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The word leader used to mean strong, directive, and sometimes unfeeling. That picture has shifted to less directive and more in touch with employees’ needs.


Yet where is the balance between results-focused and people-focused? In tough moments …

Are you too nice to lead?

Image by: SeanbJack via Creative Commons License


There are team members who want, welcome, and will only work for a nice leader — until they see that the nice leader won’t address poor performance and cannot negotiate tough issues with other teams and management.

They feel unprotected and at the mercy of slacking team members and other teams. So much for being nice!


Too Nice to Lead

Leaders, could this be you? How or when is this most likely to happen?

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1. With Fear of Conflict. If you tend to avoid conflict and want people to just work things out for themselves, you may be seen as too nice to lead.
   Alternative: Get a coach to help you develop your conflict resolution skills. Great leaders move past their fear. They know when to step in and even teach others how to work together.




2. In Times of Great Change. In everyday work, your teams think of you as a very effective leader. Then the organization announces a major change and you must lead your teams through it. The tension rises and your teams resist. In this moment of truth, do you lead them forward? If you cave in to their objections and resistance, your boss may see you as too nice to lead.
   Alternative: Have the courage to draw on the good will you have with your team. Show them you believe in them and in the change. If you don’t believe it, why should they?




3. When You Require Emotional Support. Being humble and less directive can be good for your team because the void taps their talent and commitment. Being less confident and needing constant emotional support can scare the bejeebers out of them and earn you the label of too nice or weak to lead.
   Alternative: Learn and understand the interplay between being confident and being humble. Confidence is strength for your team. Humbleness opens the door to growth. Both are valuable leadership traits. Lack of confidence isn’t.




4. If You Must Be Liked. Needing to be liked can steer you to many poor leadership behaviors. It can drive you to sacrifice results for the virtual hug. This can earn you the label of too nice to lead.
   Alternative: Develop relationships outside of work that can fulfill this deep need. At work, focus on the balance of interpersonal connection and end results.




5. When You Get Promoted. Picture yourself leading your former peers and maybe even being a peer of your former boss. Guilt or feelings of unworthiness can make you seem timid or too solicitous. This can earn you the label of too nice to lead.
   Alternative: Your boss or another leader put their faith in you. You were promoted for a reason. The team you lead needs your courage and talent. Even if some team members grouse in jealousy, the team’s success depends on your willingness to do the job. Embrace the responsibility you were given; don’t trigger the decision maker’s doubt and regret. Believe in yourself, the purpose, and the team. Lead.




6. If You Own Their Behavior. When you mistakenly believe that you are responsible for a team member’s behavior, you are at risk of giving an errant employee too many chances. You may take their behavior as your failure. If you are coaching one of your team members and they are not making progress, would you be able to tell them they are no longer on the team? If not, you may earn the label of too nice to lead.
   Alternative: Afford your team members the adult responsibility of owning their own behavior. Coach, teach, guide — yes. Own their behavior? No.




7. When Your Career is Paramount. When you care about your career growth more than the current position, you may automatically say yes to other teams or management requests instead of using appropriate assessment and thought. You are busy pleasing everyone else and your current team’s success may suffer. If you are lucky, this may earn you the label of too nice to lead. If you are not lucky, it may earn you a different label that isn’t fit for print. Either way, it’s not what a great leader does.
   Alternative: Let current successes, appropriate interactions, and great negotiation pave your career path.

As the definition of leadership has shifted from rough directive behavior to engaging employees, some leaders have veered off course and focused only on happiness.

Rediscover the balance and you foster success for all!

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Leadership is not about telling or asking; it’s knowing when to do each.

Leadership is not about people or results; it’s about people achieving results.

Leadership is not one consistent approach; it’s using the best approach for the situation.

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You can be liked and fail as a leader; you can be disliked and fail as a leader.

You succeed when you balance purpose and people, encouraging and deciding, listening and speaking up.


I wish you courage and strength and the insight to know how to use it.

From professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please first email info@katenasser.com for terms of use. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Related Post: Leaders, Are Your Direct Reports a Wart on the Arm of Progress

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, customer service, customer experience, and teamwork. She turns interaction obstacles into business success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

A call came in from the Human Resources Director of a large prestigious law firm. The challenge?

Build more respect and teamwork between the most brilliant legal minds in the law practice and the support staff.

And not just any brilliant minds. These were the elite attorneys in cutting edge and high powered niches, all with double (some triple) degrees.

Support staff felt demoralized. Some had left. Turnover was on the rise. The HR director quipped in exasperation:

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Do brilliant minds breed bad teamwork?!

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Certainly everyone deserves to be treated with respect. HR and the attorney relations department addressed the few cases of actual verbal abuse. Yet the HR director wanted better daily interactions, teamwork, and morale throughout the organization.

She gave me examples of the interaction between the super educated brilliant attorneys and the support staff. I also spoke with support staff.

There was good news. The hurdles were from different levels of drive for achievement — not from a deeply rooted disrespect for support staff.

Now for the solution. The HR director noted that access to the attorneys’ time was very limited. So we first held workshops with the support staff to rebuild morale and build skill in supporting high achievers.

