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Many leaders and managers get annoyed with employees’ complaints. Leaders tell me they expect employees to contribute their views and actions to make things better — not complain about what is.

In frustration, some unsuccessfully tell employees to stop whining. Some leaders even hang a no whining sign!

This does not get employees to contribute a positive can-do attitude, their innovative solutions, and full talents and commitment.

What will engage employees to move from complaints to action?

Leaders, 6 Positive Replies to Turn Employees Complaints to Actions

Image by: saschaaa via Creative Commons License.

6 positive replies to transform employee complaints into action:

1. I hear your frustration. I am ready now to hear your ideas/solutions. Validate the feeling. If you don’t, it will continue to crave attention. Once you do, transform the power of the emotion into ideas. You are coaching your employees at this moment so don’t let them slip back into speaking only the frustration. If they can’t break out of it at that point, let them know you will be happy to discuss solutions when they are ready. Then move on with your day!




2. You have talents for solving this. Would you like to brainstorm ideas? This direct approach shows confidence and belief in them and offers them a great opportunity. The reply shows the essence of any organization — a belief in people to contribute to the end result. You as leader/manager guide all on this mission to stay focused on the road to success.




3. Power to move ahead comes from negative and positive poles. You’ve highlighted the negative very well. What’s the positive suggestion to overcoming this problem? Leaders and managers who are either driven for results or hate negativity, often overlook the value of the negative jolt. You can remind yourself and teach your employees this negative/positive balance. It reshapes outlooks and practice.




4. Your feelings and view of the problem are important. Your ideas for solving it — critical. What do you propose?

   If the next couple of statements from them are still complaints: We move forward with solutions. Here are three statements to get you started:

   • We could ________________________________________________.
   • I can contribute ___________________________________________.
   • I am willing to _____________________________________________.

   Take time to think about it and then let’s get started!




5. Let’s take your understandable emotion on this issue and turn it into a power source for solving it. I’d love to hear your ideas. Many employees feel like followers not contributors. Daily reminders that they have power to lead from within their talents help shape the organization and its success.




6. Optimism and skepticism are healthy; endless pessimism is poison to a team. With chronic complainers who offer no solutions or actions, let them know that their endless pessimism can stop success much the same way that blinded optimism can put everyone at risk. As the leader, I will forge ahead on this balanced mission. I want your talent with us. Please bring your balance to this team’s challenges.

These positive replies will work if you are engaging employees on a daily basis for their ideas and solutions. If you are a directive leader and use these replies when employees complain, they will have little effect.

Complaints without suggestions are an indicator that the employees feel powerless. If you lead daily through employee engagement, you connect with them emotionally by tapping their ideas. This in turn validates their worth and helps tremendously when you all must endure things that cannot change.

Employee engagement generates their sense of power and desire to contribute solutions; it doesn’t give away your power. It actually generates a powerful success for the organization you lead. The exact result you seek!

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


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©2012 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Harvard Business Review recently featured The No Whining Rule for Managers by Ron Ashkenas. His main point about accountability and focusing on solutions is rock solid.  The question is how to get people to do that.

One of his client’s, a high level leader, resorted to a no whining sign. Be careful of this approach. It is not just a catchy slogan. It is a demeaning and dangerous approach to leadership people-skills that can infect your organization and spread like antibiotic-resistant bacteria.

Leaders, Replace the No Whining Sign Image by: DBDuo Photography, Creative Commons License

Her outlook is that employees are adults, not children – so she tells them to stop acting like children (i.e. no whining).

But you  show your immaturity as a leader by trying to ban behavior that is not based in laziness but in real barriers to adult communication (silos, titles etc…).

She assumes they know or should know what she wants.  Don’t assume.  As Doug Conant,  former CEO of Campbell’s Soup, advises “Declare yourself. Then walk the talk.

If you want your direct reports to engage in substantive problem solving communication, then, as a leader, show them by doing it yourself.

The phrase, stop whining is a whine! It is a complaint about what you don’t like — poorly disguised as an order.


