needs. This is important. It works when leaders combine care for employees with care for the business they are leading. Use an “Or” approach and both the employees and the business suffer. Think empathy AND objectivity and your leadership people skills will engage employee commitment for sustainable results.




• Intuition AND Observation. Leaders who never listen to their gut instinct — their intuition — play it safe with observation and often lose in the delay. Leaders who don’t see where the reality contradicts their intuition meet fateful results. Intuition AND observation are partners in success. Personality type research strongly suggests that most people are stronger at one than the other. Think “AND” not “Or” and your leadership people skills will engage team members of different strengths for sound timely results.




• Optimism AND Realism. While optimists and pessimists argue over whose right, optimistic realists move everyone forward. Successful leaders choose optimism AND realism for it uplifts with hope while keeping people grounded in delivering tangible results. This “AND” approach engages everyone in healthy skepticism to assess risk and a can do attitude to reach the goal.




• Persistence AND Innovation. Leaders who continue to lead a path that is no longer viable are suffering from OR thinking. They believe that initial persistence can’t innovate and shift to something better. Their leadership people skills engage people to be stuck! Successful leaders engage all to persist when they see potential AND innovate when they sense futility.

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You might believe that AND thinking leads to indecision and chaos — too much data and too many opinions delaying timely results. Not true.

“AND” thinking gives strength to your leadership people skills to engage employee commitment. With today’s employees who don’t just follow orders, engaging their commitment is essential for reaching timely outstanding results.

What other “ANDS” would you add to the leadership list to deliver outstanding results?

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

Related Posts:
Leadership Success: Think Balance Beam Not Mountain Top
Leaders, Never Confuse Humility And Humiliation

©2013 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

People Skills Twitter Chat: “Your Human Needs as Customers”. WHEN: Sunday Feb. 24, 2013 at 10AM ET/3pm GMT. Hashtag #peopleskills.

Image designed by: Kimb Manson Graphics Design for Kate Nasser.

As a customer, are you treated well? The way you love to be treated?

Or do you find yourself saying: great customer service is dead?

Research continues to show that at least 80% of customers leave a company because of how they were treated! Some studies show 90%. Of course, this impacts the companies.

This also impacts you, the customers.

• Added stress in your life
• Sudden time pressures to find another provider
• Special events made far less special w/ bad service
• Impact on your assets — e.g. home repair
• Challenge to your own behavior – do you want to be goaded into anger?
• Financial fights to recoup your loss
• and more.

We will explore How You Want to be Treated as a Customer in the People Skills Twitter chat this Sunday Feb. 24, 2013 10am ET/3pm GMT. This is your chance to help companies in every industry understand how to treat customers well!

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People Skills Twitter Chat – Your Human Needs as Customers

Join us this Sunday Feb. 24, 2013 at 10am ET/3pm GMT on Twitter #peopleskills to explore …

• How do you want to be treated when you are the customer?
• How has customer service changed over the years? Better, Worse, Different?
• Do you think most customers want the same thing?
• How has technology affected how you are treated as a customer?
• What wows you when you are the customer?
• How does “wow” affect you?
• What makes you angry as a customer?
• How does being treated badly affect you personally?
• When is outstanding customer service most important to you?
• … and much more!

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We have only one rule in People Skills Twitter Chat: Respect for all even when we disagree. Everyone is welcome!


TIP: If you have never been in a Twitter chat, you may find it helpful to log on to Tweetchat.com, enter hashtag #peopleskills, and sign in to your Twitter account. Tweetchat will insert the hashtag automatically for you and you will see all the tweets on one screen. Other tools available are Hootsuite.com and TweetDeck.com.

I am the moderator of the chat and will be happy to answer any questions you have in advance: Email me.


Chat with you this Sunday Feb. 24, 2013 in People Skills Twitter Chat – Your Human Needs as Customers. Hashtag #peopleskills.


Until then, as always, I wish you bonds of happiness and success!

