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Non-intuitives and many technical professionals tell me that mastering the not so obvious aspects of people-skills (soft skills or interpersonal skills) is a real head scratcher. Where are the people-skills rules?

Scratch your head no more. If you have the desire to connect well with others, you can master and use these 15 not so obvious people-skills so that everything stacks up.

If you’re not sure why it matters, consider that people-skills impact comprehension, influence, and trust. All of that impact what you can achieve with others — the results.

15 People-Skills Must Knows (USA)

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1. People cannot observe your intentions so they infer them from your words and tone of voice. State your intention to minimize confusion.




2. Everything you say impacts others emotionally. Even if you stick to the facts, your message leaves a human mark. Consider a doctor telling a patient “You have cancer” and then leaving the room. The lack of empathy inflicts extra pain.




3. Basic etiquette is a starting point for connection with others. Rules of etiquette are more relaxed today than years ago yet they are still a powerful base to rely on when meeting new people.




4. Ask people how they feel and/or what they think; don’t tell them “I’m sure you feel”. It shuts out dialogue and seems presumptuous.




5. Addressing someone by name (or at least surname or title), eases tension and helps communication. In the South, start with sir/ma’am.




6. A handshake is your silent resume. Make it great. If someone extends their hand to you, give them more than your finger tips. A “finger tip” shake tells the other person no, I don’t like you, I don’t trust you. Shake the hand all the way to the thumb joint, up and down, with eye contact.
   
   

7. Words can woo or wound. To succeed, create bonds with your words and tone of voice — not scars. Speak the truth with tact and caring. Blunt burns forever.




8. Sarcasm is often misunderstood especially in tough times. With those you don’t know well, skip the sarcasm. Leave it to the late night comics. With those you know well, don’t direct it at them. It is often seen as an attack.




9. Good questions unearth possibilities for connection, results, and success. Ask open-ended questions to learn; closed-ended to confirm. People who do well with others, ask more open-ended questions than closed and are thus seen as more open than closed.




10. Use focused words instead of minimizing words. For example, primarily is a focused word whereas just and only are minimizing words. “Are you just concerned about the deadline?” can minimize someone’s perspective and sound dismissive. “Are you primarily concerned about the deadline?” can fuel a valuable discussion. “What are your primary concerns?” is even better because it is open-ended and allows for true perspective.




11. Great listening is about balance. Too much silence or too much talking can be annoying. The former is also seen as manipulative, the latter as self-absorbed.




12. Ask permission to give help before offering advice. Else you may come across as intrusive and patronizing.




13. If someone thinks you have flattered them with your words or actions, don’t tell them you didn’t mean to! This is not the time to give literal details. It’s the time to simply say, you’re welcome.




14. One “I told you so” sticks forever. Even if you don’t use those words, the message becomes your blatant blemish. People will avoid interacting with you to spare themselves the emotional scourge. Celebrate your foresight silently.




15. Authenticity and adaptation are not contradictory behaviors. Today’s trend is to be your authentic self. Sure — as long as you adapt to others when interacting. Being yourself without adapting paints you as a boorish nit and earns you the label of selfish and/or self-absorbed.

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What will keep you using these 15 people-skills? Desire and results, pure and simple. Lack of desire will inhibit your progress.

As I was teaching one day, a technical professional in the room showed high resistance. At break, I asked him privately if he wanted me to explain anything again or differently. He said no — that he understood. He doesn’t use the people-skills because “it’s just too much trouble! If people want his help, they will adapt to him.” Quite a decision. It will hold him back.

If you are not in a position of leadership yet strive to be, improving your people-skills will be essential. Here’s a related post — Leaders, Develop Your Intuition — to take you beyond the 15 people-skills must knows to even grander connections.


From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, is a former techie (BS Mathematics) turned people-skills guru with a natural intuition about people. Her consultations, workshops, and coaching transform your primarily occupational focus into business success with leading change and great teamwork. From inspiration to action, Kate will help you fill the gaps of diversity with business wins. See this site for workshop info, customer results, and book Kate now.