“Leadership is about being effective in the moment with others.” ~Doug Conant, former CEO Campbell’s Soup.

Leaders, Replace the No Whining Sign!
Model the Positive to Eliminate the Negative

• Model and model and model.
  The best way to teach actionable behavior is to do it!  If someone dumps a problem in your lap without any suggestions, ask them for their ideas.  If they launch into complaints, ask them how to overcome those barriers. Don’t yield. Model.

  Skip the labels.  Labels demean.  Stop whining may shame people into a short term behavior change yet it won’t breed positive can-do attitudes or develop a high performance organization.  It simply breeds compliance to a commandant leader’s orders — when the leader is around.

  It also breeds communication avoidance in those who don’t know how to break through barriers but don’t want to be demeaned.  Avoidance reduces productivity – the exact opposite of accountability and performance.  I have seen it repeatedly in response to leaders whose favorite phrases begin with the word stop or no.

  Even with children, you see quicker success when you show them what you want them to do vs. what you don’t want them to do.




• Create a culture of positive action by showing managers how well it works.
  How leaders treat their managers is how the managers treat the staff.  If you want the whole organization to replace complaining with problem solving and innovating, replace the no whining sign with your non-whining communication.  They will then model it with their direct reports.

  Do you really want an entire organization issuing stop orders? Or would you prefer they engage in behaviors that create success?




• Free yourself from the trap of the should.
  The danger of assuming is common knowledge.  When leaders hear themselves saying, “we assume the employees have good skills“, they stop themselves and finish with, “yet it’s dangerous to assume. Let’s handle it.”

  Leaders are not so commonly aware of the trap of the should.  “These are high level managers. They should already have good skills.“   This thinking is a trap.  It makes leaders replace the reality (lack of skills) with another label for the behavior (e.g. childlike, lazy, whiner).

  Reality: Many managers are promoted by being good staff members.  They were highly responsible for their own work.  They weren’t facilitating solutions across organizational boundaries. Unless you witnessed stellar management skills in them when they were staff members that suddenly disappeared when they became managers, the issue is skill level.

  As managers, they are apprentices who can shine in the new skills with great coaching and mentoring. If you believe or have evidence they are not capable of improving, then courageously find the right people for these management positions.

  So free yourself from the trap of the should.  It takes your eye off the real target — instilling more successful behavior and better performance.

I welcome your questions on how to turn interaction obstacles into (non-whining) successful business behavior.

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

Related Post: Leaders, Here’s the Pain Free Way to Engage Employee Accountability

©2012 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please first email info@katenasser.com for terms of use. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

People often focus on major career shaping milestones like earning a degree or relocating for a better job. It’s harder to see the psychologically uncomfortable career shaping opportunities yet well worth the effort.

5 Psychologically Uncomfortable Career Shaping Opportunities Image by:kroo2u

When leaders and managers must decide who to place on new projects, in newly vacated job spots, and in managerial and leadership posts, they draw on their everyday observations of staff behavior. How you behave in difficult and uncomfortable situations creates an impression that shapes your career opportunities.


5 Psychologically Uncomfortable Career Shaping Opportunities

• When You’re the New Kid on the Block. Moving onto an existing team can be uncomfortable. How will your expertise be received before you’ve had time to build trust? If you are adept at asserting without pushing, leaders see you as an asset to critical collaborations and sudden teams.




• When Deadlines Loom and You Have Little Information. These situations can challenge your sense of self-confidence and competence. If you perform well without blaming other groups for the void, leaders see you as a resourceful asset worthy of trust for tough high profile assignments.




• When You’re On a Toxic Negative Team. Do you succumb to the negativity — even if just to fit in? Or are you the lonely voice of inspiration that holds strong and re-inspires others? If you inspire in the face of naysayers, leaders see you as the turnaround titan that keeps productivity flowing.




• When Emotions Are Running High. Many people hate conflict. Avoiding it impacts results. Fueling it can be disastrous. If your focus and insight triumphs over emotion, you pop to the top of the next leader list!




