Social media, especially Facebook and Twitter, give us many opportunities to express our opinions to strangers. This often creates first and lasting impressions on people who have never met us.

Many would like to believe that authenticity — at any length — wins the day. This wishful thinking overlooks that people react differently to those they know versus those they don’t.

Relationships and the trust they build give interpersonal context to what is said.

Without those preexisting relationships, raw authenticity can come across as rude, self-absorbed, boorish, rigid, disagreeable, and even bullying.

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Traditional civility added to modern day social networking delivers greatness to social media presence.

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Modern People-Skills Reminders for Social Media Greatness

These tweaks create and preserve a positive impression with authenticity.

1. If it sounds like an order, it can turn people off. When we add the word please, it becomes a request.




2. If a connection’s general behavior is a bother, we have the choice to unfollow/unfriend them. This may be a better choice than issuing them an order that everyone sees. One Twitter connection tweeted me, Stop tweeting quotes about … Everyone can see his tweet. What impression of him do you think it leaves?




3. Many people see sarcasm as a form of anger. The less they know us, the greater the chance when it’s directed at them. Perhaps this old rule applies well: If we can’t say something in a positive way, don’t say anything at all.




4. Questioning people’s motives — even with formality — can sound accusatory. “May I inquire as to why you are doing this?” sets a condescending tone requesting justification. Although analytic personalities find special comfort in knowing why, non-analytics see it differently.

   If we like what someone is doing on social media and want to understand the value of it, then best for us to say exactly that. State the positive and it will be seen as positive.




5. Stating opinion as fact can leave a negative impression; stating opinion as opinion can invite a healthy positive exchange of opinions!




6. We leave a positive impression by owning our own feelings instead of assigning them to others. Statements like, “You are trying to discredit my opinion” can come across as insecure and childish. I like what Eleanor Roosevelt said: “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.”




7. People see listening and discussing as a positive sign of openness and strength. Arguing, bashing, and condemning can leave scars on our image and those bashed.

Civility provides a cushion of respect that eases hearing and acceptance of an authentic honest message. Bluntness lacks that civility and creates emotion that blunts listening and comprehension.

I vote for civility. It doesn’t undo authenticity. It allows others to see it.

What’s your vote?

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™


“Words can woo or wound; create bonds, not scars.”

Related Post:
Honesty May Hurt but Blunt Burns Forever

7 Steps From Brutally Blunt to Helpfully Honest

©2012 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, customer service, customer experience, and teamwork. She turns interaction obstacles into business success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

It is common in a restaurant for the server or maitre d’ to ask you how you like your meal while you are eating. They gather feedback before you are done. Hotels ask their guests how is their stay going.

There are pearls of wisdom in that approach. Gathering feedback before the finish line gives the customer service provider a clearer picture of the customers’ expectations throughout the delivery of service. This tremendously increases the chance for customer satisfaction.

Then why do customer service providers rarely gather feedback during a phone call or webchat? They often ask a customer to stay on the line after the call or chat to complete a feedback survey. Isn’t that a bit late for that customer’s satisfaction?

Customers’ feedback are little pearls that your reps and agents can string together into customer satisfaction before the finish of the call or chat.

I propose that the customers’ would love to give feedback before the finish line. Why else would they use Social Media like Twitter and Facebook when customer service is failing them?

I ask for feedback while I am consulting with clients — face to face, on the phone, or online in a webinar or videoconference. When I am delivering customer service & team building workshops, I ask for feedback at breaks and lunch to see what they are thinking.

Picture your reps or agents asking customers — “how’s my service so far?”

It makes customer service a dialogue — an engagement of the customers’ views during the process. Empowered reps and agents can then adjust their delivery to meet the customers’ needs.

Social media is engaging your customers more than ever before. Are you? Engage them and gather some pearls during the calls and chats.

Business Benefits

1. Dynamic in-the-moment low cost learning about customers’ needs and expectations
2. Creating a loyal customer through listening to them and reaching their finish line
3. Preventing a dissatisfied customer (who seeks an audience) bashing your brand on Social Media
4. Creating memorable moments instead of routine actions — customers remember moments and your brand!

One simple question, “How’s my service so far?” to change course and turn customer service into customer engagement.

Gathering feedback before the finish line gives you preventive and proactive success!


What tips for success would you like to share in the comments section below? I welcome your perspective.


©2011 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. For permission to re-post or republish, please email info@katenasser.com.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, delivers customer service and team building workshops that take your people from inspiration to action. Now celebrating 21 years in business, Kate delivers results that are well known in the corporate world. See this site for more information.

