Manipulative People Skills: I Know You’d Do the Same for Me #peopleskills
by Kate Nasser |
Manipulative People Skills: Presumption Demeans EveryoneImage licensed from Istock.com.
The blogs are abuzz with author Robert Cialdini’s recommendation to replace the generous phrase “you are welcome” with “I know you’d do the same for me.”
Be careful. This statement is very manipulative. Unless you have a very close relationship with someone, it is presumption at its worst. Even with someone you know well, it can blow up in your face. When someone says thank you, you are welcome is still far and away the better response.
Manipulative People Skills: Avoid Declarations Like “I Know You Would”.
Mr. Cialdini claims that you don’t want to miss the potential power you have with someone after they say thank you. Power? Is that your goal? Even if you claim you want influence not power, the presumption of manipulative people skills will damage the very relationship you hope to count on.
“I know you would …”
- is a command not a request. Hardly polite and very presumptuous. Ask don’t presume. “May I count on you to do the same for me?” It honors the other person’s choice. If you are not comfortable asking for something in return, then definitely don’t presume and demand it!
- is too late. If you expect something in return for your help, let that be known in advance. Surprising someone with a quid pro quo after they are thanking you for your help is sneaky and disrespectful. Manipulative people skills disrespect others because they hide the truth until the manipulator wants something. Don’t be a manipulator. When someone says thank you, honor them with the simple generous reply of you are welcome or I’m happy to help etc…
- is arrogant. You can have influence with people through emotional intelligence, empathy, generosity, and honest communication. “I know you would” and its cousin “I’m sure you agree …” are none of those. They say to others, “My assumptions and beliefs are enough. You don’t need to express your opinion or preference. My values should be yours.” How presumptuous! It shapes the relationship heavily one-way — with your rules and expectations. Develop a two-way relationship with mutual input and respect.
Develop strong healthy relationships where influence develops from the respect you earn. Listening, understanding, empathy, and generosity of heart will take you further than assumptions, presumption, and manipulative people skills!
From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™
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Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.
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