• During Rapid Start-ups. Start-ups present a huge revenue and public relations challenge to companies. The learning curve is an expense. Delay is risky. The stress of these start-ups crushes many people. If you are a fast fearless learner undaunted by a lack of structured training programs, leaders see you as pure profit and risk reduction.

What does it take to develop these traits and seize these opportunities?

1. Desire
2. Persistence
3. Continuous improvement

You can strengthen your ability to blend into new teams, handle ambiguity, stay inspired, improve focus, and embrace fast change. In fact, you can achieve most anything you desire.

Leaders will notice; confidence and commitment burns bright.

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

Related Post: Be & Perform Like a Ferrari

©2012 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please first email info@katenasser.com for terms of use. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Leaders and managers ask the same persistent question: How do you engage employee accountability?

Many are excited to engage employees to be more creative and innovative.
They picture building accountability as hard fought battles of weight, responsibility, and blame.

Leaders, Take This Pain Free Journey To Engage Employee Accountability

1. Define accountability as a celebration of honor, ownership, and learning. Far too many see accountability as carrying the blame for mistakes. Why would employees jump up and engage that negative idea?

   Honor employees contributions and they will honor their responsibilities.




2. Support this definition of accountability with your behavior and communication in positive and negative situations. Finding fault stops progress; finding solutions ignites success.




3. Abandon the no news is good news approach to leadership. Applaud incremental growth and smaller accomplishments. It builds interest and the confidence to be accountable. Practical Examples: Leaders, 12 Worthy Kudos to Spark Employee Engagement

   When leaders speak only with criticism, employees will forever define accountability as blame.




4. Illustrate accountability in pain free moments. Use the phrase “I take responsibility for not being clear or “I own that delay”.

   What leaders say and live becomes the culture of the organization.




5. Employees engage when they can see what’s in it for them. So, what does accountability do for the employees? Discuss it. Listen to their views on it. Open up to what holds them back from it and their ideas to fix it. A pain free step to accountability!




6. Honestly address mismatches in job fits. If people are truly wrong for the positions they hold, their continued misses frustrate the team to the brink of finger pointing.

   Prevent this pain with honest reassessment of the best job fit.




7. End each day or week with: “What did we learn that improved our ability going forward?” With this practice, employees skip the fear of blame and the disease of perfectionism and become accountable for excellence.

Accountability doesn’t have to leave scars. It doesn’t have to come from a demanding leader constantly nagging employees to do what’s needed.

Create the opportunity and culture for excellence and watch employees engage and embrace accountability. It’s welcome and pain free!

I look forward to launching this journey with you. I will take you from inspiration to action!

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

Related Post:
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10 Ways to Ignite Greatness Without Leaving Scars

©2012 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please first email info@katenasser.com for terms of use. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on customer service & experience, teamwork, and leading change. Kate turns interaction obstacles into business success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

Customer service professionals and leaders need always remember that great customer service is defined by the customer and from the customer’s perspective. Yet as with most professions, the temptation to see things from the inside often takes control and drives beliefs.

When this temptation controls for too long, the beliefs become ingrained. These deep-rooted customer service myths can sink long term success.

Customer Service Myths That Won't Die

Here are 4 of these customer service myths that won’t die. What would you add to this list and how can we finally bust these myths from the soul of customer service?

MYTH #1: Delivery is more important than how you treat the customer. There are many who believe that as long as you deliver the goods or solve the customers’ problems, the customers will be very pleased. Not true. 
Remember, if you stress the customers out along the way — they will remember the negative even if you deliver in the end. They start looking for companies that can make service easier next time.


MYTH #2: If you can’t measure it, it doesn’t exist. Baloney. All the discoveries humans have made existed before we discovered them. Metrics are a valuable tool for humans to make decisions. They are one means to an end — they are not the end.
Believing that metrics are the heart and soul of great customer service is a very dangerous myth.


MYTH #3: Customers separate customer service from customer experience like companies do. Are you laughing as much as I am at this one?
Customers don’t care what you call it. They want every aspect of products and services to meet their needs and be easy to use!