Whether you are a new grad, a new leader, a seasoned corporate leader, a small business, or a solopreneur, you can leverage Twitter for learning, growth, and success. If your image of Twitter is a useless stream of info about who is going for coffee or mostly links to squeeze pages that just try to sell you something, think again!

Revisit Twitter and leverage the no cost learning from diverse subject matter experts that freely share and discuss their insights. Unlike LinkedIn and Facebook, on Twitter you do not have to be formally connected to someone to access their knowledge and leverage it for your learning and development.

You can follow anyone and read their tweets and blogs or simply search on your topic of interest and read without following them.

There are go givers like Mike Henry, Sr @MikeHenrySr – who connects and mobilizes people for learning through The LeadChange Group and inspirational gurus like @eleesha, @Dave_carpenter, @InspirationGuy whose tweets lift you up and take you in new directions.

From the academic authors like Bob Sutton, @work_matters Stanford Professor & Author “Good Boss, Bad Boss” & “The No Asshole Rule” to consumers’ favorite author of “Dummy Books” @MarshaCollier, you can connect and learn with them.

Here is a Twitter sampling of the tips, knowledge, and insight waiting for you and it is just a tiny taste:

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Success: “When you make a promise by word or by deed – keep it.” ~ Joan Koeber-Walker, CEO Core Purpose, @CorePurpose @JKWInnovation

Innovation: “There’s such pressure to do, do, do. But if you’re always mentally full, there’s no room for growth, new ideas, & change.”  ~ Mike Brown Founder of Brainzooming @Brainzooming

Leadership: “As a leader, it is important to surround yourself with people who are not impressed with you, but respect you.” ~ Joshua Symonette, former NFL player and Leadership Consultant. @JSym

Success & Winning: “The moment you let your emotions take control, you have lost control. Maintain your composer and you can win. – Michael Symonette (Joshua’s dad).

Professional Success: “Build and nurture a diverse professional network.  The network can be a fabulous source for advisors, sounding boards, idea generators, and business leads.” ~Joe Williams, NASA Scientist, @RikerJoe

Interpersonal Success: “Smiling.  It shows that you are personable and approachable. Consider the potential of this!” ~Matt Reiter @ReiterTweets

Business Success: “Great customer service is the ultimate upsell.” ~Russel Lolacher @RussLOL

Leadership: “Consider the hallmarks – Honesty is about what you say. Integrity is about what you do.” ~Mark Sturgell @pdncoach

Leadership: “What’s worse than failure? Succeeding at what doesn’t matter.” ~Dan Rockwell @LeadershipFreak

Leadership: “It’s not what you say, it’s what they hear.” ~Red Auerbach (Former Coach of the Boston Celtics) – this is one of Dan’s favorite quotes!

Lead Change:“Wise leaders build trust BEFORE trying to drive change.” ~Tristan Bishop @KnowledgeBishop

Initiative & Success: ““We each choose: It’s either the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.” ~Dr. Jim Burns @drjimburns

Coping With Change: “Instead of seeing change as difficult, see it as a path to becoming even better.” ~Gary Loper @GaryLoper

Reward & Recognition: “Be so busy giving recognition to others, that you will not need it yourself.” ~ Jim Rohn This is one of Gary’s favorite quotes!

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And yours truly, @Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, offering my twenty years of experience and natural people skills talent on customer service, teamwork, and leading change. My connections with behavioral neuro experts like Dr. Ellen F. Weber @ellenfweber have expanded my knowledge and horizons.

If you are not leveraging the learning on Twitter, you are overlooking the biggest open forum available for your professional development.

If you are not using Twitter for your business and brand, you are forfeiting the greatest no cost neon sign ever invented. Join us on the new horizon.


If you are using Twitter, what has been your greatest learning or gain? I welcome your contributions to this post in the comments field below.

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“Finding fault stops progress; finding solutions ignites success.” I recently wrote and posted that thought on Twitter. Many re-tweeted it and sent various replies. This particular reply caught my eye:

What  do  you  do  when  those  around  you  want  to  find fault  instead  of  finding  solutions?

A great question. Dealing with chronic naysayers can demoralize a team. Dan Rockwell, The LeadershipFreak, notes “Negative people always work to solidify the status quo.” He offers an except from Dr. Robert Sutton’s new book Good Boss, Bad Boss: “Teams with downers produce 40 to 60% less than teams without whiners and complainers.” That rang true to me. When I am around chronic naysayers, I feel like I am pushing a truck up a hill without a motor.

