Dealing w/ Toxic People: Pleasures That Calm You | #PeopleSkills
by Kate Nasser |
Toxic People: How to Stay Calm When Interacting w/ Them
I remember a colleague from years ago who remained incredibly calm in the face of toxic people. Despite the storm of frustration, she moved forward unscathed, with a positive attitude.
Finally one day, I asked her, “What’s your secret when dealing with toxic people?” She replied, “Find pleasure in frustration.”
She told me she found people infinitely intriguing and took great pleasure in seeing through, behind, and beyond the frustrating behavior. There is a great deal of power in this idea. Think of all the times you can’t get away from toxic people at work or in your personal life and how this approach can help you!
7 Pleasures That Calm When Dealing With Toxic People
Find a pleasant detour to your frustration by seeing your goal beyond the moment.
A detour gets you to your destination if you don’t get lost in their toxic behavior. Find your own detour; don’t take theirs.
Find pleasure in learning about yourself.
As their toxic behavior peeks out, ask “what can I possibly discover from this?” Perhaps your insecurities and fears, your ethos and values, your strength to speak up, your control to hold back, your intuition, your career destiny, or your personal leadership skills.
Find sanctuary in owning your energy.
Success takes energy; channel it into your happy journey not into a toxic dump.
Find pleasure as a spectator.
See the dysfunction as a comedy or reality TV show. Enjoy the humor in the absurd behavior from the safe distance of your objectivity.
Give yourself permission to escape to a more pleasant place.
Whether you mentally escape to happier thoughts or physically move to a better place, your happiness is a choice. Whether it’s a toxic boss, a frustrating coworker, a pesky neighbor, or grating acquaintance at a hobby you enjoy, your communication choices with each can be your escape shoot to happiness.
“If your world doesn’t allow you to dream, move to one where you can.” ~ Billy Idol
Separate the behavior from the person.
Most of us know that we can’t change others. However we can influence others’ behavior with our behavior. Instead of seeing them as toxic people, see the toxic behaviors. It calms and empowers you.
State the obvious differences between you to avoid being drawn in to the toxic sludge.
If you must be around someone who irks you, simply highlight the difference between the two of you: “We see things differently.” It states your calm acceptance of the difference and doesn’t trap you in the toxic behavior.
From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™
©2012-2020 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email firstname.lastname@example.org for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.
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