KateNasser.com

My strong technical background (Mathematics) and my natural intuition about people gives me a special insight into the people skills (also known as soft skills or interpersonal skills) of technical professionals. It is a myth that technical professionals are incapable of highly social interaction.  As with any population, there is a range of abilities which can depend on interest level. Many technical professionals seem to enjoy the technical/occupational skills over the people skills. Yet I see in them a wealth of knowledge and a very deep commitment to helping others.

Today, thanks to technology ironically, technical professionals must interact more than ever with all types of people and cultures globally while in pursuit of their technical goals!

So this post of people skills tips is dedicated to you, technical professionals and your people skills, in order that all can see and benefit from your intelligence, knowledge, and deep commitment to helping others.

People Skills Tips for Techies By:@J#@

The dividends, the value, of people skills (soft skills, interpersonal skills …) become clear to those who jump into learning and using them. For skeptics, the dividends seem unclear because they can’t easily measure them with numbers before investing.

People-skills for Success Today By:afcool83

As a leader, whether you are a skeptic or a believer, it is worth considering how much more productivity and what new success your teams can achieve with better people skills. With virtual team members distributed in workplaces throughout the globe trying to meet objectives, people skills are more critical than ever to overcoming obstacles and reaching success. Even within one workplace, people skills are the vehicle for all to contribute their occupational knowledge so that others can use it effectively.

Help Desk Insitute, (popularly known as HDI), invited me to write a feature article, What Are the Dividends of People-Skills, for their Support World journal. The editor has graciously sent me the pdf (see link below) for all to read. The print version is available only to members. The article is copyrighted so please do not re-post on other sites without permission (Email: info@katenasser.com).

The article in pdf format: What Are the Dividends of People Skills.

To get started improving your people skills, here’s a related blog post: Professional People Skills – Work on You and On the Work.

Thank you Cinda and Megan at Help Desk Institute for covering this very important people-skills topic. [HDI is the professional association for internal and external IT customer support offering industry best practice research and reports, training, and certification. For more information: Help Desk Institute.]

There is much press today about whether people skills (also known as soft skills) are considered during the hiring process. Do people skills count more than your occupational (aka hard skills)?

Quite honestly, to me the debate is both useless and a bit risky. Your professional career is in your hands. Hiring managers, teams of current employees, HR reps are people. They may consider people skills. Do you want to gamble that those interviewing you don’t consider people skills in making the choice? Whether they do it consciously or subconsciously, why bet that they won’t? Develop your professional people skills. Work on you AND the work. Be workplace ready!

Work on You AND The Work by:vaXzine

When to start? Yesterday. Developing your people skills can begin in school. In can happen in your everyday life — inside and outside of work. I was lucky enough to have a mother who demanded it of us. So when I graduated college with a BS Mathematics, I had been developing the interpersonal skills of my right brain while sharpening and expanding my left brain.

Is it too late to start? Never. I continue to learn and improve my people skills. You have infinite interactions with people and it costs nothing to learn “on the job” so to speak. Even those who debate whether or not interviewers consider people skills in the hiring decision, agree that people skills are expected and assessed for job assignments and promotions once you have the job.

How to start? The most productive first step is to understand your own personality type — for two reasons.

1. You will interpret what other people say and do based on your own personality type.  It is your reference sheet.
2. Knowing your type gives you limitless potential for adapting to others of a different personality type.  It is the fuel for success in teamwork, leadership, customer relations, and long term professional friendships.

Here is some valuable footage on personality type differences to spur your learning: GPS Your Brain to Work With Any Personality Type.

Get Started! Take a well respected personality indicator like The Kiersey Temperament Sorter and then use the knowledge in your daily interactions. People-skills are the conduit to delivering your occupational knowledge to those around you and to the company that employs you.

If you get stuck, you can always call me (or my mother) for help!

Warmest wishes,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach in This Technical World
Masters in Org. Psychology

The best teamwork in the workplace requires great people-skills. As a team member what you say and how you say it impacts productivity and teamwork today and tomorrow and down the road. Phrases that team members see as disrespectful (regardless of your intentions) can bury teamwork and your workplace relationship.

For all team members and leaders who like practical information for the best teamwork and people-skills, here’s a checklist of four phrases to bury and never use again!

Bury These Phrases for Best Teamwork

1. “Whatever!” The current popularity of this phrase does not lessen its sting. You are basically saying to your team member: “your thoughts don’t matter to me”. This will leave scars that damage teamwork. It you disagree with a team member, then say I disagree. If you are frustrated because they are talking endlessly, then say “we are short on time today…”. Bury the phrase whatever and don’t ever dig it up!
   