Conversely, when I am around people who focus on finding solutions, they ignite other innovative thoughts that can lead to success. When you watch teams of inventors, they actually highlight failures as steps toward success. They don’t wallow in finding fault with the ideas. They highlight the faulty ideas as a pathway for success!

So what professional people skills would you use with a peer who always finds fault and complains rather than offers solutions to problems?

Awareness, Attitude, & Personality Type

1. Are they aware that they come across as negative vs. positive? You might think this is a ridiculous question yet many people never think about how they come across. One safe yet effective way of showing this to a peer is to ask them a “how to” question when they are simply complaining. If they reply “I don’t know how to fix it but this won’t work”, let them know that you would value their ideas and solutions. Continue on to say that you “respect their right to focus on what won’t work yet you find that it demoralizes you. Perhaps they could share those thoughts with someone else.” If someone is going to change their attitude, they must first be aware of how their attitude is impacting others and the bottom line.
2. If the complaining continues, say “I may be wrong about this yet I perceive your remarks as an attempt to slow the change. Is that correct?” I did this one day and the complainer said “yes”! Once his attitude was out on the table, the leader addressed the change resistance with the complainer in private.
3. What personality type are they?  Driver types are so focused on the end result they assume that others are too. They often skip telling you the positive aspects of your idea and jump to the faults with the intention of reaching success more quickly. If you are not a driver personality type, you may likely see this as negativity or a personal slight to your value. Drivers are not the classic naysayer type. Nonetheless, their abrupt approach can demoralize and slow a team’s progress just like a chronic naysayer. Tell the driver type that you also are focusing on the end result. Yet you need to hear the positives as well as the faults to innovate and reach success.

Achieving success requires a great attitude, communication, awareness, and action.

Attitudes of fear and selfishness breed pure fault finding that can derail success. Awareness of those attitudes is the first step to return you all to the success track. Communicating only the negatives when you see the positives robs some teammates of the inspiration to continue innovating. If you are a driver type, don’t mistake the need to hear the positives as a lack of action. It spurs many non-drivers on to the finish line!

What else would you say or do with a peer who is always finding fault instead of solutions? I welcome your ideas in the comment section below.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach, develops teamwork through workshops that bridge the gaps in communication. Participants in global corporations have remarked, “It was a revelation that transformed our results once we understood each other.” Tap Kate’s people-skills experience in webinars, workshops, blog posts. and DVDs.

Business owners seem to inherently know the value of a customer.  If not, they generally go out of business.  As businesses grow and hire more people, the employees don’t inherently know the value of the customer.

As part of National Customer Service week, I wrote The Customer Value Creed for organizations of all sizes to use as ongoing inspiration for quality customer care.

This creed includes the two winning entries from the customer value contest.  Congratulations and thanks to Kalin Bracken and Joan Koerber-Walker for their winning entries (#12 and #13 below).

The Value of Customers

1. Customers spark innovation through their demands. Embrace your innovators.
2. Customers give you an advanced education about people. Respect your “teachers”.
3. Customers pay for your performance.  Give your best show.
4. Customers keep your company alive. Feed your blood.
5. Customers blow your horn. Herald your trumpeters.
6. Customers are your future Wikipedia. Make many entries.
7. Customers are your tweeps on Twitter.  Tweet them right.
8. Customers are your reputation. Protect it.
9. Customers are gold. Mine for it.
10. Customers are your greatness. Cherish and nurture it.
11. Customers are human. Help humankind.
12. Customers are your muse. Be inspired. ~Kalin Bracken
13. Customers share their remarks with others. Be remarkable. ~Joan Koerber-Walker

I welcome your additions to the customer value creed in the comments section below.

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™

©2009-2012 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. If you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please first email info@katenasser.com for terms of use. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

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Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on the ultimate customer service experience, teamwork, and leading change. Kate turns interaction obstacles into business success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

As The People-Skills Coach, I am sponsoring a contest to come up with TWO additional entries for my Customers Value Creed (noted below).   Two winners will each receive a $30 gift card to http://amazon.com.  Winners will be announced on Twitter in National Customer Service Week 2009 which starts Oct. 5th and their winning entries and names featured on the updated blog.

To Qualify: Submit your original short one or two sentence entry in the comments section below by Aug. 31, 2009 and tweet the following text on Twitter: ”#Customers Value Contest spons. by @KateNasser The PPL-Skills Coach, http://tinyurl.com/ng2g75 RT apprec.”

