Develop Emotional Intelligence: Are You Using These Steps? #peopleskills
by Kate Nasser |
Develop Emotional Intelligence: “Who me?” asked the non-intuitive.
Yes you. You can develop emotional intelligence even if you are not intuitive. You’ve developed other skills from a blank slate. How did you do it? Learning, pure and simple!
Emotional intelligence is not psychic ability of a chosen few. Highly intuitive people may develop emotional intelligence more easily. Yet most people have some behavior or skill they must work hard to learn. You can develop emotional intelligence with these 5 steps.
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5 Steps to Develop Emotional Intelligence
- Want it. Desire starts all learning. Why do you want to develop emotional intelligence? To advance at work? To improve your personal relationships? If you think it’s not important, you won’t learn it. If you resent others who said you need to develop emotional intelligence, you won’t.
Conversely, if others have said that you can’t develop emotional intelligence, you can prove them wrong. Because they are wrong. You can do and learn anything if you want it enough.
- Gather Info. This is the step that many misunderstand. The classic definition of emotional intelligence claims it’s the ability to “perceive” emotions. Non-intuitive people believe this perception is purely inborn — a mysterious sixth sense.
Perception is the result of gathering info. Intuitive people quickly gather information through many senses. If you are not very intuitive, then gather information about emotions through other means. Ask questions!
- Ask people how they are feeling.
- If they are quiet, wait a moment and then ask them what they are thinking.
- Humbly ask them to give you feedback on how your words or actions have affected them.
If you are an analytic personality type, you may want to keep written notes (without names) of how others feel. If you’re an amiable, make mental note of how non-amiables like to be treated. If you’re an expressive, pay special attention to how others’ express and to their need for silence. If you’re a driver, pay special attention to how feelings do not retard progress.
Desire, gathering info, commitment, practice and reapplication is the route to develop emotional intelligence.
I’ve seen super analytic techies who everyone wrote off as interpersonal wastelands interact with care when they learned what others needed. I’ve seen inexperienced youth embrace the needs of older workers. I heard a manager who rarely gave others’ a chance to speak admit that moderating his behavior was tough. It was at that moment he started to develop emotional intelligence.
From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™
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Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.
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