MYTH #4: If you treat customers well, you teach them to be demanding and unreasonable. Huh? How did that one get started and plant its long roots into the customer service psyche?
Let’s replace that myth with the truth: If you treat customers badly, they eventually go elsewhere.

What other harmful customer service myths do you want to bust apart? I welcome your customer service voice in the comments section below.

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Business success — be it corporate, mid-size enterprises, innovative start-ups, or small businesses - depends on the positive can do attitude. It is also weakened and destabilized by a bad attitude.

For business success, leaders, inspire people to choose a positive attitude but don’t coach a bad attitude. The latter is a waste of time and money. The team members who bring a positive can do attitude use your inspiration to deliver success. An employee with a bad attitude just uses you.

Are you surprised to hear me, The People-Skills Coach, say don’t coach a bad attitude?  Well, I am not speaking about an employee who offers a different view, contributes alternate solutions, or is having a bad day.  I am referring to an employee who under performs, is under-motivated, constantly negative, analyzes but doesn’t deliver, or refuses to work with necessary constraints.

One leader recently asked me, how long do you work on the bad morale of a negative employee? I replied, never!  You cannot work on someone’s morale.  People choose and own their individual attitudes.

Coaching a bad attitude means you are spending time on their mission instead of the mission of the organization.

Inspire Positive Attitudes; Don't Coach a Bad Attitude!

Positive can do team members …

• Offer realistic solutions to fix frustrating/difficult situations they don’t like.
• Own their occasional bad day.  When they ask for assistance, they try the suggestions you offer vs. negating your ideas and continuing to complain.
• Learn from many situations – the good and the bad – instead of complaining about them.
• Initiate actions to deliver success.

If you are thinking or saying the following about a constantly negative team member, you are enabling a bad attitude:

“But this employee …”

• “Just needs more time to develop a positive attitude.”
• “Will come around eventually.”
• “Is still recovering from the previous bad boss.”
• “Is having a rough year.”
• “Is young/immature.”
• “Is good in a crisis.”

Would upper management be swayed by these reasons when trying to assess the value of your organization? Or would they ask you to calculate the cost of having employees who don’t use positive attitudes to fuel outstanding results?

What can you expect instead? A positive attitude to create business success now; someone who is capable of choosing a positive attitude doesn’t need more time.  An employee who had a dictatorial boss before could be thrilled by a chance to work with a better leader now.  Young employees can be positive about the possibilities that lie ahead. Team members who are good in a crisis have the mental strength to choose a can do attitude daily.

Leaders, if you struggle with the idea of expecting a positive attitude, ask yourself why?

Do you:

• Want to be liked more than you want to achieve success
• Fear the necessary conversation about a bad attitude
• Believe you have the power to change people
• Believe that expecting and requiring a positive attitude means you are a tyrant/ogre
• Feel bad about yourself if an employee has a bad attitude toward the job
• Believe that positive employees won’t want to work in your organization

I see this trend among: certain personality types, managers who are leading their former peers, and leaders who replaced a rough demoralizing micro-manager.  Yet coaching a bad attitude doesn’t change the bad attitude.

It can also demoralize the committed team members who endure the bad attitude while you try — in vain — to coach. It takes you all off course.

Get back on track. Expect a positive attitude and inspire the possibilities that come from it!

Feature team successes and lessons learned.  Recognize innovative thought, outstanding effort, commitment, and action.  Express your appreciation at the end of the week for tough situations handled well.  Let no complainer disillusion or distract you and the team from the true mission.

Positive attitudes are not denial of the difficulties the team faces.  They are the very fuel for overcoming obstacles to reach business success.

Create an environment for a positive can do attitude and then expect it from everyone.

What other actions do you recommend to create an environment for a can do attitude? I welcome your comments below.

The internet is abuzz about Central Bucks PA teacher Natalie Munroe and her blog post where she called her students whiny and lazy. As I heard the story, I immediately knew that Natalie Munroe had made a classic people skills mistake.

Labels –> they never inspire and always leave scars.