It was remarkable to see the support staff zealously embrace these basic beliefs of brilliant minds:

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1. Commitment turns intelligence into brilliance. “I am always learning — please do the same.”
2. Facilitate and sustain my achievement or get out of the way.
3. The organization expects me to hit the high bar. Please jump higher with me!
4. Shine at what you do so I can continue to shine at what I do.
5. Come at me with solutions to problems — not just the problem! Otherwise, get out of the way.

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Support staff remarked that this picture was one of continuous striving and learning not a desire to demean. They had never perceived it that way.

From this awareness, we re-mapped how to speak and behave in support of these high achievers.

Some say it is unfair to ask the support staff to learn new support skills instead of asking high achieving attorneys to change their ways.

Yet, high achieving revenue producing professionals respond, “If you ask me to put the feelings of teamwork ahead of results, the organization will achieve less. Why can’t we all step it up and achieve more?”

Success lies in both. Put limits on the demeaning behaviors, like verbal abuse, and train support staff, as we did, to work from the high achiever’s view. It transformed attitudes, performance, respect, and teamwork!

So to answer the initial question — Do brilliant minds breed bad teamwork? No. A difference in expectations, drive, and goals, does.


From professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please first email info@katenasser.com for terms of use. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on customer service, customer experience, teamwork, and leading change. She turns interaction obstacles into business success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

Email is still alive and well. How about the people who received your last email? Was the email clear, concise, and respectful? Or did emotion creep in and rile the issue and people’s sensibilities?

As I teach people skills to corporate teams, they continue to raise one persistent issue – how best to respond to negative emails. Without a doubt, we can diffuse a negative email more effectively through true conversation than through another email.

Beyond that, take steps to ensure that the email we write is not negative — lest we start or feed an e-war!

Let us never forget that …

The E of Email Does Not Mean Emotion

Wouldn’t we feel silly saying to a teammate or customer, I will send you an “emotion mail” later today. Yet workplace colleagues write them!

A recent emotion mail sent to me by an online colleague (not a customer) serves up some great lessons. Here’s the original emotion mail and an alternate approach.

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Hi Kate,
I find your blog posts to be consistently well-written and valuable. They nicely reflect my own sentiments towards customers too. It’s my hope that by sharing links to them on Twitter and other SM platforms, readers benefit from the insightful material and you benefit from the exposure you clearly deserve.

After reading your most recent post – which I was about to post on Twitter – I noticed this in the footer: “If you want to re-post or republish this post …”. If it were anyone else I would have immediately decided that I don’t have time to address the ambiguity and never post anything from them again.

However, in this case, I’m assuming that I may be misreading your intent. Please clarify: is your statement intended to dissuade people from posting links to your material on Social Media platforms?

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The emotion about addressing the amibguity and never posting anything from them again minimizes the compliments of the opening paragraph.

If we were to send this type of email to a teammate or a customer, it could put the relationship at risk.

What if the email were written like this:

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Hi Kate,
I noticed the footer on your blog post “If you want to re-post or republish …”. Wasn’t sure what it meant. Is it OK to put the links to your blog posts on Twitter without permission each time? I find your blog posts valuable and love to share them. Let me know! Many thanks…”

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Which version of the email would you rather receive — the original or the alternate approach?


4 Tips to Turn Emotion Mails into Positive Emails

1. Know our purpose for sending the email. In the original emotion mail above, what is the purpose? To clarify the meaning of the footer? or to vent frustration about being confused? If we admit the true purpose to ourselves, we can choose not to send the negative email and send a positive one instead.




2. Simple and clear beats wordy and emotional. People get scads of emails. We increase the chances that people will read email by keeping it simple and politely getting to the point. The best part of emotion to use in an email is emotional intelligence (EI).




3. The more emotion we use at someone, the harder it is to effect a change. If we want a teammate to change some behavior, using emotion at them can make it tougher for them to do just that — even if they agree with our requested change! Let them change while saving face. Less is more in this case.




4. Formal sometimes seems rude. Surprised to read this? When we have something negative to say, couching it in formal language doesn’t make it positive. It sounds like formal negativity and can seem rude to others.

   If we have something negative to say to a teammate, best to communicate what we want instead of what we don’t want. State how we want to be treated instead of how we don’t want to be treated. Use I statements instead of you statements. This avoids accusations and still communicates honestly, clearly, and respectfully — in a positive manner.

My advice to corporate teams: “We shine in people-skills when we communicate positively not negatively and forward not back.”

It’s critical in delivering customer service and truly appreciated in teamwork.


What other tips will you offer here to turn emotion mails into positive emails?


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this blog post in part or in whole, please email info@katenasser.com for terms of use. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes on the ultimate customer service experience, teamwork, and leading change. Kate turns interaction obstacles into business success especially in tough times of change. See this site for workshop outlines and customer results.

As leaders, how we say things impacts both results and future interactions. If our words are future focused, we lead to the future. We inspire a learning culture.

When our words take employees back to the past, we create a guarded blaming culture and lead nowhere.

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Phrases like:

“I would have thought we would have …”

 or “we should have …”

are blaming statements badly disguised as “we’re all in this together”.

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Let’s Not Lead Back to the Future

Short Story. A recently promoted director of customer satisfaction, walked up to his former boss at the end of a training program that she helped design and said “I would have thought we would have approached this subject in another way.” He had provided no input during the development of the training program yet spoke with derision. Those around just stared at him. What was his goal?

