Great Communicators: Their Secret Inner Need & Motivation #PeopleSkills
by Kate Nasser | 13 Comments »
People Skills: What motivates great communicators?
Much is written on what great communicators do. Much is written about how they benefit others. Yet not much is written on why great communicators focus on great expression.
What motivates them? Does communication meet some inner need? Perhaps knowing this can help everyone interact and work better together.
People Skills: What Motivates Great Communicators? Image licensed from Istock.com.
People Skills: The Secret Motivation of Great Communicators
What is it that great communicators get out of great communication? What inner need does it meet? Some say …
- Need to influence others. Possibly. Yet that desire would ebb and flow. Great communicators communicate consistently. Their communication and people skills are always present.
- Strong need to connect. Sounds plausible. Yet many people have the strong human need to connect with others and don’t focus on great communication.
- Great need to help others. Could well be true. Still many people with the “helper’s high” motivation — also known as high altruism — are not great communicators.
- There is no need. They were just born that way. Hmmm. I do believe in inborn traits. Yet most people focus and further develop the behaviors that give them what they like, want, and need.
Great Communicators – Inner Need
So what is it that great communicators want that great communication gives them?
Security!
Great communicators find security, comfort, and protection in communication. To them it is the one light on a very dark road. The key to an unknown future. The way to minimize risk and mitigate danger.
Great communicators not only give great communication, they want it in return. Refuse to communicate with great communicators and you will see their frustration spike. Withhold information from great communicators and they will forge ahead and go around you to get what they need.
Ask great communicators to complete this sentence: “I communicate because it _________________________.” You may get different answers yet underneath all the replies will be the connection between security and communication.
The People Skills Lessons to Learn From This Need for Security
All humans have some need for security. How much varies and how they meet that need varies. Some fill it more through introspection and less expression. Others meet it through great communication.
Alas the ever present people skills struggle between introverts and extroverts, between analytics and expressives, and between amiables and drivers. The good news is the differences are not permanent blocks!
- Be very self-aware of how you fill your need for security. Whether it’s through deep introspection or great communication, the need can also make you inflexible. The awareness can counteract that and make you adaptable. Every relationship — at work and home — requires flexibility and adaptation to others’ needs.
- Leaders, be aware of the security needs of those you lead. Great leadership communication anticipates and meets the diverse needs of many to engage everyone. If you expect everyone to be just like you, it will limit the reach and effectiveness of your leadership. There are leaders who meet their own security needs through introspection and lose patience with employees who need a high level of communication. Likewise, leaders who find security in communication often dismiss employees who are more introspective. Neither results in great leadership.
- Teammates, understand the security needs of each other. Your collaboration will soar when you understand what makes each person feel secure enough to takes necessary risks.
Action Step
People so rarely speak about their need for security yet underneath it is affecting every interaction. Be aware of the need and your communication with others will improve tremendously.
What gives you a sense of security? Communication, introspection, or ____________?
From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™
Related Posts:
People Skills Secret Revealed for Introverts and Extroverts
Avoid 8 Common Causes of People Skills Mistakes
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Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.
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Well said.
We only need to be heard and we need to have a transparent road ahead of us!
Security…
You said it all with one single word!
Amazing post! I liked how to put that together Kate!
Khalid
Thank you Khalid. As I work with so many mixed teams — introverts and extroverts — the desire/drive for communication is always a source of division. As I studied it more and more, I realized the difference is not about communication. The difference was some inner need that is met by different pathways.
Warmest regards and thanks for your comment,
Kate
Great Post Kate,
Behind each behavior there is a need and it is not always easy to discover it. You gave a good food for thought about “security ” as a need motivating communicators. I never thought about it but I recognize it can be true for me. When leaving in a foreign culture, not understanding the language, being understood and understanding others certainly contribute to my well being.
Thank you so much Anne. If anyone would know about living in different cultures and the value of communication in those transitions — it’s you! Glad this post gives you something to think about and share with the executives you coach.
Warmest wishes,
Kate
Great post Kate!
This one right is so true for me: Great communicators not only give great communication, they want it in return. Refuse to communicate with great communicators and you will see their frustration spike.
I”ve worked very hard in my life (it has taken years) to do my best to say what I mean, and mean what I say, directly to the people it needs to be said to. That said, I don’t always communicate ‘great’ or successfully. And depending on who I”m communicating with, my efforts will increase or decrease depending on some different factors such as: how significant the person/relationship is for me, how often I encounter them in day to day life, etc. Now, one of my huge pet peeves is dealing with poor communication skills with people who already make themselves out to be leaders and ‘preach’ about great communication, if one on one, I experience the complete opposite on more then one occasion. If I have to tip toe or play guessing games with those already IN power positions, if I’ve made the effort and get less then desirable feedback or run in to mind games, or passive aggressive and immature communications styles or the silent treatment (stonewalling), I’ve been known to stop trying if I don’t ‘work’ or deal with them in real life. I will no longer invest the effort. Again, it also depends on the ‘signficance’ factor. I’ve tried harder and for longer periods with people I’ve cared about the most. etc.
It’s something we all could improve, including myself. Yet it’s importance in my life cannot be understated. Sincere honest communication is equivalent to ‘life blood’ for me. It’s that important.
Love the post!
Hi Samantha,
Please excuse my delay in responding. You comment captures two very important points: Don’t preach about being a great communicator unless you are always working to improve yours and … communication is a lifelong journey with much learning along the way.
Thank you so much for bringing such energy and personal significance to this discussion and for all you do in the #peopleskills community.
Yours,
Kate
Beautifully said, Kate — and such a powerful topic. Your emphasis on reaching across diverse needs is so vital to the work of building connection no matter what our “type.” I think a fascinating side-trip is how in the effort to create security for ourselves we sometimes create insecurity and pain for others, or a sense of false security for them. For example, it is a relatively common experience for some of us introverts to feel hurt by off-hand comments from more expressive types who don’t seem to understand the impact of their bluntness. The more expressive person can be just putting it out there (a label, a conclusion about the other person) and assuming all in well while that other person feels dismissed or insulted — but then does not openly address it! Who is at fault? The person who makes the insensitive comment or the person who doesn’t speak up? Both are creating security for themselves. And how will they cross the borderlines so that both feel secure together? As always, it’s the relationship that’s the thing.
Thank you again for another provocative post!
Dan
Hi Dan,
Bluntness can hurt many people –even other expressives! I have even been hurt by introverts who have thought through what they wanted to say and in the end have replied with uncaring words that didn’t account for the impact on me.
In the end, communication is a choice. I think it is far better to be honest with care not blunt.
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