Prevent Jealousy: See More Than People’s Highlight Reels | #PeopleSkills

In life and work you can prevent jealousy with one simple straightforward step — don’t compare yourself to others. Now some people bristle at this idea. They claim the only way they know if they are succeeding is to compare themselves to other’s progress. Well we could debate that one yet it just might be easier to revise the don’t compare yourself to others motto with this more specific one:


Don’t compare your daily behind the scenes with someone else’s highlight reel.



~ Steven Furtick


Here are the benefits to you, to those who are jealous of you, and to leaders and managers coaching employees who are jealous of each other.


Prevent Jealousy: Image is Steven Furtick quote "Don't compare your behind the scenes to someone's highlight reel."

Prevent Jealousy: Don’t compare your behind the scenes to someone else’s highlight reel. ~ Steven Furtick. Image via Pinterest.com.

Image via Pinterest.com


Prevent Jealousy: Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

Consider just how much damage jealousy does in the workplace:

  • Eats away at team cohesion

  • Drives people to avoid those that are jealous of them

  • Skews people’s view of why someone else got promoted

  • Makes some people less productive

  • Lowers morale

  • Takes up time that could be used on growth


Help Others Give Up Jealousy

The first time I read Steven Furtick’s quote about the highlight reel, I was taken with it’s powerful vision. How many people look at someone and get jealous because they see only a quick snapshot? They have no idea what that person has been through or is still going through. Yet, they let that quick snapshot — that highlight reel — make them jealous.

It then came to me how uncomfortable I’ve been when some were jealous of me. I used to get very annoyed as their jealousy drove them to passive aggressive behavior and mindless competition. Then I realized that if I shared Steven Furtick’s quote with them, it would help them realize that we all work hard on our own goals. We all struggle, hit rough spots, and keep on going. It worked!

So remember, you can prevent jealousy in yourself and help others avoid becoming jealous with the simple reminder to not compare your daily behind the scenes life to someone else’s highlight reel.


Prevent Jealousy: Special Message to Leaders

  • Don’t compare employees to each other. If you want to inspire some to develop their skills further, focus on what they each need to do not what other employees are doing.

  • Then, if you are coaching an employee who is jealous of others, discuss what they see as their own strengths and areas for growth. It could be they don’t value themselves or they are not willing to do the hard work to grow. As you discover the obstacles, you can help them not compare their daily struggles to someone else’s highlight reel.



Leaders, helping others see that they matter prevents jealousy!


From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

©2021 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.


Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

Get more inspiration and actionable tips for high engagement results!


 

Buy Kate Nasser’s new book Leading Morale (Amazon.com).

 

5 Responses to “Prevent Jealousy: See More Than People’s Highlight Reels | #PeopleSkills”

  1. Tricia says:

    Dear Kate, Thank you so much for this! What wonderfully helpful advice and honed wisdom. I will find you on Twitter in a moment. I’ve been on quite a personal journey with this; I just wanted to share some thoughts. I have struggled with the jealousy of others for as long as I can remember. Every time I shone, people would be there to drag me down. I understand passive-aggressive behaviour and sometimes openly aggressive behaviour from others. I have received sour comments, emotional abuse, personal attacks and some more nefarious (nefarious, what a great word!) behaviour over the years. It vastly chipped away at my self-worth. I am a modest person; I didn’t boast or invite this behaviour. When we feel truly happy and successful, we glow! I find it attracts some wonderful people but can also attract some unwanted attention. I’m compassionate towards people. I’ve been through a lot, healed a lot and found myself, so this compassion is from a real place: kindness. It came as a shock to me that people would direct this level of negativity at me when I’m coming from that integral place. It did feel personal. I gain joy from sharing in other people’s successes. I enjoy supporting others as well as myself. Jealousy is not something I experience. I feel happy for others; I know my value. I found it challenging to empathise with jealous people due to their behaviour. It came from people I thought were close, friends and family, as well as co-workers. I felt picked on. My ability to shine has come from immense hard work, teamwork, struggles, problem solving and self-support.

    I believe in uplifting people; it’s how I wish people to behave towards me. Due to this negativity from others, I stopped sharing my successes and celebrated them quietly. A point in my life came when I started to feel oppressed. There is only so long that you can hide your light ‘under a bushel’. There was a simple solution that brought great change. After some thought, a ton of research and a little bit of problem-solving. I decided to be more discerning on who I shared my successes with, protecting myself when necessary and only sharing it with those who support me. I also did a lot of clearing! I set clear boundaries about what I would and wouldn’t tolerate.

    I found I had to let go of many people. A challenging upheaval, there were times I felt afraid of the changes and loss. I had to go it alone for quite a while until I created a new friendship base and support system. It took a lot of courage; it helped me to grow and allowed my self-worth to blossom. That oppression went away. I created a supportive network of people instead, people that are kind and share in my success. Family, I’m still working on 😀 so I will have to get back to you on that one! I’m glad to say that kind and genuinely supportive people are out there, also seeking mutual support. A comforting thought. Thank you for reading; with kindness and best wishes — Tricia

    • Kate Nasser says:

      Wow Trisha. Your story chronicles a journey that you, I, and others have felt. You have a talent for describing the path as well as the impact it had on you. Bravo. I appreciate your personal story and your willingness to share it here. I am grateful that you found my post on this topic and found it worthy of your attention.

      I wish you much happiness and a continued journey filled with confident people who will be pleased to know you and all you have to offer this world.

      Kate

  2. Alli Polin says:

    With you 100%, Kate! I think it starts in childhood too. Sibling rivalry is alive and kicking because parents consciously or unconsciously compare their children. The older one got A’s in that class, why are you getting C’s? Well, what was going on in their life? Was the teacher the same, personal circumstances? We forget that we are complex beings and when we focus on someone’s highlights, it only serves to plunge us into darkness. Not only would we be served to remember that it is indeed someone’s highlight reel but also that they have plenty left on the cutting room floor. As time passes, we forget the struggles that went into the successes. It’s like only remembering the punchline instead of the lead-up. As leaders, parents, and coaches, we can help people shine a light on their gifts instead of wasting their energy focused on the person next to them. When people discover their strengths, they begin to use them in new and exciting ways. If we can bring out the best in others, and they learn to tame their jealousy, we’ve made a difference.

    Will share, Kate! So important to learn when leading others and when caught up in a wave of jealousy too.

    Alli

    • Kate Nasser says:

      Hi Alli,
      I’ve always believed that the “natural” sibling rivalry that people always mention is not so natural. When you watch babies, they show care and love. So I agree with you that other things get in there and cause trouble.

      I am grateful for your comment on this post. It is a topic that plagues workplaces and families and yet goes unaddressed.

      Thanks!
      Kate

  3. I love the quote. I have been struggling with jealousy all my life. I was brought up by being constantly compared to others and I still fight hard to eradicate this tendency in myself. In addition, I have encountered a lot of jealousy towards me in the past years. I try to respond with kindness and paint the full picture of what my life is while at the same time bringing forward the positives in the other person’s life. I do the same as a manager with my employees and try to emphasize that everyone has their own path.

Leave a Reply

KateNasser on Facebook KateNasser Blog KateNasser on Twitter KateNasser on LinkedIn KateNasser on Pinterest