   
2. “All you’ve done is ….” The culprit here is the word all. It packs whatever you are about to say with emotion — negative emotion. A colleague of mine was speaking with a networking contact who was a driver/driver personality type. The contact said to my colleague about her work “All you’ve done is invent a job for yourself.” The networking contact’s “all you’ve’ done is …” phrase is insulting and demeaning. On a team, this phrase could leave a scar between team members that never heals. Bury this phrase all you’ve done is … deep in the ground so it doesn’t ooze up during a flood!
   
   
3. “Don’t you think …?” Most of the time, people use this phrase to pressure someone into agreement. Much better to state what you believe (“I think”) and ask the team members what they think. “Don’t you think we should or …” is a passive aggressive way of expressing disagreement and often triggers resistance and emotion. To reach an end goal, put the issues on the table for the team members to directly discuss. Bury the phrase don’t you think … and replace it with what do you think?.
   
   
4. “I’m sorry you feel I have …”. This is one of the most common and is a most offensive phrase — whether you say it in the workplace or in your personal life. Said on a team, it is deadly. The culprit here are the words you feel. If someone has told you that you have offended, hurt, insulted … them, offer a simple direct apology I am sorry. If you want to go further, use and I am sorry for the impact this has had on you. Bury your fear of apologizing along with the phrase I’m sorry you feel I have …. You will be respected for your courage and your caring.
   
   

What other phrases would you bury?

Rude customers in customer service work do not have to wear to you down. Rude customers can actually be the best people-skills learning experience you will ever have. Think these 5 things when working with rude customers for best results and to avoid getting upset. I have been teaching people-skills, teamwork, and customer service for 20+ years. The right thoughts and mindset affect everything.

THINK these 5 things and let the people-skills learning begin!! Do it daily as a mantra and your outlook toward rude customers (and rude people in general) will change.

Thoughts for Rude Customers By:Yogendra174

1. Thorns don’t attack you; they protect them.
   Plants have thorns to protect them. So do people. When you hear a person’s thorns, recognize their fear and weakness. The thorns are not attacking you. They are protecting them. Do not attack out of your fear and you will not get pricked by their thorns.




2. Easy doesn’t sharpen a thorn. One of the most common questions I receive is “Aren’t we teaching them to be rude next time if we are nice to rude customers this time?” No! Your positive responses do not teach them to be thornier! Thorny customers are adults who make their own decisions.




3. De-thorning them will hurt you! If a stranger tried to kick down your defense mechanisms (like your front door), how would you react? The customers do not have a family relationships or close friendships with you. To them you are a stranger. If you try to clip their thorns directly, they will prick you back.




4. Empathize Emotion; Don’t Analyze the Thorns! Trying to analyze a customer’s thorns in the few minutes you have to deliver service is not feasible or logical. It takes therapists years to analyze a client’s emotions. Yours is to deliver service, not to change the customer. Show empathy for their emotion; don’t analyze their thorns.




5. Positivity Beats Equality; Don’t be a Thorn! During a recent workshop a technical support rep asked me “Why does a rude customer acting badly deserved to be treated well?”. I replied, “You treat the customer well because it works. It gets you to the end goal.” Treating the customer badly will not get the customer to treat you well. More importantly, it will veer you off course from business success. Positivity beats equality as a winning strategy in customer service.

Be the sun, not the thorn. Happy gardening.

©2010 Kate Nasser, Somerville, NJ.

A recent MSN CareerBuilder article What They Should Have Taught You in School offers insightful practical advice to all GEN Y (aka Millenials). The writer, Anthony Balderrama, did a great job of amassing lessons learned and best advice on the professional people-skills you will need to succeed at work. I contributed three tips for that article.

Yet the topic is so valuable to GEN Y and to all those changing careers, that I include here more of the best professional people-skills to learn before work.

Six of the Best Professional People-Skills to Learn for Work:

The 25 Worst CS Stories. Photo By:mlibrarianus

As The People-Skills Coach and a professional customer service trainer, I use both positive and negative real life stories to train Help Desk analysts, Customer Care teams, Customer Service Reps (CSRs), and Call Center agents. The positive stories define the model of great service behavior. The negative stories address the emotional intelligence team members need to deliver memorable service.