Lesson. If we want to lead forward, let’s use forward focused words. “Going forward, I suggest xyz in phase II.” In this approach, the director would be contributing and leading forward, not back, to the future — like a know-it-all nit!

To do this, it helps to …

1. Want to encourage others instead of correcting others.
2. Consider that there are different views not just one view.
3. Believe that we don’t ever have the perfect answer.
4. Assess the emotional needs of others when trying to achieve results with them.

The newly promoted director, in the story above, is a Six Sigma Black Belt. His focus is to find root causes of customer satisfaction problems and improve them.

Root cause analysis is extremely valuable especially when it spawns future improvements. Whereas, black belting people about what they should have done leaves scars that impact future interactions and results.

Leading people back to the future with criticism demoralizes them with a blaming culture. Leading them forward — to the next times with lessons and insight — breeds commitment and outstanding future results.

Let us always remember that people-skills and emotional intelligence are just as important as vision, intellect, data, and drive in achieving the end results.

And the good news is, the words next time and going forward, are two no cost leadership phrases with dual power. They both inspire and deliver!

What do you think? Do words make a difference?


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes on customer service, teamwork, and leading change. She turns interaction obstacles into business success in tough times of change. See this site for workshop outlines and customer results.

Behind the labels of personality types lie the secrets to more profitable leadership and teamwork.

Workplace leaders often assess team member personality types — amiable, expressive, analytic, driver — and then get busy and do little with it. As I work with them and their teams, I highlight the profitable secrets they can tap.

Personality type impacts understanding and outcomes of leaders and teams. It guides you on how best to engage employees. It can make or break employee ability to thrive in organizational change.


Secrets of Personality Types:

Employee Engagement

1. Amiable personality types come alive through personal connection. If you want to tap the profit they can bring to the business, build interpersonal bonds with them. A just the facts approach makes them feel lonely and demoralized. You do not have to be their best friend yet if you skip the bonding you skip the profit. In today’s world of remote technology, remember to connect with amiable types face to face or on the phone. Video conference with remote amiable type employees for a winning solution!




2. Expressive personality types shine in and through communication. Two-way communication, a critical skill of any good leader, brings these people to full contribution. If you are fast paced, results-oriented and minimize communication, these expressive types feel shunned. You are leaving the profit by the wayside.




3. Analytic personality types function in an ordered thought process. They have much to contribute if you always allow for some ordered discussion. If you are brainstorming, take a small pause to capture the analytic’s ideas. If you are a highly creative leader, summarize your thoughts in an ordered manner after your creativity. Skip the order and you leave analytic types frustrated and the value they provide, suppressed.




4. Driver personality types crave end results and achievement. Give them the big picture, highlight critical milestones and risk factors, and then let them deliver. If you micro-manage them or ask them to have lengthy discussions on non-critical factors, they feel trapped and repressed. Although many other types dislike micro-management, driver types resent it for you are keeping them from the brass ring! They may look for a new position that gives them a real shot.

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During Times of Great Organizational Change

1. Double driver leaders intent on pushing through massive change often overwhelm the other personality types because they focus only on the results. They issue announcements instead of holding all hands meetings. They tell themselves it’s all for organizational results. Yet the methods they use are self-serving and fulfill their driver personality type needs. Ironically, they are leaving the profit of personality types untapped and results suffer.




2. Likewise, amiable type leaders can get caught up in feelings and bonding sacrificing the organizational change goal. It doesn’t have to be that way. I have seen amiable leaders use their incredible bonding skills to rally support for the change and tap everyone’s talent to make it happen.




3. Analytic type leaders may falter in organizational change if they demand too much information before making decisions. In this case, analytics do well to trust the other personality types on the team and profit from their decision skills.




4. Expressive type leaders often shine in organizational change because they are natural communicators. They must remember to engage in two-way communcation. Profit from the analytic, amiable, and driver types’ ideas by remembering to let them express!

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To engage employees and lead them in tough times of change, tap the profit in their personality types.

If instead you revel in the comfort of your own personality type, you leave the profit for the (next) adaptable leader.


Related post: GPS Your Brain to Work With Any Personality Type

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes that turn interaction obstacles into business success especially in tough times of change. See this site for workshop outlines and customer results.

Have people at work or home ever told you that you are so caring? That you always know how to make them feel better? Those who get this positive feedback understand one thing – people define caring differently.

If you hear the reverse — that you don’t seem very caring when they feel bad — you may want to scream out, “Tell me what you want. I’m not a mind reader!”

When people are lonely, upset, demoralized, angry, or hurt, they want care. Yet what type? Most care is desired yet unrequested and confusion sets in for those around them.

Fear not. I am hear to clear up the confusion. As The People-Skills Coach™, I teach corporate teams how to interact more successfully during tough times. They tell me that they use the information in their everyday lives as well.

From this encouragement, came the idea for this post — the 12 most desired yet unrequested forms of care. With this information, you can increase your emotional intelligence and connect better with others when they are feeling bad.

1.Quiet Listening.