There is much for leaders to learn from this people skills mistake. I offer the following lessons and welcome your additions to this post.

People Skills That Lead and Inspire

1. “I” not “You”. When you have something negative to say, use an I statement instead of a you statement. Hear the difference between “I would like you to work harder” instead of “you are whiny and lazy.”




2. Highlight behaviors vs. traits. Whether you are a teacher, a leader, a team member, or a parent, you are more likely to see positive change when you discuss specific behaviors you want to see rather than traits. You will see results sooner with “Ask for help or offer an idea” instead of “you are whiny.” For years, many mangers have used the desktop sign: “no complaints — only solutions” to inspire employees to engage and solve problems.




3. Refocus powerless feelings.
   When labels emerge, it is a sure sign of frustration and a sense of powerlessness. Always a danger zone ripe for a people skills disaster unless you refocus on what you can do vs. what you can’t do.
   In this case, teachers have the tougher situation. Corporate leaders and managers have options to move low performers to less demanding projects, to lower profile teams, or out the door. Teachers don’t have these alternatives and sometimes little support. Hence it is even more important to refocus on what you can achieve with the students instead of the continued obstacles. When you lower your own frustration you find the power to inspire.




4. Move forward however slow the pace. Forward steps toward the mission, purpose, and goals will keep your people skills and your people on a positive track to success. Side trips and rest stops in the gullies of change resistance will derail you all.




5. When you slip, admit and recommit. Frustration can get the better of anyone. A teacher, leader, or a team member can slip into frustration driven labels and unproductive remarks. The sooner you admit, apologize, and recommit to productive interaction, the less the damage. You also become a model for learning, leadership, and integrity.

What other people skills lessons learned would you add to this list?

Flickr: HugoVK

Is your positive attitude helping yourself and others?  Or are you so extremely positive that you drive others crazy?  Science Daily (July 3, 2009) published an article on the research of Dr. Joanne Wood and Dr. John Lee with interesting results about positive self-affirmations.   The results showed that some people do better when they are allowed to verbalize both the negative and the positive.    (See link below.)

I have a positive view of life and see life’s challenges straight ahead of me.  I take action to create a good life and learn from my experiences — both good and bad   However, I meet others who see the negatives more than the positives.  They live differently and I respect their choices.  Some have told me they were inspired by my positive outlook and actions.  Others go their own way.  I have also met people who try to convert me to their positivism before seeing how positive I already am!  This turns me off to what they have to offer.

So here are three steps to prevent positivism from being patronizing, controlling, and insensitive in everyday life.  [NOTE: In organizations and teams, positive can-do attitudes and positive disagreements are essential to meeting goals.  Too much negativity can slow momentum and derail end results.]

1.Coach only when asked.  In everyday life, don’t elect yourself someone else’s life coach.  Even positive words like “I would like to encourage you to …” are somewhat arrogant if the person didn’t ask for your help.   Live and enjoy your own positivism but don’t declare yourself Prince of PositiveLand and issue decrees.  You may become known as a royal pain in the a_ _.

2. Listen in the moment and understand others’ perspectives.  Listening builds trust through respect.  Extremely positive people are sometimes so busy encouraging others to be positive they don’t stop and listen to the moment others are in.  Everyone in this life is on a journey and they travel at different speeds.   Some get to positivism faster than others.  Some don’t even want to go there.  Exception: If you are a leading an organization through change and a true resistor is slowing the pace with mega-negativity, you will need to address that very clearly to ensure the momentum of change.

3.Disagree honestly and with respect. Become comfortable with honest respectful disagreement.  People disagree in life.  Working through disagreements often delivers great results.  Yet sometimes extremely positive people patronize during a disagreement because they seek immediate harmony.  Disagreement can be a positive if it is respectful.

Live positively and let others see your positive outlook and actions.  Be careful of pushing them to be positive — you could create the opposite effect.

I welcome your additions to this list and your other relevant comments below.  Here is the link to the Science Daily article mentioned above: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/07/090702110503.htm

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

MA Organizational Psychology