The 25 Worst Customer Service Stories

1. The foul language is clearly wrong. Will your CSRs quickly identify the other critical error in this exchange? Here’s the story: I had a problem with a new piece of electronic equipment and called for assistance. The first technician I talked with insisted that there was nothing wrong with his company’s equipment, that it must be my fault. When I explained that everything in the network had worked perfectly until I powered the new item up, he laughed at me. When I asked to talk to his supervisor, he responded with the infamous two letter expletive and hung up. I called back and spoke with a different tech who was able to resolve the problem in a matter of minutes and who then asked his supervisor to join us on the line. When I told the supervisor of my earlier experience, she asked me to give her one day so she could resolve the problem. She called back in less than fifteen minutes to tell me that she and the call center manager had reviewed the tape of the call, fired the original technician, and promoted the second one to a customer service training position. It went from being the worst customer service experience ever to one of the best in less than half an hour.
   –Submitted by: Ron B.
   
   
2. The story: I was trying to get some information from the local cable company, Comcast, about my bill. I couldn’t understand the different groupings of channels which had no explanation just names like Extended Package. She couldn’t explain it and kept getting the same channels in different groupings. I said, very politely, “I don’t understand your explanation, is there someone else who can explain it to me so I will understand it.” She replied: “You’re stupid.” Then she hung up.
   –Submitted by: Elaine B.
   
   
3. “You’re not following our process.” Sadly, this was said to a customer by one of my own CSRs.  This was a wake-up call for sure.
   –Submitted by: Drew J.
   
   
4. “I’m sorry, but that’s our Policy and I’m not connecting you with my supervisor.”
   This reply is anathema to the reason for customer service — to serve the customer (the person with the $$$ they want).  I could care less about their policies.  My policy is that I don’t do business with companies that don’t treat me with respect and give me value for my money.  If something doesn’t work, then just fix it.  If you don’t know – then say “I don’t know, but let me find out for you.”  Companies are run by humans and humans make mistakes.  I don’t judge them badly because they make a mistake.  It’s how they resolve the mistake that matters.
   –Submitted by: David G.
   
   
5. Can you believe this interaction? Here’s the story: In our large grocery store, I asked about the cinnamon buns that were in the sample dome. The employee I asked said that they were very fattening and I could do with losing some weight!
   –Submitted by: Andrew F.
   
   
6. I explained to a DELL rep that I had 12 new laptops that would not power on no matter what I did.  His answer to me was “What do you want me to do about it?”  I said excuse me?  He clarified by saying “if they don’t power on I can’t trouble shoot them and if they aren’t powering on it has to be something you did to them that made them not work.” I still have nightmares.
   –Submitted by: Liz M.
   
   
7. “You will have to go online to and fix this.” I replied “Seriously? I am talking to customer service – a real live human being and you can’t do a thing for me? “Yes ma’am, you need to go online to do this.”  So I asked her, “What, exactly, do you do?”  Silence.
   –Submitted by: Shelly S.
   
   
8. It’s not our fault that you have this problem – it’s yours.” (Big Insurance Company in the UK)
   –Submitted by: Ian T.
   
   
9. I’m still fuming from my experience with Travelocity/ABC Airline this morning. Woke up sick as a dog, needing to catch a flight at 7:00. I’ve probably booked one hundred flights with Travelocity and I have always paid the $20.00 insurance if changes ever come up, including unexpected illness. I have never actually used this insurance but was happy to have it until I was told from ABC Airline: “I’m sorry, there’s nothing we can do for you.”  And, then again from Travelocity, “I’m sorry, there’s nothing we can do for you.” Lesson learned. Don’t buy Travelocity’s insurance. Or, better yet, avoid Travelocity.
   –Submitted by: Anonymous
   
   
10. Is this stupidity or lack of caring? The story: A pharmacy CSR refused to authorize one of my meds. When I told her I had been waiting 2 weeks and explained the effects of not having them,  she said ”maybe you should see a doctor about these new symptoms.”
    –Submitted by: Denise C.
    
    
11. Are your CSRs so busy following scripts that they don’t listen? Here’s the story:  My father passed away.  I called a credit card company to cancel his account.  I said, “My name is Debra. My father Pat passed away and I am the Executor of the Estate. I am calling to cancel his account.”
    The CSR replied, “Well, I need to talk to Pat.” I said, “Listen very carefully. He’s DEAD – now if you want to talk to him, you’ll have to figure out how to. GIVE ME YOUR SUPERVISOR!”   The Supervisor got on the phone and I said, “Do you have a connection with God?”  She cracked up laughing – she had heard about the conversation.
    – Submitted by: Deborah B.
    