As The People-Skills Coach™, I often coach and teach about words that make or break communication and professional relationships.

Unfortunate is one such word.

Scanning the dictionary wouldn’t give this critical impression.

Unfortunate …

1. suffering from bad luck
2. unfavorable or inauspicious

Until you get to the third supposed meaning …

3. regrettable or deplorable

When our words offend or actions harm others, labeling it unfortunate can be a deadly people-skills mistake.

Using the word unfortunate about serious offense is insulting to the victims of the offense perhaps because the more common meaning — bad luck or unfavorable — greatly underplays the impact.

Those we have hurt may think we are labeling it a mere oops.

By trivializing the impact of our actions, we put the relationship at risk.

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Replace that one word — unfortunate – with any one of these words:

Deplorable or
Terrible or
Bad

… and we remove the confusion and the risk.

People-skills Lesson
When hurt feelings, negative emotions, or tangible harm are at hand, clarity of remorse re-secures and sustains the relationship. Confusion and trivializing puts the relationship at risk.


Before choosing what to say to others, ask yourself which you would like to hear in addition to sorry if someone offended or harmed you: “what I did was unfortunate” or “what I did was terrible”.

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Professional and personal relationships are slowly built and quickly broken. ONE little word change can make a big difference!

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


Related post: “Words can woo or wound; create bonds not scars.”


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, workshops, keynotes, and DVDs that turn interaction obstacles into interpersonal success for customer service, teamwork, and leading change. Kate fills the gaps of diversity with business wins. See this site for workshops outlines and customer results.

When you get busy with success your focus changes and trouble lurks if it blinds you completely. When your career or business finally takes off, do you?

Do you forget people who have formally or informally mentored you? Do you abandon friendships?

Do you recoil when others who helped you now ask for your help? Do you leave people while telling yourself you are still there?

You may have busy blindness!

Signs of Busy Blindness

1. When asked for a time to network, you reply “I am working mega hours per week and the rest of my time is spent with family.”
2. You wait to reply to emails until you want to connect?
3. You send out the December holiday letter summarizing your year to people you overlooked all year

or

4. Post updates about your life online all year at Facebook or Google + and consider that networking.

Do not despair. Busy blindness is curable.


People-Skills Tips to Cure Busy Blindness

• Recognize it. Are there people who made time for you when they were busy? When they try to connect with you now, what is your response?




• Kick your fear that people may want too much time from you. Staying connected doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your success. You still have control over your life.




• Find 5 minutes each day to connect with one person directly via phone, email, or text. Or at least reply to their outreach in a timely manner.




• Subscribe to their blogs. Leave an occasional comment so they know you are thinking of them.




• Oddly enough, ask them for more help. If you are extremely busy, you may find that your network that has helped you before will be glad to help you still. Helpers like to stay connected.




• Turn off the television. You will be amazed at how much time you discover. [Thanks to Jeffrey Gitomer for that one.]




• If you aren’t even watching television, you can afford to hire a part time personal assistant to keep track of your networking. This assistant will schedule a calendar of connections for you, help you to follow up, and keep your network on your radar screen.

Perhaps Katie Couric says it best in her new book: The Best Advice I Ever Got: “Today you may be drinking the wine, tomorrow you could be picking the grapes.”

Either way stay close and connected to the vine!
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Related post: Is Anyone There? by Henry Alford. Source: NY Times.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers workshops, keynotes, and consultations that turn interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. Leaders have been booking Kate for 21 years to fill the gaps of diversity with business wins. See this site for customer results and book Kate now.

Interacting with others can be carefree or treacherous depending on the situation. Using your best people-skills steers you through the tough moments. But what if you make a mistake?

It may comfort you to know that your people-skills mistakes won’t define you if …

You avoid:

1. Denying in the face of blatant evidence.  “I didn’t make a mistake.  It’s normal for people to get angry or walk away after I speak to them.” – What a fool!
2. Explaining why you acted that way.  “Here’s why I treated you badly.” - Nincompoop!
3. Repeating the same mistake.  Moments define you if you don’t learn and change. – Dummy!
4. Treating people the way you don’t want to be treated. “That’s the way people treat me and misery loves company.” – Sadist!
5. Giving lame apologies that minimize your mistakes.  Children hide. Adults own the impact of their behavior. -”Childish or Mature”: Which label do you want?
   Related post:The Words That Destroy Apologies

Great people skills are not magic or voodoo. They are outward examples of consideration for others. You use them in person, on the phone, and online.

