Rebuilding Trust: 3 Leadership & Teamwork Truths | #PeopleSkills
by Kate Nasser | 7 Comments »
Rebuilding Trust: What Does It Reveal About You?
Rebuilding Trust: A Very Revealing Story
- As I rode the train, I heard a young man talking to his friends. He told of how during his senior year in college he missed an important team event. Team participation was part of his grade and he risked failing. He spoke with the professor about doing something to ensure he didn’t fail.
The professor told him he would have to do loads of office work that would position the team for ultimate success. The young man replied: That would feel too much like punishment. I would rather …
Rebuilding Trust: 3 Tough Leadership & Teamwork Truths
- After you’ve broken a trust, your initial response defines you. Rebuilding trust requires selflessness. A selfish response erodes the trust further and will haunt you for many years to come.
- Rebuilding trust requires more than just repairing what you broke. It needs a radical change in behavior that allows others to risk trusting you again.
- Sacrificing your own needs to rebuild the trust you broke is not punishment. It is the generosity you didn’t show initially. If you call it punishment, it announces to others that you are still thinking of yourself instead of them.
Asking for a second chance is a huge ask at the very moment you’ve disappointed or hurt others. Surrender your needs to those you’ve disappointed. Act with selfless humility to break down the fear of trusting you again.
Rebuilding trust is an act of emotional intelligence. You will come out of it a new person if you dig deep and give generously.
From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™
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Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.
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Kate, This is a very important topic and a great question. When I believe someone has broken my trust, I want them to acknowledge that their action harmed or inconvenienced me, and I want them to take steps to reduce that harm or inconvenience. I want to see sincerity and feel a genuine concern that our relationship is important to them. That is why I believe it is important for me when necessary to deliver apologies in a way that demonstrates sincerity and offers to make up for something I did that harmed someone else.
Bravo Lyn! You summed it up with “I want to see genuine concern from them that the relationship is important to them.” It’s true in our personal lives; it’s true with our customers, teammates, and those we lead!
Thank you for adding your perspective to this post. I hope others will engage in this topic. It is one of those critical components that sometimes stays hidden from the collective dialogue.
In addition to Lyn’s insightful comments, I would add that a person truly interested in rebuilding trust doesn’t make excuses. A genuine acknowledgement of the breach of trust and the hurt it caused, followed by a sincere and demonstrated commitment to repair the damage, is essential. As you pointed out Kate, rebuilding trust requires selflessness. If the trust offender is serious about rebuilding trust with the violated party, he/she will submit to whatever course of action is necessary to regain trust.
I echo your thoughts. And the first response people make often fall into that excuse category as they grapple with the emotion of what they’ve done. Yet when we care more about the relationship than we do our own inner needs at that point, rebuilding trust is within our reach.
Many thanks for our comment!
Rebuilding trust is a tough process to do if one feels betrayed or neglected. What helps me is to tell the other person clearly what would help in earning my trust again. Of course I would need a genuine apology and ownership of what transpired. Then the individual would need to accept the fact that it would take me a period of time with modified behaviors to allow them back into my circle. Not a quick turnaround.
Great post, Kate and one worth a deep dialogue!
Very interesting Terri. I agree with you. Yet there are many people who recoil a bit from telling the trust offender what they need to do to earn trust again. I’ll continue to ponder why! Many thanks for adding to this discussion and posing a provocative suggestion.