If you have ever given your opinion to upset team members or loved ones and they snapped at you, you have learned that quiet listening is their unrequested desire. Their questions are not questions and they feel better just knowing that someone else has heard their pain.

2.Empathy.

One of the most common desires for care is empathy — the sense that someone else truly knows how they feel. Empathy gives those in pain a needed boost to work through their struggle.

3.Validation.

These people want to know you agree with them. Quiet listening falls far short and can enrage those seeking reinforcement of what they feel. If you truly disagree, do not tell them while they are upset. They won’t hear you and you will seem like an uncaring fool.

4.Support.

By the time most loved ones say they want support, you have let them down. Those who want support yet don’t request it up front, are requesting in their actions when they support you. Many of them find it distasteful to have to ask for it verbally. They believe their supportive actions speak volumes and they don’t understand why you haven’t heard them. Listen to their actions when they help you and follow suit when they are in pain.

5.Encouragement.

Friends turn to other friends when they want encouragement — especially if their family has not learned to encourage even when they have doubts. When they want to ditch the conventional and try something new, they want you to encourage them beyond the fear and doubt.

6.Devil’s Advocate or Tough Love.

Be careful of this one. Ask permission first.
A Short Story: A college friend and I are quite different when it comes to dating. She is more willing to give men the benefit of the doubt. She had been through two relationships where men treated her badly and both ended in break-ups. On the third time around in a bad relationship, she asked me what she should do. Surprised that she would ask me, I said to her “Are you sure you want my opinion?” She replied with an odd chuckle: “Yes, I am asking you because I know you’ll tell me to drop the bum.”

7.Knowledge.

There are people who find knowledge a great comfort. They don’t want your opinion they want your knowledge. Perhaps you have been through a similar situation and they want to hear options they haven’t considered. Perhaps you have professional training they want to tap. Give them your knowledge not your advice.

8.Insight.

Team members and friends that want insight will show both vulnerability and strength. They are starting to move beyond the pain and want you to help them to think it through. They want more than knowledge and less than a solution. A combination of “maybe statements” and questions are the dynamic duo here.

9.Solutions.

Are you jumping for joy now that we have reached this one? Many people, when they hear others’ pain want to offer a solution. They convince themselves that it is logical. The sooner the solution, the quicker the pain goes away. Unfortunately, to someone not ready for a solution –the “get over it quick” approach seems brutishly insensitive. Go back to empathy and validation before you offer a solution.

10.Strength.

When loved ones are scared and in pain, strength may be the greatest care possible. Strength reduces the fear. It gives them a sense of control and empowers them to deal with the pain. Offer your strength without judging. Judging makes them feel weaker. Strength makes them feel stronger.

11.Momentum.

If you are known as action-oriented, colleagues and friends may come to you to help them move forward. This may be the toughest form of unrequested care to give. It takes practice to spot how fast they are ready to move. You may trip if you push them to quickly. Yet you won’t crash and burn if you are not judgmental. Admit your misstep — don’t tell them they are dragging their heals.

12.Outrage.

Perhaps the easiest to see is the desire for outrage. When loved one or friends express their outrage over being wronged, it is a safe bet that eventually they want to hear “You deserve to be treated better.” You don’t have to bad mouth whoever wronged them just show outrage over what was done to them.

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Of these 12 desired yet unrequested forms of care, which one do you most often want? If your answer is “it depends”, then you understand why others have varying needs. If you always want the same thing, remember that not everyone is like you.

The biggest mistake you can make is to treat others they way you want to be treated. You must treat them the way they want to be treated.

If you care enough to learn how to care their way, you will succeed. Learn from one instance to the next how to give your professional colleagues, friends and loved ones the care they desire yet don’t always request.


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Related post: 5 Best Emotionally Intelligent Customer Service Thoughts

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, inspires and trains corporate teams, customer care professionals, call center agents, and technical support teams in the greatest people-skills and emotional intelligence for customer service and teamwork. She combines her natural intuition about people (her human GPS), a Masters degree in Organizational Psychology, and 20 years of gritty real life experience to develop your emotional intelligence.

Leaders, do you appoint someone the workplace pit bull believing it will make everyone more responsible and accountable? Let’s consider what workplace pit bulls do to accountability.

Image by:Vectorportal.com

The Story.
In a meeting with a brand new customer, one of my clients introduced herself to me as the one who pit bulls everyone. The boss had given her that responsibility believing it would make everyone more accountable.

I finished the engagement and for the first time turned down follow on business when they asserted the pit bull approach would remain. Her actions had few positive outcomes and many negative.


The Claim. Driving and pressuring people to the maximum creates accountability.


The Truth. Driving and pressuring people to the maximum creates a flurry of activity and fear of blame. It might create short term productivity but not accountability.


What Do Workplace Pit Bulls Do to Accountability?

1. Make team members very risk averse. They take the safe approach to avoid the pit bull’s bite. This has little to do with producing the quality outcome and is hardly accountable to the organization’s goals.




2. Breed a not my fault culture to avoid blame and punishment. This is the exact opposite of responsibility and accountability.




3. Stress people right out … of their knowledge. Have you ever been so stressed that you can’t even think? How can you be accountable to the organization’s goals if you can’t apply your knowledge, creativity, and critical thinking on a daily basis?




