Posted in Hot Topics and New Bits, Leadership, People-Skills, Soft Skills, Teamwork
In my last people-skills post, I wrote that honesty may hurt for a bit but blunt burns forever.
One reader asked me for specific steps to go from blunt to honest for better work relationships. Here they are — from my professional experience to your success.
People-Skills:7 Steps from Brutally Blunt to Helpfully Honest
Image by: Nomadic Lass Creative Commons License
7 Steps From Brutally Blunt to Helpfully Honest
When you are done speaking, do you want others to look and feel like the little blunt above? Or do you want them to see you that way? If not …
#1 Honor people as well as your purpose and message.
- Much of the brutal bluntness comes from focusing only on the message you want to deliver. Oddly enough, it makes the message less clear because the emotion blocks the other person’s listening.
Before speaking, ask yourself what impact your words will have on people. Honesty without honoring the human comes out blunt.
#2 Openness to other possibilities makes you less blunt.
- What you say is rarely an absolute fact. There is perspective, conditions, opinions, and the possibility to change. When you live this openness, you are more likely to have a honest dialogue with someone instead of a blunt monologue.
#3 Never start a sentence with the word “you” in difficult situations.
- Imagine saying, “You aren’t doing your job” or “You are failing badly.” Starting with “you” sets the hearing up for a blunt attack and a defensive reply.
Saying “Here is what we are expecting from you and this is what you are doing. We need these changes …”. Now the person can hear your message and has specifics on what to change.
#4 Emotion (negative) will come out as brutally blunt.
- Say out loud, “Let me put aside my emotion for a moment” and then speak. It shows the other person you want to speak honestly without insulting them. If some of it comes out blunt, at least they will know you are trying.
However, do not use this intro as a justification for being blunt. It doesn’t work. You must be truly trying to honor with honesty.
#5 Sense of proportion reduces the brutality.
- Brutally blunt, by definition, is the extreme outpost of communication. Ask yourself, why must you use this extreme and risk inflicting scars? What words, with better proportion, can clearly communicate your message?
#6 Timing and tone of voice transform results.
- When some people read the word “timing”, they assume delay. Although you might choose to delay speaking, there are times you can’t. Yet timing also means the pace of your speech.
The faster you speak in tough moments, the more brutal it sounds. Meanwhile, speaking too slowly or softly risks sounding patronizing.
Using a normal even pace of speech communicates honesty and avoids the brutality.
#7 Yes. Thinking “agreement” makes you less blunt.
- Insults rarely produce a yes. Helpful does. Replace negative emotion with positive desire – what you want vs. what you don’t want – and then speak.
Even if agreement is not your goal, think “yes” and your words will be more helpfully honest and less brutally blunt.
Respect is the cushion. It allows you to honor with honesty instead of bullying with bluntness. When disagreeing strongly, state your perspective with “I respectfully disagree.”
Some claim that there are people with whom you must be brutally blunt else they don’t understand. I have met some where subtlety didn’t work. I was more direct not brutally blunt. I still honored with honesty.
Others think they are speaking honestly yet are quite blunt. They inflict scars that block productive relationships and singe success.
The 7 steps above will block the bluntness and give you honest words for success in any situation.
What would you add to this list to save yourself and others from being blunt?
Respectfully and successfully yours,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™
©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers consulting, training, DVDs, and keynotes that turn interaction obstacles into business success especially in tough times of change. See this site for workshops outlines and customer results.