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2013 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

People Skills Twitter Chat Empathy – The Deeper View. Sunday Feb. 10, 2013 at 10AM ET/3pm GMT. Hashtag #peopleskills.

Graphic by: Kimb Manson Graphic Design


Empathy has taken center stage in many discussions today.
We read about it and experience it in:

• Successful family relationships
• Anti-bullying programs
• Career success in global market
• Cross cultural understanding
• Leading a new generation in the workplace

Organizations like Roots of Empathy are showing full commitment to develop social and emotional competencies in children with a special focus on empathy. Many great leaders from Mother Theresa to Martin Luther King, Jr. have focused the world on empathizing instead of judging and labeling.

Since empathy is sensing and understanding what other people feel and experience, let’s use our people skills Twitter chat time this Sunday Feb. 10, 2013 to build a deeper view and understanding.

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People Skills Twitter Chat Empathy – The Deeper View

Join us this Sunday Feb. 10, 2013 at 10am ET/3pm GMT on Twitter #peopleskills to explore …

• Where does empathy come from?
• What blocks you from receiving empathy?
• How does empathy impact your life, your work, and society?
• What connection if any is there between humility & empathy?
• and much more … !

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We have only one rule in People Skills Twitter Chat: Respect for all even when we disagree. Everyone is welcome!


TIP: If you have never been in a Twitter chat, you may find it helpful to log on to Tweetchat.com, enter hashtag #peopleskills, and sign in to your Twitter account. Tweetchat will insert the hashtag automatically for you and you will see all the tweets on one screen. Other tools available are Hootsuite.com and TweetDeck.com.

I am the moderator of the chat and will be happy to answer any questions you have in advance: Email Kate Nasser.


Chat with you this Sunday in People Skills Twitter Chat Empathy – The Deeper View. Hashtag #peopleskills.


Until then, as always, I wish you bonds of happiness and success!


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2013 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

People skills and empathy are words we often hear in the same sentence. People skills empathy — go hand in hand. Feeling what others feel (empathy) overcomes the me syndrome and people skills build the connection. Sounds good.


Now for the vital question …

Do we give empathy?

Or do we actually project our feelings and need onto others?

Image by Eva the Weaver via Creative Commons License.

People Skills Empathy or Projection?

True empathy connects people. Projecting feelings and calling it empathy creates space between people. If you think you are giving empathy yet find the response is cold or negative, you may have projected your feelings and needs onto them!

1. Is Fear Blocking Empathy?

   Are you comfortable with engagement and connecting with others? Or, do you fear that it leads to entanglement? This fear of entanglement can block empathy. Yet few people want to admit they aren’t empathetic. Projection kicks in as a comfortable replacement.




2. Are You Comfortable Being Equal?

   Empathy and engagement represent equal footing with others. How does equality feel to to you? Good or bad? Do you prefer to always feel like the one who can fix things? If you are thinking of your need instead of theirs you will project it. This blocks true empathy.




3. Empathy: Inbound Before Outbound.

   Empathy starts as an inbound activity. Great questions, relinquishing judgment, and (for some people) intuition collect the feelings data. Processing that information produces empathetic behavior.

   Skipping the inbound step makes it impossible to send out empathy. Projection will take over.

Practical Steps to Empathy

1. Self-awareness smooths the way. The more self-aware we are, the less likely that projection will block or conquer empathy.




2. Gather input with great questions. If you are intuitive, verify your intuition. This prevents projection.




3. Get comfortable with statements that show connection without immediate action. “I feel for you … Wow that’s horrible… or, how wonderful” are just a couple of suggestions. The phrase “I understand” can be troublesome for it sounds generic and overused.




4. Clarify if someone wants advice or just empathy. This is a biggie! Some people just want to be heard. Sometimes they are not ready to take action. Other times they have already decided what they will do. They just want the energy of connection with others.