They are the opposite of EGO = Excluding Greatness Of Heart ~Melody Lea Lamb. They build trust, collaboration, and limitless potential.

Don’t let your people-skills mistakes limit you.

From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach


I am planning a free people-skills webinar. Would you like to attend, submit a story, participate or help promote? Email: info@katenasser.com

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach,, delivers workshops, keynotes, and consultations that turn interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. Leaders have been booking Kate for 21 years to turn people-skills extremes into business success. See this site for customer results and book Kate now.

If you fear executives because they seem impatient, knowing why they are impatient will help you work better with them. It can also reduce your fear!

Whether you have frequent interactions with executives or the occasional presentation to them, insight about what executives fear can guide you to modify your people skills when you work with them. The results are amazing.

I often teach managers (technical and non-technical) how to make effective presentations to executives. These insights and practical tips have helped thousands.

1. Executives are pressured to perform broadly. They need to funnel info to hit the mark. When you blabber on with details before the main point, you scare the bejeebers out of them.
   Tip: Know your purpose and get to the point.




2. When executives feel that your need for validation and personal expression is more important to you than the business goal, you scare the bejeebers out of them.
   Tip: Their comprehension goes up and their fear goes down when you focus on their perspective.




3. When executives ask for one thing and you give them everything but that thing, they feel trapped. You scare the bejeebers out of them.
   Tip: Give them what they want. If you cannot deliver it, tell them how close you can get with another option.




4. When you tell them the problem without offering a feasible solution, they feel they are steering a ship with no crew. You scare the bejeebers out of them.
   Tip: Do your job; don’t ask them to do it!




5. When you hesitate, waffle, freeze in a fumble instead of recover, executives see only the weakness of the organization. You scare the bejeebers out of them.
   Tip: Think of what could go wrong and prepare how you will handle it.




6. When you ask for the sun and the moon when the organization is on shaky ground, executives witness mania instead of sanity. You scare the bejeebers out of them.
   Tip: Show them up front how your request/solution makes the ground firmer.

Remember, most of what executives do depends on others. That alone induces fear. They do not accomplish tasks purely with their skill and experience. Yet they are accountable for the success of the organization.

Do not add to their fear. Reduce it with preparation, insight, and focused communication.

A Salute: This post was inspired by Bruce Gabrielle’s 9 Tips to Nail Your Next Executive Presentation. Bruce states it so well: “Don’t be afraid of executives, be afraid for them.” Kudos Bruce.

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, continues to advise, train, and guide thousands of professionals across diverse industries to turn interaction obstacles into interpersonal success at work. See this site for workshop outlines, DVD info, and customer feedback.

Success takes commitment and persistence. Most want success sooner than later. If you are one of them, accept reality sooner and you speed success. The old adage that ignorance is bliss — or as some live it, denial is bliss — comes at a cost. It delays success.

Speed Professional Success

1. What are you strengths and what, truly, are your weaknesses? The sooner you accept the reality, the sooner you will start using your strengths in more ways and working on your weaknesses.




2. Leaders, which of your team members are propelling the mission forward to success and which, if any, are useless drag. Accept the reality sooner and you will more likely give recognition that will inspire the team to even greater heights. You will also have necessary conversations with those who are not committed. Success requires both.




3. What is the ONE thing in your work or life that eats away at you. Be honest with yourself. What is it? Why does it eat away at you? Admit the reality and you are more likely to work to change it or accept it as an absurdity of life. Success comes sooner with either approach.




4. If your business is having trouble, push aside fatalistic worries that drive you to denial. Accept the reality and bring a mastermind group or expert consultants together to build a recovery plan with you. Admit the truth sooner; success is close at hand.