4. Reduce trust and respect. When a blame culture takes root, people begin to mistrust not only the pit bull but everyone around. Everyone covers their tracks instead of investing in true collaboration and teamwork to reach the organization’s goals. This is not accountability.




5. Demoralize team members. Workplace pit bulls may produce obedience yet it’s at the cost of morale, spirit, and the desire to be accountable.

Workplace pit bulls (or those who appoint them) are filled with fear of organizational failure and instill fear to prevent it. Ironic, isn’t it, that they can end up producing the very thing they wish to avoid — organizational failure!

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Accountability does not foster this culture of fear and blame. It thrives in learning organizations that empower people within appropriate boundaries.

It rises out of honoring individual accomplishments as well as team successes. It both requires and engenders high levels of achievement by inspiring new possibilities and tapping the team’s current knowledge and ideas.

If you are a leader and aren’t seeing the performance and results you need from the teams, don’t seal your fate by confusing accountability and blame.

Blame won’t change their behavior; a change in your behavior will. Honestly assess your leadership style and make changes to produce change.

Inspire accountability in your teams. Don’t pit bull them into obedience.

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What is the greatest approach you have ever used or witnessed that produced accountability? What resources will you recommend in the comments section below?


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Resource for Entrepreneurial Leaders: Something Needs to Change Around Here by Liz Weber, CMC.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on customer service, teamwork, and leading change to corporate teams. She turns interaction obstacles into business success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

A recent Twitter chat called leadfromwithin raised a question in my mind that affects every leader and manager especially in times of change. When you attempt to inspire teams with your passion, do you scar them or ignite their greatness? 

Passion that burns others undermines the goal.

Passion that ignites others fuels success.

 

10 Ways to Ignite Greatness Without Leaving Scars

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1. Keep Your Mind Open. When your mind is open to different ways of reaching the end goal, your passion ignites the team’s ideas and greatness. If you close your mind to ideas, it scars the team’s spirit and douses their passion.




2. Establish the limits of freedom. That might seem like an oxymoron yet it is true. If there are boundaries, state them and then let innovation, creativity, and great talent surface and develop. If you pretend there are no boundaries and inflict them later, it scars the team’s work rhythm and their trust. When boundaries legitimately change, communicate them clearly.




3. Become a geyser of goodwill. The more times you communicate the positives (when they are true), the more trust and goodwill you build with the team. This goodwil builds the team’s strength to then hear the negatives with objectivity. The sum ignites greatness.




4. Be honest not blunt. Honesty that doesn’t insult catapults all to greatness. Bluntness leaves emotional scars that toughen future interactions. Classic wisdom says: Attack the idea not the I. That’s a good start. I add, “Disagree without being disagreeable.”




5. Question before feedback. Your passion for the vision or goal, will scar others if you give negative feedback before understanding their actions. You also scar your credibility and their trust in you.




6. Refine your message to critical points. Passion has the power to confuse. It causes you to leave out critical information that can ignite the team’s greatness. Exercise: Write your message as a headline and then the bullet points to support it. It is annoying when you first start. Once you know how, your communication will ignite the team’s greatness.




7. Show You Are Listening. Ever work for leaders who are so passionate that they keep blazing new trails without showing you they heard your concerns? Don’t be a listening leader who appears deaf. Dialogues ignite actionable greatness.
   
   

8. See Talent in Mistakes. A team’s greatness is harnessed through individual contributions to the same goal. Differences in talent and perspective often produce outcomes that you might see as mistakes in light of the end goal. You can also see the talent that produces those unexpected outcomes to ignite future greatness.




9. Recognize Initiative and Celebrate Learning. One uncomfortable truth about igniting greatness is that not all team members will want to be great or rise to greatness. Leaders and managers, with heart, mistakenly minimize greatness in the quest for team harmony. The good news is there’s a better way. If you recognize those who are showing more initiative and achieving greatness and also celebrate all that are learning, you preserve team harmony without sacrificing greatness.




10. What is #10? How do you make sure your passion ignites greatness without scarring others?

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From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes on customer service, teamwork, and leading change. She turns interaction obstacles into business success in tough times of change. See this site for workshop outlines and customer results.

As The People-Skills Coach™, I have written before on steps from brutally blunt to helpfully honest. Yet for those who are inspired by logic to change behavior, it bears listing the smart logical reasons why bluntness bombs out.

5 Smart Logical Reasons Blunt Bombs Out

1. No Warm-Up. Picture your bluntness as very cold water. If we push someone into a cold swimming pool, they remember the shock. If we let them wade in, they adjust to the temperature and can function. Thus if we want people to function and use our message, we shouldn’t shock them with bluntness.




2. Punching Dulls the Brain. Punching bags are not known for their performance. They hang and swing. If we are being blunt to effect a change, those we verbally punch may swing away from us yet they are not likely to understand or change behavior.




3. Bluntness builds barriers. Communication is for connection. Bluntness can create a busy signal — a barrier — between communicator and listener. If someone isn’t listening, your message bombs out.




4. Bluntness undermines respect and credibility. The strength of the message is weakened by the rudeness of the approach. Who is going to respect and believe the message delivered by a blunt creton?