Customers Value Creed

1. Customers spark innovation through their demands. Embrace your innovators.
2. Customers give you an advanced education about people. Respect your “teachers”.
3. Customers pay for your performance.  Give your best show.
4. Customers keep your company alive. Feed your blood.
5. Customers blow your horn. Herald your trumpeters.
6. Customers are your future Wikipedia. Make many entries.
7. Customers are your tweeps on Twitter.  Tweet them right.     
8. Customers are your reputation. Protect it.
9. Customers are gold. Mine for it.
10. Customers are your greatness. Cherish and nurture it.
11. Customers are human. Help humankind.

Using the guidelines provided at the top of this post, please submit your additions to this list in the comments section below. 

Also consider reading the other customer service posts on this blog and signing up for the always free newsletter Smart SenseAbilities in the upper right corner of this page.  I do not sell or share your email address – period.

Are you a natural collaborator or a natural competitor?  The immediate answer from many people is I can do both.  Sure but that isn’t the question.  Understanding your natural style can be of great help in your work life.  It can have substantially deeper impact on your broader everyday life as it frames how you see and react to various situations.

A few questions to ponder.

Do you a have a strong reaction to either word — collaboration or competition?  When you hear these words, what thoughts jump to your mind?  Which word makes you feel better?

Picture a highway where traffic is moving. You are in the far left lane.  Someone up ahead quite a bit signals they are moving into the left lane.  Do you generally speed up or stay at your speed? 

When someone jumps in and starts talking to you about something you are doing, what is your reaction?  Do you see their involvement as an intrusion and/or an attempt to direct you?  Or do you start out by assuming they are interested or collaborating?

If you were standing in the First Class/Elite line at a gate to board an airplane and someone came up and asked you “Are you in First Class?”, what would you think they were asking?  How would you respond?  I witnessed this.  To me it was clear that the passenger asking wanted to figure out if it was the First Class line.  The passenger that she asked, replied ”Yes, I can follow directions.”   She saw the question as a challenge to her competence rather than a need for help and collaboration.

How would you react to this recent tweet by @1paisley on Twitter?  “If U were arrested 4 being kind, would thr B enough evidence 2 convict U?” ~Author unknown.  My question here is not meant to suggest that competitors are unkind. Yet if you are turned off by this tweet, I propose that you are not a natural collaborator.

What difference does all this make?  Well both in work and in everyday life we encounter diverse people.  Relationships, teamwork, outcomes, and the possibility of success with other people depend on knowing yourself and understanding others.  

If you are a natural collaborator, realize that natural competitors may see your involvement as a competition or a challenge.  If you are a natural competitor, remember that natural collaborators may see you as uncooperative.  One key step for either type to use in bridging the gap — communicate your intention before your message.  Try it — it works!

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

It is my pleasure to introduce my first guest blogger, Pattie Roberts. She is a freelance writer specializing in marketing. Yet in this article she reveals an insight on people-skills and technology that I just had to feature here.  Pattie and I welcome your comments below and directly to email.  Kate Nasser

When I was ten I realized that many people were not telepathic and it broke my heart.  In that one moment of epiphany I knew that I, like most of this planet, would live and die in profound isolation.  I would never really know anyone else’s thoughts or feelings, nor would they know mine.   This sober knowledge informed and drove everything I did from that moment on.  Which is why, amid all of the lamentation about how technology is killing personal interaction, I say bring it on. 

Two functionalities in particular – Twitter and texting – have been incredibly valuable in expressing grief.  Twitter and texting are so valuable to knowing others and being known in times of grief that it is almost too sad to recall old pain experienced without these tools.

We all know the studies claiming the number one fear, worldwide, is public speaking.   People would rather die than be embarrassed.   Showing weakness can be embarrassing.  Expressing a deep sense of desolation at the loss of someone dear can also be seen as weakness.  Can’t have that!   When I lost my mother, then my daughter, then my father, I “held up.” We all do it.  Be strong for others; cry alone.  For me, all that big grief was contained in a small circle of family and friends until this past January when everything changed.  Twitter and texting entered my world.

One of my dearest friends, Lezlie, a sister of the heart, lost her father on January 27.  His name was C. Berry Carter. We all called him Daddy Bear and he was my surrogate father for more than 20 years after my own parents died.  Daddy Bear started not feeling right at Thanksgiving of 2008 and by January he was gravely ill with liver cancer.  Lezlie was understandably frantic with worry and close to despair.  I had been through this many times but she, never.  I felt both her pain and my own. 

You wonder how you can feel that much pain and still live.  And it doesn’t keep convenient hours.  At 3:00 am I was still awake, too tired from weeping to sleep and so was she.  It all felt horribly familiar except this time, I had the next best thing to ESP with my friend.  I had Twitter and texting. 

U awake?  Yes.  Crying?  Yes.  Me too.