Truly stuck with unchangeable conditions? Delayed by family issues or health problems?

Accept the the reality of the moment instead of struggling against the impossible. If you’re not where you’re at, you’re nowhere. In this case, changing your professional goals for the time being may be the fastest route to success.

What personal or professional story will you share with us to speed success?

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, inspires leaders and teams to identify and overcome obstacles to success. Her energy is legendary, her insight objective, and her results tangible.

Professional workplace success requires redirecting your own emotion into productive discussion and action. Whether you are interacting with customers, co-workers, leaders, employees, vendors, or the media, clear headed thinking serves you and the business well.

Corporations frequently ask me to teach how best to redirect personal emotion into workplace success for customer service, leadership, and teamwork. Here’s one of my classic stories and the lesson/technique to learn.

A Story of Redirected Emotion

The critical aunt arrived for a visit on a warm day. Ready for her endless complaining, the two nieces had the ceiling fans on and cool drinks ready. Not long after her arrival, the aunt shot one of her never satisfied zingers as she fanned herself with a magazine: “All your fans are going the wrong way!”

One niece seethed with emotion and explained that the manual specified which direction for summer and which for winter. The aunt huffily replied: “I guess I don’t agree with the manual.”

The other niece, remaining calm, simply replied: “You would like these fans to go the other way?” She flipped the switch, redirected the fan, and her own emotion as well.

The Lesson
When extreme words like all, always, never, hit your ear, they generally trigger your emotion and a defensive response. To avoid the trap of your emotion, ask the person speaking what it is they want, need, or prefer.

You may not always be able to deliver exactly that. However, once you get the other person to state what they want, need, or prefer, you can have a clear headed two-way discussion that leads to action.

You never know when someone might press your emotion button at work or at home. Professional people-skills (also known as soft skills) help you avoid the trap of your own emotion.

The Technique
When someone presses your emotion button, ask for more information before you take them into your otherwise clear headed mind.

Your emotional intelligence (EQ) drives your people-skills and that delivers success.

Warning: If you are interacting with an irate customer, first let them vent and offer empathy before you ask them what they prefer. More on this situation at Best Mindset to Use With an Irate Customer.

Yours in service,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

Related post: 3 Missteps & The Better Steps in Workplace Communication

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, turns your interpersonal obstacles into interaction success in customer service, leadership, teamwork, and communication in diversity. See this site for workshop outlines and testimonials of success.

Professionals with great people skills (soft skills) win big in sales, customer service, teamwork, and leadership. They tend to lead better because they understand people, collaborate more easily, sell more by hearing what customers aren’t saying, and shine by anticipating customers’ needs for service.

How well you can read people and interact with them determines your professional success. I was reminded on New Years Eve of how great people skills can help you win big in other ways.

The Funny Story!

As we waited for the clock to strike twelve, someone suggested we play the board game Apples to Apples – this new game of funny comparisons. I had never played. My sister Mary Ellen had and explained the rules.

In each turn there is a question and a selector who decides which card/answer of all those played is the winning answer. The person who played the selected card/answer wins the point.

Ooh — my how to read people skills went into overdrive. For each question, I thought about the selector, what s/he cares about and how s/he makes decisions.

Point after point went to me. They started saying, Hey how are you doing this? I replied “Beginner’s luck?”. I won the game. It wasn’t luck and I am not psychic. I simply thought first about the decision maker and what matters to her/him. That drove my actions.

“Seek first to understand then to be understood.” ~Saint Francis of Assisi

Win Big With Great People Skills

1. To lead and inspire innovation, get comfortable with diverse personality and natural conative styles. Tap innovation where it lives — in your team members’ minds!
2. To collaborate better on teams, see how others see things and how they see you. Present your unique ideas in ways they can understand.
3. To change careers, explore how that new discipline sees things differently then add your experience. You will win big.
4. To increase sales bridge the gap between your outlook and your customers’ and then make them successful.
5. To deliver truly memorable customer service, step outside of your own perspective and into theirs.

Develop your people skills to win big in life.


