The Apology – Perfect Chance to Build Trust in Yourself! | #PeopleSkills
by Kate Nasser | 5 Comments »
The Apology: Building & Rebuilding Trust
Leaders, team members, and customer service reps (CSRs), have known for a long time that after mistakes or trouble, a sincere apology is a perfect way to rebuild trust. One of my popular blog posts, The Perfect Apology and the One Word That Destroys It, gives valuable info on how to do it.
Yet I find that many people struggle with apologizing because they think it publicizes their weaknesses and faults. They think it diminishes who they are and reduces their potential success. Ironically, the opposite is true. Not apologizing makes you look weak and insecure.
The Apology: Take a Chance – Trust Yourself. Image by: NicubunuPhoto
The Apology: The Perfect Chance to Build Self-Trust
Those you have hurt by your words or actions are already aware of your mistakes and weaknesses. Not apologizing makes you look weak not strong. They see that you are afraid to apologize and it diminishes you.
An inability to admit mistakes, apologize, and lead onward publicizes a lack of self-trust. When leaders assess potential for promotion, they pass over those who do not trust their own inner strength.
Some claim that this is not self-trust; it is self-confidence. I say no, not completely. Self-confidence is that underlying strength for daily actions. Yet even the most confident people can face moments when self-confidence fails. This can happen when their actions or words have caused pain or trouble.
At that moment, you must be able to take a chance — a leap of faith — and trust yourself to recover from whatever embarrassment or shame you feel. You must find the inner strength to cast aside the comfort and safety of denial.
Offering an apology is a perfect chance to build trust in yourself and rebuild others’ trust in you. Why? Because accountability and integrity show a deep inner strength and inner strength is a heck of a billboard!
From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™
©2016 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.
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~Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™
Absolutely, Kate!
If you take a moment to think back to the last time you were afraid to apologize, or afraid to admit, “I did it.”… This last time may have been quite some time. It may have been as an adult, or maybe as a child and your parent was looking down at you and your brother or sister asking, “Who broke this?”
What kind of feeling does that bring to mind? I’m guessing you were afraid. Very afraid. Afraid to admit it was you. Afraid she would find out. Afraid you would get punished.
An apology for many people can bring out those same feelings. As adults we can choose to just ignore that, to pretend our bad thing never happened. But in this case, it is the answer to what you provided in your post. Fear. If we are afraid and can’t act, can’t admit guilt, can’t apologize… That is not strength or confidence.
Strength and confidence is being able to act, to admit guilt and apologize. It is knowing that all will be all right in the end. Knowing you have the strength to correct yourself or make amends. Most importantly, the confidence to know this mistake does not define you.
Love your analogy to childhood Michael. Perhaps that is where the root of the fear truly is. I am grateful for your contribution to this post. I hope you will share your insights on any post of interest here at Smart SenseAbilities.
Best wishes,
Kate
Kate,
I’ve been married for almost nine years. I’m really good at apologizing. No need to fall on your sword for something you screwed up. Just own up, get past it and move on.
No different in business with your team or customers.
-Matt
I agree with every point, Kate. By coincidence, my latest blog post mentions the role played by credibility in persuasion. Even the most open mind prefers not to change, and my master’s degree research found that one way the mind resists is by questioning the credibility of the source. If you don’t find the source believable, you have an excuse to ignore their idea.
Those who refuse to admit mistakes by definition become less believable, because everyone knows that “everyone makes mistakes.” I believe denying failure is interpreted as a form of lying. Lying reduces credibility, and thus your persuasiveness. In short, if one can find no other reason for admitting mistakes, try this one: it is in your best selfish interest if you want to have more influence over those around you–and, by that means, over your quality of life.
Credibility is king and you are right about admitting mistakes enhancing credibility Jim. Thanks for an excellent “add” on this post.
Kate