5. Bluntness breaks bonds. Unless we each live as hermits, we interact with people to survive and thrive. Many times the same people more than once. Bluntness may get our words out but bombs out by breaking the bonds with those around us. It may even create vengeful feelings and instigate a war (verbal or hidden).

Many people resort to bluntness, out of frustration, when diplomatic honesty hasn’t worked. Others simply lose patience with those of less intelligence.

Yet when we reach the end of the rope, why cut it with bluntness? Unless we need to use bluntness to save a life or prevent death, hold on to the rope!

Take a moment and tap intellect, logic, and smarts to find a way to communicate with honesty and respect.

From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


Related Post: Leadership & Teamwork: Honesty May Hurt But Blunt Burns Forever

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes on customer service, teamwork, and leading change. She turns interaction obstacles into business success in tough times of change. See this site for workshop outlines and customer results.

Do you think that emotional intelligence is hard to learn? The ability to understand how people want to be treated is something you can develop — if you know where to start.

Emotional intelligence doesn’t start with a list of clues. It doesn’t start with psychic strength.

Emotional intelligence starts

as an invitation that waits for a response.

 

The heart of emotional intelligence is showing smeone that you honor their choice for interaction even if you don’t know how they want to be treated.  It’s like extending an invitation for a connection and waiting for a response instead of ordering someone to interact with you.

When you honor their choice and consent on how to be treated, you will be seen as having some emotional intelligence.  Why? Because it shows …

1. You are thinking of them not just yourself or your goal.
2. You understand that human differences exist and impact results.
3. You will listen to both your desires and their needs.
4. You see value in balancing interests to reach a common outcome.
5. You know that a person’s needs can vary daily depending on stress level, goal, etc…
6. You believe they are worth the effort to adapt – in other words, they matter!

And there’s more good news even if you are not highly intuitive.  You can honor differences and display some emotional intelligence simply by posing a question instead of making a statement.

For example, in a doctor’s office the nurse can say either: “Please get on the scale.” or “Will you step on the scale please?” The first is a statement that does not invite interaction. The second is a question that honors choice and asks for consent. The bonus is the nurse will start to learn how the customer wants to be treated through response.

Now for the caution. Here are obstacles to your great start in emotional intelligence:

1. The need to be in full control.  You are likely to bark orders vs. invite interaction.
2. The fear you will appear weak.  You are likely to sacrifice connection to protect your image of strength.
3. You just don’t care. One person told me he chose not to because it was just too much trouble.

Emotional intelligence is a sign of maturity and greatly valued in today’s global business setting.  The choice is yours. If you honor others’ choices you will earn their respect and achieve more than you can by yourself.

 

What else would you add to this list of obstacles to emotional intelligence?

What has helped you develop EI?

 

From my professional experience to your success,

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes on customer service, teamwork, and interpersonal success in business. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.
 

Leaders, managers, and staff — you walk in the door every Monday and with you all comes a simple no cost team building opportunity.

Do you have a new hire? Is there a contractor joining the project today? Has there been a reorganization resulting in a new team mix? Think back to the first day you joined an existing team. How did you feel?

Image Courtesy of:Renaissance Chambara

How do you welcome them?

Most human resource departments do on-boarding of new hires. Many departments have online training modules to get everyone’s knowledge quickly up to speed.

Not so common is a true welcome for those joining and the powerful no cost team building that results!

The Team Building in a Welcome
Change breaks bonds. Change can also build strong new bonds when you welcome those joining on the very first day. The welcome is not fluff. It ignites team productivity.

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1. Introduce beyond the name. A great introduction warms the moment. We introduce keynote speakers, live performers, and guests at a party. We don’t expect them to show up and just start talking, performing, or networking. That would seem odd. Make time for introductions and you will see teamwork sooner than later.




2. Reach out willingly. When you travel and locals offer tips, how do you feel? Lifted up? Inspired to go back? Motivated to help in return? If you want maximum contribution and low turnover, welcome from the start.




3. Build respect and trust. The basis of all teamwork is simple respect that leads to trust. When you skip the welcome and leave it up to chance, the first interaction may be during tough moments, problems solving, or a struggle. Risky for building trust.

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On the other hand, if you initiate basic respect through a no cost team building gesture — like a great welcome — it quickly lays the foundation for communication, interaction, problem solving, and teamwork.

Some argue that these are adults — not children or teenagers — and shouldn’t need this hand holding. A welcome isn’t hand holding anymore than team building is.

The issue is how quickly the team gels for maximum succcess. The sooner people know each other and sense how to best interact, the sooner the productive results from the teamwork.

Whether in person or a video connection, welcome all those who will work together. Go beyond the names and use the welcome moments to establish a culture of respect, cooperation, and collaboration. Morale matters.

Who will you welcome today? How will you welcome them and lay the path for teamwork — at no cost?

From my experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, team building, DVDs, and keynotes for oustanding customer service and teamwork. For 20 years, she has been turning interaction obstacles into your business success especially in tough times of change. See this site for workshop outlines and customer results.

A recent routine eye exam was one of the most bizarre – and horrible — customer experiences I’ve ever had.  It was stressful and unnerving. In hindsight, it’s oddly humorous.  



Here’s the story and the 10 humorous people-skills’ lessons on my bizarre customer service experience.