    
12. I called HP customer service about a new HP printer that wouldn’t interface with my Mac (even though the company swore it would easily work).  After hours of being on hold and being told that I had obviously done something wrong or just couldn’t understand, the rep told me “Yeah, really not my problem, lady.” So I went to Apple. They figured out the problem – and were nice.
    –Submitted by: Julie G.
    
    
13. My favorite bad customer service response was “it is working as designed” after the support agent was able to duplicate (and agree with) an obvious bug/error in a popular word processing program.
    –Submitted by: Tom M.
    
    
14. “You should buy one of those bust reducing bras from Marks & Spencers.” This was in a clothing store said by one of the stick thin pre-pubescent staff.  This is customer service? I don’t think so!
    –Submitted by: Emma C.
    
    
15. Is this the new version of customer self-service ? The story: I was checking out at WalMart, with my elderly Mom and small kids in tow.  A pair of $8 shoes I was buying rang up for $10. I questioned the clerk on the price at which time she said “No they rang up for $10. “You can go back there and check it yourself”. I wasn’t about to do that, so I just settled up for the $10. grrrr.  Got home and pulled the shoes out of the box and guess what. The actual price tag on the shoes said $8! Next day I went back to customer service and happened to be waited on by the same clerk at which time she said, ”That wasn’t my fault; it was the cash register. I can’t help you”.  I had to find the store manager to get the issue resolved.  He not only gave me all my money back, but he let me keep the shoes.
    –Submitted by: Amanda K.
    
    
16. I had spent well over 3 hours on the phone with customer service/tech. support, having been repeatedly put on hold, transferred, and disconnected. I called back after yet another disconnection after being on hold for several minutes. The person who answered started to go into their script, asking me for irrelevant information. I told the person that I just needed to be connected to XYZ because I had been disconnected after being on the phone with them for over three hours. The CSR went to a very long speech about how he’d be happy to transfer me. I didn’t need a speech. I just needed him to transfer me. I told him this. He repeated the speech. His scripted, inhuman “courteousness” just made me angry and hate the company.
    –Submitted by: Joe S.
    
    
17. Have your CSRs ever said this? “There is nothing I can do for you.”  I asked for a supervisor they told me that the supervisor will tell me the same thing!
    –Submitted by: Sahar A.
    
    
18. This one is beyond belief — yet true. Here’s the story: I was hosting a party for 150 people and needed catering prices 7 weeks prior to party to review bids, select caterer, or determine another venue. I had a drop-dead due date and explained that.  When I contacted the caterer for prices because they hadn’t contacted me by the morning of the due date, my main contact was on vacation and left no information. I was fuming. Obviously, they did not get my business.  When I finally reached the caterer to determine how they could have made such an error, he said “I decided you didn’t need it by your due date.” I was appalled.  How could they decide my due date? I did contact the management office and heads did roll. This was not lost business from this one event, but there were 5 hosts involved (their friends) and word of mouth travels fast.  While management appreciated my comments, they were foolish in not throwing me some type of bone to offset the situation. In a world where it’s tough to get business, this is not acceptable.
    –Submitted by: Lisa R.
    
    
19. “ya wesd rufj dimn uklod doodop” In other words, the worst customer service ever was delivered by someone who spoke no comprehensible English. I’ve heard it hundreds of times to lesser degrees, but in one case it was entirely incomprehensible. When will these companies learn that customer service agents need to actually be comprehensible in the language they are supposedly supporting?
    –Submitted by: John B.
    
    
20. How would your CSRs reply to this request? Here’s the story: I lost my cable service for 3 days. Apparently, it was a system wide failure and thousands of customers were affected. During the course of my conversation, I said something like “Please just credit me for 3 days worth of service.” The rep said, “We can’t do that. Do you know how much it would cost us if we credited everyone for the past three days?”
    –Submitted by: Phil F.
    
    
21. “I am sorry but that’s our policy”. Even if the CSR says it politely, this is a statement that can tick anybody off. Such a statement exudes rigidity and inflexibility, which is the last thing a customer wants to hear when he/she calls customer service with a genuine problem.  This statement, if used too many times by a customer service agent during a call would generally lead to an escalation or loss of a customer, which indicates the poor performance of the agent.
    –Submitted by: Om D.
    
