Transform Accusations into Valuable Discussions | #Leadership #PeopleSkills
by Kate Nasser | 2 Comments »
Transform accusations into productive discussions. Accusations are death to great leadership, teamwork, morale, and relationships. They build resentments. They make people protect themselves. From there you go nowhere.
People Skills Transform Accusations into Valuable Discussions. Image by Ka.hi via Flickr Creative Commons License.
Transform Accusations With These Simple Changes
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When you have negative feelings, pause before you speak. Many accusations gush out from frustration. You regret them soon after that yet the damage is done.
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Speak sincerely without sarcasm. Often your tone of voice sounds accusatory and that creates trouble. When you have negative emotion, don’t use sarcasm. Leave it for the comics.
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Don’t disguise your accusations as questions. For example, if you are frustrated with someone who says mostly negative things, you might snap, “Do you ever say anything positive?” This is accusatory. You may think you aren’t accusing. Yet you are fooling only yourself. See the short video illustration below on what to say instead.
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Instead of accusing others, communicate how they impact you. Instead of saying, “you are despicable and disrespectful”, say “I think I treat you with respect and I want the same in return.” Owning your feelings and stating the solution you want will transform accusations.
Eliminate Accusations to Create Limitless Possibilities
Accusations block listening. They push people into worthless yes/no debates. Accusations return adults to the childish playground moments of “Did too, did not, did too, did not.” Transform accusations into open-minded discussions of what can change for everyone’s benefit. In leadership, teamwork, and customer service, open-minded discussions win the day!
From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™
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Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.
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At the end of last week, I was upset and had a heated exchange with someone. Immediately following, I was clearly wrong and sent a note saying I was wrong. Turns out the person I had the exchange with went to their boss and their boss called me to accuse me of wrongdoing. What I chose to do was apologize. I didn’t point out the 92 things that they did on their end that were awful. I took responsibility for my action and sent another apology. They didn’t respond. What I realized is that part of defusing an accusation and moving into a discussion is taking responsibility for our part in the conflict but both people need to show up and engage to move forward. Still, knowing that I opened the door doesn’t make me feel superior but instead, makes me remember how much accusations do damage to relationships even when that is not our intention.
Great guidance from you that will be useful to many!
Alli
Spot on Alli. You didn’t point out the things they did wrong because it would have kept the accusation war flying … and in the end you lose. I am so impressed with your awareness, quick ownership, and integrity. Life is learning and your experience helps you and everyone you share it with to learn as well.
Grateful,
Kate