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My eye doctor retired. I met one in a social setting, checked out her credentials, and made an appointment for my annual exam. I expected the eye exam would take about an hour give or take.

Two and half hours later I emerged from the office of an obsessive nut case who had actually invented a different kind of eye chart that she admitted was tougher to see.

Declaring she was a perfectionist, she wanted to know every aspect of my medical health and gave me a political speech about how she was collecting information for the government without sharing names. She even lectured me on how to wash my hands — a task I mastered years ago.

She and her assistants tried to enter all my info into computers during the exam and ran between rooms to find the problem when information was not showing up on all the computers.

I returned to my office with only 45 minutes to prepare for a videotaped interview on the future of customer experience. Ironic isn’t it? I couldn’t have imagined that timing!

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10 Extreme Lessons on Bizarre Customer Experience

1. Perfectionism inflicts stress and pain on others. It’s not a customer care goal! It’s a disease. Get thee to a therapist.




2. If customers are expecting something routine, you better hang up a neon sign if it’s going to be oddly different — and I don’t mean that weird eye chart of hers!




3. If you care for technology more than your customers, pray that the technology needs your service and can pay you! The humans won’t be back.




4. Innovation needs explanation especially if you make the common and comfortable — new and stressful. Where can I buy a traditional eye chart? Maybe I’ll give myself the eye test and someone can stand by and tell me how many I got right.




5. Put the customers too far out of their comfort zone and they will put you out of their lives and out of all those they tell!




6. Manipulate your customers to get what you want and next time they will go to someone who will give them what they want – a simple routine eye exam.




7. Trap a customer with your extremely obsessive need for information and they will see you as selfish or crazy. Neither trait produces customer loyalty.




8. Treating every customer the same is not great service especially if you treat them like ignorant fools who don’t know how to wash their hands. Each customer wants you to treat them as the unique person they are.
   
   

9. Time is a precious resource. Abuse the customer’s time and they may say it’s time for them to go — without singing “I’m so glad we’ve had this time together”.




10. Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to see how your customer wants to be treated. How’s your vision? Better than this doctor’s?

Customer care is noteworthy when you keep your sight keenly focused on the customer’s needs and deliver service with that vision.

So what’s up Doc? Can you read the “EI” on the chart? If not, maybe it’s time for a routine eye exam and some corrective lenses.

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes on customer service, teamwork, and interpersonal success in business. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

As The People-Skills Coach™ , I often teach others how to deal with people’s anger in the workplace. Does your boss yell sometimes? Has a team member suddenly become edgy with you? Has a customer surprised you with a yell?

If you prefer that everyone calmly communicate and never yell, you need this professional people-skill to find nirvana:

Hear the urgency before the yell.

Quite often when the boss, a teammate, or a customer yells, you have missed the urgency they were communicating before the yell.

Common leadership and teamwork beliefs encourage open honest communication without anger or yelling. Yet this requires something of both the speaker and the listener.

In the face of urgency and a listener who doesn’t hear it, it is likely someone will resort to a yell. I am not speaking about people who yell all the time. I am referring to people who suddenly yell after calmly communicating.


Do You Hear Urgency in Their Calm — Before the Yell?
If not, here are 5 ways to spot urgency and develop this professional listening skill.

1. Find urgency in the bigger picture. I was teaching a public class. The banquet room was to be setup by 7:30am so I could prepare before greeting the students. I walked in to see a room configured incorrectly and no flip charts. I calmly spoke with the hotel rep about the timeframe and ten minutes later — no change. I then said, “Fix this now!”. He quipped, “that’s good, you woke me up” and quickly fixed the problem. To him, my initial calm voice meant it wasn’t urgent. Had he looked at the bigger picture of my needing to get ready before people arrived, he would have heard the urgency in the calm.




2. Find urgency in the need to be acknowledged. Urgency is not always a deadline for action. Often people’s urgency resides in their need to be heard. Paraphrase (not parrot) what they have said. Tell them that you hear what they are saying. This simple technique prevents the yell.




3. Hear urgency in repetition. When they calmly say the same thing twice, hear their urgency and acknowledge it — before the yell.




4. Urgency lives in their lack of knowledge. Your expertise blinds you to their urgency. As they speak and your knowledge is calmly telling you “no problem”, speak up. Communicate solutions. Else get ready for a yell.




5. Hear urgency in the painful past or impending future. Many times people’s urgency comes from previous negative experiences that caused them pain or something they are anticipating. Ask great questions while people are calm to uncover their concerns — before the yell.

Bonus Tip: The more you know about people, the easier it is to prevent the yell. You learn their pet peeves, their personality types, their fears and goals, their frustrations, and how best to respond before the yell.

If you believe that people-skills and relationships are fluff, don’t expect to reach the nirvana of calm communication. It comes from knowing people!

What makes you want to yell?

What have surprising yells taught you that you can share with all of us here at Smart SenseAbilities™?

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™™


Related Post: Why Executives Get Impatient With You

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes that turn interaction obstacles into business success especially in tough times of change. See this site for workshops outlines and customer results.

Is technology killing customer service in healthcare? Has technology removed our reason to care for others?

Technology has contributed countless life changing advances to healthcare yet I see two distrubing customer care trends.

