People Skills: Are You Surprised By Effect of This Phrase?
by Kate Nasser |
People skills allow us to communicate honestly without offending others. When we are mindful of others’ needs and views, we can find the right words and skills to express without excoriating them.
One phrase that surprisingly excoriates others is:
“I am surprised by your …”
Does that surprise you? Let’s consider what it can mean to others.
People Skills: Effects of the ‘Surprised By’ Statement
- The phrase “I am surprised by your …” immediately highlights a gap between you and them. That’s where it can excoriate.
- It sets up an image of you judging them. That’s how it can excoriate them.
Examples to Illustrate
- I am surprised by your commitment. Is this a compliment? What does this statement truly mean? When leaders say this to a team member, is it a criticism of past behavior or applause for current effort?
- You have surprised me with your talent. Well what did you think of them before? A lummox of limited value?
Skip the gap and the judgmentalism. When we are pleased with someone’s behavior, let’s express our full pleasure. “I am thrilled with your commitment.” “Your talents impress me.”
When we believe it is essential to reference past behavior, let’s do it honestly and with care. “In the past, I wanted more commitment from you. I am very grateful for it now.”
Without the innuendo of the phrase, “surprised by”, we take full ownership of our opinion and expectation. It is respectful not judgmental. Our message is clear and caring.
Our people skills smooth the way to bonds of success by being mindful of the impact of our choices.
The path is clear. The rewards for all are great.
From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™
Related Post: People Skills: Replace the Deadly Don’t You Think
©2013 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email email@example.com. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.