    
22. Have you taught your CSRs the difference between professional and personal behavior? Here’s the story: I was speaking with a customer service representative about a problem I was having.  I said, “I know it’s not your fault.” She said, “That’s right.  It’s not my fault.” She is the representative of a company. She should accept responsibility even if it’s not her personal fault!
    –Submitted by: Randi B.
    
    
23. Here’s one of the recent nightmares I lived through. There was a charge on my Citibank Mastercard from a vendor who renewed my $400 membership without asking me.  I spoke with the vendor and he agreed to send a credit into the credit card company for the charge.  Since the credit card bill was due in 15 days, I called the credit card company to ensure that I wouldn’t have to pay $400 up front only to have it credited back later.  The CSR who answered the phone went into his long drawn out scripted answer. I asked to speak with a supervisor and after waiting on hold, the supervisor started another scripted answer.  I said “I am a busy person and I just need a simple direct answer.” He replied: “I am sorry you called when you were busy.  We are open 24 hours a day.” I stopped using that card.  I will not give my money to a company whose representatives communicate sarcastically and blame me for their slow scripted service.
    –Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach
    
    
24. I had a credit card and somehow after a year the bank changed my zip code and I didn’t get the bill. When they called I explained I never got a bill.  After we found the issue I asked for a refund of the late fee. Though I got it eventually I was initially told,  “You are responsible for your bill, we only send the statement as a convenience to you.”
    –Submitted by: Shawn D.
    
    
25. What would your CSRs say if they had difficulty communicating with a customer? Would they sound like this CSR who acted as if she was the sergeant in charge.  Here’s the story: A CSR at a big box cable company in the Midwest said to me:  “You’re not listening to me. “
    –Submitted by: Linda L.
    
    

The key training topics from this list include emotional intelligence, customer care outlook, listening skills, the perilous effects of procedur-itis, ownership, and clear communication.

I am ready to inspire and train any and all of your employees who work with internal or external customers — your business’ most valuable resource! Just give me a call and we will discuss the training to deliver memorable customer service for the greatest return on your investment.

Please feel free to leave your comments or customer service stories and insights in the field below. If customer service is your passion, take a look at a related post on this blog “Ace Your Next Customer Service Moment.”

Thanks for stopping by and RSS this blog for the latest people-skills posts,
Kate Nasser

Team success in a diverse workplace requires more than a common goal. Respecting the differences is key. Each team member must be willing to flex their style and adapt to others.  Once again people-skills, also known as soft skills, impact the tangible results in business.  In this case, the people-skill needed for team success is an individual willingness as well as the skill to embrace others’ styles and blend yours for the team’s success.

The underlying support for this is a basic respect for the differences. Engage your teams in a discussion on this topic. You may be surprised at what they say! Here’s a short inspirational video to help you get started:

1. Respect the differences
2. Learn to love the differences
3. Find the fit

Here is a summary of Kate Nasser’s Twitter stream from last week filled with people-skills  (aka soft skills) tweets and inspirational thoughts.  Share your favorites with your team, your leadership, and your social network.