It was so strange and so comforting.  We could be together at any hour, from any location, without actually speaking.  Short bursts of instantaneous thought and feeling without the constraints of normal conversation were a godsend.  You can cry while you are texting without having to “hold up.” The soft ping of a tweet or a text doesn’t intrude like the screech of a phone ring.

I texted her funny quotes and photos of my dogs doing goofy dog things.   We were in closer contact than we ever could have been had we driven to each other’s houses or called and left messages.  We kept right on with the demands of our separate lives and saw each other whenever we could.  But with Twitter and texting, we never left each other’s side. 

After the service, I wanted to shout to the world that a great man had passed.  I wasn’t able to do this when my own dear ones left.  There were obituaries, of course, but traditional media are limited in scope and reach.  But now, cold, impersonal technology made the comfort of strangers possible.  I tweeted my sorrow and loss out to the Twitterverse.  I have no idea how many people may have read it but I felt connected to billions and it was a comfort unlike any I had known before. 

This past weekend I saw a post on LinkedIn by a man who had just buried his mother.  He wanted to salute her since it was so near Mother’s Day.  I felt for him — still not ESP, but the next best thing.

About the Author

Pattie Roberts is a freelance writer and researcher specializing in marketing-related writing.  Her analytic side loves to do the research to market your business.  Her expressive side comes out in the marketing plans, briefings, and presentations she writes for you.  She is currently writing grant applications for non-profits and is taking on new customers.   Pattie lives in Annapolis, MD, with her husband, the musician Hugh Feeley, and their two rescue Yorkies.   When she is not working on research for your business,  Pattie fusses over her roses, writes loooong letters to her stepdaughter in the Marines  stationed in Japan (ooh rah!), and thinks of faster ways to finish projects around the house and tweet those ideas.  You can Tweet her at http://twitter.com/pavroberts or email her at pavroberts@comcast.net.

If you are a Baby Boomer or Gen X and you find yourself downsized/out of work, how will you compete with the younger workers for jobs?  Leverage “you”.   Above all make sure you are using LinkedIn and Twitter. 

Here is the link for Twitter job posts: www.twitterjobsearch.com/map.  Also another link I found on Twitter on how to avoid the biggest job search mistakes: http://bit.ly/qiNWR.  

#1 Prepare simple statements that explain why you over the younger workers.

Sample.  “I am more valuable now than when I got out of school.  I apply my years of experience to the challenges of this decade.  I have been through many changes in my life so to me – change is normal.  I see experience as a guide not a bible.  I stay current with technology and I work easily with people of different ages, cultures, and education.  I am smart, trainable, and learn fast.   

To write your statement, read the related blog post here on this site:   http://katenasser.com/apply-yourself-and-then-apply-for-that-job/

#2 Bridge the gap for the interviewer.  Many interviewers are incented by their companies to hire young ones even though they do not admit it.  Give them significant evidence that you are the best hire to help them overcome their fears of bucking “corporate think”.   Not all interviewers are change agents at heart.   You must reduce their fear if you want a shot at the job.  And of course, don’t tell them they are afraid! 

#3 Back up your claims of being “current”.   Make sure you are on some online site such as LinkedIn or Twitter.  Learn how to text message.  Read up on current jargon in your field and in online networking.  Prepare examples of how you are using current technology to learn.  Are you doing webinars?  Are you going to school online?  All of this makes you “current”.

You are welcome to share this information with other blogs and social media if you credit this blog post.   I also welcome your comments and questions below.

Many thanks for visiting and click the RSS feed to receive updates on blog posts.

Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

http://katenasser.com

This is a new ongoing blog post to collect and share great practical tips on starting the week off with a positive pop!! Here are just a few starting tips.  Please add your comments below so we can get this rolling.  

If you are on Twitter, chat (tweet) on Motivate Mondays with # so others can find it.  If you are not on Twitter, join up and follow me (@katenasser) and @Help_NewTweeps to get going more quickly.

Motivate Mondays: Tips to inspire a great start of the week:

• Sunday, have fun during the day, get organized in the evening, and sleep happy at night.
• Plant a big smile on your face as you go to work.  Let your actions control your feelings not the reverse.
• Do something different at work on Monday morning.  It will change the entire week.
• Ask your teams and colleagues: What will we learn this week?  Because you change how you start the week, your week will take a new and different path.

Inspiring yourself and others has great rewards.  It changes your thinking.  It changes your outlook.  It changes what happens around you because of your actions to try something different and change.

Please contribute a Motivate Mondays tip below.  We grow and change by listening and learning from others.

Kate Nasser

http://katenasser.com