Develop Emotional Intelligence: Are You Using These Steps? #peopleskills

Develop Emotional Intelligence: “Who me?” asked the non-intuitive.

Yes you. You can develop emotional intelligence even if you are not intuitive. You’ve developed other skills from a blank slate. How did you do it? Learning, pure and simple!

Emotional intelligence is not psychic ability of a chosen few. Highly intuitive people may develop emotional intelligence more easily. Yet most people have some behavior or skill they must work hard to learn. You can develop emotional intelligence with these 5 steps.

Develop emotional intelligence: Image is multi-colored funnel w/ 5 parts.

Develop Emotional Intelligence: 5 Steps! Image licensed fr

Image licensed via

5 Steps to Develop Emotional Intelligence

  1. Want it. Desire starts all learning. Why do you want to develop emotional intelligence? To advance at work? To improve your personal relationships? If you think it’s not important, you won’t learn it. If you resent others who said you need to develop emotional intelligence, you won’t.

    Conversely, if others have said that you can’t develop emotional intelligence, you can prove them wrong. Because they are wrong. You can do and learn anything if you want it enough.

  2. Gather Info. This is the step that many misunderstand. The classic definition of emotional intelligence claims it’s the ability to “perceive” emotions. Non-intuitive people believe this perception is purely inborn — a mysterious sixth sense.

    Perception is the result of gathering info. Intuitive people quickly gather information through many senses. If you are not very intuitive, then gather information about emotions through other means. Ask questions!

    • Ask people how they are feeling.
    • If they are quiet, wait a moment and then ask them what they are thinking.
    • Humbly ask them to give you feedback on how your words or actions have affected them.

  3. Commit fully. As you get information, it takes commitment to use it for it to be emotional intelligence. You must accept feedback and modify your behavior. You must moderate your preferences to care for others’ needs. You can develop emotional intelligence if you consider others as well as yourself.

    If you are an analytic personality type, you may want to keep written notes (without names) of how others feel. If you’re an amiable, make mental note of how non-amiables like to be treated. If you’re an expressive, pay special attention to how others’ express and to their need for silence. If you’re a driver, pay special attention to how feelings do not retard progress.

  4. Practice. Now to the issue of becoming good at using emotional intelligence. Like any new behavior or skill, frequent daily practice develops the quality and the speed. When you first learn to play an instrument, it’s very mind intensive, labored, and a bit clumsy. Then a lot of practice takes you from playing individual notes to playing a beautiful melody. To develop emotional intelligence, you must practice.
  5. Reapply. You’re on a roll now. Magnify your ability by reapplying the emotional intelligence that you’ve developed with some people to new situations. It’s not a repeat. It’s a reapplication with new information you gather in new moments.

Desire, gathering info, commitment, practice and reapplication is the route to develop emotional intelligence.

I’ve seen super analytic techies who everyone wrote off as interpersonal wastelands interact with care when they learned what others needed. I’ve seen inexperienced youth embrace the needs of older workers. I heard a manager who rarely gave others’ a chance to speak admit that moderating his behavior was tough. It was at that moment he started to develop emotional intelligence.

What growth have you seen that you didn’t think possible?

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

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©2014 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.



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4 Responses to “Develop Emotional Intelligence: Are You Using These Steps? #peopleskills”

  1. Khalid says:

    “Ask people how they are feeling.

    If they are quiet, wait a moment and then ask them what they are thinking.

    Humbly ask them to give you feedback on how your words or actions have affected them.”

    Well said.

    I think emotional intelligence is an art. It’s about them!

    Knowing how to balance moments of silence and asking is very important technique. Knowing when to back off is as important. Some people might need a gap before they accept what you are there to offer! Sense that.

    Thanks Kate for your usual creative posts 🙂 I always refer you as my role model when it comes to emotional intelligence 🙂

    • Kate Nasser says:

      As always Khalid, you add something that expands every post. Knowing when to back off is essential and very much a part of emotional intelligence.

      I appreciate your tag of “emotional intelligence role model” for me. I grow each day and give to help others as well.

      Warmest thanks and regards,

  2. Carl says:

    Hi Kate, I agree with you that people can nurture emotional intelligence – if they get feedback from a close friend or coach who has strong EI, they will accelerate the process.
    Best regards,

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