• Teaching intercultural people-skills may be key to becoming a global city or company! http://bit.ly/9NFl8w #
• IT Architects – You need top-notch soft skills (people-skills) to reach goals Source:Gartner Group http://bit.ly/9GBIhf #CIO #
• Career technical education even in small PA town to focus more on people-skills — to be more job competitive. http://bit.ly/aOo7Bk #
• Nothing is secure but life, transition, the energizing spirit.~ Ralph Waldo Emerson #change #
• #FollowFriday CustomerService – @ericjacques @brandon_caudle @parature @compcomm @servicesphere @royatkinson @katenasser
• #FollowFriday #GENY @modite @katenasser
• Jazz up your brand w/new color schemes! @DesignerWife RT @nicholaspatten: 12 Creative Color Schemes. http://bit.ly/aMgLXM #entrepreneur #
• I am thinking of buying a SONY Vaio FW520 laptop. Anyone out here have one? R U happy w/it? #
• TY! @americandream09 WOMEN OF INFLUENCE @MelissaMcCreery @anneebeling @CoachingGuru @LorenaHeletea @KateNasser STANDOUT TWOTTER SUPERSTARS! #
• RT @americandream09 We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. – Aristotle #
• Feed your development with fun self-learning this weekend! Then start Monday renewed. #
• RT @HeshieSegal Scatter the seeds of your strengths so that others might use them to grow. << This is “activational”. Thx! #
• RT@dennycoates “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” – Judy Garland #inspiration #
• RT @U2FREE My #objective is not to #amuse or #abuse.It is to get #U to #think! #
• RT @brandonrofl Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind – Shakespeare #quote #
• The PPL-Skills Coach: “What is the worst thing a customer service rep. ever said to you?” Reply/RT! #
• The PPL-Skills Coach: “What is the worst thing a customer service rep. ever said to you?” @mrdatahs @jkwgrowth @pavroberts #
• RT – Let’s start learning! @coachlaura Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding about ourselves. Carl Jung #
• TY @royatkinson Individualized serv > uniformity “Listening Up: Lowest Cost Step to Customers’ Dollars” by @KateNasser http://bit.ly/9AHajL #
• RT @GuyKawasaki Is the customer always right? Maybe not in Paris http://om.ly/fAKb # customerservice #
• IT Supervisory Specialist Job at FBI – deadline Feb. 12 – Pay $123K-$155K http://bit.ly/b4P4Z7 #IT #Jobs #
• Intuition is experience reapplied with courage in order to facilitate the future. ~Kate Nasser #BeOriginal #
• Desire drives thoughts & thoughts guide your actions. Focus on your dreams not your fears. ~Kate Nasser #BeOriginal #
• Which are the fundamental skills for success (technical or soft skills)? http://bit.ly/dCmTc9 #
• Perspectives on Improving IT Customer Service in Schools http://bit.ly/dfS7nx @mrdatahs #
• The PPL-Skills Coach: Learning to Get Along – The Power of Personality Type http://bit.ly/cdEpYW #
• Quicker Way to Learn & Use Personality Type Info for Success at Work http://bit.ly/bNKkrS #
• Are You Set to Choose a Team for Software Development? What to consider – http://bit.ly/9aTeX6 (BusinessWeek) #
• RT TY! @LeadershipNow RT @KateNasser: Quicker Way to Learn & Use Personality 4 Type Work Success http://bit.ly/bNKkrS “Love the differences #
• Clients for Life – Tangible Steps to Creating Them http://bit.ly/aMJdy2 # CustomerService #
• The PPL-Skills Coach: Read this post for latest stats on job hunting and advice for your career spot – http://bit.ly/9a4XsJ #
• Annapolis, MD high school students to learn communication skills – workplace ready! http://bit.ly/9Qrbac #teamwork #customerservice #
• Improve Your People-Skills the Low Cost Way – Volunteer. http://bit.ly/a334iw #peopleskills soft skills #
• Leaders: Undercover Boss Shows Power of PeopleSkills and Improves Morale – http://bit.ly/biyiT4 SoftSkills #PeopleSkills #
• Watson Wyatt’s 2010 Communication ROI Study shows *communication improves employee results. http://bit.ly/9Mtw3s peopleskills #softskill #
• RT TY @jakrause RT @SageInsight @KateNasser Watson Wyatt’s 2010 Comm ROI Study shows communication improvs emp results http://bit.ly/9Mtw3s #
• The People-Skills Coach: Top Ten Skills to Work in the Publishing Industry http://bit.ly/d9eE77 #
• True customer service includes a cultural focus – even on your website: http://bit.ly/9WhJu6 #
• RT @ShowerThinker All glory comes from daring to begin. ~ William Shakespeare 2/11/10 #
• RT @ClaudiaMcNeely Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~ Dalai Lama #
• The People-Skills Coach: 6 Traits to Admire & Acquire http://bit.ly/9AWeXs #
• Network Administrators – Improve Your Influencing & Soft Skills for Job Security in Cloud Computing http://bit.ly/cT3bxJ #IT #CIO #
• You need Customer Service and relationship skills even for back office jobs like Payroll Mgmt. (growth area) http://bit.ly/bFHIGj #
• RT TRUE! @americandream09 “Do not confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress.” ~Victor Kiam #
• RT @_StaceyChapman Living a full life includes serving and giving to others. |teamwork and customer service! #
• #FollowFriday @eleesha “For all that I cannot have right now, Let me be willing to just go out there and create it.” ~Eleesha |Initiative #
• #FollowFriday @eleesha “For all that I cannot have right now, Let me be willing to just go out there and create it.” ~Eleesha |Initiative #
• RT TY @Earl52 @EllKell RT @KateNasser: You need Customer Service and relationship skills even 4 back office jobs http://bit.ly/bFHIGj #
• RT TY #FollowFriday @gabelk RT @KateNasser: Leaders: Undercover Boss Shows Power of PeopleSkills and Improves Morale – http://bit.ly/biyiT4 #
• TY @JKWinnovation #BeOriginal @KateNasser: Intuition is experience reapplied with courage in order to facilitate the future. ~Kate Nasser #
• RT True! @WillBarth When someone does something well, applaud!You will make two people happy. – Samuel Goldwyn |Teamwork & Leadership #
• Intercultural Business Communication – Interesting facts and a call to action http://bit.ly/blAUJT #

