People Skills: Replace 5 Emotionally Triggered Statements #Peopleskills
by Kate Nasser |
People Skills: Our words impact others and success!
Pressure, stress, frustration, annoyance, fear, anger, indignation, need for control, and other negative emotions can push us to the edge of disrespecting others.
Emotion nudges us away from reason and respectful vocabulary. It temps us to release our tension through words — words we will regret later.
Good news is — we have a choice! We can pause for just a second and choose a more respectful path. This can achieve great results for everyone involved. People skills matter.
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People Skills: Avoid These 5 Emotionally Triggered Statements
Can you just hear yourself wanting to say these things? Can you even imagine how good you might feel — temporarily? Well the key word here is temporarily. There’s lots of ways to blow off steam. Blow in a different direction and avoid these statements.
Did it ever occur to you?
The sarcasm screams out frustration and perhaps loads of other negative emotions. This is not really a question. It is a slam. It accuses the other of ignorance or short-sightedness. It takes no ownership of the feelings and leaves a big scar.
Don’t you think?
Patronizing, dominating, audacious, arrogant, and self-absorbed — that’s what this emotionally triggered statement says about anyone who says it. Again this is not a true question. It is a pressure statement to declare who is right and who is wrong. When we want to know what others think, “what do you think” is a beautiful, honorable, and simple way to find out.
I’m sure you agree.
This one is actually saying: “I don’t care what you think.” It’s a way pressuring and corralling others to agree or at least yield. Telling others we are sure how they feel or think comes across as a desperate attempt to control and win the day. Even if people yield at the time, agreement will be tentative and commitment weak.
Why didn’t you?
Many people think that why questions open up discussion and understanding. Yet “why didn’t you” smacks of emotion and smacks those hearing it.
It presumes and suggests that others are wrong because they didn’t do what we would have done. Be careful of using any “why” question that focuses on the past. “Did you read this before you sent it out?” “Didn’t you think …” are also killer phrases.
We do better when our questions truly ask for the other person’s view instead of suggesting they are wrong. People skills build understanding and bonds of success.
How incredibly rude. How incredibly ridiculous. The phrase “stop whining” is itself a whine! It expresses frustration without a solution. It patronizes adults as it uses a label mostly associated with children.
When we encounter a chronic complainer that offers no solutions, we get much further by letting them know we welcome their ideas for changes and solutions. Then move on. This people skills approach works. We don’t need to stand there and keep listening to the complaints. We can go do something productive, uplifting, and better yet — fun!
People Skills Benefits
When we resist the emotionally triggered statements, we are and are seen as effective, kind, insightful, strong, and balanced. Secondly we avoid inflicting the scars that block current progress and future success.
A Few People Skills Thoughts to Ponder
- It takes two people — not one — to mis-communicate. We each must take responsibility when misunderstandings surface.
- If someone is purposely undermining us, we can set limits and correct course with positive words. Why choose negative when it leaves harmful scars?
- Diplomacy has been used for centuries to tackle the toughest conflicts before they erupt. The positive approach is worth a try! If we run into a few thick headed oafs, we can always use a blunt approach in the end.
From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™
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Leadership People Skills: Are You Strong Enough NOT to Leave Scars?
Super Customer Service People Skills: Reverse Regret
©2013 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email firstname.lastname@example.org before doing so. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.
Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.