11 Steps to Be Authentic & Not Scare People Away | #peopleskills
by Kate Nasser | 2 Comments »
Be Authentic Without Scaring People Away!
Many say — be authentic! It’s important to a happy successful life. Yes, unless it overruns others. Then it is obnoxious even scary.
Be Authentic & Without Scaring Others Away. Image by Valerie Klavens via Flickr.
11 Steps to Be Authentic & Not Scare Others Away
- Be authentic and tactful. Authenticity doesn’t justify being rude and hurtful. It doesn’t mean saying everything without a filter.
- Treat others the way they want to be treated. It shows basic human respect. Observe them. Listen and understand their views. Don’t assume they want to be treated the way you want to be treated. You can be authentic and respect others’ views and preferences.
- Be honest not blunt. “I disagree or I see it differently” is honest. “That’s foolish or stupid” is blunt. Honest is truthful and the way to be authentic. Blunt is skewed with your slant or emotion. Be honest and tactful to be authentic.
- Think coexistence not conquering. You can be authentic and welcome others’ authenticity.
- Live with confidence AND humility. Confidence enables you to reveal who you are. Humility allows you to see who others’ are. It isn’t a fake shell. It’s an inner belief of continuous learning. Humility honors everyone (you and others) without minimizing anyone. Be confident and humble to be authentic.
- As a teammate, recognize your talents AND those of others. You can be authentic and speak about your talents IF you applaud others’ talents as well. Else, it seems obnoxious and self-absorbed.
- As a leader, lead with empathy and appreciation. Inspire, engage, and appreciate those your lead. The relationships you build allow you to lead even in tough times without fear tactics. Be appreciative of others to be authentic without scaring them.
- Be courteous and polite. It doesn’t mean you’re fake. It doesn’t mean you agree with them. It means you can show respect even in disagreement. Civility allows everyone to embrace authenticity.
- Understand and manage your expectations. Expectations can both define and communicate who you are. Dumping those expectations on others is not being authentic. It’s presumptuous and overbearing. Be authentic by knowing and managing your expectations.
- Moderate your frustrations don’t fry others with them. When you are frustrated with others, venting on them is not authentic. It’s insensitive. Take a minute to calm your anger and then communicate what you want in a reasonable way. “Stop whining” is rude and hurtful. “How can we solve this problem” is respectful and focused.
- Choose your words wisely. The language is rich with words to describe your authentic thoughts and feelings. The old saying “It’s not what you say it’s how you say it” is still true today. Avoid words that label or minimize others. “You’re just upset …” minimizes others feelings. “I can see you are upset with me …” shows a sincere authentic awareness. Be authentic through great communication!
Authenticity Without Angst – How to Get Started
Who are you? Write a description of the authentic you. Include how you want to be treated. Write down some examples of when you find it difficult to be authentic and still consider others’ needs. Now re-read the list above. How can you apply the eleven steps to those moments?
You will be able to balance your needs with others. You will see that it doesn’t reduce your authenticity. It attracts people to it!.
From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™
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Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.
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~Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™
Kate – Brilliant list! I love the way you put #10 too… Great reminder how we can burn others with our words even when our frustration has little to do with them. I worked for a manager many years ago who told me that my job is to do great work and her job is to make the team (and me) look good. It’s not my job to focus on making her look good… we’ll shine together. She was one of the first people I worked for that consciously used the words “we” or “the team” when presenting the team’s ideas and successes and rarely used “I.” She was authentic, humble and confident and a remarkable leader and role model. Thanks for helping me to reminisce on Val’s exceptional qualities in turn sparking me to do my best.
~Alli
Such a wonderful true life example Alli. It always lends such strength to any discussion to have someone say “I’ve lived this and the leader was terrific!”
Many thanks for adding your voice to this discussion.
Warmest wishes,
Kate