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A recent post at http://resumebear.com emphasizes once again that people-skills (also known as soft skills) top employers’ lists of desired qualities. [http://resumebear.com/blog/index.php/2009/12/06/five-character-qualities/]

People-skills or soft skills also top the list of top skills that employers want and new graduates (GEN Y) lack. [http://www.resumebear.com/blog/index.php/2009/05/21/top-skills-employers-want-and-new-graduates-lack/]

As a 20 year veteran entrepreneur, I can also attest that outstanding people-skills or soft skills top the list for business success.  So whether you are a new graduate (GEN Y) or among the many people changing careers or industries, improving your people-skills (soft skills) is a winning step. What skills specifically? Verbal and written communication, listening, and teamwork.

I will be posting a series of content rich articles with tangible soft skills improvement steps.

In this post, 3 solid steps that improve communication with customers, teammates, suppliers, and definitely with leaders.

Soft Skills Tip #1

Speak current and future not past. Our communication is often riddled with references to the past.  Don’t believe me? Spend five to ten minutes being aware of what you say.  You will be very surprised at how often you reference the past.

Now rethink what you truly want to say and reword it to be focused on the present or future.  Focusing on the present and future minimizes the risk of digging up old problems between people, gets you active on solutions, and increases your value to employers and customers. It changes your image, your relationships, and your career/business success.  Simply put: In business, don’t take people back to the past.

True story to illustrate: I found a blog article on soft skills and posted it on Twitter.  I liked the main points the author made.  One of my Twitter followers read it and thought the author’s writing skills were poor.  She sent me the following message.  “Did you read it before you posted it?”  Her focus on the past made this a very poor communication. It can cause problems in interpersonal relationships.  After I wrote back to her, she made it clear that her main point was “I don’t like the author’s writing style”.  Her original message communicated something else.

Soft Skills Tip #2

Speak honestly and positively. Honesty is important in business.  How you deliver the honesty determines how the listener will hear and react to your message. Even during conflict, you can speak with positive tones to speed the healing after the conflict.
Simple Rules: State facts as facts and opinion as opinion. State what needs to change and what is currently good.

Soft Skills Tip #3

Skip the sarcasm. Sarcasm can often be misunderstood. It is more a form of anger than a form of humor. Keep it for moments with a close friend who loves your sarcasm or leave it to the stand-up comedians and bloggers whose brand is sarcasm. Customers, teammates, leaders and even suppliers respond much better to positive action oriented messages.

I hope you will share these tips with others. I ask only that you credit this site http://katenasser.com.

Check back frequently for more soft skills tips that strengthen your career and your business success. I welcome your tips, comments, and questions below.
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

A recent one-on-one networking breakfast underscored for me once again the critical importance of soft skills (also known as people-skills) in networking and actually in every aspect of business.  It also showed me that despite many available online soft skills networking tips like the following links:

- 10 Networking Tips http://businessknowhow.com/tips/networking.htm
- Sharpen Your Soft Skills http://tnj.com/business-news/sharpen-your-%E2%80%98soft-skills%E2%80%99-for-career-success
- Soft Skills the Competitive Edge http://dol.gov/odep/pubs/fact/softskills.htm

there are still 3 critical soft-skills steps that people often overlook.

Networking Soft Skills By: Jaimelondonboy

The Story, The Surprise, and 3 Critical Soft Skills Tips

I had heard a consultant speak at a local meeting and was impressed with his content.  He does business innovation consulting and provided excellent examples that clarified his points very well.  I spoke with him briefly after the talk, we exchanged cards, mentioned networking in the future, and I went on my way.

When his office contacted me to set up face-to-face networking, I accepted.  The goal was “to exchange innovative ideas on business and see how we could help each other if at all”.  It sounded interesting and normal to me.  My expectations were set for at least a cordial information exchange and possibly some remarkable moments of creativity based on our different yet equally valuable skills.

What I experienced instead was domineering person who came with an agenda of getting leads from me to achieve more sales.  As I tried to focus on information exchange he suggested more than once that I was not action-oriented and was thinking negatively.  He told me that I undervalued my client list from which we could make money together.  He was doing everything to achieve his sales goal and was failing with every word that came out of his mouth.  As his drive to increase sales drove him to deliver more of these subtle insults, my attitude changed.