5. Be ready for the input to be positive! We most often think of empathy as feeling someone’s pain. How about empathy as a celebration of someone’s triumph over pain? When people are pulling themselves up and want empathy for their effort, it’s maddening to receive a “let me in to help you in your pain” response.

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People skills empathy can build tight bonds for success in ways that no other skill can. It isn’t limited to painful moments.

It is the moments where we connect without artifice, hidden agenda, manipulation, or domination. It is the purity of empathy that builds incredible trust and sustains us both now and in the future.

From your experience, what else blocks or enhances our ability to feel and show empathy?


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

Related Post:
Super People Skills Mindset: 3 Basic Beliefs

©2013 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

People skills allow us to communicate honestly without offending others. When we are mindful of others’ needs and views, we can find the right words and skills to express without excoriating them.

One phrase that surprisingly excoriates others is:

“I am surprised by your …”

Does that surprise you? Let’s consider what it can mean to others.

Image by: Sweet Dreamz Design

People Skills: Effects of the ‘Surprised By’ Statement

• The phrase “I am surprised by your …” immediately highlights a gap between you and them. That’s where it can excoriate.
• It sets up an image of you judging them. That’s how it can excoriate them.

Examples to Illustrate

• I am surprised by your commitment. Is this a compliment? What does this statement truly mean? When leaders say this to a team member, is it a criticism of past behavior or applause for current effort?
• You have surprised me with your talent. Well what did you think of them before? A lummox of limited value?

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Skip the gap and the judgmentalism. When we are pleased with someone’s behavior, let’s express our full pleasure. “I am thrilled with your commitment.” “Your talents impress me.”

When we believe it is essential to reference past behavior, let’s do it honestly and with care. “In the past, I wanted more commitment from you. I am very grateful for it now.”

Without the innuendo of the phrase, “surprised by”, we take full ownership of our opinion and expectation. It is respectful not judgmental. Our message is clear and caring.

Our people skills smooth the way to bonds of success by being mindful of the impact of our choices.
The path is clear. The rewards for all are great.

Question: What other phrase excoriates others – whether we intend it or not?

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

Related Post: People Skills: Replace the Deadly Don’t You Think

©2013 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

Super customer service experience is about positive feelings but leaders grouse “we can’t build a business on the randomness of feelings.”  Well in super customer experience, feelings are not random. We just need to look in the right place.

The feelings are behind the impact – coming and going!

Capture the Feelings Behind the Impact!

Customers come for one of two desired feelings: ease their pain and/or experience gain. What we do results in one of two feelings for the customers — positive or negative.

• The Impact of Their Problem.

  Instead of getting caught up in just the details the customers speak, we need to hear the impact of their problem or request. When a network is down and the customer can’t do their work, it’s the impact of this void that causes the feelings. Understand the impact and we capture the feelings that tell us how to deliver a super customer experience.




• The Impact of Our Approach.

  At every connection with the customers, our approach — conversation, empathy, processes, design, decisions, and actions — affect the customers’ pain or gain. When we first understand the impact of their problem, we can choose appropriate actions for a positive impact and super customer experience.




• The Impact of Previous or Repeated Trouble.

  It’s easy to deliver a super customer experience when there has been previous or repeated trouble — if we hear the feelings of frustration behind the impact. The customers are craving relief from pain and confusion; the relief we give is amazingly positive!




• The Impact of Heart-Based Service.

  If we live a narcissistic culture and focus on our success, our approach and connection often increases the customers’ pain and reduces their gain. As we focus on our procedures, we leave them stuck in frustration and far from the gain they seek. As we push self-service to reduce costs, we alienate those who need interaction to work with us. As we ignore their suggestions for improved service, we tell them that our view is more important than their needs. From this we lose them to the competition who sees the pain and void we left behind.

  If instead we approach every aspect of customer experience with a culture of heart-based service, we meet their expectations by relieving their pain or delivering a gain. We earn their trust, gratitude, and repeat business. From the heart, never fails with customers.

