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There will be times when you feel you must win arguments yet are concerned about making enemies. The fact that you are concerned shows you believe that connections are important. Good! You are right. So here are some key steps to win arguments without making enemies.

Win Arguments: How to Prevail Without Making Enemies. Image by Ken Mattison via Flickr Creative Commons License.

Image by Ken Mattison via Flickr Creative Commons License.

Win Arguments Without Making Enemies

You may have read other articles on this topic. Many mention win-win vs. win-lose. Win-win can be very valuable yet the image people often get from that phrase is compromising some of what you want. Although there may be times you choose to do that, there are other times you may see compromise as a loss to you. Well, it is possible to win arguments with everyone feeling very satisfied instead of some winning and some losing.

Get an Emotionally Intelligent Start!

1. In advance, think about what is “winning” to you. This simple step is number one because it guides everything else that happens. Does winning mean you get everything you want? Or winning makes you feel victorious and dominant? Your self-awareness is key to win arguments without making enemies.

2. If your goal is to feel better than others and dominate them, you will likely make enemies. Learn to feel good about yourself as you are and to value others as they are. This will prevent your attitude from disrespecting others and making enemies. In other words, stop trying to be the only winner.




Respect People & Their Different Views

3. Respecting people and listening to diverse viewpoints paints you as a reasonable person who wants to grow and learn. The respect you earn from this helps prevent making enemies even when you win arguments! Don’t silence others to prevail and win.

4. Highlight discrepancies without playing “gotcha.” For example, if you believe that other people are contradicting themselves, don’t declare “that’s illogical!” If you do, you will come across as playing “gotcha” and indirectly hinting you are superior. Instead, say that you don’t understand how those things connect. As they try to explain, they either tell you how or correct themselves. It’s honest but not patronizing and you won’t make enemies.




Enter the Conversation to Discuss Not to Win Arguments

5. Conversation creates rapport and trust. The dialogue gives everyone a chance to learn about each other. Even if you already know your colleagues and teammates, you don’t know how they are at that moment. We all have bad days. Dialogue at the beginning to create a better start.

6. Listen! If there is one behavior that shows respect and builds trust quickly, it’s listening. Moreover, it gives each person important information about the situation at hand. How can you discuss or even argue, if you are not clear about the topic? And without this information, you are far more likely to create enemies. Don’t fly blindly. Listen so you won’t make enemies!




Continue to Connect vs. Making a Speech

7. Don’t let your ego drive you to anger. As people begin to disagree, each ego can begin to feel afraid. The ego is saying “protect me, don’t let me lose!” Take a quiet breath and tell your ego, relax, you are safe. With the fear under control, stop and listen. Then state what you heard that is important to the others. Now add to that what is important to you. When you let others know you heard them, you show respect. It’s unlikely that you will make enemies in these interactions.

You don’t make enemies because you win arguments. You make enemies when you treat others badly. Disrespecting them, silencing them, manipulating them, and conquering them, are what cause the trouble. When you value others and want the best for everyone, you will succeed without making enemies.

What challenges and successes have you had on this topic? I would love to hear your views and experience.

From my professional experience to your success,
Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™

Related Posts:
7 Ways to Respect Differences & Stop Expecting People to Be Like You
Leading Morale During Hot Debates & Disputes

©2023 Kate Nasser, CAS, Inc. Somerville, NJ. I appreciate your sharing the link to this post on your social streams. However, if you want to re-post or republish the content of this post, please email info@katenasser.com for permission and guidelines. Thank you for respecting intellectual capital.

Kate Nasser, The People Skills Coach™, delivers coaching, consulting, training, and keynotes on leading change, employee engagement, teamwork, and delivering the ultimate customer service. She turns interaction obstacles into interpersonal success. See this site for workshop outlines, keynote footage, and customer results.

Tags: arguments, common, communication, conflict, disrespect, emotional intelligence, ground, interpersonal skills, Leadership, leading morale, listening, people skills, prevail, rapport, resolution, respect, Soft Skills, trust, win, win-win