Image by and Courtesy of:Daneel Ariantho


Our Reason to Care
As I see technicians and nurses working with me and friends/family, their behavior alarms me in two ways. Some let technology remove their sense of reason and logic and others have lost the human reason to care.


Story #1
A dear friend who is a large size person knows from experience that automatic blood pressure machines frequently report false results because of her large size arm. The nurse insisted on using that device and the machine reported very low blood pressure. My friend with a history of blood pressure issues, questioned the result. The nurse replied, “But that’s what the machine is reporting.”

My friend urged the nurse to use a traditional blood pressure device with a large cuff. This time the result was much higher than usual. The nurse, seemingly stumped, said: “Which result do you want me to note on your chart?”

Don’t Let Technology Remove Good Reason

1. Technology alone does not provide complete care. If you are getting two very different results, good judgment would guide you to question and perhaps test again.
2. Relying completely on technology assumes that technology cannot make a mistake. Yet good reason would suggest that variations or mistakes in input or use of the technology can cause faulty results.

Story #2
I was undergoing a medical test conducted by a technician. As the technician vigorously moved the wand around inside of my body, she never once asked how I was doing. I told her I was in pain and her response was “I can’t get good pictures of what’s going on” as she continued on with this painful test. I finally said “enough!”. She then said, “Oh, well if you would go empty your bladder again it might make it easier.”

Her demeanor spoke volumes about her focus. Her reason for being there was purely technological not human and diagnostic customer care.

Result: I never went back to that radiology center and told many how poorly the technician treated me. The next time I needed a test, I found another company which I now recommend to all my friends and family.

Technology is a wonderful adjunct to the human brain. Let’s not allow technology to remove our good judgment or reason to care!

Questions:

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Where in your life have you seen technology overtake people’s reason and judgment? Why do you think this happens? How can we prevent it?

In healthcare this poor judgment can be very scary. Where else do you think this error can cause great harm?

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Curiously yours,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes for customer service and teamwork — that turn interaction obstacles into professional success especially in tough times of change. See this site for workshops outlines and customer results.

In my last people-skills post, I wrote that honesty may hurt for a bit but blunt burns forever.

One reader asked me for specific steps to go from blunt to honest for better work relationships. Here they are — from my professional experience to your success.

Image by: Nomadic Lass Creative Commons License


7 Steps From Brutally Blunt to Helpfully Honest

When you are done speaking, do you want others to look and feel like the little blunt above? Or do you want them to see you that way? If not …

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#1 Honor people as well as your purpose and message.

Much of the brutal bluntness comes from focusing only on the message you want to deliver. Oddly enough, it makes the message less clear because the emotion blocks the other person’s listening.

Before speaking, ask yourself what impact your words will have on people. Honesty without honoring the human comes out blunt.

#2 Openness to other possibilities makes you less blunt.

What you say is rarely an absolute fact. There is perspective, conditions, opinions, and the possibility to change. When you live this openness, you are more likely to have a honest dialogue with someone instead of a blunt monologue.

#3 Never start a sentence with the word “you” in difficult situations.

Imagine saying, “You aren’t doing your job” or “You are failing badly.” Starting with “you” sets the hearing up for a blunt attack and a defensive reply.

Saying “Here is what we are expecting from you and this is what you are doing. We need these changes …”. Now the person can hear your message and has specifics on what to change.

#4 Emotion (negative) will come out as brutally blunt.

Say out loud, “Let me put aside my emotion for a moment” and then speak. It shows the other person you want to speak honestly without insulting them. If some of it comes out blunt, at least they will know you are trying.

However, do not use this intro as a justification for being blunt. It doesn’t work. You must be truly trying to honor with honesty.

#5 Sense of proportion reduces the brutality.

Brutally blunt, by definition, is the extreme outpost of communication. Ask yourself, why must you use this extreme and risk inflicting scars? What words, with better proportion, can clearly communicate your message?

#6 Timing and tone of voice transform results.

When some people read the word “timing”, they assume delay. Although you might choose to delay speaking, there are times you can’t. Yet timing also means the pace of your speech.

The faster you speak in tough moments, the more brutal it sounds. Meanwhile, speaking too slowly or softly risks sounding patronizing.

Using a normal even pace of speech communicates honesty and avoids the brutality.

#7 Yes. Thinking “agreement” makes you less blunt.

Insults rarely produce a yes. Helpful does. Replace negative emotion with positive desire – what you want vs. what you don’t want – and then speak.

Even if agreement is not your goal, think “yes” and your words will be more helpfully honest and less brutally blunt.

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Respect is the cushion. It allows you to honor with honesty instead of bullying with bluntness. When disagreeing strongly, state your perspective with “I respectfully disagree.”

Some claim that there are people with whom you must be brutally blunt else they don’t understand. I have met some where subtlety didn’t work. I was more direct not brutally blunt. I still honored with honesty.

Others think they are speaking honestly yet are quite blunt. They inflict scars that block productive relationships and singe success.

The 7 steps above will block the bluntness and give you honest words for success in any situation.


What would you add to this list to save yourself and others from being blunt?

Respectfully and successfully yours,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes that turn interaction obstacles into business success especially in tough times of change. See this site for workshops outlines and customer results.