What win have you had in your personal or professional life from great people skills? Please share your story in the comments section below to help and inspire others.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, inspires people to growth and professional success in leadership, customer service, sales, and teamwork through her keynotes, workshops, DVDs, and consultations. See this site for the stellar success she has fueled.

The focus on professional workplace people skills, also known as soft skills or interpersonal skills has never been higher. They are instrumental in business success.

Do your professional workplace people skills and emotional intelligence equip you to disagree without showing disdain? Without inflicting the sting of the sneer face to face, on the phone, and online?

Wherever or whenever you slip and show disdain, the results of your sneer are disastrous and long lasting. Although the sneer shows your communication weakness, the pain it inflicts weakens others’ abilities to work with you.

Some executives claim that they forgo all civility to ensure honesty, truth, and end results. My reply: You can be honest, truthful, and achieve great results without disdaining others and inflicting the sting of the sneer.

How can you best avoid slipping and sneering?

1. Identify your sneer triggers.
2. Know and remember your true goals.
3. Employ professional people skills to interact and even disagree.

To identify your sneer trigger(s):
Write down one or two of your pet peeves — situations, behaviors, or attitudes that regularly frustrate or anger you.

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Example: A director of membership at a spa got frustrated when an irate customer vented for awhile on the phone. She slipped and said, “Do I get a chance to speak?” Ouch! She stung her customer with a verbal sneer. Her words showed disdain for the customer’s behavior.
The director’s sneer triggers: Feeling she is not in control and not being listened to.
True customer service goal: To empathize, rebuild trust, and resolve the customer’s issue.
Professional people skill to achieve it: Classic irate customer handling technique not a disdainful remark.

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Showing disdain does not produce honesty. How open will employees be with you, the leader, if they risk being stung with a sneer? If they exhibit certain behaviors you believe will hurt the organization and block results, simply outline why and how you want their behaviors to change.

Arrogance and disdain will not create the change. Emotional intelligence and clear communication are the instruments for success in leadership, management, customer service, sales, and teamwork.

Being emotionally intelligent about your own sneer triggers and using professional people skills instead of disdain will enable you to meet your goals and produce great business results.

“Sarcasm is not a form of humor; it is a form of anger. Choose wisely.”

What sneer triggers lead you into emotional un-intelligence?

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach delivers workshops, coaching, and consultations to replace interaction obstacles with interpersonal success for results in business. She now celebrates her 22nd year in business working with corporations, federal government, and mid-size businesses.

Of all the professional workplace people skills, also known as interpersonal skills or soft skills, communication is one that fuels or derails our journey to success. Our words and how people interpret them can determine the results we achieve and the future opportunities we are given.

A few communication smart steps create leaps in our professional workplace results: teamwork, leadership, customer service, and sales.

“Words can woo or wound; create bonds not scars.“

Culled from my experience with corporations and mid-size businesses, I offer you these 3 smart steps for successful workplace communication.

Misstep #1.
Stating someone’s intention as fact. “You are trying to …” Communication is headed for a dead end. The other person can simply say “No, I am not …” and the journey sidetracks into a defensive debate vs. moving forward to a valuable result.

Smart Step. State your intentions; ask about theirs. Remember, you cannot observe someone’s intentions nor can they see yours.
The people-skill lesson: Asking creates bonds. Assuming weakens them.

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Misstep #2.
Using “because you” when negative emotion is possible. I witnessed a Sr. VP say to one of his VPs, “I don’t want to have to lay people off because you don’t know how to budget correctly.”

Smart Step. State the goal and the action needed. “I don’t want to have to lay people off. Please correct this budget item …” or “Let’s change this budget item so I don’t have to lay people off.”
The people-skill lesson: You can be clear and firm and still be respected. Don’t step on people with your communication; step with them.

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Misstep #3.
Letting formality take precedence over connecting. Customer service and sales soar when you connect with customers their way. A new sales rep continued to call a customer “Mr. Hillard” after Mr. Hillard said “You can call me Bill.”

Smart Step. Listening is a sign of respect and care. Pick up on verbal and nonverbal cues to make the communication more than just an exchange of words.
The people-skill lesson: Communication does more than impart information for a purpose; it brings people together for current and future results.


Sales and customer service professionals quickly see the value of the bonds. Scars don’t close deals or build loyalty. Team members and leaders are learning with experience that creating bonds makes smart sense for their interaction as well.

Creating bonds is not a sign of weakness. It shows confidence, insight, and respect for something greater than yourself — the collective result.

What other smart communication steps will you share with us here? I welcome your suggestions, thoughts, and discussions in the comments field below. Add your voice!

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach delivers workshops and keynotes on teamwork, customer service/sales, and leading change across diverse industries and professions. She is well known for taking people from inspiration to action to improved results.

A VP of Human Resources told me that the ONE trait companies seek in people they hire is flexibility, also known as change ability.

A company’s success depends on its ability to change and the employees must show change ability to be hired, retained, and promoted. Those that resist change and cannot adapt are a drain on and a risk to the company’s success.



Key Question:
How do you show your change ability without seeming unreliable?


The right mindset (growth and/or innovation) and using the professional people skills noted below will strike the balance.



“If you don’t like change, you’re going to like irrelevance even less.” – General Eric Shinseki, Chief of Staff, US Army

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Show Your Change Ability:

1. Innovation and growth are driven by a thirst for exploring and learning. Invest some of your own time in learning and contribute that knowledge in the workplace. In this way, you show that this thirst is truly a part of you while contributing to the status quo.


INNOVATION Image by:Seth1492

2. In your daily work, offer creative ideas to solve existing problems, and help implement whatever idea is selected. In this way, you exhibit both flexibility and reliability.
3. When changes are announced in your company, replace your fear and comments of resistance with questions on how best to contribute during the transition to the new situation.
4. During job interviews, ask what balance of innovation (change) and maintaining the status quo does the company expect and the job require? Demonstrate in your questions that you realize both are needed. Recount how you have done both — in your life and previous jobs.
5. Develop and exhibit excellent conflict resolution skills. Many people can picture temperamental creative geniuses who come across as unreliable when they jump ship in the face of resistance and conflict. Ironically, in this moment they are also inflexible. If you can both innovate and deftly work through resistance and conflict, you are very valuable to the business.

Change-able is not fickle. It is not unreliable. It is not erratic, inconsistent, nor indecisive. Change ability is a skill of balance during growth.

How have you developed your change ability? I welcome your thoughts in the comments field below.

©2011 Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, Somerville, NJ. For permission to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com.

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Handling frustrating people in your personal and professional life is not the same thing. In your personal life, handling those that truly frustrate you, in other words your nudges, can be as simple as walking away from them.

In a professional setting, it requires people skills (also known as soft skills). In truth, you could use these skills in your personal life too.

In your professional life, the people skills for handling frustrating nudges also:

1. Preserve your professional image
2. Address the work issues and accomplish a goal
3. Foster teamwork and good relations

The professional people skills approach begins not with a skill; it begins with an attitude.  The frustrating feeling often comes from a deeper feeling — loss of control.   Identify the deeper feeling to change your attitude. The professional people skills flow easily from there.

A Short Story. I was scoping a project and it was the third meeting. Another consultant was involved.  She is a wonderful at innovation and creative problem solving — loads of big ideas.  Yet she never lands.  She dreams yet struggles with delivery. My frustration started to mount.  I could feel my body tensing.  I wanted to scream out “more ideas?” and of course couldn’t, wouldn’t and didn’t.

The New Attitude. I took a slow breath (which relaxed my body and composed my mind) and told myself that success was still within my grasp: Self-Empowerment! With the deeper feeling addressed, I said to the clients and the other consultant: “Given the deadline for completion, shall we move ahead with finalizing our approach — or shall we continue to brainstorm new ideas and change the deadline?”

Summary.
Identify why you are frustrated, address that feeling internally to change your attitude, and the professional thing to say will be on your lips.

Who is your frustrating nudge? What type frustrates you? I welcome your stories and techniques in the comments field below.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, uses her professional skill and experience to teach and counsel teams and leaders, for success with teamwork, customer service, and leading change.

Ever meet someone who is very good with people – all different types of people?  In the workplace you see their professional people skills shine in various situations.    You wonder, “What makes them so successful with diverse people and in widely different situations?”  Look more closely or speak with them and you will find the best professional people skills develop from these four practices.

As you read each point, note one thing you do well and one thing you will do to improve.


Practices: Best Professional People Skills

1. Know Yourself Very Well. Your social style/personality type. Your hot buttons. Your fears. Your pet peeves. Your odd quirks that bother other people. Your natural talents. Your work ethic. Your definition of a happy life. Your definition of success…
   
   
2. Observe and listen to others. This is the critical step for developing outstanding professional people skills.  Observe and listen in order to constantly learn more about other people.  The data you collect is the fuel and the guidance system for successful interactions.  Those with outstanding professional people skills are always learning about others!
   
   
3. Practice Flexibility. Most people interact with others by treating them the way they, themselves, want to be treated.   Unless the world is full of clones, this will not breed great interactions. 
   The best in professional people skills use the data they have collected about others to adapt to others.   To do this you must believe flexibility is a sign of strength not weakness.  Flexibility is a skill that allows you to work with diverse people in a wide range of situations. 
   Most importantly, do not mistake flexibility for indecisiveness.  The best in professional people skills use flexibility for successful connections with others – and achieve tangible results.
   
   


Flexibility & Balance for People Skills Image by:Lady_K

4. Achieve Balance.
   How balanced are you in your professional people skills?
   • Balance your drive for action with empathy for others’ needs.
   • Balance honesty with diplomacy to communicate your message clearly without brutality.
   • See the details that others focus on while compiling the big picture.
   • Balance your knowledge and expertise with input from others.
   • Know when to push ahead with your thoughts and when to pull back to deliver your thoughts at the right moment.
   • Balance your need for bonding with respect for others’ need for independence.
   • Deliver even the toughest news with respect for the humans involved.
   • Lead change with inspiration and grit.

Think of all the applications of the best professional people skills.  Leaders who can inspire both morale and great results.  Soaring sales when you connect with customers and understand and meet their needs.  Successful, cost effective, and timely completion of projects from clear communication & teamwork.  

Professional people skills build trust and collaboration that deliver results!

I have noted 4 practices above.  Is there a 5^th and 6^th?  What would you add?

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach delivers workshops, keynotes, consultations, and DVDs that develop your professional people skills. See this site for more information and what others have said about her sessions.

Volumes are written on becoming a great leader.  The skills and challenges can seem complex and overwhelming. There is so much to learn. New leaders are particularly challenged to quickly learn and master leadership skills to lead the team to success. As a client recently outlined the challenges of one of his new leaders, I immediately thought of pictures that would fuel her critical success.

You can apply leadership principles more quickly with pictures that remind, reinforce, and trigger successful behaviors. As you read this post, please share in the comments field a lesson and/or picture that you think fuels new leaders’ success.

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Pictures for Critical Success

Picture 4 Critical Success Image by: Thomas Hawke

1. Avoid Micro-Managing. Have someone take a picture of you holding a ball with both hands. Put the picture on your desk and in your mobile device. Look at the picture morning, noon, and later in the day. Ask yourself, do you want to be holding that same ball for the rest of your professional life? If not, you must let others carry the ball!







Picture Open Discussion Image by:Lynn Dumbrowski

2. Resolving Conflict. As a leader if you ignore conflict or lead in order to avoid it at all costs, your results may suffer. Whether you are afraid of conflict or just new at dealing with it, conflicts in office environments are resolved through great questions, listening, understanding, and discussion. When you sense conflict may erupt, immediately picture people talking it out. Then take steps to make it happen.




3. Feelings of Inadequacy. Handled well, your feelings of inadequacy can lead to your success. Overlooked or mishandled, they can turn you into a little Napoleon. Don’t let that happen to you. Select a picture of strength that speaks to you and spurs your growth: an unpolished diamond, an oak tree, vegetation on a beach that thrives even after a storm, or pictures of you – as a baby, a teenager, and today. Believe in yourself as you learn and grow.




4. Recognizing Contributions Big & Small. Study after study in western workplaces show that recognition is a universal morale builder and preserver. This story of a starfish creates a memorable picture and is one of my favorite leadership reminders: StarFish – Every Contribution Makes a Difference.







Lead People Image by: Cymph37

5. Lead People, Manage Processes. If you were a strong line manager before being promoted to a leadership position, now you must lead people not manage them. How to remember the difference? Try this picture —>.
   People are moved by inspiration, processes aren’t.

There are many free pictures online at http://flickr.com, http://www.google.com/imghp, and low cost pictures on many other sites. Consider having each team member pick out a picture that will remind, reinforce, and trigger a critical success behavior for themselves. Pictures are powerful reminders.


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please first email info@katenasser.com for terms of use. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, customer service, customer experience, and teamwork. She turns interaction obstacles into business success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

“Finding fault stops progress; finding solutions ignites success.” I recently wrote and posted that thought on Twitter. Many re-tweeted it and sent various replies. This particular reply caught my eye:

What  do  you  do  when  those  around  you  want  to  find fault  instead  of  finding  solutions?

A great question. Dealing with chronic naysayers can demoralize a team. Dan Rockwell, The LeadershipFreak, notes “Negative people always work to solidify the status quo.” He offers an except from Dr. Robert Sutton’s new book Good Boss, Bad Boss: “Teams with downers produce 40 to 60% less than teams without whiners and complainers.” That rang true to me. When I am around chronic naysayers, I feel like I am pushing a truck up a hill without a motor.

Conversely, when I am around people who focus on finding solutions, they ignite other innovative thoughts that can lead to success. When you watch teams of inventors, they actually highlight failures as steps toward success. They don’t wallow in finding fault with the ideas. They highlight the faulty ideas as a pathway for success!

So what professional people skills would you use with a peer who always finds fault and complains rather than offers solutions to problems?

Awareness, Attitude, & Personality Type

1. Are they aware that they come across as negative vs. positive? You might think this is a ridiculous question yet many people never think about how they come across. One safe yet effective way of showing this to a peer is to ask them a “how to” question when they are simply complaining. If they reply “I don’t know how to fix it but this won’t work”, let them know that you would value their ideas and solutions. Continue on to say that you “respect their right to focus on what won’t work yet you find that it demoralizes you. Perhaps they could share those thoughts with someone else.” If someone is going to change their attitude, they must first be aware of how their attitude is impacting others and the bottom line.
2. If the complaining continues, say “I may be wrong about this yet I perceive your remarks as an attempt to slow the change. Is that correct?” I did this one day and the complainer said “yes”! Once his attitude was out on the table, the leader addressed the change resistance with the complainer in private.
3. What personality type are they?  Driver types are so focused on the end result they assume that others are too. They often skip telling you the positive aspects of your idea and jump to the faults with the intention of reaching success more quickly. If you are not a driver personality type, you may likely see this as negativity or a personal slight to your value. Drivers are not the classic naysayer type. Nonetheless, their abrupt approach can demoralize and slow a team’s progress just like a chronic naysayer. Tell the driver type that you also are focusing on the end result. Yet you need to hear the positives as well as the faults to innovate and reach success.

Achieving success requires a great attitude, communication, awareness, and action.

Attitudes of fear and selfishness breed pure fault finding that can derail success. Awareness of those attitudes is the first step to return you all to the success track. Communicating only the negatives when you see the positives robs some teammates of the inspiration to continue innovating. If you are a driver type, don’t mistake the need to hear the positives as a lack of action. It spurs many non-drivers on to the finish line!

What else would you say or do with a peer who is always finding fault instead of solutions? I welcome your ideas in the comment section below.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, develops teamwork through workshops that bridge the gaps in communication. Participants in global corporations have remarked, “It was a revelation that transformed our results once we understood each other.” Tap Kate’s people-skills experience in webinars, workshops, blog posts. and DVDs.