  [A special thanks to executive coach Lolly Daskal for the phrase "heart-based". She inspires thousands around the globe with her heart-based leadership programs and her weekly leadfromwithin chat on Twitter.]

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Leaders often ask me: What is the one thing that everyone in the organization should do to deliver super customer experience?

Listen for the feelings behind the impact and take the approach that relieves the pain and delivers the gain.

This year, I will have many workshops and sessions on this very topic. Join in the learning and receive the gains!

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From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

Related Posts:
Free Your Mind to Give Superior Customer Service in Difficult Moments
Leading Superior Customer Experience: Turn Off the Power

©2013 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

Various comments on my last post — Don’t Fire the Customer, Fire Yourselves! — showed that many use the phrase “fire the customer” as a display of power.

In the aftermath of abusive customers or the challenge of clients who constantly change their minds, some leaders and business owners use that damaging phrase to validate the organization’s position and use it to re-motivate frustrated and demoralized teams.

Yet, the power playing approach leaves a trail of trouble for the teams, the customer service culture, and the company’s reputation and brand.

Turn Off the Power for Superior Customer Experience!

Power struggles establish the dynamic as right vs. wrong.

Customer experience is about perspective and connection.

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Power words, like “firing”, conquer & crush.

Customer experience is about awareness, empathy, uplift, and success.

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Power-based motivation like “employees first, customers second” sets up a win/lose mentality.

Superior customer experience is about win/win!

“When you lead and serve for power, get ready for a power failure!” There is no greatness in either/or.

Turn off the power struggles, power words, and power-based motivation. If you want to use power, give it to your customers to give you free feedback — communicated with basic respect.

Turn on the listening and learning. Turn on creative exploration for effective problem solving. Turn on innovative thinking for customer satisfaction. Turn on the honest diplomacy to set limits in abusive situations. Turn on the joy of delivering superior customer service.


Lead a culture of excellence for improved performance based in continuous learning — not in power.

How will you ignite the customer service greatness in your organization?

I welcome your perspective in the comments section below. And I am ready to help you the way I have helped countless others in the last 23 years.


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

Related Posts:
Leadership success: Think Balance Beam Not Mountain Top
Super Customer Experience: Customers & Us in Harmony

©2012 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

There is a phrase becoming popular in the customer service world that threatens both the customers and all of us in the profession. It’s a phrase we need to decry and banish from our vocabulary especially in the powerful world of social media.

The phrase we need to remove is: “Fire the customer!”

This threatening phrase:

• Diminishes our integrity instead of building trust
• Undermines our caring purpose rather than succeeding through care
• Broadcasts selfishness and greed vs. radiating greatness
• Declares customer service to be a power struggle instead of a partnership
• Makes all customers who read it more defensive instead of cooperative
• Teaches a new generation of customer service professionals a skewed view
• Projects a tug-of-war mindset rather than a winning collaboration

Are there times when we can’t meet a customer’s need or expectation? Sure.
Yet how we part company — and speak about — echoes our brand throughout the global reach of social media.

For those business owners proudly using the phrase “fire the customer” all over Twitter, Facebook, and beyond, it’s worth a moment to consider an alternative.

The times I have not been able to continue with a customer, I have said:

“Although I cannot meet your needs and must pass on this opportunity, I wish you success …”

I am not “firing the customer”, as the current threatening phrase likes to power tout. I am firing myself! How we say things in difficult moments affects the future of our brand.


Current customers and social media tell future customers what we believe; they wonder how we will treat them. Every tweet, every post, every statement tells the world what we think of customers as a whole.

Customers talk about us too; what they say is actually up to us!

I vote to give superior customer service — not to be superior over customers. What do you want customers to say about you and your brand?


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

Related Posts:
Free Your Mind to Give Superior Customer Service in Difficult Situations
What Do We Want Customers to Feel, Experience, and Remember?

©2012 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.