Interestingly enough, he was able to pick up on my attitude shift.  As we ended the meeting, he tried to remedy the situation by saying that sometimes he gets too pushy.  I was ready to move on with my day when he surprised me with the following remark as we left the restaurant:  “Sometimes I forget that I  must build a woman’s excitement. We men, we just like to drop our pants and have sex. You women need a lot of foreplay!”

The Surprise

As he tried to fix his poor people-skills, he made things worse. Moreover, his attempt highlighted an unprofessional sexism that I have not encountered since the 1980′s.

The Surprise of Soft Skills.

He knew that I was The People-Skills Coach and yet never thought he would have to invest some time before I would connect him with my customers?  The referrals I make reflect on me and my brand.   My customers would expect me to connect them with other professionals who know how to build valuable relationships through:

• Listening
• Asking pertinent questions
• Interacting by adapting to their personality type, culture, and pace
• Delivering services, products, or advice with care and consideration for their business needs and success

His style is non-listening, brash, bold, controversial, pushy and comes across to me and possibly to others as desperate for a sale. Now there is nothing inherently wrong with going for a sale or with companies entering into a joint venture to deliver services to the same customers. Yet this consultant skipped one important step — building a relationship.  This was not a big networking event where you circulate to connect with many people and then follow-up later.  This was the follow-up later where you invest some face time (building the relationship) to give and receive value.

Investing a bit of time to learn about others does not mean that you aren’t action oriented. They are not mutually exclusive.  As Monica Diaz wrote in The Biggest Challenge (http://OtherEsteem.org/blog/), ”Openly recognize effort in others. See the path they are on, not only the results they are reaping.”  Thanks Monica, I couldn’t have said it better myself.

So Monica’s advice is on my list of 3 critical soft skills tips for networking success:

1. Recognize the other person’s path; not just the results you or they want. Otherwise you may come across as selfish, insensitive, and greedy.  Do not label differences as negative or non-valuable.
2. Learn your personality type, how to spot others’ types, and adapt to others. This does not mean being a fake. You can be authentic and show who you are and also adapt to others. This is the ONE thing that has given me tremendous success in business and in life. I am writing a book on this so stay tuned for easy to follow steps on adapting to other people while still being authentic.
3. When setting up a one-on-one networking meeting, clearly state what you want out of the networking meeting. Many online tips tell you to know your goal in  networking. Yet a goal is not always the same as an exit outcome. What do you hope to have at the end of the meeting? In this story, if the consultant  had clearly stated that he was looking for sales leads I would have connected him with a couple of organizations that hold events specifically for that purpose instead of having a breakfast meeting with me. He has a better chance of getting what he wants with people who want the same thing.

So what would you do in a situation where you said the wrong thing or acted inappropriately? A simple direct apology showing ownership of your faux pas and regret for the impact it had on someone else is a solid start toward repairing the damage. For long term success with networking, sharpen your people-skills to be prepared for the diverse people you will meet. More people than ever are networking both online and face-to-face. It both challenges your current soft skills and gives you the chance to make them stronger.

To sharpen your people-skills, ask yourself what are your pet peeves about networking? What don’t you like and what would you prefer people do when networking with you? Ask your friends, colleagues, and family what they prefer. Share your people-skills networking tips with the networking universe in the comments section below. I certainly value your insights and I know that other networkers will value your questions and experiences as well.

If you are in career transition, see my 2 minute motivator “Transitions the Easier Way” (link at top of this page).  It’s a fun upbeat video that you can watch free as many times as you like.

Thank you for visiting my blog and come back soon.

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

Career and life transitions are difficult for many people. For some — downright scary. People feel they can no longer be who they are nor are they sure of what their life will become.

So what happens? They resist career and life changes. Wrong move for sure. There’s an easier way to transition to your new career and life goals. Need a little inspiration and guidance for the impending changes and transition?

Here’s one of my two minute motivators including music. It inspires and teaches lessons learned from my three career changes and even more transitions.  Change really doesn’t have to be so hard!

Remember, people change when the fear/risk of changing is less than the fear of staying the same. So take inspiration from this two minute motivator and replace your fear with the easier way.

After you watch this two minute motivator,  add your insights and transition stories in the comments field below.  I also welcome your questions.  I am here to help as a coach or as the speaker at your next event.

~Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach